Work Text:
"Come on, Bin," whined Beomgyu. "Don't you want to know how Yeonjun hyung feels about you?" He stood up from the bench and looked at Soobin, frustrated. "You've liked him for years now and you made no move at him nor did you try knowing how he feels about you. I'm starting to stress out on your behalf."
Soobin just shrugged and leaned on the bench. "You don't have to," he replied. He sighed. "I have no hope. Why would someone like him even like me? No-a better question yet: is he even interested in guys? I mean he did come out to us, but he always shows his despise towards men as a whole-"
Yena chuckled, interrupting Soobin's ramble. "It doesn't change the fact that he's attracted to men," she said. "I always say that too but it doesn't change the fact that I can not help but be attracted to men. I said 'I wish I could like girls' all the time, but I'm still straight like a pole." She looked at Soobin as she crossed her arms on her chest. "It's the same for Yeonjun, Bin. Just because he hates men, doesn't mean he's not attracted to men." She paused for a while, then, "Besides, we all know when it comes to men, you're an exception." She smirked.
"Well, that's just ridiculous," remarked Soobin. "There's no way I'm an exception." If being completely honest, Soobin felt like he was lying to himself about the 'exception' part.
Or, yeah, maybe Soobin was indeed lying to himself. Soobin could recall all the times Yeonjun would express his hatred towards men in general, but never about him. Every time Yeonjun expressed his disappointment towards men to him, it was always about qualities that were never found in Soobin. Besides, Yeonjun always treated Soobin so softly. Soobin couldn't wrap his fingers around it, but he knew his hyung was very fond of him. He knew that sometimes people would find their exchange of love language strange, but Yeonjun was never ashamed to love Soobin loudly in ways that mattered, and so Soobin did too.
Still, Soobin didn't think it would mean something else. Despite their differences and the fact that Yeonjun was far older than he was, he thought of the world of Yeonjun. Undoubtedly, he thought of Yeonjun as one of his closest friends, ever since their ugly middle school phases, though he didn't really know if Yeonjun felt the same. He didn't even know if Yeonjun thought of him as a best friend, let alone liking him romantically. There's two things Soobin knew then: Yeonjun was unreachable no matter how close he was, and that Yeonjun was being casually warm to him.
Even then, Soobin still held the candle quietly. He pretended as if the flames weren't eating him alive, as if Yeonjun's little touches sparked something within him. Soobin loved Yeonjun, still, going on without a saying. There was unspoken care in everything he did for Yeonjun, regardless if Soobin's love was returned, or if there was a possibility in that at all. Even then, Soobin was devoted, hopelessly in love.
Beomgyu sat back between Yena and Soobin. He sighed. "You're a hopeless idiot, Choi Soobin," he mumbled.
"I know."
So, they all sat side by side quietly. They watched as other students walked down the paths in the park. Something about their silence towards each other was strangely eerie and tense, even just for a couple minutes.
Therefore, Soobin surrendered. "Fine," he said as he stood up. He looked at his friends, eyes flat and devoid like he had no will to defend himself anymore. "What do you guys think I should do?"
"Confess?" Yena furrowed her eyebrows. "What else is there to do?"
Soobin widened his eyes. "I can't just confess out of the blue! That would be insane!" He almost yelled. "What if he doesn't want to be friends with me anymore just because I told him out of nowhere 'yeah, Yeonjun hyung, I've been in love with you for the last four years and it'd be nice to get closer to you and maybe for the rest of our lives!' He'd just look me dead in the eye and run!" He sighed and placed his hands on his hips. "It'd be like that one Patrick 'I love you' scene to a customer. He'd blow me off and shut the door in front of me." He pursed his lips, a bit sad.
"Then, we need to test the waters first," added Beomgyu, finally. He looked at Soobin, with a glint in his eyes. The glint in his gaze was not unfamiliar, but usually only used when he's bound to do his bad ideas that'd wreck worlds. "See if he's jealous." He wriggled his eyebrows.
"How?" Soobin crossed his arms on his chest. He knew there was no guarantee the next words that'd come out of Beomgyu's mouth would be sensible at all, but he's willing to listen.
