Chapter Text
Ever since he'd been dragged out of that circus from his own fatal mistake into the uncomfortable environment of Kinger’s old wooden cabin, Caine hadn't felt much more than hate.
He hated his new body. His hair was overgrown, his nails were too sharp, his clothing never felt right. His back hurt if he stood too long. His bottom hurt if he sat for too long. Not to mention the scarily unusual feeling he got from touching anything.
He hated the people he was stuck with almost as much. Kinger, bless his heart, was the only one that had ever given Caine a chance. He taught him how to human. He taught him when to eat, when to sleep, when and how to clean himself, and even explained the concept of fictional books. Those books were the only things that kept Caine sane for as long as he was. They reminded him of his adventures.
Ragatha wasn't the worst. She avoided Caine just as much as the others, but she was nice to him. She explained simple things when asked, helped Caine make food for himself, but she never spent much quality time with him. Pomni was the same way, but more distant and awkward.
Gangle kept her distance from Caine as much as she possibly could. Caine wished Jax would do the same, but he never got what he wanted. Jax would purposefully point Caine in the wrong direction, watching him fail at simple tasks like a sad puppy. Zooble would just ignore Caine entirely, even if Caine had asked them a simple question. They wanted nothing to do with him at all. It hurt Caine in a way he couldn't describe, especially because they'd tolerate Jax more than him.
Having no one to talk to, besides Kinger who was mostly busy, Caine spent the majority of his time alone. He would sit up in his room, wallowing in sadness. Sometimes he'd watch out the window at the surrounding woods and watch for any bees. Sometimes he'd bury himself in the covers and try to imagine he was back at the circus. Mostly, though, he'd read. His favorite book was ‘Witches,’ by Ronald Dahl. He reread it many, many, times, sometimes even on the same day.
He'd tried to apologize for the things he'd done. Kinger forgave him the quickest, knowing what he was going through. Ragatha had at least heard him out, though she never said she forgave him. Pomni and Gangle listened, but didn't give him a full response. Jax listened about halfway through, then walked off without saying anything. And, of course, Zooble didn't even want to listen to Caine. They blamed him for everything that happened, they all did besides Kinger.
Sure, Caine had been partly at fault. He didn't listen well enough, he wasn't patient enough with them, he hid things he shouldn't have. He recognized that in the weeks that he spent alone. But they still blamed him. They blamed him for their avatars, even though each one was randomly generated by the system (besides Kinger's since he made his model himself.) They blamed him for being trapped in the circus, even though he couldn't create a log out feature even if he wanted to. They're the ones who put on that headset in the first place. They're the ones who broke into the shutdown C&A building. So why on Earth did they blame Caine for that?
The thought bugged him, keeping him awake for hours on end. Why did he have to handle all the hate? He was only fulfilling the purpose his creators had given him. It's not his fault his purpose was completely impossible.
Every time he thought about this, his mentality grew more and more unstable. He'd wait until no one was around, and beat the everliving shit out of his pillow just to blow off that steam. His anger festered inside him still, to the point where his isolation was now on his terms. He'd hardly even talk to Kinger after being human for just 2 months. He'd stay in his bed, and read his books, and let his imagination run wild. The words were his only friends, the pages being the only ones that would touch him, that would care for him.
Caine would get so lost in those stories that his hearing would seem to just stop working. He was halfway through the BFG when Zooble called for him from the doorway. It took a harsh bang to the wood to get Caine to look up. “Jesus, Caine, listen! I said your name four times already!”
Caine's mouth opened to apologize, but then he realized that it wasn't inherently his fault, so he let it be. “What?” He mumbled.
“Oh my god, nevermind.” Zooble groaned. “Since you want to be an ass…” Caine wished the filter was still applied in the macroverse so he didn't have to deal with the spiciness of Zoobles' insults.
Caine’s heart sank. He was so confused. What did he do? Zooble… Why was Zooble being so rude?
“Hey.” Caine called out.
Zooble popped their head back through the doorway. “What, Caine?” They said after sighing.
