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Two hours ticked by on the clock beside Eva Stratt's bed, the secondhand moving with excruciating slowness for every moment she lay there awake, eyes closed, trying desperately to take advantage of the five meeting-free hours she had to cram in some sleep and a shower. Instead, her mind whirred, unable to shut down enough for her to drift into blissful unconsciousness. The late hour meant that no snippets of conversation slipped through the walls, no footsteps echoed down the hallway outside her door. Her quarters were near the outer hull of the ship, so the only sound besides her own breathing was the rush of the ocean. Eva opened her eyes with a sigh and stared at the ceiling.
The faint motion of the floor under her feet had grown comforting over the time she'd lived on the Vat, and she didn't fight it as she pushed herself out of bed and walked over to the narrow closet. Even in the middle of the night, Stratt couldn't be seen as anything other than the director of the program, so she pulled on a thick, navy sweater and wide-legged trousers—nice but comfortable—to walk to the deck. Her careful dressing went unappreciated, it seemed everyone else was either holed away working or taking advantage of the late hour to do what she should be doing. Namely, sleeping.
The ocean breeze ruffled her hair, drawing flyaway strands from her loose sleep braid as she walked out onto the deck. The metal railing was cool, what warmth the sun had imbued into it had been leeched away again by the night air. Eva leaned against it and rested her chin on her forearms. The water sloshed against the side of the aircraft carrier, crashing into white foam against the metal. The boat was cutting slowly through the waves, constantly moving as they stayed far away from the invisible shore and other boats in the area. Per agreement, Stratt was allowed to have her mobile project headquarters there as long as they stayed out of the way. It required constant movement, but thus far they had managed. It was just another thing she was constantly monitoring and coordinating. She closed her eyes and sighed, tilting her head to press her forehead into her arms instead.
Eva drifted like that for a little while before pushing herself upright again and rubbing the center of her forehead with her fingertips. Then she looked up at the sky. She wasn't great with astronomy, but she had learned the night sky after she'd been assigned to lead the project. Tau Ceti, however, wasn't visible. No stars were. Eva blinked. She hadn't noticed when she'd walked out onto the deck—had she even looked up?—that the sky was laden with heavy clouds. A rumble in the distance raised the hair on her arms and a gust of wind pressed her against the railing. She swore in Dutch.
It had been foolish to come up onto the deck. After they'd initiated the black panel project in the Sahara, the weather had become increasingly chaotic. Nothing catastrophic—yet—but enough so that Stratt had asked that people use extra safety precautions when on the exposed parts of the ship. Storms, sudden and severe storms, made up much of the weather they'd encountered. The last thing she needed was someone falling overboard during a freak weather occurrence. The project was complicated enough without adding accidental and preventable deaths to the mix. Her hands tightened on the railing, knuckles turning white. Though if it was her death, she supposed it wouldn't end up being her problem.
The entrance to the interior of the carrier wasn't that far away. Thankfully, Eva hadn't really been looking to take a walk, she'd just wanted the fresh air. She'd only gone as far as the closest edge. This time, there was a bright flash of lightning moments before a bone-rattling roll of thunder. A few warning drops fell on her face, then it was as though someone had turned on a shower-head. Stratt gritted her teeth and kept one hand on the railing as she eased herself away from it and closer to the door. By the time she took two steps, she was drenched and her arm was stretched as far as she could go. Now, she would have several feet with no handrail to make her way along an increasingly slippery deck.
If it had been raining for several hours already, it would be less of a problem. Not only would she not have been in that situation to begin with, but any residual oil on the deck would be long gone. As it was, the oil was being flushed away, adding a layer of slip to the surface she needed to walk across. Stratt grimaced and tried to convince herself to let go of the railing. Just as she worked up the confidence, a gust of wind rushed across the deck and her feet slid underneath her. She staggered to regain her balance, breathing hard, eyes flashing wide in growing panic.
Foolish, foolish, foolish, she berated herself as lightning flashed again, thunder chasing on its heels. Ice cold adrenaline flooded her veins. She was going to get blown overboard and die all because she couldn't sleep.
