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When he opens the door to his dorm and walks outside, Kuramochi finds Miyuki leaning against the wall, like he had been waiting for him. "You look like you could use the help of a friend."
Kuramochi snorts at the odd greeting. "Too bad no one I consider a friend is around right now. Let me know if you see anyone who may be of help?"
Miyuki presses his hand to his heart. "Your words are too painful, Kuramochi. Too much for my old, weak heart. Take responsibility for the consequences."
"Can't take the blame for something already damaged."
"Ouch. Just for that I might retract my generous offer." Despite the 'threat,' Miyuki falls into step with Kuramochi, throwing an arm around his shoulders.
"What's your offer again?"
"What kind of friend would I be if I just let you into the post-high school world without ever being kissed?"
"What?!"
If there's anything Kuramochi's learned about Miyuki in their close to three full years as teammates, and later, friends, it's to expect the unexpected. Miyuki's a contradiction—doesn't say what he feels despite it showing plain in his actions (if you look close enough, which Kuramochi definitely knows how to do by now); hides what he means—and Kuramochi's grown, well, used to that. In a sense. He knows that he's observant and perceptive enough to pick up on those small idiosyncrasies Miyuki tries to hide or play off as nothing. Actually, he's kind of proud of acquiring that skill, of essentially getting this down better than anyone else here at Seido.
But this comment, or 'offer' as Miyuki called it, that comes out of nowhere completely flies past the range of unexpected and lands somewhere that's totally out there, somewhere that completely throws Kuramochi off balance.
"Please don't tell me you forgot the secret you revealed last week." Miyuki's trying to sound serious, but is ultimately failing at hiding the laughter in his voice, behind his words. "I know you must be trying to repress it after revealing the sorry state of your romantic life to half the team in a game of truth or dare, of all things, but fear not! There's an easy fix in sight."
"If you're the one offering help, I seriously doubt anything about this fix is easy."
Still, even though he tries to avoid thinking about it, his traitor thoughts wander and fixate on the exact memory Miyuki's talking about.
(See, last week, some of the team had suggested they play a game in one of their usual nights of overtaking Miyuki's room for themselves and the social purpose of "team bonding."
While Kuramochi had been under the (wrong) and innocent assumption that something like video games—the usual—would be fine, there were other plans afoot.
Truth or dare. The lame game "every high schooler ever must play!" according to Sawamura's words and definitely not Kuramochi's own. More or less, everyone had agreed or at least resigned themselves to what the majority had wanted.
It would be fun, they said. Nothing could go wrong, they said.
Well, then , Kuramohchi might have agreed.
Now? Maybe not so much.
He'd stupidly taken a truth after taking a few dares and got asked the dreaded question that had led to this whole exchange with Miyuki. Have you ever been kissed?
Honest answer? No. No, he hasn't.
And when majority of the team had laughed and joked about the revelation then, Kuramochi thought that had been the end of that. The final traces of the dumb truth or dare game would Free him from its clutches.)
But.
He had been...
Wrong.
Miyuki's bringing the game, Kuramochi's own 'tell the truth or you lose' confession back up again is anything but escaping.
"Just hear me out," Miyuki insists, squeezing Kuramochi's shoulders a little tighter, pulling him closer.
"Why should I?" He makes an effort to pull away from Miyuki. "I've got better things to do than listen to you make fun of me."
"It's a good offer!"
"What're you gonna do? Find me someone to kiss? Because I really don't trust your judgement in picking someone."
"Actually, I already had someone in mind."
"Who?" Kuramochi deadpans, trying to mask that he's actually sort of curious of where Miyuki's going with this 'elaborate scheme.'
"Me!"
"You?! Why the hell would I do that?"
"You need help, and I'm willing to offer you my expertise."
It takes a moment for Kuramochi to put this all together. "Wait. You're asking me to kiss you?"
"Don't be silly!" From this angle Kuramochi can't fully see Miyuki's expression, but he's definitely avoiding eye contact. At least a little. "I'm not asking you. I'm offering to help you."
"Who says I need your help?!" He tries to ignore the warmth of his cheeks, the strange racing of his heart. It's not that kissing Miyuki's something he wants to think about, wants to do, but the sudden suggestion of it, thought of it catches him so off guard it's hard not to be embarrassed. "And you couldn't pay me money to kiss you!"
