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It was safe to say Richie said yes to the date. Was it because he was forced to? Maybe… a little?? Was it because he genuinely has a connection with Eddie and wants to see him every single day from now until eternity? Yes!! That too!!
They made their plan when Eddie came in the day after… all that fucking crazy shit happened. When he saw a Zoe-less Eddie walk in that day, he nearly fell to his knees, ready to shout, “ Yes, yes, yes, please!! Yes i’ll go out with you!!” And if he hadn't gotten his eight hours that night… that's probably what wouldve went down.
He can barely believe it now. This is the first time his trashmouth alone has gotten him a date. Not his fame or money, just plain ol’ Richie Tozier. And lucky him, it's with the hottest man alive.
The only thing standing in the way of his hot date was his final day at Starbucks.
He couldn't wait.
*
“ Well, this is it…”
“ What comes next after this?”
“ And just like that… another chapter is over.”
“ I’m gonna miss it here…”
“ Richie shut the fuck up!!” Zoe shouts. Richie has been doing sitcom endings for about a solid four minutes. The Kaspbraks are fed up, to say the least. One of them in particular…
Richie sighs. “I'm sorry!! I've never had a goodbye like this before! I wish I had a light switch to turn off and a camera to pan across the empty kiosk.”
From across the counter, “ That would be the dream, wouldn't it?” Eddie smirks as he says it, and Richie wants to melt. Since they confirmed their date, Richie has not given a single motherfucking flying fuck about leaving the Starbucks. In fact, he wants this to be over so Saturday night will come faster.
It goes without saying that Richie's last day would be anything but sad. At least that's what he assumes.
“ It is still absolutely insane that you guys actually showed up to my last shift right before the end,” he breathes. He still isn't used to people caring about him this much.
“ Uh, yeah?? We were gonna come whether you liked it or not, Rich.” Zoe scoffs, like Richie is a fucking idiot.
The (soon-to-be-ex) barista raises a brow, “ Really? You wouldn't rather be–random example– with your little boyfriend?”
That was fucking crazy. Two days after it, Richie was still reeling from being very aggressively asked out on a date, but still managed to pester Zoe about her moment with the ice cream scoop boy until she turned red from embarrassment. He didn't get any actual information, but he’ll get her soon.
The girl across from him looks like she's about to explode. “ He is not my fucking boyfriend, Richie!! How many fucking times do I need to tell you that Sam and I are nothing but friends– for fucks sake–”
“ Language, Zoe.” Eddie uses his commanding dad voice, and suddenly, Richie wants to misbehave so it will be used on him instead.
“That's a joke, Dad– if I can't swear, neither can you.”
A beat before Eddie sighs in defeat, “ Proceed.”
Richie bursts into giggles before grabbing his tote bag that says, ‘ CUNT’ in huge letters across the front and leaving the kiosk. I’m free!!
In a weirdly nice display, the Kaspbraks immediately start clapping as he exits, and though Richie wants to ham up this moment like he usually would, he can't help but feel a little… emotional??
It’s not because of the job–no way– but at the adoring looks on Eddie and Zoe’s faces as they watch him move on to the next adventure, finally being recognized for his comedy. Yes, it took an extremely long time to explain to them that yes, I am a comedian and no, I’m not shitting with you, but now they completely understand and…want him to succeed. They’re both beaming up at him, and Richie wonders if this is what having a support system is supposed to be like.
“ You guys are so fucking lame,” he chokes out like he's going to fucking cry(??).
“ Just trying to celebrate seeing your bottom half out from behind the counter for the first time,” Eddie says with a grin that makes Richie’s previously mentioned bottom half weak.
Zoe gags, “ Oh, I'm going to be fucking sick–”
Richie ignores her. “ I kinda have to get out of here, but…I’ll see you Saturday at eight, right?” he wants Eddie to confirm as if that information hasn't been on a loop in his brain all day, every day, for about three days.
After biting his lip–fuck– Eddie nods. “ Mhm. Dress sharp, and don't think you're driving there because I'm picking you up.”
There's still faint retching sounds coming from the girl between them, but neither of the men seems to notice.
“ I’m… really excited.” Richie breathes.
The man across from him is already nodding. “Me too.”
The look in Eddie’s eyes can only be described as… want, which is crazy. He’s never been the object of desire quite like this in his life. It might take a lot of getting used to.
