Chapter Text
Father Jud Duplenticy was crumbling. He was exhausted and starving and numb. After Martha's body had been taken away, Blanc had said a few quick words to Geraldine. Jud couldn't catch what they were saying. He felt like he was underwater. Blanc knelt in front of him.
"Hey there, Padre," Blanc said. His tone was gentle and concerned. "I'm going to take you back to the rectory and get you something to eat, alright? Geraldine says she needs to ask you some questions eventually, but it can wait."
Jud almost protested that he was fine and could handle himself, but Blanc put a hand on his shoulder and all his arguments flew out the window. He simply nodded and let Blanc help him up. Blanc kept a firm hold on him the whole way to the rectory, only letting him go once Jud was safely seated on the couch.
"I'm going to get you something to eat. I'll be right back."
"Okay," Jud said.
Blanc came back sometime later and set a bowl of mac and cheese into Jud's hands. "There you are, Father. Eat."
"You don't have to call me Father," Jud said, mechanically lifting the fork to his mouth.
"Jud, then. Eat, then let's get you to bed."
They sat in silence while Jud ate. Blanc took his empty bowl and then put an arm around him to get him up the stairs. "Can you- can you sleep with me?" Jud asked. Then he blushed as his brain caught up. "I meant in, the, uh, literal sense, not- sorry, I'm-"
"Shh, it's alright. Is that what you want?" Blanc asked softly.
Jud nodded.
Blanc gazed at him, considering for a moment. "Then yes, I can." He pushed Jud's door open and settled him on the bed. "Do you need help changing?"
"No, I can manage."
"Good. I'll be back, then. Just give me a moment."
Jud changed slowly. The ache in his ribs from where Wicks had kicked him was worse, somehow. His head hurt. He sat back down on the bed heavily as soon as he got changed. Blanc came back in a moment later, changed into loungewear.
"More comfortable now?" Blanc asked, sitting next to Jud. Jud leaned against him.
"Yeah," Jud said. "My head hurts."
"I'm sure. Let's get you to sleep."
They got settled, Jud pressing close to Blanc's side.
"You're awfully clingy, Father," Blanc said, teasingly.
"Sorry," Jud said, shifting away so his back was against the wall.
"No, you don't have to pull away. I was teasin'. Come here." Blanc pulled Jud in again. Jud nestled against him, eyes sliding shut. "Rest, now," Blanc murmured into Jud's hair. Jud was fast asleep in moments.
***
Jud woke up the next morning to find himself alone. He panicked for a moment until he heard humming and movement from downstairs. He got out of bed and found Blanc in the kitchen, making eggs.
"Good morning," Blanc said.
"Good morning."
"Sleep well?"
Jud yawned. "Very. What time is it?"
"10:30 or so."
The conversation ended there while Blanc finished up his cooking and set eggs and toast down in front of Jud. Jud could feel the awful secret he was holding as it grew roots in his chest and threatened to crack his ribs open. He had to tell Blanc or it would choke him. He stared at his plate for a moment.
"I can't stay here," Jud said, desperately. He felt Blanc's eyes on him.
"I can help you talk to Bishop Langstrom about a transfer, I'm sure he'll-"
"I meant in the Church. The Priesthood."
"Oh." Blanc sounded caught off guard.
"I'm sorry, you fought so hard for me to be able to stay a priest, and now I'm throwing it away, but I just don't think I can-"
"Jud. Look at me."
Reluctantly, Jud did as he was told.
"Jud Duplenticy. I fought hard for you to have a life. How you choose to spend it is entirely up to you."
Jud swallowed. "I love being a priest."
"I know you do."
"But I can't do it anymore."
"May I ask why?"
Jud swallowed. "Partly because there's so much pain wrapped up in it now. Partly because..." "I'm in love with you" was on the tip of his tongue. "Never mind."
"No, tell me." Blanc's gaze was so sharp and intense it made Jud feel like he was being sliced open.
"I- I think I'm in love with you. And even if you don't love me back, which, why would you, you're twenty years my senior with a husband at home, it feels... inauthentic, to keep being a priest."
Blanc reached across the table and placed a hand over Jud's. "I promise you," Blanc said, a slight teasing note entering his voice. "Phillip is not a jealous man. In fact, he'd probably be thrilled. I've told him about you."
Jud blushed.
"My real concern, darlin', is that you're extremely out of sorts right now," Blanc said, very gently. "I'm not sayin' you don't know what you want. I'm just sayin' that I don't want you making any rash decisions."
"I have to go through a separate process from laicization to break my celibacy vows, anyway," Jud said. "It might be a while."
"I'm not going anywhere, in the meantime. If you need a place to stay, you're welcome to stay with me and Phillip."
"I might take you up on that."
They finished eating and Blanc rose to take Jud's plate. He ran his free hand through Jud's hair. Jud leaned into the touch. Then he sighed.
"I have to write one hell of a letter to Langstrom."