Chapter Text
What am I doing here? Max is thinking as she is sitting on a sofa. Every now and then she glances over to Chloe who seems deep in conversation with a girl she met at this party. A house party Max did not want to go to but Chloe guilt tripped her until she said yes anyway. As usual she is unable to say no to Chloe’s antics. Parties really aren’t her idea of fun - she isn’t cool enough for them. But Chloe likes to go from time to time; to drink and mingle with people. Max doesn’t always need to come along and she’d prefer to be home.
She and Chloe have been friends as long as she can remember. It surprisingly lasted into their teen years, even as they got more different in personality. While Max is introverted and prefers to be by herself, Chloe has developed a taste for the rebellious. Not so much that she is in constant trouble. But she likes to drink and go out, smoke weed sometimes. Max thinks Chloe mainly is bored with her life. Often she talks about finally getting out of Arcadia Bay when she has finished school. At 17 now, it will still be a bit before her dream can come true. Max doesn’t mind, she likes being dragged on adventures if that doesn’t get her in trouble. And Chloe never pressures her into anything dangerous. They balance each other out well. Their friendship would be perfect if not for the tiny detail that Max has developed a huge crush on Chloe. Ever since she was 14, she noticed that her feelings were turning away from simply being platonic. That Chloe’s looks and affection started to give her a feeling in her stomach she later identified as butterflies. But she knows Chloe doesn't feel the same. So she keeps pining for her in silence, never confessing her feelings or even trying to initiate anything that could potentially cross into romance.
The thing is… Chloe is very affectionate; from hugs to holding hands to snuggling up on sleepovers - it is hard for Max to not get her hopes up. But she tells herself, that is just how their friendship is. And Chloe isn’t even into girls. They don’t talk about it much but Max knows Chloe has been on dates with guys. Of course she’d be popular - she is gorgeous. Long limbs, blue eyes, long blonde hair that frames her face. She might look like a preppy girl if it weren’t for her punk clothes. Always wearing a leather jacket and ripped jeans, tank tops with prints or band names. Max in comparison would describe herself as… plain. Just a shirt and regular jeans, hoodies; she dresses comfortably and simple. Chloe never seemed to mind; at least she has never tried to have Max ‘change her style’.
Broken out of her musings by laughter, she looks over to Chloe again. The girl she was talking with has moved in closer. From Max’s viewpoint it is clear the girl was interested in more than a chitchat. She totally is hitting on Chloe. It irks Max… Not just that the girl tries but also that she would never be bold enough to make a move on Chloe herself. Max looks at the drink in her hand. She already had too much to drink. Not trying to be a wuss, she had accepted what was passed to her, first a beer, then some clear liquid. Tequila or vodka or whatever. She doesn’t really know. She’s still holding half a glass full of it, just so people would not offer her more. She was at her limit. Not drunk, but too tipsy for her own liking. Not the fun kind of tipsy but the melancholy regretting your choices kind. Looking over to Chloe again she is studying the situation more intensely.
Max would have thought that Chloe was not interested in the advances from the girl. Chloe is straight, right? But what Max discovers, let’s a cold shiver run down her back. Chloe is flirting! She is smiling and leaning in, talking very animatedly and with a glint in her eyes. Max couldn't take it anymore. Drowning the last of her drink, she gets up and makes her way over to them.
"Hey, sorry. Uhm.. can we go outside?" Max says as she taps Chloe on the shoulder. Chloe looks at her, trying to assess the situation. Max tries to not let on she is jealous out of her mind and just came over to break this up before it could go anywhere. Was that wrong of her? Probably, but her eyes and especially her heart could not handle seeing Chloe kiss another girl. So Max looks at Chloe with pleading eyes.
"Yeah, sure. See you later, Steph." Chloe says, then grabs Max by the arm to make their way through the crowd and into the backyard of the house.
Leaning against the wall, relieved and breathing in the crisp September air, she says "Sorry I interrupted you guys, I just really needed some air." Chloe knows Max can get overwhelmed with crowds and often just needs a breather. Max hopes that she’d assume this is such a situation… and not the thing that actually bothers her.
"It's fine, Maximus. I got her number, so..." Oh shit, this might be worse than Max thought.
"Oh, you did?" She tries to ask nonchalantly, as if she just is making small talk between friends.