“ Goodbye, my beloved Kaspraks… please tip your waitresses…” he pretends to take off a hat and bow with it, making Eddie chuckle.
“ Get the fuck out of here!!” Zoe yells from behind him as he turns around. And what better exit is that?
*
For how excited Eddie was for the date, Saturday came pretty quickly.
The urge to bound around his room like a high schooler before homecoming was… tempting. He would if Zoe weren’t at the end of his bed, judging his outfit choices. The little bugger had managed to convince Myra that she was too sick to dare make the divorce switch this weekend… for this purpose alone.
“ No, you look like shit in that.”
“ Am I a bad dad if I tell you to get the fuck out?” He's standing in front of his full-length mirror with a mint green polo on— the fifth one Zoe has hated.
“ Yes, you would. So I'm not going anywhere, Dad.” She seems very pleased with herself. Eddie never anticipated his daughter would pick up all his snark and sarcasm. If he had— he would have changed his parenting style real quick.
He still loves Zoe to death, though… obviously.
“ I think it looks nice! It fits my frame.” He murmurs, looking at himself.
Zoe rises from her spot on his bed. “ Here’s where you're wrong,” she says, standing next to him. “ This color totally washes you out— You’re the complete wrong skintone— you look like you work at a laser tag place.”
Now he takes an even closer look at himself and— shit, she's totally right. He’d look much better in something darker.
“ For wearing nothing but t-shirts and sweats, you're oddly good at this.”
“ What can I say? I have the eye for it.” She shrugs, “And don’t worry, I’ll start dressing better when you let me dye my hair.” She smiles and blinks up at him in that pleading way.
That argument started after— you know what? He cannot get into this right now; it’s so fucking stupid.
Eddie does a half-laugh, half-sigh, “You're dying your hair when I’m dead.” He mutters.
She rolls her eyes before changing the subject. “ Will you finally let me pick out your outfit?”
“ If it matters that much to you— go ahead.” He sits at the edge of his bed and watches as she starts to rifle through his closet.
“ It does in fact matter to me— I want this to go well for you, Dad.” She doesn't turn to face him. Too vulnerable.
He starts to smile slightly. “ Yeah?”
A noise from in front of him, “ Well, yeah— it’s clear Richie makes you happy, and I like it when you're happy?”
A watery smile spreads across Eddie’s face.
“So I don't want you to fuck this up looking like a narc.” He's just gonna ignore that last comment.
Eddie rises from his spot on the bed and gathers Zoe in a tight hug. “Thanks, Zoe-bug,” he whispers.
“ Please get off of me,” she immediately whispers back.
“No.” He needs this.
*
Here Richie is— standing outside his apartment building waiting for his date to pick him up.
His last date was… a year he dropped out of college… maybe? He met the guy at a dirty club and thought it was endearing that he asked to take him out instead of asking if he wanted to get out here.
What wasn't endearing was when the date wanted to go have a quickie five minutes into their dinner, three days later.
It's safe to say Richie has been a loner since then.
But now he is more than ready to get back into the dating scene. If that's with Eddie, obviously.
His mind stops running when he sees a big black car pull up to the curb and an absolutely gorgeous man step out of it.
Eddie.
Richie’s breath catches when he sees Eddie's small yet muscular frame in a burgundy dress shirt that looks a size too small, and really gives Richie a view of how toned he is.
Coupled with the designer-looking pants and shoes…Richie is about to have a fucking nosebleed.
And great was so busy ogling his hot date, he didn't notice that Eddie was holding open the passenger seat for him. “ Get in the car, Tozier!” He shouts with a smirk.
Richie practically floats into the car like a cartoon character that smells something good. The door is shutting next to him, and then Eddie is in the driver's seat, smiling at him.
“ Hi. You look good.”
I look good?! Look at you!! He's just wearing one of his Hawaiian shirts with a blazer over it— he does not look good.
Oh, he said that first part out loud. Great.
Eddie barks out a laugh, “ I could tell you liked my outfit. You know, from all the staring.”
A scoff from the passenger seat. “ Let's not get cocky, Ed’s.”
The car is started, and they are officially off to whatever restaurant Eddie has chosen for the night. “ Zoe picked out my outfit, actually!” Eddie says excitedly.
God, Richie would do anything to be a fly on the wall in that room. He tells Eddie so and gets a laugh in return.
“ Yeah, it was… something else.” He plugs his phone into the car and the screen lights up in front of him with Google Maps and… Taylor Swift? Richie’s hand shoots out to turn up the volume.