Caine took a breath of preparation. “It wasn't my fault I didn't hear you. You shouldn't talk to me that way.” Caine wished the others were there so he could say it to them too. They'd all gone to the store. All except Zooble, for some unknown reason.
Zooble blinked like they were still processing the sentence. Then, they scoffed. “Oh, really? Because from what I've been through in your circus, I think I have every right.” They put their hands on their hips in a condescending manner that drove Caine mad with anger.
Caine felt his heart rate go up. He hated that feeling. “I don't think so. I'm not the one who forced that headset onto your eyes.”
Zooble laughed. “Do you hear yourself? Just because you didn’t make me join doesn't mean you've made my life any less terrible!” They started to approach Caine. “I was trapped in that circus, and you just had to make it worse with that removable-part shit! And that's not even it!”
Caine slammed his book onto the bed, shooting up from his sitting position. His hands clenched into fists. “How many times have I tried to tell you that wasn't my fault?! Why don't you listen to me when I try to explain this to you?!”
This time, Zooble laughed hard. “I don't listen?!?! That's big coming from chatter-box over here! I told you I hated that body and those adventures, yet you never changed!” They got right up into Caine's face.
“And I tried to apologize for the adventures! I've learned from my mistakes, yet you won't give me a chance!” Caine cried. “And I've told you, I couldn't change your avatar! That was the system!”
“Your apologies will never make up for the fact that you ruined my life, and any chance I ever had at becoming something!” Zooble shouted. “Pomni was right… You were a failure.”
He felt his heart sink and burn. Caine had struggled through Bubble's constant berating for years, but now when he was at his lowest, this was the support he'd gotten? When he was still in the circus he'd try to help those who felt low by offering to use his abilities to make them happy. But now…
Tears immediately felt from his eyes, sliding down his cheeks into his trimmed yet still thick beard. A suppressed sob escaped his lips, enough to be barely heard.
“Looks like I struck a nerve, haven't I?” Zooble snarked. “How does it feel to be mocked with no escape, huh? Not very fucking good.”
Caine couldn't even register what happened next until Zooble was on the floor under his weight. He held them down by the shoulders, his tears falling onto their shirt. They tried to push him off but he wouldn't budge. Instead, he moved his hands to their neck, and moved his knees to their arms so they couldn't break free.
“WHY DO YOU ALL ALWAYS BLAME ME?!” He cried, his breathing rapidly increasing in rate. “I TRIED TO MAKE IT BETTER IN THERE, I REALLY DID!”
Zooble didn't utter a word, instead keeping their eyes as a glare pointed directly at Caine. This only angered him more. The hands around their neck pressed harder.
“I COULDN’T CONTROL YOUR AVATAR, I COULDN’T CONTROL THE EXIT!!! I'M SORRY I DIDN'T DO A GOOD JOB, BUT YOU CAN'T BLAME ME FOR THE THINGS I COULDN'T DO! I'M SORRY I DIDN'T LISTEN, I'VE TRIED TO TELL YOU, BUT YOU WON'T LISTEN!”
Caine's voice strained into a screech. Zooble choked under the pressure of his hands, desperately trying to get free to no avail. Caine’s anger had exploded into a blinding rage, one that he was pushed into unwillingly.
“I WAS TRAPPED TOO! DONT YOU THINK I WOULD HAVE GAVE UP IF MY PURPOSE HADN'T BEEN CODED INTO ME?! I WOULD HAVE RATHER BEEN DELETED IF I KNEW THIS IS WHAT MY FUTURE HELD, BUT YOU'D NEVER KNOW THAT, BECAUSE YOU HUMANS ONLY PAY ATTENTION TO YOURSELVES!”
Zooble's face started to turn red from the lack of oxygen. Caine let go for a moment, and they sucked a good two breaths in before his hands returned.
“WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE? WE'VE ALL SUFFERED ENOUGH! DOES THIS MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER, ZOOBLE?!” Caine shouted, sobbing between sentences. His face began to turn red from the amount of overwhelming emotions and thoughts being thrust upon him.