"Yeah she asked me to hangout some time." Chloe says it so casually, Max isn't sure what to make of it, she keeps digging. "And you agreed?" She asks, though the answer is obvious. "Sure, why not? Steph is cool." From what she saw, that is true. Steph is definitely cool, so cool in fact it makes her dislike her because she can see how Chloe and her would get along well. "As like... a friend thing?" Max starts her inner prayer: please don’t be a date, please don’t be a date, please don’t be a date…
Chloe shrugs. "We'll see." That was not the answer Max was hoping for. Why now, all of a sudden would Chloe even consider dating a girl? And why couldn’t that girl be Max? She pales at the prospect of Chloe getting a girlfriend… into a relationship with someone as cool as Steph. She couldn’t bear it. Her inner thoughts must have shown on her face because suddenly Chloe asks "Hey you don't look so good. I should probably take you home. Drink too much?"
Yes, she did drink too much… and not enough at the same time. Not enough to stomach her sudden jealousy and feelings of nausea when she thinks of Chloe dating Steph. Chloe is still studying her. Her face must be answer enough.
"It's fine, I probably shouldn't have handed you all those shots. You are a lightweight after all." Great, Chloe thinks Max feels guilty about drinking too much. Could this evening be any worse?
The answer is, yes it could. Chloe has driven them to her house since Chloe’s parents don’t really mind if they come home late. They are not as strict as Max’s parents hence why most of their sleepovers happen at the Price’s house anyway. Chloe has dragged her upstairs and into her room. Luckily Max is lucid enough so she can go change her clothes and brush her teeth before falling into Chloe’s bed. They always shared a bed during their sleepovers - others may find this weird but for them there simply never was a time they did the separate beds or sleeping bags thing when they were together.
Max is lying on her back, looking at the ceiling of Chloe’s room that is basked in darkness. They didn't close the blinds so light from outside is streaming through. Enough for her to see Chloe’s shape lying next to her also still awake looking up. Max simply can’t help herself anymore, she has to ask.
"Do you like her? More than me?" Without the alcohol in her system she probably would have left that second question alone even if she wanted to ask it. It sounds too desperate, too needy. But it’s too late to take it back and she is almost glad it slipped out. If Chloe really was into girls as well, maybe it is time to fess up.
"What kind of question is that Max? You're my best friend. Of course I like you more." Max doesn’t know if Chloe actually misunderstood the question or chose to do so. Once started, she can’t let this go. "No, I mean - not in that way."
Chloe rolls over to her side to look at Max, she slightly pushes up so they can look at each other. Their faces are really close now. "Max, you're drunk. You should get some sleep." Chloe says softly, still not giving her an answer.
"I'm not that drunk. Chloe, I... " but words fail her. Chloe is looking at her so intensely, trying to suss out what is going through her mind. She looks so pretty in the dim light, hair slightly messy but her eyes still sparkling. Maybe it is the alcohol that makes her bold… or maybe she just has reached the end of her rope after years of pining for her best friend. Whatever the reason is, Max leans in to kiss Chloe. Her lips are soft and pliant, just brushing over each other in the dark. For a short moment Max thinks Chloe would be kissing her back. But then… Chloe pulls away. Max slowly opens her eyes, slightly in shock over what she dared to do. But she doesn’t feel regret. She can’t regret it because finally for once, she went for what she wanted. It doesn’t feel wrong or like a mistake. More than anything it felt like finally coming home.
Chloe looks into Max’s eyes, her face having an expression that Max can’t read. It’s anything but a good sign. Chloe moves to lie back to her original position, eyes staring at the ceiling. Not for the first time Max wishes she could just read her mind. Instead she is left staring at Chloe from the side. After what feels like forever, Chloe finally says "Sleep. We'll talk tomorrow, alright?"
"Yeah." is all Max can answer.
The next morning is… awkward. Max wakes up with a slight headache, having to orient herself. She really had too much to drink at that party and she swears to herself to never do that again, especially not out of pride. There was no one to impress anyway. Chloe is still sleeping beside her. Sometimes they wake up from a sleepover all tangled in each other but not today. The mood from the night seems to have taken over even in sleep. Max is unsure how to even face the situation but Chloe is her friend, she’s sure they can figure it out. She goes to the bathroom, to brush her teeth and get dressed in the clothes she brought over. Leaving the bathroom, she can hear Joyce making breakfast downstairs so she goes to join her. She really only looks sleepy, the parents shouldn’t be able to determine she was out underage drinking her sorrows away. It feels so normal, Max almost forgot what happened last night. She is reminded when Chloe comes down to join them. And Chloe is acting weird, not really looking at Max, not smiling, just silently eating her breakfast. If her parents pick up on the tense mood, they don’t comment on it. It’s Sunday so Joyce has the early shift in the diner while William goes to tinker in his garage. With only the two of them left now, it seems time to address the elephant in the room.
“So, uhm… about last night.” Max tries to start the conversation. Chloe finally looks at her but her expression is still unreadable.
