Chapter Text
The majority of Simon’s life had been filled with pain, hunger, thirst, and an overwhelming sense of fear infecting every part of his life. There was always reason to fear something or someone. Simon had shown promise early on and before he was old enough to begin training in Eden’s military Simon knew that it had been decided what he would be. It didn’t matter that he didn’t want to fight, The Father knew what was best for the collective and Simon’s fate had been sealed without a word of protest from anyone.
With his potential, he had been pushed particularly hard by his superiors and slowly morphed into a man that Simon was grateful his mother never lived to see. He didn’t think that he could handle his own mother looking at him and being unable to recognize the man that he had become. Between Eden and the COI Simon had become nothing but a tool meant to exploit and cast away when he no longer had use. Part of him had known that for a long time, he had just ignored it until he couldn’t anymore.
Almost five years ago Simon’s life had changed for the better. He didn’t fully understand how he had ended up here and he honestly didn’t care. As long as he got to grow old and die here he would be content never getting an answer.
When he had first arrived on this planet Simon was terrified. The last thing he had remembered was his body changing, blood filling the SM-13, desperately trying to save the black box while screaming for Ava to save him even though he knew he was on his own. He didn’t know what happened after he was pulled under the blood but he had woken up in complete blackness and had been left like that for some time.
He heard noises surrounding him and felt claws touch his skin and all Simon had been able to do was blindly search for a corner, curl up as small as he could with his head tucked between his knees, and scream for Ava to save him. He didn’t know what was happening but he was sure that it was the blood eel fucking with him, trying to break him, trying to make his last moments as agonizing as possible. Ava had promised to save him and he just had to try and believe that she would no matter how unlikely it was. Why would she risk her life for someone that the COI had cast away? She actually had value and was capable of doing something other than destroying.
When the room Simon was being kept in became illuminated things didn’t become much better. He found himself surrounded by faceless creatures made of stone that wore clear protective suits, made strange noises, and reached towards his body. Simon had swung his remaining arm, wildly kicked at them, growled, screamed, and spit when they tried to get close and spent the rest of his time with his head tucked between his legs praying that he could just go home. When he ran out of words to pray with he just cried until he passed out from exhaustion.
Sleep didn’t last long, the lights were too bright and the creatures kept waking him at all hours, never letting him get enough sleep. He wept, begging for them to let him sleep, but they hadn’t been able to understand him and Simon thought the sleep deprivation was part of his torment. It got harder to think, to move, or to do anything as exhaustion crept up on him a little more every day. When the creatures started leaving Simon in complete darkness whenever they left, Simon began to wildly throw his body against the walls of his cell. He didn’t know where he was going to go after he escaped but he knew he had to run, sure things would only get so much worse for him if he stayed. Being in the dark was so much worse, the voice of the blood eel was louder when it was dark and quiet and Simon could always swear he felt the walls of his cell closing in on him.
When the lights were just kept dim all the time, things got a little easier and slowly the creatures stopped waking Simon up when he got tired enough to fall asleep. He hated sleeping there, he was never sure what would be done to him while he was unconscious and one of those things always watched him. The things began to keep their distance from Simon when he growled, spat, bared his teeth, swung at them with legs and fist, and screamed threats and insults he didn’t think they could understand. At least aggression seemed to be a universal enough language to get them to stop grabbing his body.
The things had fed Simon with replicated cells of his own body at first and Simon had refused to eat it out of spite, but hunger clawing at his sides and his desperate desire to live outweighed his reservations. Cannibalism wasn’t a foreign concept to Simon, most ration bars back home continued bodies of the deceased even though most of them were used for compost to keep the last tree alive. Still, Simon did not like the idea that these things were growing parts of his body.
Slowly, the things monitoring him seemed to begin to understand Simon a little better and there was one in particular that Simon felt the least reservations towards who seemed to be in charge. They were the largest, a little taller than Simon when standing up and much wider but moved slowly and carefully. They would slowly raise their claws and let Simon come to them instead of grabbing at him, moving slowly so Simon could predict movements as they tended to injuries Simon inflicted upon himself when he tried to escape.
The strange sounds that the creatures made Simon began to realize were them speaking and over time it almost sounded a little like music. The big one’s voice sounded particularly pleasant and Simon had begun calling them Melody. Their skin was blue marked with spots of brown and complex carvings on their legs that almost looked like tattoos.
Melody brought Simon fresh clothes and blankets made out of a strange fiber that Simon couldn’t place but it was soft and comfortable. Even though he still felt like he was on display in a prison, the blankets made him feel like he could hide and offered a bit of warmth and comfort in his cell.
