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"We need to transition Rodimus onto a new energon blend."
Ratchet had Roddy on the scale, jotting down some notes onto a datapad. Drift had joined him in the medbay for Rodimus' monthly checkup and was politely sitting at Ratchets desk with the chair swiveled out to face him.
"He's up to 200 pounds and will need to be switched onto a more mineral rich blend to encourage sparking." Ratchet scooped Rodimus up off of the scale and dumped him into the nearby play-pen, prompting a beep of joy and and a fast waddle over to the closest chew toy. "Then maybe this whole mess can finally be over."
Drift hummed, watching as a maroon lump of metal pounced his fat body onto a little toy truck, a replica of Optimus in his altmode, not truly listening to Ratchet.
"It'll be a gel formula, so one of us will need to servo feed him. And he'll need a bib. Maybe a high chair as well."
That made Drift look up. Roddy in a high chair? Roddy in a bib? Roddy in a bib and a highchair?
Perceptor dropped by their quarters about 2 hours later, highchair and bib in servo.
The highchair was simple, a tall lattice frame with a miniaturized seat at the top, complete with a hinged tabletop attached to the front that could be lifted to set a sparkling in the seat and clicked in place to keep them there.
The bib was not so simple. It was neon pink and yellow, with thick, blue, block letters on the front that spelled 'Daddy's Little Super Star!'. The star was an actual pictograph of a yellow star with 5 points. It had rainbow fringe.
Drift and Ratchet glanced up at Perceptor simultaneously.
"Do not ask me, Brainstorm insisted on making the bib himself. It was a gaudy bib or a highchair with fireworks welded into the legs. I pick my battle wisely." Perceptor set the highchair next to the energon dispenser on the counter before walking out the door and giving farewell, leaving the hideous bib tucked into the seat.
Ratchet started over and plucked the bib up, staring in mild annoyance and disgust. "This nonsense with human clothing is getting out of servo."
Drift chuckled, "Just think of all the stupid pictures we'll get to show him once he's back to normal." With that, he tugged the bib out of Ratchet's servos held it up for himself.
Dear Primus, it really was awful. He couldn't tell when Perceptor was holding it, but the lettering on the front was embossed with glitter.
Drift spun on his heel to drop the bib on the counter before turning to face Ratchet. "I wake the beast and you mix the energon?"
Ratchet sighed and nodded, raising a servo to pinch his nose. "Why do I feel like this is about to go horribly wrong?"
"This is the Lost Light," Drift smirked, "When don't things go horribly wrong?"
With that, he waved the door to the berthroom open and crossed the foot of the berth to the little alleyway between the edge of the berth and the far wall, revealing a little round crib, piled high with pillows and blankets of all colors and textures.
Nested deep within, a not-so-little round bean of a sparkling was tightly curled into a ball on his stomach, only little yellow horns sticking out from the top gave away where his helm sat. Drift smiled, ghosting a light digit down the gray stripe of Rodimus's back. With a wiggle and a little purr, a maroon helm emerged from the ball, two wet, teal optics blinking in the darkness of the room.
"Have a good nap, sweetspark?" Drift asked, reaching his servos down to cuddle Roddy close to his chassis.
Rodimus yawned in response before snuggling his crest into Drifts armor.
"Oh, I think we really did, huh." Drift slowly padded back to the door, giving himself some time to soak up this cuddly, affectionate version of Rodimus before he inevitably lost his mind for lunch.
In the main living space, Ratchet was vigorously mixing a small cube of pink energon, various supplements and powders littering the counter top before him. The normally liquid substance had taken on a smooth, jelly texture, and a small spoon sat on the counter as well.
Drift deposited his cargo into the new highchair, unlatching the tabletop and setting Rodimus down on his aft, his back legs sticking out and his front reaching up for Drift as he rose up. Nimble servos caught the fabric straps dangling off the seat and buckled them across Rodimus' round belly. The tabletop was lowered back down and clicked into place, allowing Rodimus to set his front legs upon it.
Rodimus looked down in confusion, twisting his round helm this way and that, exploring his new environment. He tapped his legs on the table, then again, then louder, then over and over as loud as he could while happy, giggling beeps filled the air.
Drift smiled and grabbed a quick photo of the moment with his HUD. He then snagged the bib and secured his around Rodimus' fat neck, before pulling away.
Rodimus was taken slightly aback by his newest accessory, but quickly adapted by attempting to push the bib into his intake to chew on. Drift chuckled lightly at the sight, watching as Roddy tried to use his minuscule nub legs to shove the bib towards his face. He grabbed another photo and nudged Ratchet to look.
Ratchet just rolled his eyes and set the cube down on the tabletop with a thumb.
"Alright, you little scraplet, who wants lunch."
Rodimus quickly caught the scent of fresh energon and abandoned his bib to try and crawl out of the chair to dunk his helm in the cube, but was quickly thwarted by the straps. He whined, high and piercing, scrabbling against the metal of the chair.
"Cool your jets, flyboy, fuel's not going anywhere." Ratchet grumbled, snatching the spoon off the counter and walking over to stand in front of the highchair. Drift moved over to allow him some space.
Yanking a chair over, Ratchet flipped it around and sat with his chest to the backrest, spoon in one servo, the other snatching up the cube. "Now, this is a new energon blend and its going to taste a little different. I don't want to hear any whining or complaining, understood?"
Rodimus writhed and wriggled in his chair, little legs waving in the air, pathetic whimpers leaving his intake.