Shortly, guilt would be another feeling, as Kinger shouted in horror once he saw what was going on.
Caine let go of Zooble’s neck as he was pushed off by Pomni. Gangle grabbed Zooble and pulled them up enough for them to stand. They clung to the ex-ribbon girl as they gasped for air. Caine stayed on the floor, watching everything play out as his brain had trouble catching up to the amount of events that occurred.
Next thing he remembered, he was being held back by Kinger as the others escorted Zooble outside the cabin. Groceries were dropped in the doorway as everyone but Kinger and Caine remained inside. Caine tried to call out to them, to apologize for what just happened, but Kinger held him back. The shorter man looked up at his father figure, whose face was contorted into one of horror while pinning his creation to the ground.
Caine's tears continued to fall, even as Kinger handcuffed him to the side of the bed for safety reasons. He told him it was because he was going to check on Zooble, and didn't want to risk Caine hurting himself. Caine watched him leave. The pit in his stomach grew deeper once he was alone, left to grapple with the memory of what he'd just done.
He swore that the circus would be the last time he lashed out in anger. It'd be the last time he purposefully hurt someone. But no, of course he had to go and do it again.
Maybe Pomni was right…
No! No, she couldn't be! Caine apologized for everything! It wasn't his fault they hated him, not completely anyways. They blamed him for it all anyways, and now he's left to rot further, sitting against a bedpost, immobilized. Why did this have to be his life? Why not anyone, or anything, else?
Kinger walked back in. He stepped into the room, before softly shutting the door to him and Caine's shared room. He was the only one willing to, and made sure it was only them two. That way, Caine could be left alone much easier.
The older man sat on the bed that Caine was restrained to. Caine didn't look him in the eyes. He stayed staring at the wooden floor, his heart aching the most it's ached since he became human.
“Caine…” Kinger said softly. Caine didn't look up still. “Caine, I'm not angry at you. I just want to know why… Well, why did you do what you did?”
The restrained man shut his eyes and dug his face into his knees. He didn't want to talk, not right now, and not to the only person who ever gave him an ounce of a chance. Who knows what is going to happen now. Zooble wouldn't stand for Caine staying there in the same cabin, and Caine didn't think he'd want that either.
“You have to talk to me, Caine. I know you're still adjusting, but this can't be brushed past like other things can.” Kinger continued. “Just tell me your side, and we'll get everything all sorted out.”
Caine felt more tears start to fall. His eyes already stung badly. He wanted to sleep, but he couldn't due to how fast his mind was racing. He took a shaky breath in. “How do I know you won't take their side? How do I know you'll actually listen to me?”
“Oh, Caine…” Kinger said with a pained expression. “I will, I promise. I always have when I am able.”
Caine peeked up, finally looking his creator in the eyes. He knew what he said was bullshit, but he didn't feel like mentioning that at the moment. “They wouldn't stop blaming me. They… they called me a failure, and told me I ruined all of your lives.” He mumbled, his voice shaky, though his tears had paused.
Kinger took a breath, before sitting on the ground next to Caine. “You didn't ruin their lives, Caine. It's not your fault.”
“Then why do they tell me I do?” Caine questioned, his fists balling up once again.
The man, despite technically being 21 and in a 26 year old's body, looked like a child. A sad, pouting child. The sight hurt Kinger’s heart. “They… Humans tend to need to blame things on a person, or in your case, an AI. It's just their nature.” That statement didn't make Caine feel much better, and his facial expression showed it. “I don't think you ruined my life, if that makes you feel any better.”
In reality, it really didn't. Kinger stood, walking towards the door. “I'm gonna go get dinner started, so that way we can all eat before we do anything else. Are you fine with staying in here?” Caine averted his eyes. “I'll make sure no one bothers you.”
“Can… Can you at least un-cuff me?” Caine asked.
Thankfully, Kinger obliged. As soon as he left the room, Caine sat back on his bed. He picked up his book, but set it down after a few seconds. He didn't feel like reading. He wanted out.
