Chapter Text
I had made peace with my death three separate times.
The first one had been a lie to make Rocky feel better, the second had been my decision to abandon earth and go back for Rocky, and the third was that I was going to grow old and die on Erid. That was a lot of peace making. Technically I felt no peace the first time… but I still counted it because I did genuinely think I was going to die. The second time- I saw it as a simple fact. 2 + 2 = 4, For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, and I would go back for my best friend in the entire universe.
And the last one I was still living through. I was alive and healthy and happy on Erid, I felt incredibly at peace with being here the rest of my life. I had a house, a beach, students, a best friend, and all the synthesized meat made of my own body I could want.
Sure the gravity was giving me arthritis far too early, and I still had a lot of lingering trauma from… well, all the traumatic stuff that's happened. Eridians didn’t really have mental health professionals, but talking it through with Rocky always helped. And of course there would always be things I missed about earth. I missed big libraries and small coffee shops. I missed flowers and street vendors and dogs in little sweaters and rainy mornings. That last one made me stop his sad earth daydreaming- Adrian was working on making rain for my bio dome. I might get that one back. I hoped they could make it warm.
I knew I didn't have much time left, maybe that's what got me thinking about the whole making peace with it thing. Death, that is. I'm probably… around 65 years old at this point? Maybe closer to 70. My bones creaked loudly and painfully all of the time, my skin was wrinkled but oddly enough had no discoloration or blotches like you'd expect from an old earth human. The artificial light didn't damage and age my skin like sunlight would have.
I maybe have a few more years of being able to move through my little beach enclosure freely, with the help of my cane of course. Maybe the Eridians could make me a wheelchair. Maybe they'd downsize to keep better care of me. Like sectioning off part of your living room for your decrepit 18 year old chihuahua. All this thinking happens while I get up and ready for the day.
I didn’t have class today, that meant waiting for Rocky to come visit. He mentioned he had some exciting news from the science and medical team- I wonder what marvel they had come up with next. The Eridians were an amazing and inventive people.
I sip my weird Eridian caffeine drink that definitely wasn’t coffee, but basically did the same thing. I also have some scrambled protein goop for breakfast (not eggs- but again, was basically made of the same stuff.) I look out the large window from my seat at the dining table. The sea looked like it always did and it was perfect.
There was a knock at the door. I didn't bother to get up, I was too old and we were too familiar for me to have to get the door.
“Come on in Rock!” I say a bit louder than my speaking volume, my voice strained just slightly from age. I hear the door open, close, then the happily familiar thudding of Rocky's claws across the floor.
“Are you still eating, question?” Rocky trills as he walks halfway into the room, almost hiding a bit as he waits for me to answer. Still conscious of eating customs- though around me he’s usually fine. As long as I don't eat too messily.
“Just finishing- one more bite!” I say as I scoop the last bit of cooked goop into my mouth and stand with my dishes, hobbling over to the sink as I chew and swallow my meal. I scrape the plate quickly and leave it in the sink with some water. Dishes can wait- I wanna hear what Rocky was so excited about the other day.
“Where is your cane” not really said as a question. Rocky sounded stern. Of course he noticed how slowly I was moving these days. He probably heard my joints screaming out in protest without the extra support. It's why he made it for me in the first place years ago. Didn't stop me from misplacing it.
“Oh it's around here somewhere…” I look around while leaning on the kitchen counter, then smile and shrug at Rocky. “Cmon I'm ok around the house-” I wave and push off the counter, shuffling towards rocky and then past him to the living room.
“Grace bones make the opposite of “ok” sounds..” Rocky grumbles as he follows after me and to his usual spot by the couch. He watches me anxiously as I meander my way to my seat. As I sit next to him with an oof, he calms and then taps his claws to the ground excitedly. Worry forgotten for the news he brought me.
“Eridian Scientists make big big big breakthrough for medical field! Already started this research before astrophage problem, put on pause until mission launch, now with star saved it has started again with new human knowledge!” rocky chitters with anticipation, I can tell he's trying not to do happy jazz hands until he's actually explained everything.
