Chapter Text
cass 👾 @cassidiff · 1m
running on 2 hours of sleep because the new patch dropped at 2 AM but i still made it to my 9 AM lecture. my eyes are vibrating but my battle pass is complete. worth it.
Eva @eva__tsunaka · 2m
please stop using the general department server to ask for the Wi-Fi password. it is literally printed on the wall of every single room. my discord notifications do not need this kind of traffic.
♥ Eva Liked
Diana @dianavenicia_ · 4m
happy first week of classes, everyone! 🥰 remember to drink some water, stretch your legs, and don't stress too much about the syllabi. we're all going to do amazing things this semester! ✨🌸
Kai 🫧 @kaithinkso · 19m
why did the syllabus say "creative expression welcome" but the professor looked at us like we committed a crime when someone asked if fanfiction counted as a literary critique 💀 n e ways, class was great ig
+
Kai 🫧 @kaithinkso
wait hold on who is the man sitting three rows ahead of me in the charcoal sweater bc i just laid eyes on the most handsome person in this entire university...
9:17 AM
54 Likes
Kai 🫧 @kaithinkso · 2m
Replying to @kaithinkso
reading philosophy with immaculate posture i am actually losing my mind help 😭 text me your funeral availability bc i’m done for
cass 👾 @cassidiff · 2m
Replying to @kaithinkso
BRO IS ALREADY DOWN BAD AND IT'S ONLY 9:17AM 💀 snapshot a picture right now let me see the target 📸
Diana @dianavenicia_ · 1m
Replying to @kaithinkso
oh my goodness kai!! 🫣 go drop your pen near his desk when the lecture ends!! he sounds like a literal prince, you have to talk to him! ✨💖
Eva @eva__tsunaka
Kai 🫧 @kaithinkso · 10m
wait hold on who is the man sitting three rows ahead of me in the charcoal sweater bc i just laid eyes on the most handsome person in this entire university...
9:26 AM ·
1 Retweets 36 Likes
cass 👾 @cassidiff · 2m
Replying to @eva__tsunaka
NO BC EVA LET HIM COOK ??? @kaithinkso send a blurry pic to the discord immediately i need to see if the he lives up to the hype 🔎💥
Diana @dianavenicia_ · 25s
Replying to @eva__tsunaka
Hahaha oh my goodness Eva let him have this! 😭
Group Chat: HUM301-SEC2_OFFICIAL
Kai Monteago
BROS HE JUST LOOKED OVER HERE AT THE WHITEBOARD AND HIS EYES ARE A LITERAL CRIMINALLY INTENSE SHADE OF GREEN???????
Kai Monteago
and the way he’s casually spinning his pen between his fingers while listening to the prof is doing things to my sanity. i’m actually so sick to my stomach he is so pretty please come scrape me off the floor after class is over 😭😭😭🚨🚨🚨
NOTIFICATIONS
[EDEN-U] HUM301-SEC2_OFFICIAL
BROS HE JUST LOOKED OVER HERE AT THE WHITEBOARD AND HIS EYES ARE A LITERAL CRIMINALLY INTENSE SHADE OF GREEN??? and the way he’s casually spinning his pen... [Read More]
✨ Message deleted by Administrator.
💬 EdenSync • now
D: You posted that in the main class course chat. I deleted it so you wouldn't mortify yourself in front of fifty people.
Mark @berskii_vst
looking at the absolute clown sitting next to me who just dropped a whole paragraph of pure, unadulterated yearning into the official EDEN-U course chat... the professor is right there. the guy you're staring at is right there. i am changing my major tomorrow i cannot be associated with this
9:40 AM
2 Retweets 54 Likes
cass 👾 @cassidiff · 58s
Replying to @berskii_vst
NO WAY. NO HE DID NOT. DID SOMEONE SCREENSHOT IT PLEASE TELL ME SOMEONE SCREENSHOT IT ALL DOWN
Diana @dianavenicia_ · 47s
Replying to @berskii_vst
Oh noooo, poor Kai!!! 😭 Mark please rub his back or give him a tissue he's probably hyperventilating under his desk turn around and check on him!! 🥺💔
Group Chat: the local soup kitchen
Kai
DUUSHEGHDHEJSFKSL
FUCK ME
IM COING TO JUMP
csnon event
Psl SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE AND TELL THEM TO Ccome SHOOT ME IN THE YARD 😭😭😭
Cassidy
KAI NO SHOT
DID U REALLY DROP THE YEARNING PARAGRAPH IN THE OFFICIAL EDENSYNC CHAT??
AS IN THE ONE WITH THE PROFESSOR??? 😭💀
Mark
Yes. He did.
The entire lecture hall got a banner notification that said "CRIMINALLY INTENSE SHADE OF GREEN" in all caps.
I had to close my laptop out of second-hand embarrassment.
Kai
MARK PLEASE STOP TYPING IT OUT SHAHSBSDGYADU
I THOUGHT I CLICKED THIS CHAT I SWEAR TO GOD I THOUGHT I CLICKED THIS CHAT
Diana
Take a deep breath, Kai!!! It’s okay!!