After dinner, he knew things would stay the same, even after they ‘talked things out.’ He would stay in that cabin, alone for the rest of his miserable life. He'd have no one but his books, and he'd already read each one enough to know the plot in and out.
It scared him. He didn't want to be alone any longer. He didn't want to be stuck in that room, crying into his covers. The only thing that brought him comfort was the fact that it'd only last around 60 more years, but the way time was moving now, it'd be more like 600.
He stared out the window. His room was on the second floor, so he was never close enough to reach his hand out to the bees. Oh, how he wanted to hold one in his hands. They always made him feel better. Their fuzzy bodies warmed him up like a soft blanket.
He opened the window and peered out into the vast woods. There was a soft breeze blowing. Caine felt it pushing his hair back like a pair of soft hands. The woods were dense. Kinger told them they went on for almost a mile, then they reached a road that led to town.
Caine hadn't even seen the town. He hadn't left the cabin area since he arrived. He didn't know how big the town was, but he knew it had a store, and it was away from the cabin.
Those woods looked inviting. Caine watched the tree branches sway and dance in the passing breeze. The dirt looked soft, but not mud soft.
And best of all, it could lead him away from the cabin.
Caine didn't give it a second thought. He reached into the bookshelf and grabbed his favorite book, and shoved it into his hoodie pocket. He then knocked the screen out of the window. He watched it fall onto the ground below.
He knew it was a far drop, but he didn't care. The plan was in motion, and there was no external force to stop it. He sat in the window, turned his body, and hung by his hands. His body dangled, until he let go and dropped into the dirt below.
The drop wasn't painless. An uncomfortable feeling shot through his left ankle. Caine fell to his knees once his feet hit the ground. He stayed silent, listening to the voices on the other side of the house. He could hear Zooble, but couldn't bother to listen to their words. Limping, he started to run.
The breeze felt stronger once he started to sprint. As soon as he touched the start of the woods, he stumbled behind a bush. He peeked back at the house. He saw everyone but Kinger and Pomni standing outside, but none of them saw him.
Caine took a moment to soothe the growing pain that started to creep up into his leg. He knew it'd be a problem, but he would worry about it later. He stood from the bush and started running once again. He was afraid one of them would turn and see him. The thought is what kept him moving at the fastest pace he could manage.
He moved for about 2 minutes until he stumbled down. He turned to look at where he came. He couldn't even see the house anymore, only the trees which grew thicker and bulkier as he went on. He crawled over to one of those trees, leaning against it.
Panting heavily for what felt like forever, Caine tried to catch his breath. He tipped his head back onto the rough bark, feeling the wood scratch his scalp. The tiredness from earlier along with the energy he just exerted tugged on his eyelids quite hard. He wanted to sleep desperately.
He closed his eyes.
Once he opened them again, he was startled. He hadn't even realized he fell asleep until he noticed the sun had moved quite a bit. Groaning, he stood. His ankle still felt horrible, and his body in general was quite sore. That's what happens when you use a tree as a mattress.
“CAINE?!”
He froze.
…
“CAINE?!”
A different voice this time. It came from a ways away, but they were calling for him. Panicked, he jumped down and crouched behind the same tree he fell asleep against.
The voices were like a symphony. They called for him. Some were barely audible, others seemed as if they were getting closer. The loudest were Pomni and Kinger.
Kinger…
Once again, Caine broke into a sprint. His body was exhausted, but he had to keep going. Things would no doubt be worse if he was found.
“CAINE?!”
Pomni was heard again. Her voice seemed to be more distant now, which relieved Caine. Still, he couldn't stop. He had to keep moving, despite how his body ached and his ankle stung and how his eyes threatened to shut again.
A simple twig on the ground foiled his plans. The same pained ankle tripped on it, slamming him onto the dirt floor. He weakly pushed himself up into a kneel. Dirt was caked onto his arms and legs, and he hated how it felt.
His ankle was in much more pain now. He couldn't even merely stand on it for more than a second. He sat there like a disabled deer, ready to be torn to shreds by the wolves already hunting him.
“CAINE?!”