Beomgyu grinned, like the menace he was. He looked at Soobin, then at Yena. "Noona, it's time to see if your hypothesis is true as well," he said.
Yena gasped. "Oh?" Then, she huffed, giddy. "Sure, why not? I have been waiting to test this theory." She turned towards Soobin, then grimaced, weirdly seemingly as evil as Beomgyu was. "Soobin-ah," she said in an overtly sweet way, "you're going to pretend you like me for the rest of this week in front of him. Since Yeonjun's very direct, then you'll see if he approaches you or not."
The idea itself wasn't so horrible, if Yena wasn't Soobin's cousin. "What? That's fucking incestual!" He groaned and rolled his eyes.
"Which is the goddamn reason why I want to test this out. Besides, it's just an act!" Yena stood up and borderline yelled. "He doesn't know we're cousins, and somehow he's always eyed on me peculiar every time we got close. It's time to test out if he thinks that I like you and if he's jealous about our closeness."
Soobin gulped. It really sounded reckless, but Yena's reasoning did sound a bit true. He noticed too how Yeonjun would get all worked up every time Yena leaned her head on his shoulder on accident. He sighed, downturned. "I'm a bad actor, guys," he replied. "I can't pretend to like you at all, noona."
Beomgyu stood up and smiled. He held Soobin's wrist and Yena's too. "Don't worry, Bin," he said. "Yena noona is a good actress, so all you have to do is endure her annoying cutesy acts. Try to hold back your laughter and nausea while she does her 'aegyo,' okay?" He just laughed when Yena stomped her feet while rambling about 'what do you mean by annoying?'
"Fine," replied Soobin. He didn't know what else to do then. "I'll do it."
The bell finally rang. It was cue for the rowdy students to rush their way out of their prison. Just some time before the would set and change into the night, everyone went out of their class, exhaustion wearing them out already.
"Hey, big bunny," greeted Yeonjun as soon as he met Soobin in the school lobby. He patted the younger boy's back and ruffled his hair. There was such a tenderness in his eyes that could not be mistaken. "How was your day? Sorry I didn't join you for lunch. Was a bit busy with those dance practice stuff."
Soobin smiled. His heart immediately softened the moment Yeonjun was around. "It was okay, I guess," he replied. "Just the usual. How was your practice, hyung?" He handed Yeonjun a bottle of cold water.
Yeonjun just grinned as he wiped away the sweat from his forehead. He immediately gulped down the whole bottle, seemingly quenching his thirst right away. "Good," he said. "Just the usual," he parroted Soobin. "I think our instructor wants us to go for the national battle or something."
"That's cool." Soobin knew Yeonjun was not just extremely talented, but also incredulously hardworking. He knew if Yeonjun had to make it to the nationals, he would've made it. "I think you'll do great." Soobin stuck his eyes on Yeonjun's, burying down the fact that he wanted to kiss those glossy lips right then.
"Yo, Soobin!" Beomgyu came up to the two suddenly. "I thought we were going back home together?" He turned to Soobin and winked knowingly.
It almost got Soobin deflated how he's supposed to put up an act. "Yeah, where's Yena noona?" He turned towards Yeonjun who looked at him with confusion. "Oh, yeah, I almost forgot to tell you that Yena noona and Beomgyu will be coming home with us, possibly not just today." He forced out a smile, but his heart dropped when he saw the twitch on the corner of Yeonjun's lips. They usually only drove home, just the two of them, and it's the only time of the day they could spend without anybody else's chatters.
"Oh?" Yeonjun just smiled awkwardly. "Sure, why not?" He gulped. "It's your car, so it's your choice." He looked down, before shoving his hands in his pockets. "Where's Yena?"
"Sup, Yeonjun," said Yena, suddenly appearing behind Yeonjun. She chuckled when Yeonjun flinched as he was startled, then stood beside Soobin. She pressed herself closer, and smiled towards Soobin. "Hi, Binnie!"