Maybe people were just looking at the whiteboard and didn’t read the whole text??
Mark
Fifty people looked down at their phones simultaneously.
The girl in front of us literally choked on her iced latte.
Cassidy
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO OMFG
WHO DELETED IT THO??? Mark said it vanished immediately??
Kai
Some user named "D" deleted it and then DM'd me
I don't even know who that is??
Is it a teaching assistant??
Am I on a watchlist??
Mark
The administrator account for the HUM-301 group chat is literally managed by the department heads and the student liaison officers, Kai.
Diana
See!! A guardian angel!! 😇✨
Whoever they are, they were looking out for you, Kai!
That is actually so romantic if you think about it.
A mysterious protector saving you from public ruin! 💖
Kai
DIANA HE TOLD ME TO STOP MORTIFYING MYSELF HE WAS SO BLUNT I AM DYING 😭
I can't look up. I'm going to crawl under the lecture hall seats and live there with the dust bunnies.
Cassidy
Mark take a picture of his red face right now and drop it in the discord or you’re banned from the next raid night 📸💥
Mark
On it.
He currently looks like an overripe tomato trying to blend into the upholstery.
Kai
MARK IF YOU LIFT YOUR PHONE I WILL BITE YOUR WRIST IN FRONT OF THE PROFESSOR I SWEAR TO GOD
💬 EdenSync
KAI
OMG. OMG THANK YOU 😭😭😭
literally u are my savior i am kissing the ground u walk on.
wait... did he see it??? the guy spinning the pen??
am i expelled from the university
D
No. He didn't see it.
And you won't get expelled for oversharing, Kyle. But you should probably focus on the lecture. Your phone is vibrating loud enough for the front row to hear it.
KAI
FIRST OF ALL my name is kai 😭
but second of all OH THANK GOD.
if he saw that i would have actually had to pack my bags and transfer to another country.
wait how do u know he didn't see it??
are u sitting near him??
can u check if he looks disgusted??
D
I can assure you he isn't disgusted.
He has no idea you are having a cardiac event three rows behind him.
KAI
three rows behind him???
WAIT. ARE U SITTING NEAR ME?! 👁️👄👁️
is everyone in this room watching me sweat through my shirt right now oh my god
D
Put the phone down, Kai. The professor is looking toward your row.
KAI
WAIT PATRON SAINT OF CHAT MODERATION PLEASE TELL ME WHO U ARE AT LEAST
So I can buy u a coffee or a pastry or a whole franchise to thank u 😭🙏✨
D
That won't be necessary.
Pay attention so you don't have to ask the main chat for someone's notes later.
KAI
ok ok fine i am putting it down !! 🫡
but seriously thank u again. u literally saved my life. if i ever find out who u are i'm giving u a medal.
D
Just don't drop your diary in the EdenSync portal again.
“Read chapters three and four for Thursday. Class dismissed.”
The second the professor uttered the words, the lecture hall explodes into a rustle of shuffling feet and incessant chattering. Kai on the other hand, is scrambling— his hands were shaking severely that his iPad had already slipped twice from his hold; the second time, it clatters loudly against the desk.
“If you move any faster, you’re going to generate static electricity,” Mark comments dryly, sliding his notebook into his leather messenger bag calmly. “Chill out. Mr. Criminally Intense Green eyes over there doesn’t have a radar for unhinged freshmen. You’re safe.”
“You don’t get it,” Kai hisses, shoving his charger into his bag with enough force, he almost snaps a cord. “The air in here is toxic! I need to leave before D reports me to the disciplinary board, or worse… before—before he looks at me!”
Mark lets out a heavy sigh. “Then walk out the door like a normal human being instead of trying to outrun a bomb threat!”
Of course, Kai does the exact opposite of that.
Kai throws his backpack over his shoulder, practically diving past Mark into the aisle and heading for the exit at a brisk, panic run slash walk. He opens his EdenSync hastily, checking to see if there’s another dreading notification only that—
Kai slams directly into a wall—no, wait…
“Ah—shit, sorry! I am so sorry! I wasn’t looking—“
Kai looks up, and all the words die on his throat.
There standing before him is Mr. Criminally Intense Green eyes slash charcoal sweater—he had just stopped near the doorway to adjust his backpack strap, and now, he’s looking down at Kai— the same green eyes narrowing slightly, locking onto Kai with an unreadable expression.
Kai’s brain completely short-circuits. “I—uh. I left my stove on. Bye!”
Before he could even say anything though, Kai is already sprinting out the door, bursting into the campus courtyard like a man escaping a burning building.
Mark @berskii_vst · 10m
watching kai body slam his literal crush at the lecture hall exit, mutter a completely incomprehensible apology in lowercase, and then full-on Naruto run into the courtyard is the most tragic thing i’ve ever witnessed. the guy didn’t even breathe he just watched him evaporate.