Miyuki laughs as Kuramochi pushes him away and punches his shoulder lightly. It's like the moment's been broken and they're falling, falling back into normalcy, the usual. Their usual. "Okay, okay. You can't say I'm not generous, though. Very generous. Something tells me you'd be a terrible kisser."
"Fuck you."
"You're so awful. Kicking me to the curb like this when I'm offering you genuine kindness. I'm hurt."
"Go be hurt after dinner." He takes two steps ahead of Miyuki, but looks behind him, waiting for him to follow. "Your bullshit wasted a lot of time. We're gonna be late."
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say."
For a moment, just a moment, it looks like there's the tiniest flicker of hurt in Miyuki's expression. But it disappears as quickly as Kuramochi thinks he saw it and he's not even sure it's real to begin with, or something he's just imagining instead. So he swallows the urge to say something, to bring it up and looks forward again, calling "Race you!" over his shoulder.
"It's not a race when you cheat and take a head start!"
Kuramochi's too busy laughing to respond.
"Are you positive you don't want to take me up on that offer, Kuramochi?"
"What are we talking about again?" Miyuki's words force Kuramochi to look up from where he's buried his head in his arms, trying to nap on Miyuki's desk as they finish lunch.
"Don't play dumb. I know it's natural for you, but I'm being serious."
"It's natural for you to be an asshole too, but that doesn't stop you from doing it."
Miyuki snorts and kicks Kuramochi's leg under the small, shared space for legroom beneath his desk. Revenge for the snide comment.
Kuramochi kicks Miyuki back. Returning the gesture in full.
"Just imagine. You graduate high school without kissing anyone. When you go to college you'll be completely unprepared and regretting not taking the opportunity to practice when it was dangling right in front of your face. And then you'll come groveling to me, who despite the kindness to offer my services in the first place, will regretfully have to retract the previous offer. Poor you."
"See, but your twisted version of the future implies that I'll actually regret not taking your shitty offer. And that I'd call you to complain about it after graduation. Both wrong."
"Please. You don't have the luxury to break contact. If anything, I'll do it first."
He groans, overdramatic, exaggerated as he tries to hold back a laugh. "You mean I'm stuck with you?"
Miyuki avoids the question, only laughing at Kuramochi's response before adding, "Someone who knows the true events of the other day has gotta stick around to remind you of it."
"We're on this again?"
The thing is, he doesn't actually completely mind being on this topic again. Mainly, they've been joking about Miyuki's silly kissing practice offer for the last few days. At first it had been kind of embarrassing, but now, it's a little less so. It's even kind of funny. The thought of it simultaneously embarrasses Kuramochi and makes him laugh.
"It was a good offer."
"According to you."
Miyuki ignores Kuramochi's answer, still talking, "Like friends with..."
"Without benefits," Kuramochi finishes, laughing as Miyuki bristles at his choice to fill in the blank.
"Excuse you, being able to kiss me is definitely a benefit."
"Maybe in your own mind."
"Is that supposed to hurt me? Because it's not working." He grins. "I'm immune to your nasty comments, Kuramochi."
Three years does that, Kuramochi supposes. Or maybe he's just losing his touch.
"Guess I'll have to think of some more, then." He reaches over and steals some of Miyuki's remaining food, shoving it into his mouth.
"Ugh. You're gross. Why do I put up with you again?"
"You were just offering to kiss me a minute ago and now I'm gross? You change your mind fast."
"Unfortunately, I kind of like you. The heart makes you do funny things."
Kuramochi snorts at the ridiculous answer. "Well, turns out I kind of don't like you."
"Please get to work at thinking at better comebacks."
This time, he doesn't need words, only aims a playful kick at Miyuki's shins again before he takes more of his leftover lunch.
Kuramochi may have told himself that kissing Miyuki wasn't something he wanted to do. He may have kept up that image, reinforced that thought for days.
He also may be lying to himself. But just a little! Only a little bit.
It's not like he's constantly thinking about it all the time or god forbid pining after Miyuki or anything. It's nothing like that at all. It's just...
When they're close like this, across from each other on the floor of Miyuki's dorm, heads almost close enough to bump, the only things gauging the distance between them is their homework laid out on the floor in front of them, the thought might creep into his mind.
Just a little bit.
And it's not so much that he wants to indulge Miyuki's stupid offer that's been impossible to forget about for the past week. It's not like he has actual feelings for Miyuki or anything. It's just... more like... convenience.
If that makes sense.