If being completely honest, Soobin wanted to puke. Yena's sparkly eyes and her over the top attitude was not at all what he expected. For Soobin, Yena was pretty, only because they're related and saying she's ugly would be an insult to their genes. Still, though Soobin couldn't help but feel grossed out that his cousin was doing all that. "Hey," he said, softly, forcing out a smile. When Yena blinked her lashes, Soobin tried to keep a straight face. "Should we get going?" The quicker it's all done, the better. He could feel Yeonjun's stare skinning him alive.
Yena nodded. "Sure," she answered. "Can you bring my bag though?" She tilted her head a little and clung on to Soobin's arm. "It's a bit heavy."
Frankly, for Soobin, Yena sounded more like a 'pick me' than flirting with him. Whatever. "Yeah, sure," he replied, playing along. He stole a glance at Yeonjun and his heart clenched when he saw Yeonjun looking away, as if purposively not wanting to watch Yena and himself. He took Yena's bag and hung it on his shoulder before walking down the way to the parking lot.
Beomgyu and Yena walked first though, seemingly indulging in talks about the new music their favorite girl group just dropped. Yeonjun walked the slowest, but it didn't seem like he was walking that way out of tiredness solely. So, Soobin slowed his pace and walked beside Yeonjun.
"Do you want me to carry your bag as well?" Soobin offered Yeonjun. But he only earned a nervous huff from the latter. He gulped, as Yeonjun still wouldn't meet his eyes.
Yeonjun snorted. "No need," he replied, finally looking at Soobin. "I'm fine. If you carried my bag as well, you'd have to carry Beomgyu's too to make it fair for everyone." He smiled, until his eyes crinkled.
"Okay," mumbled Soobin. He wasn't sure that was a truthful response, but he didn't want to pry further. He knew Yeonjun was exhausted enough, and digging it would just tire Yeonjun out even further. Still, he watched Yeonjun's steps. The tension was choking him. He tried to stop the itch to reach Yeonjun's hand and hold it.
Something about the way Yeonjun acted scared Soobin. Had he taken it too far? He couldn't speak to Yeonjun anymore, as Yeonjun would only speak very little during the whole ride. It's the way Yeonjun just gave up his usual front seat for Yena without asking, and told Soobin to drop him off first before everyone else, since 'his house is the closest to school.' It's the way Yeonjun refused to talk to Soobin too much, but still normally included himself a little in Yena and Beomgyu's discussion, though he didn't show signs of anger at all.
When they arrived before Yeonjun's gate, Soobin looked at the back seat. He caught the glassiness of Yeonjun's eyes, but before he could address it, he already said his 'goodbye's to Yena and Beomgyu. When Yeonjun was finally away in his home, Soobin felt dread.
"Should we stop this?" said Soobin as he leaned on the class window, feeling hopeless. "Yeonjun didn't reply to my text last night. I feel like he thinks he's being sidetracked." He gulped, stressed. "We always say 'good night' before we go to sleep..."
It was pretty early in the morning and none of Soobin's classmates were there yet, but Beomgyu, his desk mate somehow was already there. Even worse, Yena decided to tag along, sipping her breakfast of boxed juice, loudly on the desk in front of Beomgyu's. The two then looked at Soobin.
"Sure, but you'll have to ask him if he's jealous and confess right away," chimed in Beomgyu. When Soobin turned to look at him, he just shrugged. "If you feel the need to clarify, you'll have to reason with him, no?"
"Beomgyu's right," said Yena. "Honestly, I got the feeling that he was so jealous yesterday, but he couldn't bring it up. Still though, if you want to confront him, you'll end up having to say how you feel about him." She stopped sipping the last drips of her juice, then bit her straw. "Are you ready for that though?"
Yena's last question got Soobin. He knew he wasn't ready then, but still he didn't think he could last without breaking if Yeonjun kept his silent protest. "Not really," he replied, downhearted. "God. What do I do now? He probably doesn't want to see my face anymore."
Beomgyu snorted and rolled his eyes. "You're so dramatic," he said. "Death would come for him first before he stops wanting to see you." He scoffed.
"You know what?" Yena said after throwing away her juice box. "I'm planning to study with him and Yewon this evening in the library. However, I'm pretty sure Yewon will ditch us for her new boyfriend." She smiled as she looked at both Beomgyu and Soobin. "Just come around then and let's see how he reacts to you."