“ Eddie!!” He squeals, “You didn't tell me you were a swiftie!” He has no idea why he’s so excited.
Richie turns to look at Eddie in the driver's seat. He looks sexy, so focused on the road.
“I-im not actually,” he coughs, “it's just— you mentioned liking her music once or twice, so I wanted to…” he wiggles his hands in the direction of the screen.
A huge smile climbs onto Richie’s face. “ That is so sweet,” he breathes. “Of course, you're the type to remember everything anyone has ever said to you.”
Eddie rolls his eyes, “ Well fuck me for trying.” He laughs.
If you insist— down boy.
“ I am a lover and 1989 girlie until I die, by the way,” Richie adds.
The man next to him looks like he’s going to say something, but then just nods instead— probably saving the information for later.
Richie inquires further, “Does Zoe like her music?”
“Oh fuck no,” Eddie laughs immediately. “She renounces anything remotely popular.”
Richie laughs as well, “That fully checks out.”
Another chuckle before they fall into a comfortable silence. Richie is struck by how peaceful he feels just being in Eddie’s presence. Like they could be doing literally anything—like driving and listening to Red— and Richie would enjoy it simply because Eddie was there.
I think I'm getting too excited for the literal first date.
But then Eddie takes his hand and interlaces their fingers, resting their hands on the console with a small smile. Richie's heart skips a beat.
Or maybe I'm not.
*
The restaurant is pretty nice, but Richie already knew it would be; Eddie was clear that Richie was going to be properly taken out. He was also very clear that he was in charge of this date, which threw Richie's mind somewhere resembling the gutter.
They were sitting at a cute little table, next to the window overlooking the downtown area, with little candles between them. They were having an honest-to-God candlelit dinner.
Richie couldn’t be happier.
Instead of looking at the menu, he's looking at Eddie's frown and furrowed brows as he reads his. So pretty.
“ Red or white, Rich?” He finally says. Richie pretends he's been looking at his menu this whole time.
“ Um… what?” he laughs nervously.
A pause “ red… or white?”
What is this guy talking about?
“ Jesus Christ, Richie– wine, do you want red or white?!” Eddie’s fingers are pinching the bridge of his nose, which Richie finds adorable.
“ Oh…Um, red?” he decides only because of the album they were listening to on the ride in.
Eddie nods and ushers the waiter over to order them two glasses.
“ That was embarrassing,” Richie says finally. “ I usually drink yellow beer.”
“Of course you do.” Eddie laughs.
A moment of silence, and Richie's thoughts start to wander. First dates are always filled with stupid get-to-know-you questions that you don't care about and don't remember— only asked to pad the first twenty minutes. He does not want to do that.
“So how big is it?” He blurts.
Eddie chokes on air, “ fucking excuse me?” he says, coughing.
“ I don't know! I was nervous!!”
Eddie buries his face and his hands and groans— making Richie laugh.
This is going to be a fun night.
*
They ended up doing all the filler questions, and Richie had a surprisingly amazing time with them.
Finding out Eddie’s favorite movie was E.T, and he played basketball in high school despite his height disparities, were two of the funniest conversations he's ever had.
He has a feeling that they could be talking about paint drying on a wall and still have a blast. It's time for some deeper topics, though.
“So tell me the story of Eddie and Zoe,” Richie asks after another gulp of weirdly good wine.
Eddie sighs, “Not much of a story to tell, Rich.”
“Come on— there has to be something! How does a gay man have a kid?”
A scoff from across the table, “ Come on, don't tell me you never learned the birds and the bees, when a mommy and a dad—”
Richie laughs, “Oh shut the fuck up!!”
They share a laugh before Eddie sobers. “After I married Myra—”
Myra… her name is Myra. Huh.
“— I was so unhappy. I mean, I dreamt of picking up and leaving every single day, cursing myself for even being in this position in the first place.”
He continues, “ but then, during one of our… sessions…”
“Oh, let me guess, once every three months??” Richie interjects.
“Try every six,” Eddie murmurs, making them both chuckle.
“One faulty condom and suddenly I was stuck. Of course, Zoe is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, and I love her more than anything, but then I couldn't leave.”
Richie nods sympathetically, especially knowing how crazy this Myra is from Zoe’s stories.
“ I finally pulled the trigger quite a few months ago when a guy in my office started flirting with me. I wasn't interested at all— not my type— but I thought, ‘ what if I was? What then?’” He laughs at his own thought.
