Work Text:
1, 2, 3, Leave! (Or Stay)
The bastard.
“Petrificus Totalus!” Harry curses.
The bastard intends to leave just because he realizes that Harry is here. Bastard! Harry’s emotions go messy in one second. Anger, confusion, disappointment, and more anger are overwhelming him with every stride he takes closer. But, hurt is the only clear thing Harry feels. That particular horrendous feeling wrenches his heart and squeezes it unapologetically. It hurts.
Now Harry realizes it hurts so much to finally have a chance to see Draco Malfoy, as much as it hurts that Harry never stops hoping to ever see Draco again.
“France, Draco? Did you really have to leave me to France?” Harry confronts Draco, as he releases his spell and headlocks Draco to follow him. He turns to Draco’s and his group. “I need to talk to him. Don’t wait us.” Their groups have known them since long time ago, surely they’ll understand.
“No!” Draco is struggling to go but there’s no way Harry’s going to let him. “Let me go, Potter!”
“Potter?” he doesn’t even think he can be more hurt than a minute ago.
His emotion must be written clear on his face because Draco relents, avoiding his gaze, guilt clouding his eyes.
Harry drags Draco to a secluded area. Truthfully he almost skipped this vacation trip with his fellow Auror, feeling rather under the mood. If he knew Draco’s group of potioneers is going here in this same time, he’d hunt Draco the first second he entered this place. There are so many unique plants grow wild here, no wonder potioneer would find this place interesting. And Harry can see waterfall from this area, the sound of its stream soothing this cool and peaceful place. That waterfall is his fellow Aurors destination, after all.
"Sit," Harry points to a big rock.
Draco looks at it, but the he just stands mightily and looks away. "No."
Harry scoffs, bit still, he Scougify it.
"Now sit."
"No."
"Why are you so damn difficult?" Harry grabs Draco's arm and tugs him down. Harry almost snorts ironically. This is so perfect, the two of them sitting on a rock, in a beautiful weather and a beautiful place, k-i-s-
Harry hates how much he still wants the k-i-s-s part, despite all anger he feels at Draco.
"Why did you left me? Why did you just leave, without explanation, to a different country, without a contact? Without a goodbye at all?
Draco's face hardens. But still, he doesn't look at Harry.
Harry is tired of it.
"Look at me." Nothing. "Draco," he touches Draco's jaw, one thing he misses so much about Draco. "Look at me," he is now pleading. Now he is met with a pair of stormy grey eyes, another thing he misses so much about Draco.
It hits Harry how deep he misses all of Draco.
"Why did you leave? When we had everything? Can you imagine how I felt, waking up after such a perfect day, without you by my side? And waiting you for our Saturday plans, and trying to contact you left and right, then finding out you were already gone three days later? With your friends asking me, 'aren't you going with him?'? How can you do that, to me?"
Harry is breathing hard. But looking at Draco's long inhale and crushed expression, Harry realizes this is hard for Draco too. This is nothing about Harry doing wrong, then, or Draco losing his feeling for Harry, the probabilities he's scared the most about Draco leaving him. For seven bloody months.
But then, why did he do it?
"Don't you miss me?" Harry sadly asks, knowing Draco won't likely answer him.
"No."
Such a blatant lie. Harry can just call it from the tone alone.
But the word still affects him, as he is desperate. He won't take 'No' for an answer, especially from Draco. So he hugs him. Tight and crushing. Full of longing. Harry can't believe they would ever be in this situation. Broken.
"I'll count to three," Harry says, still hugging Draco. "If you don't leave, then you are missing me, as much as I miss you."
"What?"
"One two three. There. You miss me."
Draco is struggling to let go. "That's unfair! You're still holding me, how could I leave?"
"Hugging you, yes." And you'll fight me harder if you really want to leave. "Because I miss you. This is so shitty because I'm so mad at you. I wanted to hate you..." those grey eyes widen in fear. This is painfully growing Harry's hope, Draco doesn't want Harry to. "But I couldn't. I keep finding myself remembering you, reminiscing our times... You made me feel, like no one else can."