Soobin sighed. "You mean 'us'?" He didn't like how the word wrap around his tongue. He wished Yeonjun and him were the 'us' he meant.
Yena shrugged. "Yeah, 'us,' I guess," she answered. "I probably won't go as hard as yesterday, if you're worried about it, but you'd still have to sit across me. Otherwise, he'd be suspicious."
It was not difficult for Soobin to spot Yeonjun in the library. Maybe, Soobin was biased. Still, Yeonjun's brownish hair stuck out to him. And perhaps, to Soobin, no one glowed like Yeonjun under the harsh fluorescent lights of that library.
Yeonjun was sitting with his head on his palm on the desk, with brows furrowed on his forehead. He looked like he was holding out for dear life. On the other corner of the table was Yena, also looking like she's about to die from the material in her book. They both simply looked like they were ready to vanish.
Soobin heard from Yena that they were going to study Maths and he knew that Yeonjun did struggle with it. Sure, Soobin was totally fine with senior math, even as a junior, but he also understood how his friends hated the lessons and had some difficulties understanding it. Right then, he just felt worried for Yeonjun. "Can I sit here?" He asked and when he met Yeonjun's eyes, his chest felt tight. He smiled.
"Sure," replied Yeonjun. He turned to look at Yena, then back at Soobin. "That seat's also empty," he said, pointing at the seat beside Yena. Something bitter laced his sentence.
Quickly, Soobin had to make up a lie for a reason. "This seat has... better lighting," he said, stupidly. He pulled the chair and began unpacking, before Beomgyu joined them and sat beside Yena. The whole time, he felt shivers all over his skin when Yeonjun stared at him. "What were you studying?" He took a peek at Yeonjun's laptop. "Calc?"
Yeonjun sighed and nodded. "Yeah, calc," he replied reluctantly. "Professor Kim assigned us these fifty equations of practice for our upcoming exam nest week. Truth is, no matter how much I understand derivatives and logarithm, when combined with trig, nothing is ever understandable." He huffed humorlessly.
Soobin squinted his eyes. Slowly, he scanned the questions, examining each one and determining if those were doable. The equations seemed pretty simple to him. "Let me help you out," he said, as he scooted closer towards Yeonjun. Right then, he could smell Yeonjun's flowery cologne and he wanted to drown in it. "Are you stuck in this part?"
"Y-yeah," stammered Yeonjun as he nodded. It was so warm when their breaths were so close to each other. He stole a glance at Yena, who was busy figuring out what she should do with her own equation, before looking back at his screen, as if trying to keep his body away from Soobin's arm circled around his. He swallowed and scratched the back of his ear. "This one doesn't make sense to me."
"I think," said Soobin as he grabbed a pencil and started writing on Yeonjun's scrap paper. "You should work out the ones in the brackets first. Then, try to change the denominator into something plausible, that could be simplified with the numerator. You can work this out now that both of these are in cos theta."
Instantly, Yeonjun's eyes widened and brightened. It's like a crop in a dry season after being drenched in a sudden rain, like a blessing. "Oh, I get it!" He clapped in relief. "Thanks, Binnie," he said as he grinned and continued Soobin's writings.
When Soobin moved away to his own spot, his eyes were still glued on Yeonjun, like he was entranced, mesmerized. Something about Yeonjun's eagerness etched something within him. Perhaps, he's far too gone to simply call his affection towards Yeonjun 'a crush.' Or maybe, it was called a crush because it was crushing him how much he loved Yeonjun. His gaze softened, fond as he continued to watch Yeonjun deep in his work.
Suddenly, Beomgyu cleared his throat and Soobin was awoken from his thoughts. He started flipping pages of his history book, and picked out his highlighters. Yet then, before he could even touch his book, Yena nudged him using her foot. He raised his brows at Yena.
"Bin, can you help me with this one too?" asked Yena, sincerely. She pointed at a particular question that seemed too complicated, even for Yena, who's undoubtedly the smartest in the bunch. "It's really, ugh, how do I say it?"
