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It’s all gone to shit, hasn’t it? Secret’s out, roaring’s on the horizon, and now you’re falling. Both of you are. You don’t really remember everything that happened, it all blurred together and how could it not with how fast it happened? You only remember the important things. Ralsei averting his eyes, Susie with a question that she asked everywhere but through her voice (‘it would’ve been better had she been angry,’ the words had read. ‘Or killed you,’ it then continued), and the coup de grâce that was The Knight pushing them down to godknowswhere, sending them to their current fate.
Whatever it is that Kris’ goal was or if this is even part of it, clearly something has gone very wrong. The fear in the words told you as much. You don’t know what they want anymore; you don’t know if they know what they want anymore. You could only guess how they feel with their front row seat to it all.
In the time you have to think all this, you are still falling—Kris is falling. They fall so you fall. Deeper and deeper and so long that you can no longer feel the rush of gravity. The inertia has set in for so long that you no longer feel you are falling. You are floating, sinking to the bottom of this sea devoid of color.
Even so, you still crash when you stop falling, with what must have been the force of a truck colliding with a wall. Or so you guess, staring motionlessly at your host who lay there face down. -999/241. You’ve seen those numbers before, only no one has been swooned this time. They’re just not moving anymore.
Slowly the words appear:
GAME OVER
GIVE UP GIVE UP
Kris has been especially secretive today, but for once they lay their feelings bare through the words presented to you. A part of you wanted to laugh. Oh, the consequences of my own actions. Who could have foreseen this coming? you mock them. They can’t hear you. Hell, if you could truly talk you still doubt they’d hear you. The catharsis grew old quickly. So you stay there and watch your motionless host. It still reads -999/241 besides the name Kris.
Well, it’s over. Nice try, Kris. Better luck next time.
But despite that, before you can think any more, you begin moving to the letters give up, but not in submission. You, little SOUL that you are, begin to push it away. It’s here that you once again start entertaining the question of what YOU really are. Are you your own being or Kris’ subconscious desire given independence? Is that even possible if Kris has already given up? You always held different goals from them.
Indeed, YOU haven’t given up.
YOU haven't given up for THEM.
You move the letters and they give, disappearing after you take your sight off of them to push away the others. The letters GIVE UP now having been rid of, the letters GAME OVER faded away to nothingness, leaving you and Kris in the dark. Okay, so giving up is no longer an option. Now what?
Kris is not showing signs of recovery, and you don’t think they will so you wander around the void until a twinkling light catches your eye. You lit up in recognition. Items! You knew hoarding them was going to pay off (though not like this.) You pick one up; Kris isn’t here to tell you what it is but they still have one way to do so.
You hover over to Kris and the distinct sound of healing rings.
-879/241
That would be Dark—now Darker (could it have been darkest?) Candy. Who knows how long you kept that in the inventory.
You go pick up another in a far off corner and bring it back.
-719/241
Spin Cake. Top Chef would be delighted to know how pivotal his cake has been. You make a mental note to tell him if—when you get back to castle town.
Another item now, this time hidden under Kris’ sword which had flung away from their hands.
-579/241
Deluxe Dinner. The antennas attach themselves to Kris’ head only to immediately fall. Guess it’s just not meant to be.
You keep scavenging. The items are becoming sparser.
-499/241
CD Bagel. It makes a nice sound as Kris eats(?) it.
This time you search high and low. It doesn’t feel like there’s anything left in your reach. You go left and left and left until somehow you push away part of the void. Something is there.
-99/241
Four hundred in one go. That could have been only one thing. You’re sure Asriel wouldn’t mind.
Somehow, an item has appeared by Kris’ side.
-89/241
Ah. The (former) Kris Tea. Alright, maybe hoarding doesn’t always pay off.
Now you trudge again, this time going forward. You go forward and never look back. One more is all you need. Forward and forward and forward until you no longer register that you’re moving. It’s the lack of stimulation that incites an epiphany: You care. This is not a choice, yours or theirs. You care and you cannot stop yourself and Kris cannot stop you. It’s why you still try for them even when they have nothing but contempt for the concept of you.
As one might call it: you are wracked with perverted sentimentality.
And just as you have in days prior by leaving no stones unturned through Kris, you embrace this fact. Perhaps now harder than ever before. You are a voyeur. You are a nuisance. You are only a necessity. And all of these are preferable to not having ever met Kris.
Although you went only one direction you arrive at Kris again. There is another item by their still body.
11/241
That could have been anything.
You hover over Kris and wait. Slowly they stir, then weakly they start moving. They sit up; they don’t say anything. You two stay in silence for what feels like hours. Oh, well. Back to the status quo of secrecy, you suppose. You can’t say you’re pleased, but there is comfort in something familiar and unchanging.
You try to go right in search of more items, but a hand stops you—their hand. Already? When has Kris ever been eager to put you back in control?
But that’s not what they do.
They take you to their chest and press you to it, but you’re not going in. That’s not what they’re doing. In measured movements their arms start to close, wrapping around—not against—you and it becomes clear to you what they’re doing just before the hug cinches in.
For once, you don’t know what to do. And not only because you can’t move.
And when their hug tightens and you start feeling the shaky and scared but also relieved breaths down your being you start panicking.
You think that this is not affection, it can’t be. You have started to accept in these five days that Kris would rather you not be here. You are at best a means to an end. You are not meant to be privy to this. You are not supposed to be anything to Kris.
At the bottom of the sea, you grasp the only thing you have left.
That’s all this is.
Surely.
It has been a minute and they still hold you tight. The hug is becoming suffocating in ways you don’t know a SOUL can feel.
You think of some lines to quench the feeling; most of them come up cheesy. Susie’s bridge may be burning but it’s still standing. At least The Knight didn’t cut your hand off. Hey, Noelle still hasn’t known about any of this yet. Mid tangent, you realize none of these sound all that comforting.
You now try to chastise. You were dumb for going along with that plan. And that’s okay. You did dumb things too at their age. Your friends are going to be furious. But they’ll learn to forgive. They’ll understand. You sure fell to literal rock bottom. So the only way is up.
Still, you can’t say any of them. You can’t tell Kris anything.
Your only answer is the sound of breathing.
In between deep breaths and heartbeats that only exist in your imaginary count, one thought springs to you above all others, one that you keep thinking and thinking. Maybe you’re hoping that it’ll reach them somehow because there are many things you’ve been wanting to say. Most of them can wait. Before it all ends you hope you can say them properly. But this is something you can convey only now and no other time:
It's going to be alright, Kris.
I’m not going anywhere.