“ Very inspiring, Ed’s,” he says, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “I'm glad all of that led you to me,” that he murmurs earnestly. Eddie's face heats up adorably.
“So this guy wasn't your type?” he knows to change the subject before Eddie overheats. “What is your type exactly, Eddie Baby?”
Eddie rolls his eyes. “ Big. Manly.”
Richie heats up and thinks, damn, we can dish it, but we cannot take it.
“ Well fucking cheers to that.” They both let out booming laughs and clink their drinks together with matching grins.
*
Eddie hasn't had this much fun on a date since… ever, really.
With Myra, everything was about obligation, not enjoyment. He was obligated to say " I love you once a day, obligated to take her out once a month, obligated to… You know…every few months. With Richie, it feels completely different.
There’s no measuring anything, no counting down the minutes till the date is over, and definitely no dreading another date. He really wants a second date.
To put that rambling into simple terms– his best date with Myra would probably be worse than his worst with Richie.
That thought makes him so angry at himself, he wishes he had a time machine so he could shake past Eddie and scream, Go to Starbucks right now– get the fuck up and don't ask questions– just go to the fucking Starbucks!!
He’s here now, though, sitting across from Richie, who looks so beautiful in the candlelight, Eddie feels like he's a dead wife at the beginning of a movie.
“ Zoe told me you accidentally came out on Twitter? And that's why you're so famous?” Eddie says, nursing his glass of wine. He has to take Richie home after all.
Richie forces out a laugh. “I was hoping that no one would ever mention that ever ever again, but yeah, I totally did that.”
“ How?!” Eddie leans forward.
Richie mirrors him. “ I thought I was on my second account and reposted something like ‘ repost if you gay and you horny’”
Though he doesn't want to, Eddie lets out a loud laugh. “ Richie!! Oh my god. That's so you.”
The man across from him nods, “I didn't even realize till I woke up the next morning with fifteen missed calls from my agent.”
“I wish I could say that's not wildly in character, but it totally is.”
Richie chuckles, “ What can I say? I do be gay, and I do be horny.”
“Don't I know it,” Eddie murmurs as if he's not picturing Richie underneath him– sweating and panting and– jesus fuck calm down.
He must have made a face because then Richie is whisper-shouting, “Oh my god, you were totally picturing me naked!!”
Eddie sputters, “ W-was not!!” he says like a fucking child.
Richie giggles, “ My my how the tables have turned!! Now you want to know how big it is!”
“ I’m going to smash this glass over your head.”
“ Please stop talking dirty to me– I want to last all night.”
*
The fight for the check was legendary, in a word. Eddie begged and pleaded to pay, telling Richie he was pretty and deserved to be wined and dined.
By the end, Richie was so flustered, he couldn’t have reached for the check if he tried.
When they walked out of the restaurant a few minutes later, Eddie’s hand fell to rest on the small of Richie's back, guiding him back to the car.
The touch exuded so much casual dominance and affection that Richie's head was spinning. Eddie could be guiding him into a house fire, and he would be none the wiser, just smiling and bopping along.
And that's not even mentioning the smile the man gave him when Richie looked down at him in shock. It was so brilliant and sure that Richie couldn't help but let a goofy smile completely take over his face.
He felt light– almost giddy. Possibly from how hard his heart was pounding in his chest as he looked down at the man next to him, gorgeous inside and out. Maybe from the idea that they’ll get to do this again if he plays his cards right.
Let's not fuck this up, trashmouth. Home stretch.
*
Eddie opened the fucking door for him. After a night of flirty jokes and touches, it shouldn't mean much at all— just a nice gesture– but it makes Richie’s head explode.
The driver's door opens, and Eddie climbs in. A soft smile adorns his face like it's his default expression after the amazing night they had.
“ You’re perfect. You know that, right?” Richie says as soon as the door is shut.
Eddie starts the car, grinning and shaking his head. “ I don't know about that.” He laughs, “ I just… wanted to show you a good time.”
He is so cute.
“You definitely did.” Richie sighs, “Thank you.”
Eddie shrugs noncommittally as if to say no sweat. And they fall into a comfortable silence. Well… silence and Taylor Swift.
Richie hums along to one of the songs on one of her newer albums for a minute or two before Eddie murmurs, “What's this one about?” while still focusing on the road in front of him.