Hesitantly, Soobin took Yena's book. He scrunched his nose when he felt like Yena was pranking her. The equation did seem long, but it was almost the same exact structure as the one he used to finish with her back when Yena was a junior. It didn't help when Yena was the one who helped him too back then, instead of the other way around. He looked at Yena with sharp eyes, while Yena just kept her composure and smiled softly.
"Here," said Soobin as he handed the finished answer towards Yena. He did it so quickly because the answer was stuck in the back of his mind. He tried to keep his calm and not to sound irritated, but instead warm and tender, towards Yena while he explained his steps. "I think we've done this one before, noona," he said passive-aggressively, hoping Yeonjun wouldn't catch the undertone, "so, if you're unsure of my explanation we can look into our old books."
Yena grinned. She looked adorable, if not for the fact that she just fluttered her eyelashes in front Soobin again. "Thanks, Binnie," she said.
Soobin tried not to snort at Yena. "No problem," he replied before going back to his work. He caught a glimpse of Yeonjun's clenched fist and tried his hardest to pay no mind to it. He pretended there was no tension between Yeonjun and him for the rest of the study.
Beomgyu and Yena had been chattering non-stop of the same topic they were talking about the day before. They walked way ahead of Yeonjun and Soobin. So, before Yeonjun decided to catch up, Soobin cleared his throat.
"Yeonjun hyung," said Soobin as he held out Yeonjun's wrist, before they stepped out to the parking lot. "Are you mad at me?" The sudden question that slipped out of his tongue startled himself too. "I mean, uhm, you didn't answer my text last night. You also didn't text me this morning."
Yeonjun looked at Soobin. He looked at Soobin as if Soobin had just said something so ridiculous. "I'm... not?" He nervously scoffed. "Where'd you get that idea from?" He looked back ahead, shaking his head as if Soobin was talking nonsense. "Sorry, Soobin," he apologized, "I'm just tired. That's all. I fell asleep right after you dropped me off yesterday and I figured we'd meet anyways today, so I didn't bother."
Soobin? The sudden calling of his actual name instead of his pet name caught Soobin off guard. "Oh." Besides, Soobin actually did not meet Yeonjun at all that day. It's like Yeonjun was actively avoiding him like a virus. They didn't meet at break nor at lunch and didn't relay any messages of his whereabouts, and it seemed like he disappeared without a trace, because Soobin somehow couldn't find him no matter how hard he tried to seek him. If not for the fact that Yena asked him to tag along to the library that evening, they wouldn't even be around each other then. Still, Soobin didn't want to pry, afraid he'd just burden Yeonjun even more. "Okay," he said, sadly. He sighed.
"You're still coming tomorrow to the zoo, right?" Yeonjun asked Soobin. They had been long planning to go to the zoo for a little refreshing, especially since Yeonjun and Yena's senior year was ending pretty soon. "Or do you have plans with Yena? Saturdays are usually best for going on dates."
Soobin looked at Yeonjun. "I'm coming," he answered. "I don't have plans with Yena. We've planned this group trip for so long now. What are you implying?"
"Oh, nothing," replied Yeonjun. "I just thought of that, because Yewon ditched us for her boyfriend this evening. It's no big deal." He forced out a smile at Soobin, before fastening his pace to walk towards Soobin's back seat.
The entire ride, Yeonjun didn't speak. Soobin didn't either, in fears of only triggering Yeonjun, instead. Once, Yeonjun left, Beomgyu and Yena only looked at each other in concern. Meanwhile, Soobin played Ariana Grande's "My Everything" in loop.
"Alright, you're figuring this out by this afternoon," said Yena. She took a sharp breath as she buckled her seatbelt. When Soobin started driving, she held Soobin's arm. "Soobin-ah," she said, worry underlying her tone, "we only promised to test it out until today. Has he talked to you yet?"
"No," answered Soobin shortly. His eyes were on the street and he's trying his hardest to not bawl out. His whole body was shaking. "What if he hates me now?"
Yena shook her head. "No way," she replied. "He's just suddenly overwhelmed. Once you both sort it out, I can come clean to him and tell him it's my idea." She gulped. "I think he loves you so much that he's scared to break your heart," she stated, "and he broke his own heart in the process."