It was nearly impossible to tell time in his cell but after what Simon could guess was a little under two months Melody had begun to build a language with Simon. Looking back, he was sure that several of the others that had observed him had tried doing the same but Simon had attacked them, not sure what they had been doing at the time and didn’t want to find out. With time, the musical notes and chirps began to make sense. That changed everything.
With the ability to talk to each other, Simon no longer had to rely on desperately trying to keep everyone away from him while he tried to find a place to hide in a rectangular cell with smooth, clear walls. He could actually tell the people around him what he needed and what he wanted them to stop doing, and to his surprise, they listened. Simon couldn’t remember the last time anyone had listened to his words and he didn’t have to resort to violence.
He learned that the people here lived in complete darkness and hadn’t known that Simon needed light to see. When they managed to create light for him, they hadn’t understood that light that was bright all the time could drive humans crazy and make it hard to sleep. When these people slept, they apparently were incapable of waking up no matter what happened and didn’t understand they had been depriving Simon of sleep for so long. Due to literal sleep paralysis, it was customary for these people to watch those they cared about sleep and protect them from any harm that came in the night, someone always watching him felt less creepy after learning that.
The claws that touched him, even if through a strange material Simon couldn’t place, slowly went from feeling like they were the claws of a tormentor reaching for their prize to the comforting hands of a friend. Simon learned that the group of five people who were always there in some configuration or another were scientists trying to understand him. They had found the SM-13 floating near their orbit and had managed to remove Simon from the ship and place him in a hospitable atmosphere. He didn’t know how he got here and no one else knew either, Simon didn’t even know how he was alive. Nothing made sense but eventually Simon stopped asking, sure he would never find the answers, and even if he did he probably wouldn’t like it. Simon had found some questions were better left unanswered.
Even though the people that cared for him seemed to be curious about Simon’s body and how he worked, he stopped feeling like some kind of test subject or object as he saw how they began to use what they learned to improve Simon’s living conditions. He was sure they did genuinely want to study him, but he wasn’t just a thing, he was a person who they wanted to keep alive and comfortable. It had been years since Simon felt like someone last seemed to see him as a person and not an object to be used and then discarded.
One of the people that often studied Simon who he had begun calling Leaf on account of their soft green skin that reminded Simon so much of home had managed to build a somewhat functional prosthetic arm for him out of the same material they used for everything. The design was a bit crude but it worked incredibly well especially for making an appendage for an alien species. It wasn’t nearly as dexterous or as functional as Simon’s real arm but it worked. It had taken some time for Simon to get used to it but after a few more design upgrades over the years and Simon spending a good deal of time practicing, it started feeling like it was really a part of his body.
Leaf had tried to explain what the material was to Simon a few times as they understood each other’s language better but Simon didn’t really understand no matter how hard he tried. He knew some of the basics about atoms but not enough to understand what Leaf was trying to say. Eden had decided that Simon would be a soldier when they saw his potential, continuing his education in subjects that wouldn’t be relevant to his purpose was deemed to be a waste of resources. The same went to everyone when it was decided how they could best serve the collective. Simon just always ended up feeling stupid and understanding a little less than last time, trying to tell himself it was just because he couldn’t translate some of the vital words Leaf was saying and not because he was just stupid.
Eventually, Melody’s team of scientists had taken Simon out of the room he was being kept in and moved him into a much larger biodome they had managed to create within Simon’s first year of arriving on the world he quickly just began to call home. They had taken a sample of the DNA from the seedling and found a way to grow clones of the tree quickly, creating a forest, something Simon had only ever seen in old, faded pictures of what Earth used to be like. On the edge of the biodome there was a lake filled with clear water, something Simon had stayed far away from for his first several months, the water turning blood red when he looked at it too long. He hadn’t said anything about the lake, so many people had spent so much time creating this place for Simon and he really did love his forest. Anyways, he could see to the bottom of the lake, there was nothing that could hide in the murky waters waiting to pounce when Simon wasn’t looking.
As Simon settled more into his new life in his new home, Melody and other scientists mostly asked Simon questions about himself and actually studied him less. There were a lot of questions about the human body Simon couldn’t answer but he did his best. Anyways, everyone seemed to be particularly interested that humans had two sexes for reproduction and became visibly disappointed when they learned that Simon wasn’t of the sex that actually built and carried children, just contributed genetic material. The male body was probably a little less interesting to examine than the female body when trying to learn about alien reproduction. He answered other questions as best he could, but there was just so little that Simon actually knew. He was never taught most of it and plenty of that knowledge was likely lost with the Quiet Rapture, there were just more important things to focus on.
