Archive of Our Own

“I'm an apex predator too, remember,” I say, and Rocky and Adrian completely stop their conversation and twist their carapaces around to me.

I know they don’t need to do that to hear me. They just do it to show me they’re listening.

On Earth, Rocky says, and there’s an undertone of amusement to his voice. Not on Erid.

“We're not technically on Erid,” I argue, and point out at the Bome. It was the bio-dome, but after three years of living in it I got lazy and now it’s the Bome. The Bome sits in Erid's rings, far enough out to have the gravity I prefer. It's better than Erid's double-gravity on the surface, which I don’t like for more than a few Erid-days at a time. Fortunately astrophage is easy to make here, so I have no shortage of visitors.

“We have Earth's atmosphere,” I continue, “one point oh five times Earth's gravity, and I’m at the top of the food chain.”

Adrian tilts their carapace in the way they learned from Rocky to show doubt. Not when Rocky and I are here.

When Adrian stands at full height, they’re just about as tall as me. Which was a little intimidating at first, but they’re a huge softie. They’re big and green and so careful around everyone else, and especially me and my soft human flesh and bones.

“I’m still a dangerous individual,” I keep arguing for some reason. Sure I’m currently decked out in the softest blanket in the Bome and a knitted hat, but that doesn’t change what’s underneath. I’ve regained all the weight I lost from the journey here and I make sure not to waste the new-found energy that comes with it. I run every day along the beach and spend a large percentage of my time farming and fixing things, when I’m not teaching. I’m in the best shape of my life, even more so than when I woke up from the coma because there’s no tubes coming out of me and I remember my own name.

For someone without a face, Rocky sure knows how to give me a look of pity. Yes, you are very scary. The human who leaks every time he watches specific movies is apex predator.

“Well this leaky human also figured out how to defeat the astrophage,” I feel the urge to defend myself. I don’t know where this sudden burst of… whatever this is has come from. “I’ve seen both of you play at hunting each other before. Humans do that too, that’s what our modern sports evolved from. I think I want to do something like it.”

Adrian reaches out and delicately pokes my nose. You are too fragile for our sort of play hunting. Do you forget how much stronger we are? Do you want to teach us a human sport?

I shake my head. “Being outdoors, or close enough, is making me want to do something more… primal.”

Adrian queries the unfamiliar word and Rocky fills them in. Grace wants to hunt like his very old human ancestors.

“We’ll make some rules,” I say. “We’ll do it safely.” It was like planning an outdoors lesson for my class. I can’t help but break out into a grin. “Could be fun!”

Rocky and Adrian have an exchange just a fraction too high and fast for me to understand, though I think I hear Rocky say the word “enrichment”.

That changes Adrian’s stance from something hesitant to leaning in.

We will give it a try, Rocky says.

It takes us a bit of back and forth, but we end up agreeing on a set of rules. Rocky and Adrian will try to take a xenonite leaf I’ve appropriated from the tree sculpture outside my house, and I will do my best to defend it. To make it fair, I am allowed every tool under the Eridian sun to assist me, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone, and they are allowed nothing. I am also allowed to pick the time and place anywhere in my Bome.

So. I have unlimited resources and prep time. Batman wishes he was me.

The first thing I request is a stick. I ask Rocky to make me something a little taller than I am, sturdy, but not sturdy enough to break through the xenonite suits both Rocky and Adrian wear in my Bome. I need the stick to fend them off but I don’t want to run the risk of exposing them to my atmosphere.

Rocky gives me something made of an xenonite alloy that he assures me cannot break through the suits. At least not with my puny strength. He gets Adrian to help demonstrate and he whacks them repeatedly with it. It makes a loud, full-bodied ringing tone but Adrian looks no worse for wear afterwards. It’s probably like being hit by a sturdy pool noodle.

Excellent. The stick is a hollow, flattened tube with the ends rounded and capped off to prevent any noise while I swing it. I’ve asked Rocky to put a couple of strategically placed twists in it, like one would a tarp strap before heading off on a car trip, to also keep the noise down.

I also request a quick trip out to the Hail Mary to pick up a few supplies, and a couple of hours of alone time after class each day to make my preparations in secret.

I spend a month putting my plan into action.

Finally ready, I ask Rocky and Adrian to meet me on my beach one morning.