“You know we use human science to clone Grace muscle tissue for meat- was easy with your body's simple structure. Scientists now know how to do the same with Eridian cells !!!” He squeals and finally does a few energetic waves of his claws. My eyebrows shoot up. That is some serious science!
“Rocky that's amazing! It wasn't until the 20th century that humans figured out how to clone mammalian cells- You guys figured out how to clone your complex nonorganic structures already!?” I lean towards him more and smile, waiting for more info. My biologist heart hadn't beaten so fast in forever.
“Yes yes amaze amaze! And is not all!! Figured out how to combine DNA and grow Eridians in inert eggs- wanted to do this for Eridians who cannot lay eggs, or have unhealthy traits not wanted to give to kin, this is good good good for Eridian family! Major breakthrough!” It's been a while since I've seen him so happy. It was absolutely infectious. I couldn't help the bright hope that bloomed in my chest and warmed my entire being.
“That is a MAJOR breakthrough!! That Science hive is really incredible- doing some really great stuff with all the human tech. I'm so glad I could bring it here..” I sound more melancholic than I mean to- but Rocky still sings his agreement and bounces happily. “Has there been any children hatched this way? What's the success rate?”
“There have been two successful hatchlings made with DNA mixing- out of 6 inert eggs seeded! Scientists say success rate may be linked to good DNA matches- so are looking for more donors. Will soon be offered experimentally to pairings who have not had eggs hatch! Rocky happy happy happy” he wobbles side to side slowly before lifting an arm to me “Rocky again have more reason to be thankful for Grace.”
I reach out and hold his three fingered hand, the xenonite between us glassy but still comforting. “Aw c'mon rock- it was all the scientists back on earth that founded all the research-” Rocky chirps and shakes his carapace.
“If Rocky never meet Grace, Erid never saved, Eridians never learn about radiation or relativity, Never get this very good knowledge to keep advancing. Grace has done everything for Erid, for me” I can feel the heat in my face as emotion rushes through me. My eyes sting with tears- I’ve still got to live up to my leaky space blob title!
It's been a while since we've had one of these good emotional friend moments. I realize as tears streak down my cheeks how much I needed this. The pure tone in Rocky's voice cuts deep like always and makes me feel calm and welcome and so, so loved. I feel at home.
I can't really think of anything to say to that- and I don't feel the need to say anything. Rocky knows what I want to express just from my leaking. I lean down while pulling his arm towards me. He gets the hint quick and hugs me with a happy sounding hum.
After a moment he pulls away and I wipe my eyes. I look down at him and it's immediately clear that he has more to say. I am very familiar with Eridian body language at this point- probably more so than the actual language. There are just some tones on the low and high end that my ears can't pick up, so Rocky still has to reword some things and mess with the grammar for me. But I'd bet that if Rocky was completely silent and was just gesturing to me, I'd understand him completely. After a moment he decides to continue.
“Scientists work on more things related to DNA and hatchling growth” Rocky hums a bit quieter than before, shifting his weight. I immediately pick up on his nervous energy.
“Oh? Are you trying to keep some more cool discoveries to yourself..?” I nudge his arm jokingly then lean back, keeping my eyes on Rocky. What's got him so worked up about more medical breakthroughs?
“No- some scientists work on growing Eridian outside of egg, in viewable tanks, also working on expediting growth- make mature Eridian in very little time. Some tell Rocky that-” Rocky fizzles out with a low hum. He sure was thinking hard about how to talk about this particular line of experimentation. It was starting to sound pretty sci-fi to me. Images of green liquid in vats growing a lifeform inside pop into my head. But in real science it wasn't so dramatic- at least, I hope it's not. Maybe that's why Rocky is being so cautious bringing this up. Don't wanna freak out my human brain with weird alien cloning or whatever.
“Sounds interesting- you.. Wanna tell me more?” I tilt my head down at my friend, watching him fiddle with his hard claws and wobble back and forth.
“Rocky is nervous about telling Grace” Well that was obvious.
“Why-? Is it bad?” Rocky immediately perks up.
