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„Alex wait!“
Alex closed her eyes. Of course. It was three weeks after she had been shot down by Maggie in the bar and she had done a great job of avoiding her so far. She had known her luck would run out eventually and it seems today was the day. Thank god some idiot had just turned three buildings into dust so that she actually had a legitimate reason to not deal with the other woman.
„What Maggie? I don't have time for this. There is more alien technology on the lose and apparently this one is able to turn solid objects into sand. So as you can see I am slightly occupied at the moment.“
Good. Her voice had remained steady and her back was still turned on Maggie. She had stayed strong.
„Come on, Danvers, you know that's not it. You have been avoiding me for the past three weeks, and this is the first time I actually get see you, so yeah I am damn well going to speak to you.“
Maggie just had to stay persistent. Alex was not ready. She never faced rejection before. Not when it mattered, anyway. Kara was doing her best to help her through it, but all the ice cream had done so far was increase her work out schedule. Not that she minded the distraction. So no, she was not going to face Maggie just jet. She took a deep breath but did not turn around.
„You said everything you wanted to say at the bar. I got it. You are not interested. And I have some idiots with heavy and dangerous weaponry to catch.”
Alex prayed that would do it. She highly doubted she would be able to get out another sentence without breaking out into tears.
“Please can we just talk? Later? Just give me 10 minutes.”
She closed her eyes.
“I don't know Maggie. I... not right now. I am sorry.”
As her voice was breaking she quickly strode away.
xxxxxxxxxx
Alex was just about to dig into her dinner when she heard a knock on the door. She wondered who it could be since Kara was out scanning National City for alien weapons. She carefully opened the door and almost closed it again when she found the beautiful Latina on the other side. Why could Maggie not just leave her alone?
“What are you doing here? And how did you get my address?”
Maggie actually had the audacity to smirk at that.
“Please, Danvers, you know as well as I do that I am good at my job. As for what I am doing here, I am done being ignored. Talk to me. Or please at least listen to me. Because from what you said earlier you definitely did not listen to me three weeks ago.”
“Is it really that hard to understand for you that I might need some distance after absolutely humiliating myself in front of you?”
Maggie scoffed.
“You did not humiliate yourself. Please, let me just explain?”
Alex managed to really look at the other woman for the first time in three weeks. She found eyes that were softly pleading with her and felt her resolve diminish immediately. Damn that woman. She opened the door a little wider but made no attempt to invite Maggie into her home. She needed to know that she would be able to close the door if it became to much. Because no matter what happened she was absolutely not going to break down in front of the other woman. Not happening.
“You have got ten minutes.”
“Okay, so to start things off, I stand by everything I said in the bar.”
Somehow it felt even worse hearing it a second time. It was not like Alex had expected for Maggie to change her mind and yet she felt disappointed. She steeled her voice and tried to stay calm.
“And that's what you came to tell me? Thanks, I got it the first time. You are not interested. Now can I get back to my dinner?”
She tried to close the door but Maggie managed to get her foot in.
“See, Alex, that's where you went wrong. I never said I wasn't interested. Whatever you are feeling, or were feeling, it's not one sided.”
Now, that was not something Alex had expected. But if Maggie was interested then why had she shot her down? She slowly opened the door again.
“What are you saying?”
Alex was going to listen beyond the rejection this time. Maybe there was hope after all.
“I am saying there is no reason to feel humiliated. What you feel, or felt, I feel it, too. But that doesn't change anything right now. It wouldn't be fair to you to start something while you are just figuring things out. This is new for you, this is confusing, and you shouldn't go through this for another person, or to be with another person. This is about who you are, and who you can be. Adding another person into the mix would just make this whole thing more confusing.”
But Alex knew what she wanted. Or rather who. If it were not for Maggie she might have never even realized that she was gay. Even though she had still trouble saying the words out loud. She knew she wanted to be with Maggie.
“But...”
Maggie cut off her protest immediately.
“It also wouldn't be fair to me. Look, right now, I can be what you need. I can be your friend. I can support you and help you and be there for you. But this dynamic is not conductive to a relationship and I think we both know that. I just got dumped, and that is something I am working through right now. I am also apparently not the easiest person to be in a relationship with. And while you now know why none of your relationships so far have worked out, my last review was, that I am a workaholic, stubborn and a sociopath. I have my own shit to sort through. And normally, that's how things work in a relationship. You take on each others burdens and help each other and all that. I would certainly expect that from a girlfriend. And right now, there is so much going on with you, that that would be impossible. And that is completely fine. See, as your friend I am fine with you running away when it all gets too confusing and too much. I am fine with being ignored when you are insecure. But if I were your girlfriend? That is a different story.”
Alex was stunned. She had taken care of Kara for so long and had never minded being the one to always step back for her little sisters needs. Ever since she had hesitantly come out to Maggie in that bar the other woman had done the exact same thing for her, despite the fact that she was just reeling from heartbreak and had seen three guys killed without apparent cause right in front of her eyes. How had she not seen how one sided their relationship had been since then? Before she could apologize Maggie continued.
“Now the other option to deal with this would be dating casually. But I believe that is not what you are looking for with me, and that is also not what I want. I know we have not known each other long, but you have become important to me. And casual dating is always great until it goes wrong and feelings get involved. And then someone seriously gets hurt. Seeing as feelings are already involved, yeah bad idea. I don't want to lose you as my friend. There are very few people in this world who get me, and you are one of them. I feel comfortable with you, I trust you. So I don't want to put that in danger. You are too important for that.”
That was not what she had been expecting. Maggie had just opened up in a way she had never been able to with anyone.
“I, I don't know what to say. What does that mean? For us?”
Maggie smiled. Alex knew that smile. It was the same one she had received after she had repeatedly failed to get out the words “I am gay” in that bar five weeks ago. A smile of unconditional understanding and kindness.
“That means I will be your friend. As for everything else, not yet. Maybe not ever. Right now we both deserve better. I don't want to be your training wheels, and you deserve some fun. Go out, date some ladies and enjoy yourself. If you meet someone and realize that I was just the shiny new thing to make you realize something about yourself that you hadn't figured out before, I'll still be here as your friend. If not, we can revisit this conversation later on. But for now, friends will have to do.”
Alex took a deep breath. That was it. Falling for someone else? That was not going to happen. But for now she would play it by Maggie's rules. So friendship for now. Getting to know the other woman better. Working on being there for Maggie while also opening up herself. She was almost looking forward to it. So she opened the door and finally stepped out of the way to let Maggie in.
“Would you like some dinner? I ordered Chinese.”