When I leave my house, I pull an xenonite leaf off my tree sculpture (it’s “fall” in my Bome), fold it in half, and stick it in my pocket. In my other pocket is a small device that looks like a car key, and in my hand is my staff. I’ve wrapped a bit of fabric around the middle of the staff as a hand-hold, so it looks a little fancier than just a stick now.

I don’t carry anything else. I’m not even wearing shoes.

I make my way down the stairs towards a specific part of the beach – the end I’ve designated the eastern end, where the sand gives way to rocks and a tall outcropping blocks the view towards the Bome wall. It’s dumb. I’m not on a planet, there is no east and west, there’s not even a magnetic field here to provide a north and south, but I have designated the area outside of my house (from the perspective of me leaving my front door) to the left as the west and the area to the right as the east. I have a beautiful north-facing waterfront abode.

The bio-illumination team even raises the cluster of lights designated as my own little sun in the ‘east’. I make a show of raising my free hand to my eyes as if to protect them from the morning light.

But as I stare east, the morning light is behind me. Yesterday I asked Apollo (a little sandstone coloured Eridian – even smaller than Rocky!) if he could change the light cycle for today and he obliged. Now the light comes from the ‘west’, and Rocky and Adrian are perfectly illuminated on the cliffside instead of hidden by the harsh light.

I can see them gesture as they strategise on how to safely take me down from the cliff. They may have fallen into the trap of assuming that I can see just as far as they can hear – but really I can see much further than them. My glasses help me see at short distances, but I can see long distances just fine. Well, better. Hitting my forties did nothing to improve my eyesight, I’ll tell you that.

I give an exaggerated wave up to the cliff. “I see youuu,” I sing-song, and get to enjoy seeing both Rocky and Adrian jolt in surprise. Yeah, you thought you knew everything about humans, didn’t you. Allow me to dissuade you of that notion.

I step across a particularly soft patch of sand, my toes digging deep into the fine grains. Soon Rocky and Adrian are going to realise that their best course of action is to bum-rush me from multiple angles, because that’s what I’ve seen them do every time they’ve play-hunted something within my field of view. Out-think and overwhelm your opponent. Teamwork makes the dreamwork. It makes sense for Eridians to choose that course of action when they can speak and hear at a broad range of frequencies their prey might not.

Rocky and Adrian start moving and split off from each other to sprint down the cliff face. I still can’t quite believe how fast they can move if they really want to. Sure they heat up quickly if they do so for too long, but in a pinch they can travel vast distances in a blink of an eye.

I start running and make a break for the stretch of rocks by the water. There’s a narrow outcropping that drops away into the waves that I’m heading for, where they’ll have to face me one at a time. A bum-rush is no longer a viable strategy. I’ve asked the head oceanographer, who I named Poseidon, if she could make the waves a bit bigger today and she’s obliged. The water churns away, spraying salt water everywhere, but I cross onto the wet rock with sure steps. It’s a journey I’ve practised many times before –

I slip on the wet rock.

My knees and the hand that isn’t holding the staff take the brunt of the damage. The rocks here are iron-rich sandstone as they are the softest and most malleable for Eridians to sculpt into shapes that are natural for me. Like these eroded rocks by the beach-edge. Unfortunately they don’t feel very soft to my knees and it’s only a few moments later that I feel blood trickle down both my shins.

“It’s fine!” I shout to Rocky and Adrian. “Minor damage. We can keep going.”

I’m not sure if they hear me over the roar of the ocean. It’s why I asked Poseidon to make the tide bigger – because then it is louder too. I’ve tried to remove every natural advantage Eridians have over humans and their incredible hearing is a big one.

Rocky races towards me. If he’s saying anything in reply, I can’t hear him over the roar of the waves. But I have another very effective tool of communication on me.

Thwack!

I rap the top of his carapace with my staff. It makes a very satisfying ringing sound that I can hear over the ocean swell, and it makes him back off for a moment.

Rude, Rocky tells me, now that he’s close enough for me to hear him, and I shrug my shoulders.

“Do you need me to be more gentle?”

It’s funny how a musical note can sound exactly like a scoff. Was that supposed to be something else, question?

I step backwards, keeping distance between us and the ocean to my back. If I let him get too close he’ll duck around my staff and tackle me to the rocks, which would be game over.