It's more like Kuramochi'd never admit aloud that Miyuki might have a point and his suggestion can't hurt anything, in theory, but he does sometimes think about that. It's more like Miyuki's there and willing so why not just get it—kissing—out of the way. (Better to do it with someone he's comfortable with than to spend 99% of Forever embarrassed or nervous to kiss someone else later down the line.) It's more like an option rather than a guarantee—something they can try, no strings attached, and laugh about later when it's all over and done with.
It's more like—
"Quit looking at me like you're trying to win a staring contest." Miyuki looks up from his homework, grinning cheekily at Kuramochi. "Which you definitely would not win anyway, if that's what we were doing."
The words, the sudden accusation that Miyuki had caught him and had known Kuramochi'd been looking at him for who knows how long catches him off guard, but he recovers quickly, falls back into place once again. He's good at pretending. They both are.
Kuramochi groans. "Don't even go there with me."
"Oh?" Miyuki moves closer, suddenly interested, clearly eager for any excuse to shove his history homework aside—they've been working at this for a while, after all. "Where would you suggest we go instead?"
Miyuki's close. Too close for Kuramochi to really fully process. And then, he doesn't know what he's doing, as he starts to lean closer to, closer. This shared space between them growing smaller and smaller.
What he does know is that Kuramochi Youichi doesn't give up. He's all hot-blooded determination and passion and he sure as hell isn't going to pass up the chance to show damn Miyuki Kazuya up after a full week of teasing.
Miyuki doesn't pull away, and Kuramochi doesn't chicken out halfway on the path to Miyuki's face. And—
Their lips meet. Well, their lips collide, really. It's too rough on Kuramochi's part—their lips smashing together and noses bumping. It's completely ungraceful. A little awkward. Totally unplanned and sudden.
Even Miyuki hadn't been prepared for it, despite all the teasing and antagonizing until they finally hit this point. And even then, Kuramochi wants to say that Miyuki had to have known that this would happen. That if he teased and bothered Kuramochi enough it would lead them here.
"If that's where you wanted to go, you should have just said so." He grins, rubbing a thumb over his lips. "How was it?"
"Terrible," Kuramochi says. His flushed cheeks and pounding heart might say otherwise, but that doesn't matter.
Miyuki smiles, even as Kuramochi insults him, like he can read that Kuramochi's feeling the opposite, plain on his face. "Like you have any room to talk?"
Kuramochi groans, burying his head in his arms. He should have known something like that would be the comeback of choice. "Aren't you supposed to be the expert?"
He looks up when there's a tap to his shoulder, a hand on his cheek. Miyuki's grinning like before—coy, mischievous and leans forward, closer to Kuramochi's face again. "Want to find out?"
In hindsight, Kuramochi might try to convince himself that the only reason he lets Miyuki kiss him again is to prove him wrong. To make a point. He's not going to just lay down and be insulted like this. That's it. That's all.
He doesn't have to be completely truthful with himself. Not yet. He doesn't have to piece anything together or admit that maybe, just maybe the feeling of Miyuki's lips on his own is kind of pleasant. Something he wants again.
This practicing kissing thing isn't half bad, actually.
After Lesson One: The First Kiss, followed by the Thrilling Sequel: When You Accuse Your Best Friend of Being a Terrible Kisser and He's Gotta Prove You Wrong, kissing for practice becomes a lot more frequent. Like once the initial idea had been breached it was hard to stop after. Or something like that. Neither of them really need to put a name to it besides just what it is: practice.
Kuramochi's learning. Miyuki's learning. Not that there's really much to learn re: kissing, but still, neither of them can call each other terrible anymore after various kissing sessions over these past few weeks. First one, then two, then almost daily.
Honestly, an idea like this has probably been put in the absolute worst sets of hands to act on it. Because they're competitive, will constantly try to one-up each other. And that's normal now, maybe something they've grown used to incorporating into their daily routine with each other. "Bet I can kiss you better," or other variations of the concept—spoken or unspoken, implied—become as commonplace as other daily things they do—eating lunch together, doing homework together, texting late at night.
It's not surprising that this has stuck and they make it part of what they're used to, add it to that like this is what they've been doing for a long time rather than just a few weeks.
But over the next few weeks it's easier to refer to these lessons as just that.
It's easy to joke around and refer to quick kisses they sneak in the hallway at school or before practice when no one's looking as a lesson in how to sneak a kiss. Dire strategies just waiting to be practiced and held fully loaded in an arsenal, ready for immediate use later.