“No no no! Is not bad- just-“ he takes a moment, doing the Eridian equivalent of letting out a breath. “Rocky is very excited for technology. Happy for all of Erid. Scientists tell me something that… get my hopes up. Worried about Graces reaction”
“Is it something to do with me? My life here? Is that why you're nervous?” My voice is soft and sort of amused sounding- I can’t help it. Rocky cares so much for me. I can tell now that this is an excited anxiousness, news about how to make me more comfortable here always gets him like this. Although not to a degree that he stops in the middle of talking. Must be pretty big.
He hums a yes and settles a bit more, preparing to tell me what’s got him so worked up. I wait patiently, unable to stop my brain wondering what the science hive has been working on for me.
“Science Eridians tell me they are able to make Grace an Eridian body. Record then transfer memories and identity to crystalline structures of Eridian brain. Still testing, don’t know specific details, but… Grace could be Eridian someday. Grace could live full life on Erid”
Woah.
Wait what?
I stare at Rocky with a blank expression, still taking in what he said.
After a moment Rocky trills nervously in my stunned silence, reaching up and resting a claw next to my leg. I blink a few times as my face catches up with my thoughts, eyebrows raising. I can sense Rocky’s full attention on me.
“You can think about it for a long time- can ask Rocky questions. Can meet with scientists and ask many questions!” Rocky chirps with a bit of a waver. I can’t bring myself to say anything with all the thoughts racing through my head.
Thoughts like: not being able to see, no eyes, no mouth, no face. Living for hundreds of years longer than any human. Walking freely around the alien planet I’ve been living on. Speaking with other Eridians properly. Teaching my students more effectively. Being able to touch other living things…
My breath hitches at that thought.
Rocky’s xenonite suit is incredible, he can hug me pretty darn close while wearing it. But it’s not the same. I haven't touched another living being in.. my brain won’t let me do the math (which is saying something, my brain loves doing unnecessary math, even at my detriment.) All I know is that it's been a long time and that it’s not good for any human to be so deprived of touch.
I was surprised to learn that Eridians are very similar. They are social, hive-like beings. They have family groups and friend circles and work colleagues, and they show their love and appreciation for each other in a lot of ways- one being physical touch. Soft brushes on a limb for encouragement, gathering close to feel protected, and of course watching another sleep huddled against them or standing over them.
I've even seen Adrian and Rocky tangle their limbs together and lay down, humming the same note in unison like a two person thrum. Even looking like a rock pile, it seemed like a pretty cuddly rock pile. Thinking about joining all that, being a part of a community again, having the people I love hug me and lay with me and hold my claw-
Do I want this? I have yet another escape from my death. This time though, it feels a bit like cheating. Instead of slowly living out the rest of my life, I can abandon this failing body for a new one. But, it's not cheating. Its technology, innovation, medicine. Back on earth I wouldn't say that chemotherapy was cheating.
Rocky bumps my leg again to bring me out of my thoughts, and I realize with a shuttering breath that I've started crying again. He hums at me incredibly quietly, I can sense his worry just from the way he's standing.
This is big news.
“Wow that's um.. Sorry rock…..” I laugh with a huff and wipe my eyes quickly. I'm surprised at myself. I didn't know how much I wanted to keep living with Rocky until I had the option to. “That's really incredible.. And… It's a lot to think about.”
“Apology”
I still at the sad notes Rocky makes. “Whyr you apologizing? You know I'm just leaky” I chuckle a bit to lighten the mood, waiting for Rocky to get on my case about the wastefulness of human bodies or how gross I look. He doesn't say anything for a while.
“Rocky being selfish… Grace choice of course. But Rocky want grace to stay for a long time. Want want want you to stay with me. You are very important…” his last note warbles and he shifts closer to me. I barely manage to stop the third wave of tears from falling.
“I… I want to stay, Rocky… I would love to stay here with you.” I smile and take a breath, the logical side of my brain perking up “I'm assuming there is a lot of work that still needs to be done- probably a lot of research to be done on my brain. I'm up for it- I'm ready for whatever. Let's do it”
And the next few moments are filled with Rocky's ecstatic trills, my somewhat tearful laughter, and lots of hugs.
My best friend has saved me again.