Ratchet sighed and scooped up a small spoonful of new blend, bring it towards Rodimus' intake. Rodimus stretched his jaw as wide as possible, showing off his rows and rows of teeth, before the spoon was poked into his intake. He closed his jaw around it and Ratchet yanked out the spoon before it could disappear down his throat.
Rodimus paused, chewing lightly with quiet smacks and a contemplating look on his face. Ratchet sat back slightly and Drift crossed his arms in anticipation.
Rodimus swallowed and smacked his derma. Drift relaxed and Ratchet leaned back forward, ready to scoop another spoonful up. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad!
But no, it would be so bad. Rodimus' face scrunched in disgust, giving his caretakers a brief second to cover their audials before a deafening scream rang through the room and doubtlessly into the hallway. Fat tears of lubricant welled up in huge optics and ran down chubby cheeks while the horns of Rodimus' helm flopped down in misery as he sobbed all the while.
Drift shot forward and attempted to liberate the screaming bitlet from his makeshift prison before being bodily shoved back by his conjunx.
"No! He needs to learn to eat this or else he'll never spark and we'll be stuck with a tiny amica for the rest of our lives." Ratchet bellowed, drowning out the suffocating sobs of Rodimus. He turned back towards the sparkling, an only slightly sadistic smile on his face. "So you're gonna be a good bot and eat all your energon, or else I'm gonna lose it!"
With that, Ratchet sat back down in his chair and piled another scoop of energon onto the spoon. Rodimus looked up, intake puckered and wet tears still streaming down his cheeks. He was trembling slightly, and Drifts spark cracked a little.
Ratchet brought the spoon towards him, wiggling it enticingly. "C'mon you little slagger, eat up."
Roddy's optics clenched shut as he pushed back from the tabletop and as far away from the spoon as possible. He whined loudly when Ratchet brought the spoon to poke at his derma, tilting his helm back even farther.
Ratchet cursed and reached a digit in to tickle under Rodimus' neck, causing him to briefly stop crying as a giggle escaped his intake. As soon as his intake opened, Ratchet shoved the spoon in and yanked it back out once Rodimus' intake closed around it.
For a brief moment, Ratchet reigned victorious and Drift felt a sense of relief. But Rodimus quickly realized what had happened and spat the energon back out with an angry cry. It splattered over his face and onto the bib and highchair. Tears began to flow again and his helm horns tucked back in anger, the whole pathetic image exaggerated by the neon pink energon staining the both his face, legs, and that ridiculous bib.
Ratchet cursed and slammed the cube and spoon down onto the tabletop of the highchair as he stood up from his own perch. The slam startled Rodimus even more, prompting bigger tears and even more dramatic sobbing. The combination of disgust, betrayal, anger, and fear meant that he was shaking enough to rattle the whole highchair as hiccuping sobs echoed throughout the room. Little yellow legs frantically pawed at the air, begging to be picked up and soothed.
Unable to take it anymore, Drift swooped in and unlatched, unbibbed, and unbuckled Rodimus, tucking him up underneath his chin, quietly shushing the hysterical sparkling.
"It's okay, it's okay baby, I know, I know, it's so hard being little, isn't it." Drift bounced Rodimus up and down as nub legs came up to knead on his chassis. Little hiccups erupted as the sobs died down. "Did that mean old medic scare you so bad you started crying?"
Ratchet huffed and started to defend himself but Drift shot him a look and he quickly shut up. Drift continued to rock and bounce Rodimus until the crying had stopped and Rodimus was largely calm. Pulling the bitlet away from his chassis, Drift drew a cloth from his subspace and wiped the excess energon from a small gray face and even smaller yellow legs.
"So, a new tactic is clearly needed." Drift spoke to no one in particular (Ratchet).
Ratchet huffed, "In my day, sparklings took their energon without complaint. If they didn't want it, they didn't eat."
"Ratchet, we both know that's not true," Drift said, rolling his optics. "Is there anyone else on board with experience feeding a sparkling?" He tried to think of any of the more 'homely' bots on the ship. "Tailgate, or Swerve, or…"
An idea swept through his processor. A scene from a human sitcom he had seen during a post-shift drink at Swerves.
Ratchet glanced up at his sudden silence. "Swerve, or…?"
"Hang on, I have an idea." Drift dropped the cloth onto the counter, then unlatched the tabletop once more. Rodimus whined slightly at being set back into the highchair, but Drift quietly soothed him with a kiss to the forehead as he re-buckled the straps and set the tabletop back down.
"Drift, I'm not sure what you're thinking but-"
"Shush, I got this. I saw it on a human television show once." Drift spooned up some energon.
"Oh well if the humans thought of it." Ratchet grumbled.
Drift ignored him, instead buzzing his derma and humming a flat tone. "This is flight bravo-romeo-alpha-tango coming in for a landing, over." Drift buzzed his derma again and flew the energon-ladden spoon through the air. "Will the airport please open the hangar for landing, over."
Rodimus' intake opened slightly in awe as wide optics tracked the spoon through the air.
"Tower, I see the hangar has been opened, prepping the plane for landing, over." With a final buzz, Drift brought the spoon to Rodimus' intake and popped it past his derma. Rodimus giggled around the energon and happily swallowed, babbling all the while. His little arms smacked against the tabletop in delight.
Drift swiveled around to shoot his conjunx a smirk.
Ratchet had one hand cupped over his jaw, optics wide with shock. Drift smirked even wider. Out of the corner of his optic, Drift could see that Rodimus was waiting for more fuel with his intake wide open.
"Maybe the humans had a couple of bright ideas, huh." Drift teased, turning back to scoop more energon.
Ratchet only huffed.
"I'm not making those ridiculous noises every time he gets hungry."