It's easy to refer to the kisses that aren't as quick or as simple that come later—the lazy, slow ones they might share spontaneously while they're doing homework and want to distract each other or take a break or they're just too close to really avoid it any longer, just like the first time—as simple lessons.
Yeah, it's easy to play it off as a joke, a game, simple practice with an end goal in sight—getting better, living in the moment now to capitalize on something that might happen later. But then, then there're the times that while it may be easy to keep up the mask that this is what they're doing, this is what they've been doing, there seems like there's a lot more to it than that. It's not that simple, even if neither of them will admit it.
There are the times Miyuki will lean against Kuramochi in his bedroom, when they're alone and huddled together, playing video games (or at least keeping up the facade that they're playing when really, they've lost interest a while ago and touching each other is more intriguing instead.) Then, they'll forget what they were doing before, and just looking at each other, sitting close together, touching, leads to kissing.
But it's not like the other times, then. It doesn't feel like a joke or a game or even a bet anymore. Not when they lean back, laying on Kuramochi's bedroom floor. Miyuki's hands in Kuramochi's hair and one of Kuramochi's hands on Miyuki's cheek, the other curled around his hip.
Then, it doesn't end quickly. It doesn't finish and they laugh about it. Then, it feels like there’s more feeling, more message to convey behind this kiss, in their motions, in their eyes, in what they don’t say, than there ever had before this. Like it was all building up to this point, slowly, gradually.
Now, now it's not like before either. It's not like when they first started this.
Now, they can't even think of a lame excuse of what this lesson is, of what they're supposed to be practicing for. Don't bother to, don't have time to when they're caught up in each other like this.
This: When they win the final match of Koshien in their third and final year. Now, they've finally reached the goal they've been aiming for since first year, when they're finally able to grab it, hold it in their palms.
This: When Kuramochi throws his arms around Miyuki, blinded by happiness as they reach for each other, jump onto each other, hug each other. It's like a moment on high, and maybe all of that—the emotion, the excitement, proximity, adrenaline—clouds their judgement. Or maybe this is what they've always wanted because he's not sure who makes the effort to initiate a kiss first; they're both going for it, reaching for it, wanting it, taking it.
Like this is what they're meant to have. Like they're supposed to be here, with each other.
No one on the team actually seems surprised. Which in itself should be... kind of telling, but when they pull away and try to play it off like it's nothing, it's difficult. It's impossible to pretend it's just that anymore.
God , Kuramochi wants to kiss him more. He doesn't want to pull away. Doesn't want to stop touching. Doesn't want to lose this.
But that's not how this works. It could be how it works, if they went for it. This could be what they have, if this and everything gradually building to this big Realization moment hitting him—every brick added to the pile until it was ready to smack him square in the face, no chance of catching it, of stopping it.
Miyuki's not just his kissing partner, not just his friend. At least on Kuramochi's end. And maybe they've deluded themselves from the beginning if they tried to pretend so long that it was just a game, and never had undertones of anything else supporting it. Why would they continue this for so long if they didn't actually enjoy kissing each other or want more? Why can't they have more?
"What're you staring at?" Miyuki asks him on the ride back home, when they're sitting next to each other on the bus, grin on his lips as he turns away from the window.
"Not you," Kuramochi says (lies.) "Why would I want to do that?"
"Seems like a good choice. Definitely wouldn't blame you."
"Keep dreaming." Still, despite the words, despite the exchange, his hand reaches for Miyuki's. The touch is experimental at first—to make sure it's okay—but Miyuki doesn't pull away, only looks down, curious at their now intertwined hands resting between them and lets Kuramochi tangle their fingers together.
"Okay," he says, turning back to the window again, cheeks red, and they don't say anything about it the rest of the way.
They don't let go until they get back to Seido, but when they do, Kuramochi thinks he definitely could have held on for longer. That he wants to hold on for longer.
There's something that feels different now. And Kuramochi's not exactly sure if it's for the same reason it feels different for him, after letting the realization that he actually likes Miyuki, that he actually wants something more than this hit him.
But all this makes him realize that he really does want this. More of it. For real, this time. Permanent.
And Kuramochi wants to say so, to take a chance and see what happens, but Miyuki beats him to it.
"Well," he says swiveling around in his desk chair. "I think it's time you graduated. Take the knowledge you learned and go forth into the real world. Use it wisely."
What?
"Are you..." Kuramochi trails off, pauses, has to take a few seconds to process that Miyuki's just out of the blue ending this. Ending whatever's been growing between them since this started, maybe even before that. "Are you serious?"
