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Armand has been many different people over his long lifetime.
He was Arun, a young boy who loved to paint and draw and loved his parents. A boy who grew up in the streets of Delhi and worshiped the old religion. Arun was a boy whose parents (who he has quite forgotten) sent him away with a horrible man and then went through something most people reserve for their nightmares.
He was Amedeo, a teen who was overcoming his past, who loved to paint and be painted. Who loved to learn and to read and write. Who loved to dance and play with the other boys in the beautiful ocean city of Venice. Amedeo was a young man who got sick, and whose Maestro, Marius, gave him more time with the dark gift. He was a young man who had his life ripped from him by the Roman coven. He was a boy again as he watched Mairus burn. Amedeo was taught that beautiful things were evil and that he was from the devil for being turned.
He was Armand. A name given to him by a coven who taught him that to be curious of humans was a sin. That a vampire must live a life in the shadows. He was a wretch that lived underground in Paris. Who learned French not for fun but for necessity. Whose coven adored him as a god. He was a lonely vampire, searching for love. He was a scared ancient vampire, who lost everything to Lestat de Lioncourt, who reminded him so much of the man who he had loved. His Maestro. Mairus. He was a man again who found beautiful things to be not as sinful as the Romans had led him to believe. He was a man who loved Louis de Pointe du Lac, a man from America. Armand was a man who was hurt again and again by his love for Louis.
And now… Armand doesn't know who he is anymore. He’s not Arun… a boy lost in pain and suffering. He’s not Amedeo, a boy in love with an ancient vampire.
He is not Armand. A man who brought suffering wherever he went.
“Sweetheart? Are you okay?” Daniel asks him.
They are standing on the balcony of their villa on Night Island. Looking out over the moonlit sea before them. Daniel is older now than he was when they first met. The lines in his face showing all the years that they spent apart after that week in San Francisco. Armand feels guilty still. For what was done in Dubai. Turning Daniel was not the plan that Armand had in mind. And yet here he is.
Daniel is facing forever and instead of running from Armand, he stays.
Armand doesn’t know who he is anymore, but he is always sure of who Daniel is. He is his fascinating boy. His beloved companion.
“Call me that again.” Armand whispers into the wind. Half sure that Daniel won’t hear him.
“What?” Daniel is looking at him, and Armand may not know who he is anymore, but Daniel does. Daniel is smiling that coy smile. “Sweetheart?”
Armand smiles back at him. It's better than any name he has ever had. Any name he has ever been given. It was chosen out of love, not out of pain. It means something to Armand that even he doesn’t fully understand.
But Armand doesn’t care. Because in that moment he isn't tied to any of his past selves. He is Daniels. Fully and without apology.
Daniel brings a hand up to touch the side of his face. He's still smiling, and it's too bright. Too happy.
“Who am I, Daniel?” he whispers, and that smile softens. Daniel pulls Armand close and sighs.
“You are you, Armand. You aren’t the sum of your past. You are here, and now, and you get to decide who you want to be this time.”
“Thats-” Armand isn’t sure how to respond. His eyes are tearing up. There are too many questions. There are so many ways that this could go wrong. To many variables, and he can't hold onto all the different threads at once. “What if I make the wrong decisions?”
What if I hurt someone again. He doesn’t say.
What if I hurt you.
Daniel pulls back to look into Armand's eyes, and there is a passion there that Armand has only seen a handful of times.
“Then we will fix it. Together.”
Together. Daniel Malloy, his fascinating, beautiful boy. The man that he has been in love with since the first day they met in that apartment in San Francisco. Daniel Malloy, the love of his immortal life. They would do this together.
“I love you, sweetheart. Whoever you choose to be next.” Daniel holds him tight, and the panic that has been pushing at the corners of Armand's mind ebbs away.
Armand may not know who he is.
But sweetheart is as good a name as any.