Work Text:
*BONK*
The sound of America’s head hitting the wall sounded throughout the room.
“Alfred!” England shouted. “Why did you do that!”
America took a step backwards, falling onto his behind as he held a chubby hand to his forehead. “It hurts…!”
England sighed as he walked towards America to comfort him. “Why didn’t you pay more attention, poppet? This is the third time this week…” England said in a caring tone as he brushed America's hair out of his forehead to inspect his wound.
“I didn’t see it!” America exclaimed.
England arched a bushy eyebrow. “What do you mean you ‘didn’t see it?’”
It was then that Canada came in and immediately ran into the same wall that America had just moments prior.
“You two are like moths flying into flames!” England exclaimed.
“Ouch!” said Canada, rubbing his forehead.
It was then that France stumbled upon the situation. “Mon dieu! What has happened here?”
“There’s something wrong with your colonies!” England cried.
“Whatever is wrong with them surely came from you, cherie,” France replied with a laugh.
England glared at him before turning back to America and Canada. “Does it hurt badly?” he asked.
“It really does!” America cried out.
“Poor thing,” England replied. “What will help you feel better?”
America put a small finger to his chin as he thought. “Burger…”
“No,” replied England as he picked both colonies up.
Later that night, England and France laid in their bed which had a Sealy Posturepedic® Ashurst II 13" Medium Mattress from MattressFirm.
“I’m worried about the kids,” said England.
“Why are you worried? They are simply acting like children, mon ami. They are all stupid,” replied France, who didn’t look away from his newspaper.
“But haven’t you noticed? Their grades have been slipping as well…” England said.
“Amerique’s as well? I didn’t think they could drop any lower”! France laughed.
“It’s not funny!” England retorted. “What if there’s something wrong? What if we’re doing something wrong?”
“You worry too much, mon amour,” France said as he gave England a peck on the forehead.
“Fuck you,” England said as he turned the lights out.
Coincidentally, the next day America and Canada were tested at school to determine whether their eyesight was normal. When they returned home, the two ambushed England, who was currently creating a keto-friendly meal consisting of cheese and cucumbers.
“Iggy!” the two colonies exclaimed as they each grabbed onto one of England’s legs.
“Well, hello there you two!” England said as he squatted down to match their heights, patting their heads adoringly. “How was school?”
“They told us we need glasses…” Canada said in a shy voice.
“Glasses?” England asked. He supposed it made sense. There were signs, after all.
“Yeah!” America shouted. “They said I couldn’t read the little letters! Don’t they know I’m the hero? I can do anything! I don’t need glasses!”
England sighed. “Maybe they want you to be an even better superhero?”
America paused, seemingly deep in thought. “I guess you’re right!” he said as he pointed a chubby finger into the air.
After dinner, England and France were doing the dishes while America and Canada played with each other.
“Their school tested their eyesight today, it seems they need glasses,” said England as he washed a plate.
“Glasses?” France asked. “I suppose that makes sense.”
“The poor boys!” exclaimed England. “They couldn’t see!”
“Hold on!” France said as he dried a fork. “How are their eyes bad?”
England raised a brow. “What do you mean?”
“I mean,” France began. “Where did they get this from? Neither you nor I have poor eyesight!”
England dropped a plate onto the floor, smashing into small pieces.
It was then that they realized, America and Canada were actually SUFIN sons and not FRUK sons.
The End.