Comments 24 Retweets 8 Likes 142
Replies
cass 👾 @cassidiff · 9m
NOT THE LOWERCASE APOLOGY 😭😭😭 screen time limit for kai immediately 💀
Eva @eva__tsunaka· 8m
From a physics standpoint, the velocity at which he fled was entirely unnecessary.
Diana @dianavenicia_· 7m
oh noooo mark did he actually run away?? 😭 poor kai his brain completely short circuited!! at least he didn't fall down!! 🥺🙏✨
Kai 🫧 @kaithinkso · 3m
my life is officially over. currently looking for a deep dark sinkhole to swallow me whole. if anyone looks at me or breathes in my general direction for the next 3-5 business days i will literally combust. never talk to me again.
Comments 19 Retweets 4 Likes 89
💬 EdenSync
KAI
hey! sorry to disturb the peace but i just wanted to say thank you again for saving my public image today. truly a historic act of charity. 🙏✨
D
You already thanked me. Twice.
KAI
yeah well my therapist says it’s important to express gratitude.
anyway, i was just thinking... if you’re a student, how did you get admin powers on EdenSync?
are you like a secret university narc or something? 👁️👁️
D
The department head gave me the token to clear out spam because the underclassmen keep trying to sell half-used highlighters and concert tickets in the official course feeds.
KAI
wait... EVA TWEETED ABOUT THE CONCERT TICKETS TODAY!!!
oh my god are you eva?? text me back in all caps if this is you playing a joke on me
D
I am not Eva. And I don’t play jokes.
KAI
boooo okay. party pooper. but you’re in HUM-301 with us?
D
Yes.
KAI
give me a hint. what row are you in?
D
A row that requires you to pay attention to the professor instead of staring at the front of the room. Go to sleep, Kai.
“I am a dead man.” Kai announces, face-slamming directly onto the wooden table of the campus courtyard.
“You’re late!” Says Cassidy, not looking up from her tablet where she is presently sketching assets with her stylus aggressively. “And get your forehead off the table, someone spilled an entire white mocha there ten minutes ago.”
Kai bolts upright, wiping his head in horror—Diana slides a small paper plate containing a strawberry cheesecake.
“Kai, did you actually tackle the philosophy guy? Please tell me you didn’t.” Cassidy says, her stylus instantly stopping as she leans across the table.
“I didn’t tackle him, I just grazed him.” High Velocity Grazing, Kai should mention. “But that’s not even the worst part. Look at what D texted me last night.”
Kai fishes out his phone and slams it onto the table, right next to Diana’s strawberry cheesecake, forcing the group to crowd around the screen.
Eva, who has been busy compiling a code lab on her laptop, glances down at the text log. “First of all, I would never use a period at the end of a single-word sentence in a casual dm. It lacks efficiency. Second of all, the fact that he has a custom department token means he’s either a teaching assistant or a massive academic sweat who the professors actually trust with backend access. He’s a loser, Kai.”
“Bro, look at the wording,” says Cassidy, zooming in on the screen with her fingers. “I am not Eva. And I don’t play jokes. He sounds like a literal anime villain. He’s definitely an upperclassman! And look at how smoothly he dodged the row question!”
Diana clasps her hands together, “Oh, but think about it! He told you to go to sleep. Maybe he was worried because you were staying up late… He really must be that mysterious protector watching over you from somewhere in the lecture hall.”
“Diana, he is not a mysterious protector!” Kai laments, “He is an anonymous digital entity and he is holding my sanity hostage. I will never look toward the front of the classroom ever again!”
Mark @berskii_vst · 10m
kai: "i am literally never looking at that guy again. his presence is toxic to my mental health. my dignity is dead."
charcoal sweater guy: steps one foot into the library quiet zone
kai: immediately stops breathing, widens his eyes like a startled lemur, and starts aggressively whispering about how elegantly he adjusts his collar
Comments 31 Retweets 14 Likes 245
cass 👾 @cassidiff· 9m ELEGANTLY ADJUSTS HIS COLLAR??? 💀 broke his own record for the fastest relapse in history log off kai
Eva @eva__tsunaka · 8m His resolve lasted exactly 14 minutes and 32 seconds. Pathetic.
Diana @dianavenicia_ · 7m wait he’s in the library right now?? 🥺 kai stay calm!! just look down at your book and pretend you’re reading something!!!
Kai 🫧@kaithinkso · 3m
DO NOT CHAT ME CHIEF HE JUST SAT ACROSS THE ROOM AT THE GLASS TABLES AND HE OPENED A LITERAL HARDCOVER BOOK. WHO READS HARDCOVER BOOKS IN 2026. how am i supposed to do my coursework when he's sitting there existing at a 45-degree angle from my line of sight 😭🚨💀
Comments 22 Retweets 6 Likes 115
Mark @berskii_vst· 2m Replying to @kaithinkso your laptop screen is so bright he can probably read this tweet in the reflection of the window. close it.
Kai 🫧@kaithinkso· 1m Replying to @berskii_vst MARK DONT SAY THAT IM CLOSING IT IM CLOSING IT NO ONE LOOK AT ME TURN THE LIGHTS OFF IN THIS BUILDING RN