A loud bang caught her attention, and Stratt's head whipped up to see that the door to the interior had been flung open. Green—incongruous and out of place—caught her attention. "Stratt!"
Stratt blinked water out of her eyes and then lifted her free hand to wipe at her face when that proved to be ineffective. "Stay in there!" she ordered when she managed to make out the features of Ilyukhina through the downpour. She refused to lose one of the astronauts to a storm of all things.
Instead of listening, Ilyukhina stepped through the doorway, brown hair whipping around her face. She leaned as far as she could while keeping one hand anchored to something inside the door. Probably the stair rail. She thrust out her other hand, reaching for Stratt. "Come on," she called, shouting to be heard over the rain. "You can make it!"
Easy for her to say, Stratt thought as she looked at the seemingly insurmountable distance between herself and the astronaut. A grimace twisted her lips. She moved forward again, keeping her hand on the railing as long as she could. Which was not very long at all. "Okay, okay," she muttered in Dutch. Then, she took a deep breath and released the railing.
Every muscle in her core tightened as she fought to keep her balance against the wind and the steadily increasing roll of the ship in the choppy water. It took a lot to move an aircraft carrier, which Stratt tried not to think about as she took one step after another. Almost there. A few more steps and she'd be able to reach out and take Olesya's hand. Another step and Eva cried out as her feet went out from under her. The thud of her body hitting the deck was drowned out by the deluge but reverberated through every bone in her body. Eva cried out at the impact, one ankle twisting painfully beneath her.
"Eva!" The shout came from the door. Eva didn't hear Olesya's footsteps on the deck, but she must have run over because two hands were dragging her to her feet only a moment later.
Eva cried out again when her next step put weight on her twisted ankle. She pushed through it, leaning heavily on Olesya as she dragged Eva across the deck to the door. The astronaut's slight form hid incredible strength as she hauled Eva through and then followed, shutting out the rain and leaving the two of them in the shadowy stairwell. For several minutes, there was only the muffled sound of the rain, the sharper sounds of water dripping from their bodies, and their panting breaths.
Thunder sounded again and Eva jolted, hand reaching out to clutch Olesya's bicep. She released it just as quickly, closing her eyes and focusing on her breathing as she fought to regain her composure. "Thank you," she finally gasped. "How did you–?"
"I was awake. Night owl. I heard someone walk past my quarters," Ilyukhina said, only slightly less out of breath than Stratt. "Decided to check to see if someone was on deck when storm got bad. Just in case. Good thing I did." Ilyukhina looked at her pointedly. "You told us to be more careful, yes?"
"I did," Stratt said, straightening and smoothing her wet hair out of her face.
"Seems it should also apply to you." It was a pointed comment but no less than Stratt deserved.
"Yes, well, thank you," Stratt said again. "If you hadn't come along, I probably would have been stuck out there until the storm died down again."
"And caught some ridiculous illness and then where would we be?" Ilyukhina said, only half-joking by the sound of her voice.
Stratt sighed. "You should get back, and so should I," she continued when Ilyukhina raised her eyebrows. "We should warm up, dry off." She moved to walk down the stairs and bit back a pained sound when she put weight on her hurt ankle. The only thing that kept her from falling was her quick reflexes as she grabbed the railing. And Ilyukhina's bruising grip on her other arm.
"Are you hurt?" Ilyukhina was frowning at her, peering at her face with a concern that made Stratt squirm.
Her ankle throbbed. "No," Stratt said, pulling her arm free. She continued down the stairs, pressing her lips together every other step and clutching the railing with a force that rivaled that which she was using out on the deck. She could feel Ilyukhina hovering worriedly behind her.
When they reached the bottom, Ilyukhina took Stratt's arm and turned her so they were facing each other. "Let me help," Ilyukhina insisted. "You look like you are in pain."
"I'm fine," Stratt replied. A sharp pain shot up her leg and through her foot. She suppressed a grimace, but she felt the blood drain from her face. Her expression must have been strained because Ilyukhina did not look like she believed her.