If they were stopped, Richie would be crawling into his lap right about now. If we’re being one hundred percent honest.
“ Her last long-term boyfriend. They dated for six years before he told her he didn't want to get married.” Eddie hums, listening closely.
Richie grins and continues, “So the song is called that because...”
Yeah, this is definitely the best date he’s ever been on.
*
“ He really did that to her?!” Eddie shouts, leaving the car to walk Richie to his apartment.
“ He really did. You can't make ten minutes out of nothing, Ed’s.”
Eddie got surprisingly into the lore Richie was spewing on the ride back to his place. He was borderline crying-laughing at Eddie's low hiss of shitttt after he dissected some of the lyrics they were listening to.
No one has ever listened to Richie speak for this long, and it is addictive having someone to talk to like this. The thought that he could be his regular trashmouth self and Eddie would just…listen is…wow.
“ I hate to be cliché… but I had a really nice time tonight.” Eddie drawls when they reach the building’s door.
Richie laughs, “ No, please be more cliché, actually. Tell me my eyes are the most gorgeous thing you’ve ever seen.”
Eddie just shakes his head and smiles up at Richie. He feels dizzy.
This is it, Tozier… go for the kill.
“ Can I kiss you? Please? Would that be okay?” he practically begs.
Surprisingly, Eddie starts to laugh, “ Huh? You're asking first?”
“ Well i think it's respectful to ask– in case maybe you didn't want to– and I've heard on the internet that sometimes asking for the kiss can be more intimate than the act itself. I don't think I believe that theory all that much, but–hmmph–”
Then Eddie is grabbing his blazer and kissing him… and kissing him and kissing him. Richie's hands fly up to gently hold Eddie's face as he tries to stop Richie's heart with nothing but his mouth.
Seriously, he’s getting fucking plundered– he’s weak in the knees and letting out embarrassing whimpers by the time Eddie’s done with him. He doesn't go far, just rests his forehead against Richie's as they both pant, their mouths fractions away from each other.
“ Holy fuck.” Richie wheezes.
“Was I too much?” Eddie pulls away, and the way his lips are red and glistening makes Richie short-circuit.
“ Hm? Oh, um fuck no– that was… wow.”
Eddie bites his lip - fuck fuck fuckkkk– and brings their faces inches apart once more. “You liked it that much? So much you can barely think, Rich?” his voice is the perfect mix of degrading and adoring that if Richie tried to imagine that tone of voice in a different context, he’d jizz on the spot. To put it bluntly. Sue him– he was just kissed within an inch of his life.
He ends up just nodding at Eddie’s question, making the smaller man laugh.
“I really want to continue this, but Zoe is at home waiting for me.” he’s so cute– he's such a good dad.
“ That is so okay because it gives me an idea for our second date!”
Eddie's eyes light up, “ Really? And that is?”
A pause, “ Murdering Zoe.”
Eddie lets out a cackle and lets his head dip down and rest on Richie’s chest as he cracks up. “ I was thinking a movie– but that's nice too.” He wheezes.
They stand there and chuckle for honesty too long before Richie says, “ I really don't want this to end… but I also don't want to keep Zoe waiting. She scares the shit out of me– you have to get out of here.”
Eddie stands up on his toes to plant a kiss on Richie's cheek before backing towards the car. “ I hope you know I took you seriously about going on a second date.”
“Oh, I was deathly serious, Ed’s name a date and time, and I’ll be there. Chloroform in hand.”
Another laugh from Eddie as he opens the driver's seat. “ See you around, Tozier.”
“ Uh huh. You too, Kaspbrak. Tell your evil spawn I say hello.”
“ Will do!!” and just like that, he’s gone.
How does one even recover from a date that perfect?
“ Guess I’ll go jerk off now…”
*
Zoe is at the door before it's even done opening. “ Well?! How did it go?!”
Eddie closes the apartment door and starts to put down his things on their island. After a minute of silence, he turns towards his daughter and… lets out a girlish squeal.
“ It went so well, Zoe-bug!!” he starts to bounce on his feet, biting back a dumb smile.
Surprisingly, Zoe lets out a squeal as well. “ Dad!! I'm so glad!!” She takes both of his hands in hers and– he's ashamed of what comes next– holds onto him as they jump around the room in excitement.
It's one of the stupidest things he’s ever done, but a fantastic way to end a night he’ll never forget.
Now the only question is… how do they top this one? He grins, so excited to find out.