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i'm gnawing on the knowledge that i have been burnt
L perched below Light, silvery sunlight painting her in desaturated colours. Her hands delicately trailed down from Light's heel to the center of her foot. She pressed into her smooth skin in circles, focused on nothing else.
i'm learning that i should've already learnt
"Will you miss me?" She whispers, pressing her lips to Light's shin.
"I don't know what you're talking about." She responded quietly, dragging a towel across L's face. L looks up at her, and her head is turned away, but her eyes linger, just not long enough for L to identify the emotions in her gaze.
"I know you're Kira."
everyone i ever knew was so kind and coy
"I just can't prove it to the others."
"Well, even if I were Kira, what's stopping you from apprehending me?"
"I have to win. You know this as well as I do," She chirps, lowering her head to kiss the bones of Light's ankles.
As L rose, Light took her chin in her left hand, her right entangled in her hair. Their eyes meet, and now she knows- Light looks at her with a murderous gaze, and yet there's still love behind it. Maybe in her perspective, death is the gentlest mercy someone like L deserves.
They kiss too fast and not soon enough. It feels like L has been waiting for this, and she's not sure for how long. They pull away, and Light cannot meet her eyes.
i was with a girl, but it felt like it was a boy
She goes back to drying off L's hair, and as she covers L's ears, she whispers something.
"I will miss you."
That night, L sits hunched over with her stomach tangled into a sailor's knot. It will happen soon. She studies the empty bedroom. She knew this day would come ever since she interviewed (interrogated? It's too hard to think.) Light. She expected something, like fear, anger, sadness. Now she only wishes to feel something. Anything would do, even a fit of tears.
Instead, it's like Light has carved a cavern into her heart. How she wishes that she would come along to fill that hole, whisper sweet, sweet nothings into her ear. To reach her hands around her body, trap her between her limbs, to have those hands on the back of her head once more.
L can almost imagine how it would feel. Laying on her side in bed, her left hand holding her close, legs crossed around L's hips, her right hand running down her spine. Her hands are warm, nails almost piercing.
Except she's alone. She misses Light's presence, from when they were handcuffed together. The jingling of their handcuffs, the rustling of the bedsheets, and her rythmic breathing. The absence of those mundane sounds are paradoxically deafening.
i cant even remember if we were lovers, or if i just wanted to
Three knocks at the door. "Ryuzaki?" Light calls.
L sluggishly approached the door, cracking it open first before letting Light in. She took a seat back on her bed.
"I missed you." Light mumbled, standing awkwardly in the doorway, arms crossed. They make eye contact. Her eyes don't have that searing quality, all hint of blood red replaced by a soft bronze.
"You can stay the night, if that's what's you want." Light closed the door, walking gracefully to L's bed. She sat down as if she had never left, laying close enough to L to feel her breath on her shoulder. "Why haven't you killed me yet?" L asks.
In that instant, her eyes changed. She shifted away from L. "Because I'm not Kira."
L reaches her hands around Light. It takes her a while to reciprocate, and even then, it feels fabricated. Like they're actors, performing for an empty house. No, they're performing for the sake of it.
but I held her in my arms, held her in my arms,
i held her in my arms, but it wasnt you
It would be easy now. To take Light into custody, have no one but the task force know. The killings would stop. And she can't bring herself to. If L called Watari in, even if she told Light it was to arrest her, she wouldn't run, wouldn't fight.
i will not kill the one thing that i love
in this world of wreckage, i look above
Light rests her head on L's shoulder, every breath echoing through L's body. Tears quietly stream from L's eyes. How could she have stooped so low? Light lifts her head, and grazes her hand against L's cheek, wiping away her tears.
help me lord, help me understand
what it means to be a girl, and what it means to be a woman
Would Light, the real Light, the Light who she had been handcuffed to, the Light who caught Higuchi, the Light who didn't hesistate hit L- would she have done this?
i cant even remember if we were lovers
Thinking too hard makes her sick. She comes to a conclusion: Light wouldn't have done this.
And for some reason, she smiles. Light smiles back.
"I wish I could have held you like this before," Light says.
"You're lying, aren't you?"
Light chuckles, and pulls L into a kiss. It's gentle but shallow. And for some reason, L settles for it.
or if i just wanted to
The next day, L sits in her chair, not touching her sickly sweet tea. The bells are loud. They're too loud. Every ring splits her skull in half, and her eardrums might burst. It's not suprising when her chest and shoulder burst into searing pain.
but i held her in my arms, i held her in my arms
Hoping she would see Light, the last thing L sees is Kira.
i held her in my arms but it wasnt you