"You are bad liar."
Stratt frowned. "I'm a great liar."
"So you admit you are lying," Ilyukhina said with a smug expression.
Stratt did not roll her eyes but only just. Instead, she began to walk away to prove her point, but only a few steps in and her ankle gave out. She staggered and Ilyukhina was beside her in a flash. "Okay," Stratt said with a gasp that she couldn't hold back.
"You are not okay," Ilyukhina said. "I am helping you to room, we can go from there."
Stratt nodded, too busy suppressing a whimper of pain to respond verbally. She let Ilyukhina wrap one arm under her shoulder and looped her own arm around Ilyukhina's neck, allowing the other woman to take half her weight. They hobbled slowly down the corridor in the direction of Stratt's quarters. Every so often, Stratt inhaled sharply and Ilyukhina tightened her grip even more. Ilyukhina did not seem to realize that the inhalations came with each crash of thunder, rather than with her steps. By the time they reached Stratt's quarters, Ilyukhina's hand was grasping Stratt's ribs with almost bruising force and she was taking the majority of Stratt's weight.
"Your key?" Ilyukhina asked.
Stratt balanced her weight carefully on her good leg while she dug in her pocket for the little piece of metal that would allow her into her quarters. She found it after a moment in which she internally cursed the depth of her pockets—a quality she normally valued in her clothing. The click of the door unlocking incited a surprisingly strong feeling of relief. Which was banished with the next crack of thunder, the loudest yet as the storm settled above the ship. She jumped, the tension in her body ratcheting up several notches.
Now that they weren't walking, Ilyukhina must have felt it because she slid Stratt another concerned look. "It hurts very badly?" she asked.
"That would be an accurate assessment," Stratt responded, choosing not to address the other source of her tension. She had never liked thunderstorms. The loud and sudden sounds, the general chaos. It triggered a fear in her that she'd never been quite able to explain. She knew it was irrational, but it seemed she could not convince her body that she wasn't in immediate peril. Her short stint up on the deck had not helped.
Ilyukhina helped her into the room and much to Stratt's chagrin, she did not leave once Stratt was seated on her desk chair—rerouted from the bed, which Stratt did not want to dampen. Instead, Ilyukhina walked over to open Stratt's closet. After a moment of rummaging, Ilyukhina pulled out a comfortable flannel pajama set. It was an older set, one that Stratt had forgotten she owned.
"You should take a warm shower first," Ilyukhina said, setting the folded pajamas on the bed. "You're shivering."
Stratt hadn't even noticed. It had thundered again, the storm raging outside. She was breathing deeply, working through the panic that had ebbed after she'd gotten inside the ship but was now returning with a vengeance. She found she couldn't respond, reduced to silence as she anticipated the next roll of thunder. Her jaw was so tight that her teeth ached with the force.
Ilyukhina walked over, her steps slow and careful, as if she was approaching a cornered animal. A flash of resentment shot through Stratt only to be chased away by the next wave of panic. The slight pressure of Ilyukhina's hand on her arm made her jump and she pressed her eyes closed. "Come on," Ilyukhina said softly. "I'll help."
The only saving grace was that the ship was not on a power line and therefore would not lose electricity due to the storm. As a child, she had cried, and her roommate in college had not known how to react to the panic storms incited. Since they'd been on the ship, Stratt had managed to hide away during such rare events and more frequently, the ship had steered clear of severe weather patterns. This storm must have formed swiftly and nearby for them to have been caught at all.
Stratt allowed Ilyukhina to coax her from the chair and into the small en suite bathroom. Thankfully, director's perks had allowed her that. In the back of her mind, she shuddered to think of anyone witnessing this in the communal showers. Once they were inside, Stratt attempted to balance on one foot while she undressed, but after she almost fell twice, Ilyukhina took over with no embarrassment or hesitation on her part. Stratt, on the other hand, felt herself flush as Ilyukhina pulled the sweater over her head and then stepped around to unclasp Eva's bra.