“It’s fine dude, let’s just forget about it.” Oh, but what if Max doesn’t want to forget about it? What if she can’t put her feelings back into a box and pretend they don’t exist when she is around Chloe? And now Chloe looks at her pleadingly like she just wants her to agree and then they move on as if nothing happened. This is torture. “But…” she tries to protest but Chloe interrupts her.
“Max, we’re friends. That’s all it is. No harm done.” The rejection stings. Max doesn’t know how to handle it. She might be in shock but then she feels the tiny cracks, the emotions breaking through and she tries so hard to keep herself together. She has to get out of here.
“I need to go.” In a panic she runs up to Chloe’s room, grabs her bag and then beelines for the front door with a quick “Later.” thrown in. Chloe is not chasing after her, another sign how much she has misread everything. The tears start to fall as she makes her way home. Luckily they don’t live too far from each other, she only has to cross a few roads and she’s there.
Her keys were in her bag so she lets herself in - really hoping she won’t see her parents as she makes her way to her room. But she is not that lucky. She is almost at her door but her mom sees her. She can barely hold back her sob, her eyes are red and her whole face must be blotchy because she’s always been an ugly crier. Hoping to still make her escape into her room, she sprints to her door and closes it, then throws herself onto her bed. The tears don’t stop coming and anyone walking by her room must hear her sobs even though she tries to keep it down.
Her room door opens, she hears footsteps and then feels a hand on her back. Her bed is dipping as her mother is sitting down, softly touching her back to get her to calm down. But she doesn’t. If anything, the attempt at comfort makes it worse. Finally her mom speaks.
"Max I've never seen you so devastated, please tell me what's wrong." She’s unsure she can even explain what happened. She can barely manage to breathe. But she does need to tell someone and her mom really is all she has.
"I confessed. I finally told Chloe I... love her, like really love her and she rejected me." Well kind of. She didn’t use the words love but the implication was very clear, so was the rejection. Max remembers she never really told her mother that she has romantic feelings for Chloe. This may come as a shock that her daughter leans that way. "I'm sorry mom." Max heaves out. Her mom scoots closer, bringing Max’s head onto her lap then slowly patting her hair.
"Oh sweety, you have nothing to apologize for." She sounds very sincere, not shocked at all. Maybe Max has been too obvious all this time after all. Or maybe obvious to anyone but Chloe. "I am so sorry that you got your heart broken." Vanessa continues with her soothing touches, through her hair and on her back. It helps. When Max is mostly cried out, she asks her mother for advice.
"How do I just be her friend? Did I ruin everything?" She doesn’t want to lose Chloe but also she can’t pretend it all never happened and that she is fine. At the moment just the thought of Chloe’s rejection could send her back into another crying fit. "Honey, you didn't. You've been friends forever and that does not change. If she really doesn't feel the same… it will be awkward for a bit maybe but with time your feelings may fade. At least now you have clarity.”
"How do I get over it?” Max wishes it was that easy. Just press a button and be free of this feeling. Actually be okay to just be friends with Chloe - like when they were kids. Why did she have to fall for her? It all seems so unfair.
“Maybe you two just need some time. Get some space, distract yourself. And keep your interactions platonic. You guys can be quite intense - just cut out anything that could send you the wrong signals." That sounded… reasonable and awful at the same time. Take some time apart? But Chloe basically is her only friend, what would she even do without her? Spending time with Chloe makes her happy, the alternative sounds miserable. Then again being around Chloe while she feels so heartbroken and rejected might be even more miserable. As Max ponders away, the doorbell downstairs rings. Max panics.
"That's probably Chloe. Please mom, I can't… " Facing Chloe while her whole face is red from crying with snot running down her nose is about the most humiliating thing she could think of. The feelings are still too raw, too fresh, she hasn’t had time yet to pull herself together and put on a happy face. Luckily her mom understands. "It's okay, I'll tell her you're not feeling up to it." Very grateful to have her mother in her corner she says "Thanks mom."
Vanessa leaves Max’s room and makes her way downstairs. As expected, when she opens the door, it’s Chloe on the other side.
“Hey Vanessa, sorry, it's just... uh can I see Max? She hasn't answered my texts..." Vanessa can tell Chloe is also trying to put on a brave face but is hurting too. The girl can barely look her in the eyes. She feels bad having to send her on her way but she respects the wishes of her daughter. "Now isn't a good time Chloe, I'm sorry. I'll tell her to text you back."
"But I..." Chloe tries to protest. Feeling bad for the girl, Vanessa reassuringly touches her shoulder. "Just give her some space, okay? You'll see each other at school tomorrow anyway." Giving her a smile and another shoulder squeeze, Vanessa hopes she can make her feel at least a little bit better.
"Yeah.. okay." Chloe relents, as she turns to leave, she mumbles a quick "Bye Vanessa." and is on her way.