Could that be why Yeonjun was avoiding him like a plague? Could that be the reason why Yeonjun didn't want to talk to him, even through chat? He couldn't keep on hiding behind that mask of a plan, like a coward. He'd done enough damage by doing the cowardice roundabout way. "I love Yeonjun hyung, noona," he said. "I really do. I never meant to hurt him." When Yena squeezed his arm, he gulped down his sob.
"I'm sure he knows that," consoled Yena, "and I'm sure he loves you a lot too, Bin. He'll understand once you tell him the truth."
Soobin stifled his sob and paused as soon as they arrived at Beomgyu's house to pick Beomgyu up. He looked at Yena, and it felt like his whole world had collapsed. Those two days with barely Yeonjun in it was pure torture for him. He knew being overtly dependent on someone was not a good thing, but he's not relying all of himself to Yeonjun. It's just his feelings were heavily affected by Yeonjun. Truth was Soobin was so in love with Yeonjun that he's afraid he wouldn't be able to handle the emptiness after the rejection.
Finally, Soobin cried his heart out on Yena's hold. Even then, with his whole body convulsing, he only felt more afraid. He never wanted anyone that much, never loved anyone that much. It's too much for Soobin then. Vibrating in her arms, he could only feel Yena rubbing down his back. Even though Soobin had already grown a lot, perhaps to Yena, he's still her baby cousin.
"Soobin, look at me," spoke Yena, as he pulled Soobin away. "You'll do well, okay? I know this feeling is new and it freaks you out with all the worst possibilities occupying your head, but everything will be fine. Yeonjun will love you just as he always did." She smiled.
"And if he doesn't?"
Yena shook her head. "Then, you'll take your time and find your way back to be friends with him," she said. "I'm pretty sure that won't be the case, but know that he won't hate you, okay? You know him the most, Bin. Yeonjun isn't that kind of guy." She smiled, and briefly her smile reminded Soobin of how pretty Yeonjun's smile was.
The realization of how much he loved Yeonjun had come in the most inopportune time. Still, he had to say it out loud. He didn't want to continue holding a misunderstanding with the man whose image was carved on his chest. "Okay," he said, abruptly wiping away his tears. "Thanks, noona."
"Good morning, chauffeur and princess!" Beomgyu greeted loudly as soon as he went in with all his over the top attributes in the car. It definitely didn't occur to him that Soobin's face was flushed from tears. He just turned on the radio and reclined himself on the back seat, seemingly full of energy in his awful bear patterned Hawaii shirt. "Off to Yeonjun hyung and to the zoo!"
The zoo was, thankfully, not that packed of people that day. It was not too hot nor too humid as well, so the weather was bearable enough to walk around outdoors as they looked at the variety of animals. Besides, the zookeeper in the entrance knew Beomgyu and told him that that day was their lucky day, since none of the areas were under maintenance nor were the animals were being treated for sickness, so all the animals were around to be seen.
But Soobin was a bit skittish. Yeonjun still refused to look at him and so he had to mostly walk around with Yena, while Beomgyu accompanied Yeonjun. A part of him was glad that Yeonjun still had Beomgyu, but upon learning he was a tad bit replaceable did sting him a bit. The whole walk, he fiddled with the hem of his shirt, while his eyes continued to trace Yeonjun whenever Yeonjun went unnoticing of him.
Yena, seemingly sick of Soobin's nervousness, just took Soobin's hand to hold, like a toddler, and guided him while they walked around the zoo. Sometimes, she'd point at particular animals that seemed intriguing and tell Soobin unique and funny stories she knew about those animals. Still, she always ended rolling her eyes and sighing, since Soobin barely responded with anything but anxious laughter.
"Look, there's the pandas!" Beomgyu excitedly tugged Yeonjun. Since pandas were in the family of bears, they're also included in Beomgyu's favorite animals. Besides, Yeonjun also loved pandas, and at the mention of it, he seemed to cheer up a little.
Soobin and Yena followed closely behind. Neither wanted to lose sight of the more excited bunch, but Yena was out of breath and Soobin was... spiraling mentally. Therefore, once the two arrived at the panda enclosure, they immediately sat on a bench nearby.