When Olesya went to unbutton her trousers, Eva started to batt her away, ready to insist that she could do that much, but it was no use. Olesya shot her a disbelieving look and yanked down Eva's trousers, allowing the other woman to lean heavily on her when she had to lift her good foot briefly. Eva stood there in her underwear and resisted the urge to cover herself. The other woman didn't seem to notice as she proceeded to strip Eva of that as well.
"I am not looking," Olesya said. "Promise." Stratt looked up from the floor and met Olesya's eyes, so she saw when a playful light entered them. "Unless you want me to."
Just at that moment, thunder cracked and it seemed as though the hull of the ship did nothing to muffle the sound. Eva jumped, one hand half reaching out to Olesya and her eyes lifting to the ceiling as though she could see the sound as a physical manifestation separate from the light show she knew was happening outside. She jumped again when her hand met warm skin and there was a stroking sensation down her other arm.
Olesya was looking at her with an expression that was equally concerned and questioning. "You are afraid of storms?"
The other woman had stepped closer at some point and Stratt was both relieved and embarrassed by the proximity when she felt both physically and emotionally vulnerable. She went to take a step back and then hissed in pain when her weight fell squarely on the ankle she'd twisted. Olesya seemed to understand because she stepped back but remained close enough to take part of Stratt's weight again. With one arm still providing support, Olesya leaned past her—her hair brushed over Eva's shoulder, tickling and leaving a trail of goosebumps behind it—to turn on the shower. After a moment of tense silence, steam began to fill the small room and Eva allowed herself to be bundled into the small shower compartment.
"Aren't you cold?" Stratt finally managed when the muscles of her jaw relaxed in the warmth.
She looked over to see Ilyukhina shrug. "I'll manage," she said. She'd only partially closed the door to allow Stratt to keep one hand on her shoulder. Ilyukhina had turned her back to allow Stratt a belated semblance of privacy and Stratt almost told her not to bother. It sent a little shiver of gratitude through her that Ilyukhina had been so considerate to do so after completing the task of undressing her.
Another, longer roll of thunder rolled through the room and Eva's grip on Olesya's shoulder tightened. For the first time in a long time, she found that she craved the comfort of proximity. Eva swallowed. "You can come in," she said, finally. And if there was an air of desperation to her voice, she denied it even to herself. Then she rushed on. "Unless the steam is warm enough to–"
Eva cut off with a startled gasp as Olesya stepped into the shower still completely clothed. If she hadn't been soaked through before, she certainly was now. Olesya grinned at Eva's startled expression.
"What are you doing?!"
Olesya shrugged. "You said to come in. Here I am."
The absurdity distracted her from the next crash of thunder. She stared at Olesya with wide, disbelieving eyes. "I– This is not exactly what I meant," she managed after a moment.
"No?" Olesya asked, tilting her head. A mischievous grin curled her mouth.
"You're fully clothed," Eva said, attempting to draw together some of her usual composure. An attempt that was undermined when she flinched again at the relentless storm. "It isn't practical," she continued when she recovered.
Olesya's grinned widened. "It is not practical," she repeated back to Eva, laughter in her voice. It was an absurd statement, and Eva had known that the second it left her mouth, but she refused to acknowledge it.
"Yes," she said, doubling down instead.
Shaking her head, Olesya stepped out of the shower. Eva blinked in surprise and dismay. She was about to call out to her when Olesya stepped back in just in time to catch Eva as she lost her balance. Thoughtlessly, Eva had leaned away from the wall toward the shower's opening. Now, Eva was startled by the skin-to-skin contact, only barely stopping a gasp from escaping her. Olesya, on the other hand, once her initial flash of concern was gone, grinned.
"This is what you meant?" she asked, clothes gone. She must have undressed in record time.
Eva opened and closed her mouth, then she nodded. Now Olesya did laugh and positioned them so that Eva was back under the full force of the hot water. The heat made her shudder before her body melted into it. She let out a breath that turned into a squeak when there was a peal of thunder so loud that she felt it vibrate through her bones. Her body tensed but then the light pressure of arms around her relaxed her again. Her ankle throbbed and exhaustion swept over her. She let her entire body lean into Olesya, who stroked her hands down her back.