For years, Simon’s life felt as though it was perfect. He was always clean, had new clothes that were just his for the first time in his life, and hadn't gone to bed hungry, in pain, or scared since he learned to communicate with these people and was given his biodome. Simon would spend his days exercising, tending to the forest and garden filled with engineered plants so they could survive in Simon’s atmosphere. When he felt bolder, Simon began wading in the lake water, training himself to no longer see it tinge red as the memories flooded back. With time, the lake just became water, not a source of terror. People would come to visit Simon frequently, many curious to see the alien that lived on their planet for themselves. Even though the people who regularly interacted with Simon and were allowed into the biodome could understand English on their own and Simon could understand them, with a digital translator, it made it possible for everyone else to understand him. Simon in particular liked the children who came to visit, all of them so curious about what and who he was.
At night, the biodome’s light would soften and there was a slowly changing projection of stars above him. Every night, one of the scientists who first cared for Simon watched him. Melody, Leaf, Moss, Flower, and Amber took turns watching Simon as he slept. Usually, Simon slept in a hammock in the forest but would sometimes sleep on the lake shore or by the garden depending on how he felt that night. Simon had a shelter that was built for him after the design of houses here but Simon rarely slept in it unless it was scheduled to ‘rain’, making sure all of the plants got enough water and Simon had begun to like the sound of it. Still, Simon liked falling asleep under the stars and waking up to the rising sun even if it was all just a projection.
Everything seemed even better when Melody announced that their mate was returning. Melody had spoken of their mate in detail with Simon on multiple occasions and Simon had taken to calling them Star. About 70 years ago they had been sent out with 22 others to find a way to save their stars. Apparently all the stars were dying except for one, Simon could only guess that this was how the Quiet Rapture had begun. He wasn’t sure if he was sent into the past but he couldn’t imagine what else this would be. Simon was just grateful that no one had told him that the suns were dying earlier, sure he would have spent the past five years worrying that this life would be taken from him by the Quiet Rapture as soon as he stopped worrying it would be taken from him by the blood eel.
When Simon first met Star he was surprised at how much smaller they were than Melody. He didn’t know why he had assumed that these people would pair up with similar sizes, he thought it would make things difficult to have so much of a size difference but maybe to them it was arbitrary.
Simon was surprised at how well Star understood English already assuming that they were a fast learner and picked up languages quickly. It would make sense to send the smartest people on a vital mission to save the sun. Still, Star seemed very excited about something other than Simon simply existing but both Star and Melody declined to explain it to Simon, claiming it would be a surprise. A few years ago, Simon was sure that he would have let paranoia get the better of him, convinced that these people were playing with him this whole time and were planning to betray him. Simon surprised himself by genuinely believing that it would be something he would like or at the very least nothing malicious. Anyways, Simon could just tell them if he had an issue with it, slowly understanding that his words meant something here when they had been ignored by almost every human he had ever met. With how much better Simon’s life had gotten since he arrived on an alien planet, he would be happy to never see another human ever again. These people were so much better in every way.
Today, Simon had spent most of his morning down by the lake and had begun picking up fallen branches in the forest. He had taken to carving the wood into various shapes and figures over the years and had gotten pretty good at it. At first he didn’t know what to do with all of the fallen branches, it felt wrong to take them out of the forest, it felt wrong to just leave them there to rot, it felt wrong to leave them in a pile, and it certainly felt wrong to destroy them as Moss had suggested. He had held the seedling close to his chest, not sure what to do, he couldn’t just cast away items that were practically holy.
It had taken awhile for Simon to bring himself to start carving into the wood, part of him feeling as though he was destroying the branches even though he didn’t know how else to pay respect to them besides turning them into something beautiful. He had buried everything he made the first year in the forest, apologizing to the trees for destroying their branches. Eventually, he carved something that actually looked a little bit like art and had sat with it in the forest showing it to the trees, promising to make something beautiful with the large branches they lost. The little branches he had ended up weaving together after soaking them in the lake, not sure what he was making with them but it looked kinda cool. It certainly felt better than just leaving them on the ground.
“Simon.” Melody’s voice came from behind him and Simon turned to look at them, only able to smile with his arms full of branches. “Come. We have the surprise for you.”