Kinger. Caine wished he would've just deleted him instead of shelving in that box. He wouldn't have had to go through everything he did in his 21 years of being conscious. He wished he wasn't given that impossible purpose to fulfill.
“Now I see it… I’m… I'm blaming all of this on Kinger…” Caine mumbled. “It's not his fault. He didn't aim to create a failure…” Caine fell back on his bottom.
He really was human now.
Caine crawled over to a tree and used it to hoist himself up. He stood shakily against the bark, then pushed himself into a run.
He wanted to fall back down, to rest his bad ankle, to give his body a break, but he couldn't. He couldn't let himself give up like this. He never had before, in the circus, so why would he now?
He could see the road through the trees. That road led to town, a town where he could get help. Help for his aching frame, his ankle, and hopefully his mind.
After all, humans can ask for help.
Humans have no set purpose unless they set one for themselves.
There was no blue-screening anymore, no glitching, no 24/7 activeness.
Why hadn't Caine realized this before?
He reached the road. It was an empty dirt and gravel path that transitioned into pavement up ahead. He started to jog down it, aiming for that curve so he wouldn't be seen again.
He could almost see the buildings. He could almost feel the touch of the doctors taking care of him like no one else ever had. He could almost hear the freedom, the quiet air that held no tension or hatred.
“Caine!”
He froze. He slowly turned.
Pomni stood there, drenched in sweat.
“Caine…? What…”
She paused, studying Caine's horrified expression. He felt crushed. His freedom, his happiness, had yet again been usurped out of his grasp. He panted heavily. He wanted to run, but he was scared of what Pomni would do if he did.
But he couldn't go back. He'd already told himself that.
“Don't.” Caine spoke softly, his voice trembling almost as much as he was. “I… I can't go back. I-I can't go back!’
Pomni approached slowly. “Caine… Hey, it's okay, I'm not going to hurt you.”
“I can't go back there! Please! D-Dont make me go back!” Caine backed away at the same rate the lass approached.
“You can't stay out here on your own, Caine, you won't survive.” She said, not sounding very assured.
Caine's breathing quickened. He couldn't go back there. Not with Jax, or Ragatha, or Zooble.
Not with Kinger.
“I can't go back there!” Caine shouted. “I can't be in that room for a second longer or I'll lose my mind!”
Pomni stopped walking. Caine didn't.
“I already attacked Zooble! I-I couldn't control myself! If you take me back there, who knows who it'll be next!”
Pomni stayed still.
“I-It could've been worse! I could've killed Zooble!” A tear ran down his cheeks as he said their name. “I don't want it to get to that point! I can't be there!’
Caine took a breath, or rather a gasp for air. His heart pounded against his ribcage. His lungs felt like they were being impaled by a hundred tiny spikes.
“Please, Pomni, just let me leave. I can't live like that anymore...”
The two heard Kinger calling for Caine again. Pomni's hands trembled as she took something from her pocket. It was a sandwich in a baggie.
“At least take this. You look pale.”
Caine took it.
He said one final thank you, then ran as fast as he could down the road.
Pomni watched him run. Truthfully, he was better off away from that cabin, at least in her opinion. She turned back to the woods and went to find Kinger, and tell him she hadn't seen Caine.
~~~
Caine walked while he scarfed down the sandwich. He wasn't a big fan of mayo, but he was hungry enough to ignore it. Pomni was definitely right, he really did need to eat.
He could see the town. The scattered houses on the way got closer and closer as he walked. His ankle stung, but the incoming freedom kept him going. Besides, there was a hospital up ahead. He could get help there.
The sun was setting, sinking into the architecture ahead of him. There was a whole lot of pink mixed with yellow and blue that made Caine wish he had a camera to capture the moment. He turned back to the direction he'd come from. The sky was a boring dark blue.
He liked his new path better.
He would better himself. He would find ways to help his anger issues, his overwhelming sense of loneliness.
He'd heard the others mention ‘psych-wards’ before. Maybe that's what he needed.
As the sun sank and the moon rose, Caine smiled for the first time in months.