From afar, Soobin watched as Beomgyu took pictures of Yeonjun. Looking at Yeonjun's wide smile, he couldn't help but think of how glad he was that Yeonjun was happy surrounded by the pandas. He wondered briefly if Yeonjun could feel an ounce of the same happiness when he's around him. Pandas were his favorite animal, but was Soobin Yeonjun's favorite person?
Yena nudged Soobin's knee. She looked at Soobin as if signaling to not cry. She seemed really worried.
But, Soobin immediately shook his head and forced out a smile. "I'm fine I swear," he lied, "I just really like that look on Yeonjun hyung's face. He's pretty all the time, but prettiest when he's happy." He grinned when he saw Yeonjun posing beneath Beomgyu's phone and for a brief second, their eyes met. The sharp stab immediately pierced through his chest the moment Yeonjun looked away without smiling at him. "I'm glad the pandas and Beomgyu could make him happy."
A smile bloomed in Yena's face. She probably didn't buy it, but she didn't say anything regardless. She looked back at their friends, who then approached them after taking billions of pictures. Yena stood up. "Guys, I'm so tired and thirsty and I left my bottle in the car," she said as she looked at Beomgyu, "does anyone want to go buy drinks with me?"
Beomgyu nodded immediately. "Sure," he answered, giddy. He turned to Yeonjun. "What about you?"
"Ah, my old joints are taking a toll on me," replied Yeonjun jokingly. "I'll just wait around here."
"Okay, then can you take care of our bags and stuff? They're kind of heavy," said Yena. When she earned a nod from Yeonjun, she grinned. "Thanks, guys. Come on, Bbabang!"
"Are you not coming with them?" asked Yeonjun as he sat beside Soobin. He left enough space between them, as if not keen on touching Soobin at all. Still, he forced out a beam.
Soobin looked at Yeonjun, pretending not to be nervous at all. "Oh, no," he answered. "I'm kind of tired too."
They both stayed silent for a while then. It was awkward, especially since the are was quite quiet as well. It would be nice if the silence were just filled with watching pandas eating bamboo shoots, and not filled with some kind of tension they both couldn't bear.
"Are you mad at me?"
"Are you dating Choi Yena?"
The sync startled them both as they looked at each other. Soobin pursed his lips and gulped. "You go first," whispered Soobin, timidly.
"Why would I be mad at you?" asked Yeonjun, voice a bit too high pitched to not be lying. "It's just-" He paused for a while. He looked away, eyes wandering off the panda enclosure. "I'm kind of disappointed you didn't tell me you were dating Yena." He paused again. "It's like I'm not your best friend whom you tell everything about anymore," he explained before turning towards Soobin again. "I was just wondering if I mattered to you at all anymore."
Oh. "Are you... jealous?" Soobin finally embraced himself to ask. Because that's what he had been waiting for all along, right? That's the answer he was looking for, right? Something within him wavered though.
Yeonjun blinked. The tip of his ears were flushed. "I'm not," he said. "I just- I'm not jealous. Who am I to be jealous of you?" He huffed dryly, hands gripping the edge of the bench as he looked away. "I'm just your friend. I'm not allowed to be, no matter how much I like you." His breath shuddered. "It's your right to shift your attention away from me. I'm not entitled to anything."
Oh. Soobin's heart dropped. So, Yeonjun wasn't jealous all along. He got his answer, right? "Okay," he said, voice shaky. "I'm not dating Yena noona, by the way." He finally clarified. "She's my cousin. I was just trying to know if you'd be jealous or not." Soobin deflated, leaning on the bench with glassy eyes. He'd lost everything, right? But he had to stay strong. It's not Yeonjun's fault if Yeonjun didn't like him back or anything-
"What?! Yena is your cousin?" Yeonjun stood up and widened his eyes instantly. "Why didn't you tell- fuck!" He stood before Soobin, who was cowering like a homeless puppy, shivering from the rain. "Choi Soobin, you are an idiot."
"I know," replied Soobin. He sighed and looked down, as his tears almost fell. "I'm sorry I took the stupid cowardice roundabout way just to find out if you like me the way I like you and-"
"No, like, I mean you're a hopeless idiot," interrupted Yeonjun. He cupped Soobin's face and forced him to look at Yeonjun. "Look at me, Choi Soobin."