Simon walked next to Melody as they talked about how much Simon was going to like his surprise and how he could never guess what it was. Simon had honestly begun to think that something had fallen through considering Melody and Star talked about a surprise to him months ago and then no one brought it up again. “Is it more plants you’ve engineered to survive in here?” Simon asked. Every so often, someone would realize a plant had a lot of qualities that would allow it to survive in Earth’s atmosphere and soil and would alter it some to allow it to thrive in the biodome. Simon was sure that it was helping with other research but he was more than happy to benefit from it. He loved adding new plants to his gardens especially when it had unique shapes or colors.
“No, no, much, much better.”
Simon chuckled. “That’s a high bar, are you sure you can deliver? You know I love the plants you guys give me. Is it uh…” Simon tried to think of anything that Melody could think was better than new plants. “New kind of food?” He guessed.
“No. Stop guessing, I said you could not guess. Listen and stop being stupid. Not plants, not food, better.”
Simon shrugged and followed Melody up to the house, continuing to make guesses, each more ridiculous than the last, Melody gently shoving Simon with one of their legs every so often when they decided one of Simon’s guesses was particularly stupid.
When they got to the house, Simon sorted his branches by size, chuckling as Melody expressed increased impatience as they demanded that Simon come inside, eventually throwing one of the small sticks at Simon and grabbing the hem of his shirt.
“Fine, fine, I’m coming. If this surprise sucks you better have a really nice plant for me next time.” Simon teased, genuinely excited to see what kind of surprise Melody thought was better than new food or plants.
When he and Melody got inside, Star jumped to their feet and scuttled across the floor. “Mercy! Mercy! Surprise is here! Come out now!”
Simon turned to look at Melody and raised an eyebrow. “Wait, am I the surprise? What…who am I the surprise to?” Old instincts told Simon to run or find a weapon to defend himself with, his hand briefly hovering over the knife in his belt. He reminded himself that Melody would never hurt him intentionally, the people here weren’t like humans, they weren’t cruel. If this was something that Simon felt put him in danger, they would stop. Ever since they could communicate, Simon never once felt like he was an object without autonomy or rights, his opinion and wants were always considered, things weren’t about to change now, right?
“Jeez, Rocky, one second, first I’m not allowed out of this room now you don’t want me in it, make up your mind.” A voice came from just around the corner and Simon felt his blood turn to ice. It was a human voice, a man’s voice. No no no no no no this couldn’t be happening, there couldn’t be another person here. He had to be hearing things, it had to be some kind of recording. Where would they even get another human? It couldn’t be a human, right? There had to be some other explanation.
To Simon’s dismay, a human figure appeared around the corner. The man seemed to be about Simon’s age, probably a little taller, with sandy blonde hair, and a thick scar that traveled from his hand up to his neck and part of his face, covering most of the skin.
“Oh, wow, you must be Adrian!” The man said, looking at Melody. “Rocky’s told me so much about you, I was wondering why you weren’t around when I was recovering, I tho–”
The man, Mercy, apparently, stopped talking when his eyes landed on Simon, eyes growing wide. “Holy smokes, is that…is that a guy? Like are you a person? Like a real human?” Mercy asked, taking several steps towards Simon. “I guess that explains how the Eridians knew how to take care of me so well. This is…wow. Never would have guessed I wouldn’t be the first human on Erid. Wow this is so cool. Uh, I’m Ryland Grace.” Mercy or Ryland or Grace or whatever his name was said, reaching his hand out towards Simon.
Simon jumped back, forcing himself to not draw his knife. He’d promised himself this was a new life, he wouldn’t let these people who took him in see the man he used to be. The Butcher died in the SM-13 and he should stay that way, Simon didn’t want to be that man anymore. He couldn’t.
“Oh, dude, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you, do you speak English? If we could figure out how to communicate with an alien species without vocal cords we can certainly break down our language barrier.” Mercy said, grinning.
Simon felt like there was something pressing down on his chest, restricting his lungs, this man was about to take everything from him and there was nothing that Simon could do to stop it. He didn’t know if Mercy would hurt him, drive Simon out of his home, or show everyone here that Simon was disposable and deserving of scorn. Every human seemed to realize that eventually, maybe that was why Simon was treated so well here, no one here knew Simon deserved anything different.
It was hard to breathe, see, or hear anything, all Simon could focus on was that his world was about to come crumbling down around him. He was going to lose everything, other humans always took away everything Simon held dear, especially other men. Simon tried to focus on the familiar claw on his leg, not the man who would tear Simon’s life apart.
Mercy said something that Simon couldn’t quite make out and took another step towards him. With his option to fight gone unless he wanted to ruin everything himself, Simon did the only thing he could think of and ran.