Harry breathes. And releases Draco carefully, because he doesn't want Draco to leave. And tries again. "I loved you. Heck, I still love you."
"Harry-"
"I'll count to four. If you don't leave, then you still love me."
"That's riddiculous!"
"I'm serious here. One... Two..."
Draco starts to stand.
"Three..." Harry croaks. Shite, his heart picks up fearfully.
Draco takes a step.
"Four," Harry says louder, aiming confidence. Eventhough he is indeed just trying to help himself. Grasping his almost scattered hope, he starts again. "Come here. You hadn't gone from my sight."
Draco looks at him sullenly and sighs. But he sits back next to Harry. Which felt rather glorious, because he could have just Disapparate and left Harry without a care.
Too glorious, Harry can't help but kiss Draco right now.
Draco's prominent jaw, Draco's smooth skin, Draco's beautiful eyelashes, Draco's soft hair, Draco's straight nose, all come back to Harry.
Draco's mouth-
Which is not kissing back.
His gut is twisted as he draws back. Draco's sparkly eyes and helpless expression doesn't help Harry one bit.
Because he feels like crying himself.
"Why?" he manages to whisper, if only for the last time.
"You're better without me."
No, that's nonsense. Harry stares Draco dead in the eyes. "Be honest with me."
"You're better with Ginny."
What? "All of this mess is because of that nonsense again?" Harry feels like screaming.
"Have you ever seen how perfect you two for each other?" Draco yells as well. It sounds so bitter that makes Harry wonder how could Draco feel so alone, so undeserving Harry, so insecure that he chose to leave? Had Harry not show his feeling clear enough?
"We had been together for a year, you bastard. It was not a game. We are perfect for each other! Why the heck didn't you see that?"
"You could have so much more with her! With anyone but me!"
"Says who?"
"Everyone."
That still hasn't changed, then, how Draco sometimes see himself? He'd been acting so strong, hard-willing. They'd been ignoring every obstacle, and Draco was behaving like a Malfoy, meticulously commanding and leading and gentle and careful in every time, Harry failed to see the perfectly disguised hole in Draco's self esteem.
He still hangs on the ex-Death Eater part in him.
Harry wants to kiss Draco senseless to make Draco see sense.
"It's 'Everyone who doesn't matter'. My friends accepted us. Your friends accepted us. Even your parents accepted us. Remember those days we have to endure for your father's approval? I wasn't doing that hard work just for other people to wane us."
"Harry, you really have better go..."
"Is that really what you think?" Harry asks with a renewed determination. "For me to leave? If that's what really on your mind, then listen to me, I don't want to lose you. I still want you. And still want us to go back together. To have our future together.
"But I will respect your decision. If you don't want us back together, I'll leave you alone, and will never try to contact you anymore. I'll try to disappear from your life. I promise.
"But promise me you answer truthfully too. Do you really want me to go away from you? After everything we went through? Leaving everything that once we had, that we could still have?"
Shite, Harry means everything he just said.
"I'll count to five. If you don't leave, then you are wanting us, as much as I do."
There. He lays his feelings bare. It leaves him vulnerable, but this is the only way he could win Draco's internal battle. By brutal truth. "Think carefully, Draco.
"One..."
Harry takes a deep breath.
"Two..."
His heart can just break his ribcage in this rate.
"Three..."
No, no, no, Draco don't look away!
"Four..."
Harry closes his eyes. He can't see Draco leaves.
He waits. He strains his ears, listening if Draco has just Disapparate, or is still here.
Nothing he can conclude.
Harry sags his shoulders. Between his helplessness and anticipation, he prays...
"Five..."
When Harry opens his eyes, he can't pick a single emotion he feels, seeing Draco hasn't move an inch from his place. And then he is met with beautiful, sad, hopeful eyes.
"Damn it, I love you."
And Draco kisses him. Hard and painful and helpless and desperate, and Harry kisses him back with the same despair.
They are so perfect, Harry is willing to remind Draco that, everyday.
And he guesses there are so many things need to be repaired, need to be talked about.
But, one, two, three, four, five, six... They are not going anywhere anytime too soon.
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