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It's a well known fact that Chuuya drank- a lot. Mostly expensive wines but lots of other things as well. As a result Chuuya was often drunk. Some would argue that somber Chuuya and drunk Chuuya were not even really that different, but don't say that in front of Chuuya because chances are you would be slapped, though honestly they weren't that different other then the fact drunk Chuuya was a bit stupid.
So when people later asked how the hell did Chuuya call the wrong number after he'd been dialing this number for years, he blamed it on being drunk and stupid. Chuuya had just been trying to call one of his coworkers, but hitting the wrong button made him connect with a completely different person. That WAS sort of the way numbers work.
"Hello?" the stranger, who Chuuya later found out was called Dazai said once he answered his phone. He didn't seem bothered despite it being late, just curious and polite. Chuuya's eyes narrowed, his foggy mind 'connecting the dots'- only the wrong ones.
"Gwive hwim hws phown bwack!" Chuuya demanded into the phone, stumbling slightly as he left the bar. The cold air relaxed him, and he leaned against the wall waiting for the phone kidnapper to reply.
And reply he did. "...Pardon?" Dazai questioned. He now sounded amused, as if he knew where this conversation was going. At this point Chuuya should have stopped, should have hung up, should have never talked to this creepy stranger again.
But no.
Instead he spent the next three hours ranting to Dazai about how he had stolen his coworkers phone, while Dazai teased him and laughed his ass off.
Fuck. Chuuya groaned as he woke up, opening his eyes slowly. The sun made his head pound but he forced them opens anyways, stumbling up to close the curtains to his room. He must have stumbled back here after getting drunk. What had he done anyways?
Despite the urge to fall back into bed Chuuya moved into his kitchen instead, grabbing some water and meds for his hangover. After taking more then he probably should, memories of last night suddenly rushed back, and Chuuya choked, blushing madly. Had he.. really done that? Great! Just his luck, huh? Well, he would never have to see... Dazai..? again anyways, but he might as well say sorry.
After going to the bathroom and showering as well as changing clothes, Chuuya fell onto his couch, turned the TV on mute, and pulled out his phone. He quickly located Dazai's number in his history, and sent a quick text. Dazai replied right away.
I apologize for calling you last night and blaming you for stealing my coworkers phone, I was drunk.
I guessed so, no one can be that stupid in real life~ I'm just glad the phone call ended when it did or else I'm fairly certain my ears would have fallen off.
...What. That rude ungrateful bastard! Chuuya tightened his hands into fists, growling very very softly. Here HE was, ready to be polite and say sorry, but nope! Mr. I'm-the-king-and-you're-the-dog had to go and be rude, ungrateful, and an overall nightmare.
You had three hours to hand up you fucking ungrateful prick.
Wow, swearing? So harsh. ;;
Fuck you. Whatever, I'm not dealing with this shit, I'm blocking you.
But Chuu-ya~ Aren't we friends?
Bye
Chuuya turned off his phone quickly, blocking the number with a hand trembling from rage and disgust. What an asshole.
Why was he unblocking this number exactly? Sure he was bored, but was he really bored enough to talk to a complete stranger? Well the answer seemed to be yes as e hit the unblock button, only to see eleven notifications pop up. What the fuck...?
Don't block me~
You blocked me didn't you?
Rude...
Chuu-ya~~
I'm boredddd...
Answer me... ;;
Fine be grumpy, stupid Chuuya~
ABC
DEF
GHI
JKL
Even as Chuuya watched, three more texts appeared.
MNPOPOP
QRSTUVWYXYZ
YAY
Pretty sure that's now how the ABC's go...
You're back?
Yeah... I got bored...
You do love me!
We JUST STARTED TALKING you idiot.
Hehehe... You'll fall in love with me, I promise.
Okay, time to block him again.
And that is the story about how, three months later, Chuuya was still texting the idiot known as Dazai. He hadn't meant to at first. But then whenever he had gotten upset or angry or really any negative emotion, he went for his phone where he argued and joked with Dazai. It was an easy relationship, they were both using each other, it was kind of like a one night stand- no strings attached.
(At least, that's how Chuuya thought of it. He never checked to see if Dazai agreed with him.)
The time it changed was when Dazai asked to meet in person.
We're using each other.
I know~
I hate you, you mean nothing to me.
Aw, thanks.
Why do you want to meet?
I'm curious what you look like?
I can send a picture.
It's not the same!
We can skype?
Still not the same.. ;;
UGH... FINE. Only once though, alright?
Really?
Yeah, whatever...
Chuuya was already regretting this. They set a date and a time and a place, made sure all the details were in order, and then Chuuya happily blocked him again.
The meeting was worse then Chuuya had ever imaged. Dazai had looked like Chuuya had sort of imaged, though he never could have imaged how much Dazai just completely wasted bandages. It had been alright, and Chuuya had managed to not punch Dazai when he insulted Chuuya's height and fashion instead of saying something like, oh, I don't know, hello?
The rest of it had just gone downhill. Dazai had switched between insulting and complimenting Chuuya, all lighting fast, and with the same smile on his face. Chuuya hadn't even been able to touch his drink, too busy blushing and yelling and hissing at Dazai to quiet down. Afterwards, he had promised to never do that again.
But next week there was Dazai, texting him (spaming him) and asking him to come and 'hang out' with him again. It still meant nothing though. (Who does Chuuya think he's fooling?)
DAMN IT.
THAT.
STUPID.
BASTARD.
HAD.
KISSED.
HIM.
Ok, clearly Chuuya had missed something during their conversations since Dazai had seemed surprised when he first denied the kiss. Did Dazai think this... thing... meant they were in a relationship or something? No, that couldn't be it, because Chuuya had made it very clear there was. no. relationship.
None.
At all.
Ok, so maybe there was a small one and maybe it was obvious just a bit because other the past four months they had sort of maybe texted a lot of used some of the flirty emojis and- fuck.
The next day they met Chuuya was the one who kissed Dazai, because fuck, that bastard was not going to get a one-up on him.
A week after that Chuuya texted a stranger by accident. The strangers name was Dazai, and for some reason, he seemed really depressed. Whatever.
It's not like Chuuya would speak to him again, right? Chuuya blocked the number.