"Why wouldn't I be serious?" He looks down, like he doesn't want to look at Kuramochi right now. "We're graduating in a few months, anyway. How would we be able to keep this up?"
We would , he wants to say. If it's us and we wanted to, we could do anything.
They already have.
"Yeah... I guess." He hopes he doesn't look as upset as he feels, but that's probably a shot in the dark. Kuramochi might be good at hiding things, at pretending, at being closed off. But it hasn't been that way with Miyuki in a long time. He knows, that despite himself, he wears his heart on his sleeve when it comes to Miyuki.
"Don't look so upset, Kuramochi." Miyuki stands up now, crossing the room, closing the distance between them as they stand face to face now. "There are plenty of other people out there to kiss."
"I'm... I don't care about that!"
"Then what's the problem?"
"Are you that stupid?"
"No, what are you—?"
"Was it really all just a game to you?"
Miyuki visibly winces at the accusation. "It's not for you?"
"It hasn't been for a while." He laughs bitterly, running a hand through his hair, figuring if he's being honest here, he might as well go for broke. "And that's not the way I wanted you to find out. But maybe I'm an idiot, and maybe this was the stupidest thing I've ever done, but I like you. I don't care about who else is out there! I want to kiss you. "
For a moment, Miyuki doesn't say anything else, and there's silence between them as he looks like he's processing, trying to piece together Kuramochi's sudden confession.
"And what about you?" Kuramochi asks when he can't stand the awkward silence anymore. That's not them. That's never been them. "You're the one who offered to start this. Did you mean it?" Any of this? All of this? "Did you mean it or was it just an excuse to make fun of me?"
Finally, Miyuki speaks. "You think that badly of me?" He laughs. "You think I'd go through all of this just to make fun of you?"
"Then why?"
He shrugs. "Maybe I wanted to kiss you. Did you ever consider that?"
At that, Kuramochi softens. "You... you went through this elaborate scheme just to get me to kiss you?"
"Terrible idea, right?"
"Maybe not..." He takes a step toward Miyuki. "But if that's what you wanted, why are you trying to stop it now?"
"I didn't... I didn't expect anything to actually become of it. I didn't think you'd want any of it to begin with, and when you did I thought it'd last like a week and we'd be done and move on like nothing happened. I guess it was easier when I thought you didn’t really want anything more than what it was. But then… then it was different. It got different, and I didn’t want it to end.”
"So you tried to end it? What kind of logic is that?"
Miyuki ignores Kuramochi's comment, frowns, but doesn't pull away when Kuramochi's hand rests on his hip. "Because it's... it's not supposed to be this way. We're graduating soon. Everything's going to change."
"So what?" Kuramochi finally says what he'd been thinking since Miyuki first brought it up. "I still want to kiss you now, and I'm still going to want to kiss you then, and I'm still going to want to kiss you after that."
"Romantic," Miyuki murmurs, slowly curling his fingers around Kuramochi's shirt. Like he's warming to the idea. Like hearing the promise, the confirmation from Kuramochi himself is melting away the fear he'd had before, taking away the desire to run from this. "You mean that?"
"Yeah. I mean it." Of course he does.
Then, it's Miyuki who leans in and kisses Kuramochi, this time. And this is by no means their first kiss, but in a way, it feels like it is. Like it's a fresh start between them, the start of everything, for real.
"Looks like you're not graduating after all." Miyuki grins, and Kuramochi's seriously tempted to ruin the moment by stepping on his foot. "It's a good thing too, because even though you were good enough for me to pass you, you definitely have room for improvement."
"Oh really?" He smiles at Miyuki's joke, squeezing his hip gently. "You wanna say that after I kiss you?"
"I'll have to get back to you on that." Miyuki laughs, leaning his forehead against Kuramochi's shoulder, holding on to him tightly.
Kuramochi laughs too. "And besides, don't think you're any better. I wouldn't give you top marks either."
"You want the truth?"
"Oh god what now?"
When Miyuki looks at him, he's smiling, shoulders shaking with laughter. "Before you I never kissed anyone either."
"You fucking liar!" But Kuramochi's laughing again, is too happy right now to stop laughing. "And you tried to make me feel bad about the same thing?"
"I'm not the one who confessed it during a game of truth or dare."
Kuramochi grins. "Terrible idea, right?"
"Maybe not." And Miyuki leans in and kisses him again.