Looking into Yeonjun's eyes was pure torture. How could it not be? Soobin knew there was no romantic attraction even in that fondness-
But Yeonjun kissed Soobin. He kissed Soobin hard, and perhaps not in a very experienced way. Yeonjun pressed his lips against Soobin, as if just to let Soobin know of how he felt. Right then, Yeonjun felt like he was mad and weirdly happy at the same time. When he pulled away, "That's my first kiss, Soobin." His hands still cupped Soobin's face, who looked entirely in disbelief. "I've been in love with you for god knows how long. Of course, I'm jealous, but there's nothing I can't do if you don't like me back."
"You were?" Soobin blinked, still in shock. His whole body was shaking even harder. It was his first kiss too.
"Soobinnie, do you think I'd kiss random people? You know I'm a huge romantic before anything," said Yeonjun, bursting with frustration. "Besides, I never texted you because I thought I was the only one harboring the feelings and I didn't think I could stand still being friends with you while you were with someone else, when I'm in love with you!" He borderline yelled as he crouched before Soobin, then gave up and sat beside the boy. He took a deep breath. "I kept on thinking if that should've been me sitting beside you, holding your hand, laughing and joking around. I kept on thinking if you could belong with me to, Binnie. But I'm just your friend."
Soobin gulped. He felt guilty for not knowing the signs. Or perhaps, for knowing, but doubting the truth, because he didn't think Yeonjun could love him that way. "I'm sorry, Junnie hyung," he whispered as he turned at Yeonjun. He was determined to fix it. "We can stop being just friends now, right?" He gulped as Yeonjun turned to him. "We can be more than friends. I can be your boyfriend, if you want me to be."
For a second, Yeonjun looked at him dead in the eyes. His lips quivered. "You're not lying to me, right? You actually want to be my boyfriend?"
"I've been dying to," answered Soobin. "I have been thinking of it for the past four years, but I couldn't bring myself to say it. I didn't think I'm the right fit for someone like you." For Soobin, Yeonjun was someone too beautiful to grasp. He didn't know the boy who was sitting beside him then, face to face with him, could be reached more than just physically.
"You have always been, Binnie," answered Yeonjun. "The only one who could be the right fit. The only one who makes me the happiest." He smiled softly as he tucked Soobin's wrist and pressed it close to his heart. "It's funny how cliche this sounds but it has always been beating for you. You're the only one who I want to have me, Bin." He paused. "I love you a lot."
That time around, Soobin was the one who reached first. His hand moved away from Yeonjun's chest to Yeonjun's cheeks. Slowly, he let his lips brush against Yeonjun's. It was not something to drive them to another point of intimacy, but a sealed promise. "I love you too," he said as he rested his temple against Yeonjun's.
"Be my boyfriend, Bin," spoke Yeonjun as he pulled away reluctantly. He gripped Soobin's wrist, as if not wanting to let go. "Hmm?"
A smile finally blossomed on Soobin's face. "Okay." His thumbs under Yeonjun's eyes, Soobin knew he needed nothing more when the whole world was in his hands. When Yeonjun's smile bloomed too, Soobin could feel his heart clench in happiness. He grinned as Yeonjun laughed when a cherry blossom petal flew and mistakenly fell on Yeonjun's face.
And perhaps, not everything was perfect. But things could begin anew. And perhaps, there was hope, after all, and love could win, over and over again.
"Oh, yeah, finally," said Beomgyu as he gave Yena a hi-five. Usually, public displays of affection would gross him out, but who cares when he's sick of the pining lovebirds? He grinned as he sipped his iced tea. "I win."
"No, we win, twin. Remember?" Yena crossed her arms on her chest, grinning proudly. She turned to Beomgyu, then stole a sip of Beomgyu's drink. When Beomgyu was about to complain, she just paused him with a palm of her hand. "Hey, I think I deserve the drink too when I helped us to get that free dinner for helping them get together."
"There's no way we can retort money from Yeonjun hyung."
"There's way we can retort from Soobin though."