"Okay," Olesya breathed in Eva's ear. "It's okay. We're safe in here."
Eva shut her eyes and focused on her breathing, matching it to Olesya's calm breaths. It had been so long since she'd allowed herself this. And it couldn't go anywhere, she knew it couldn't. But she could enjoy it for now.
"When I was kid," Olesya continued, her voice a soothing hum in Eva's ear, "I was afraid of bees."
When she was a kid. Stratt stiffened. "Oh?" she asked, beginning to pull away.
Olesya tsked and continued to hold Eva, one hand moving up to stroke her hair. "Just listen," Olesya reprimanded, and Eva allowed herself to relax back into the other woman. "I got stung. I am not allergic, so was fine. Hurt though. Ever since, I run screaming when I see one. Or freeze up if bee gets close. Thankfully," she said playfully, "there are no bees out here on ship, or someone might see."
Eva hummed. She knew what Olesya was trying to do. "Thank you," she said quietly. She turned her head so that her temple rested against Olesya's chest. The other woman's heart beat steadily in her chest.
And the astronauts…die in space?
Yeah.
Stratt stepped back, taking the full spray of the now lukewarm water. "It's going to get cold soon," she said. "We should get out now or we will be in the same situation we were trying to avoid."
Ilyukhina tilted her head to the side, a tiny furrow forming between her brows. She nodded, a slow, smooth motion. "Okay," she said softly.
The silence when the shower cut off was deafening. Stratt allowed Ilyukhina to help her out of the shower. They toweled off in the uncomfortable silence. Ilyukhina, confused, and Stratt, well, closed off again. Ilyukhina helped Stratt dress, confusion still apparent on her face. The flannel pajamas were more comforting than Stratt would ever admit, and she sighed in relief. Ilyukhina stood awkwardly in her towel and flicked a glance at her soaked clothing.
"I must admit, I did not think this through," she said ruefully.
Stratt also looked to Ilyukhina's clothing, draped sadly over the shower rod. "Oh."
"Is fine," Ilyukhina said with a little shrug. "My quarters, they are not far. Would not be first time." She quirked a small smile in Eva's direction.
Eva shook her head. "I can't allow that." She closed her eyes briefly. The storm was passing, but not quickly enough. "Here," she said and pointed to her closet again. "My clothes should be around your size. Pick something, it's not like you won't have the opportunity to return it."
Ilyukhina raised her eyebrows, but Stratt nodded as she lowered herself to sit on the bed. Her one good leg was starting to ache. Ilyukhina grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of sleep shorts that Eva almost never wore and threw them on before turning to Eva and putting her hands on her hips. Stratt raised her eyebrows in a silent question.
"Now, what are we going to do about that?" Ilyukhina asked, nodding to Stratt's bad ankle.
It was visibly swollen now, angry and red, but not bruised. "It's just a strain," Stratt said dismissively. "There's a wrap in the bathroom cabinet." She pointed to the cabinet under the sink.
Ilyukhina grabbed it and brought it over. Stratt took it and bent over to wrap her ankle securely in the bandage before securing it with the clips. She took a moment to adjust it and test the tightness. Once she was certain it was secure, she looked up to see Ilyukhina watching her. Thunder rolled, and she tried hard to suppress her flinch, but the sound continued and ended in a deafening crack. Eva squeezed her eyes shut and swore in Dutch.
"When will this be over," she muttered, glancing up. She'd wrapped her arms around herself, a poor substitute for the embrace in the shower, but she felt the shadow of guilt accepting Ilyukhina's compassion.
The way Ilyukhina approached her now reminded her of how she'd approached Eva before the shower. Carefully. "I can stay," she offered. "I do not mind."
Eva was already shaking her head by the time Olesya finished speaking. "No," she said. "I will be fine. You should get back to your quarters. Get some sleep. I'm sure you have a busy day tomorrow."
Olesya gave her a dubious look. "And you do not?"
"I'm accustomed to operating on little sleep," Eva said, waving a hand. She lowered it quickly when she realized it was shaking from the adrenaline still coursing through her system.
"If you are worried about me not sleeping, I can sleep anywhere," Olesya said with a shrug. Her voice softened. "And I suspect you will sleep better."
Whether it was the fear that the full-blown panic would return or the desire to return to the moment in the shower, Eva would never know. For once, she forced herself to stop thinking and simply nodded. Then she swung her legs onto the bed and buried herself under the covers. Eva didn't see Olesya get into the bed with her, but she felt the other side of the bed dip down and the shifting as Olesya got comfortable. Still keeping her mind carefully blank, Eva moved closer so that they were inches apart. Olesya closed the distance, wrapping her arms around Eva as though she sensed what Eva wanted without her having to say it.
Eva let out a little sigh. She had closed her eyes when she lay down, and she kept them closed now. If she didn't see Olesya, she didn't have to think of what the future held.
Instead, Eva let Olesya hold her as the storm raged on around the ship, and as it moved away too slowly for comfort. She stroked Eva's hair and murmured into the top of her head in Russian. Eva was tired, growing heavier every moment, but still her mind worked to translate it.
It's okay. You are safe. Just let go, Eva. I'll be here.
Olesya's voice was a low hum, the repeated phrases devolving into a soothing white noise. Eva was mostly asleep when she was sure she dreamed the sensation of lips pressing to the top of her head. And then she was gone.
Eva woke to a warm, heavy weight draped over her waist. Her face was pressed into something soft, something that was moving in a slow rhythm that threatened to lull her back into sleep. Something that sighed and shifted, and then Stratt was fully awake. She jolted upright, jostling the weight from her waist. The weight that belonged to Olesya's arm, which had been wrapped around her securely. Eva blinked down at the other woman, who was still breathing the slow breaths of deep sleep. She was glad that the sudden motion had not woken her up. Olesya looked so peaceful. Eva found herself smiling.
Then the quiet beeping of her alarm alerted her to the time, and Stratt swung her legs over the side of the bed, careful with her hurt ankle. It felt better after several peaceful hours of healing. She checked her phone and sighed. There were ten missed texts from Grace about the two meetings she'd missed when she'd slept through her first several alarms. It was the deepest she'd slept since being voted into the director position, and she couldn't bring herself to feel bad about the meetings. Grace had been there, he would bring her up to speed. She texted him that she was fine and apologized for missing the meetings.
Eva dressed and got ready for the day, finally pulling her hair into an easy bun before turning to look at the woman still asleep in her bed. She tilted her head to the side and considered her before walking gingerly over to her desk. Her pad of sticky notes and cup of pens were both sitting in easy reach.
When Eva was done, she pressed the sticky note to Olesya's forehead. No one was around—or awake—to see the smile that spread across Eva's face as she did so. Before she could overthink it and with the previous night in mind, Eva pressed her lips to the top of Olesya's head, brown curls tickling her face. Then she straightened and left the room to get the meeting notes from Grace before moving on to the next on her packed schedule.
Olesya woke up with a quiet groan and reached across the bed only to meet empty air. She frowned and opened her eyes to find herself alone in Eva's quarters. She supposed now that the night was over, she would have to think of her as Stratt again, but if she was honest with herself, she'd thought of her as Eva since long before that night. She stretched and something fluttered to the bed beside her. It had, she realized to her confusion, fallen from her head. Reaching over, she picked up what turned out to be a sticky note scrawled with Eva's half-cursive writing.
Please be discrete when leaving. Thank you for staying.
Olesya smiled and let herself fall back onto the pillows. Her fingertips brushed the top of her head. She had been asleep, but she could swear she felt the sensation of lips. And somehow, she didn't think it had been a dream. She hoped it wasn't. Olesya's smile widened. It wouldn't be the last time she woke up there, not if she had anything to do with it. For now, she could have this, if Eva would let her.
The day waited for no one, so Olesya stood up and left, waiting until she was sure the hallway was clear before exiting the room. The sticky note was folded in her palm, held carefully, as though it was something precious. Her smile stayed for the rest of the day.