I keep an eye on Adrian, who is doggedly keeping pace with my retreat from another rock outcropping closer to the cliff face. It’s too far for them to reach me and they’re not willing to step into the churning ocean. For now they’re just watching, to see what Rocky and I will do. That’s fine with me.

Rocky approaches me slowly. I swipe my staff at him a few times that he easily dances away from, all the while forcing me to step back and back down my outcropping. I’m going to run out of space soon.

I surprise him with a lunge. I fully extend the staff out, except it’s not a staff but a spear in this moment, and the length of my reach catches him off guard. Maybe how quiet it is helps. He can’t get away fast enough and the tip of my spear thunks against his xenonite shell.

This is why this little exercise of mine took a month to prepare. I had to spend a long time familiarising myself with the spear so I wouldn’t accidentally whack myself with it or hurt Rocky or Adrian. I am not a naturally athletic person but there is a reason spears were the weapon of choice for people across the majority of human history. They’re easy to pick up and use. Once I practised enough with it, the spear felt like an extension of my arm. It’s sort of like when you learn to drive, and over time the car feels smaller. Eventually I learned the exact reach and radius of my spear.

Rocky’s still close enough that I can hear him laugh over the waves. He puts one of his arms under himself and holds it there – why?

Ah, he’s developed an “injury”. Now down to four limbs, he approaches me more cautiously.

I raise my spear at him. If I take out one more limb, he’ll run of spare arms to attack me with.

Adrian takes this moment to come help their mate, and the pair of them confront me at the end of my little rock outcropping. Rocky’s moved so he’s standing on the edge of the rock outcrop, half-out over the ocean, one foot finding purchase somewhere on the vertical wall of the outcropping. Of course with his Eridian strength and in this comparatively low gravity the balancing act is easy for him. There’s enough room for Adrian to stand next to him if they do the same thing.

I should have thought of that. If I strike out at one of them, the other will have enough time to reach me. I’m forced back to the very edge of the sandstone. The ocean is frothing and loud behind me.

I’ve planned for something like this though. The next nearest rock outcropping, which is a little further down the beach, is too far away to jump to, but I have a perfectly sturdy pole I can use to vault over the gap. I plant my pole into the rocks under the water, brace myself, and push on over the gap.

Thankfully it isn’t much further than what I am comfortable jumping anyway, and I make it across without any issues. I hear Rocky and Adrian call out behind me.

What the fuck –

He can do that?

I grin to myself.

Weren’t expecting that, were you!

But my tricks will only work once. Eridian memory is too good for anything else.

I’m further away from the cliff face now and I quickly pick my way over the rocks back to the sand.

I hear a splash behind me and I turn around.

Adrian has given up running around the rocks and has taken a more direct approach in hunting me. I wasn’t expecting that. They don’t like being in the water and I thought they would take the long way round, like Rocky, but they’re not the only one who can be surprised.

“Woah!” I stumble a few steps. Adrian is fast when they want to be, and I am abruptly reminded that they are big for an Eridian. Long legs have longer strides. The waves crash harmlessly against their xenonite suit as they power towards me, Rocky shouting and egging them on from further back.

Get him, Adrian!

Adrian says something back in a high enough frequency I can’t parse, but the intent is obvious.

I skip backwards a few more steps as the rocks allow, and heft my spear over my shoulder. I have a single chance to try another trick.

I point my free hand at Adrian. I stop retreating.

I draw the spear back.

And... release! It’s not so much a spear as it is a javelin right now, and it soars straight and true towards Adrian.

The javelin bounces off of the xenonite suit and clatters to the rock.

But it’s a direct hit!

Adrian stops running and waves their front arms in the air before sitting down on the sandstone.

Alas! Rocky… Adrian mournfully warbles. They pick up my javelin and slide it under themselves, ensuring I can’t go back for it. It’s up to you, beloved.

I jump down onto the soft sand and backtrack a little further. Rocky traverses the rocks between us and stands before me on the sand, his vents cycling to release heat.

I don’t have my stick anymore. It’s just him and me, and the sand and the beach.

Rocky runs at me.

Okay, I do have a final trick up my sleeve. There is a real reason why this whole affair took a month, and it wasn’t because I was practising pole vaults or javelin throws, even though I did do a lot of that. No, I was grinding down the available beach sand into small, even particles, in secret, because this particular demonstration demanded it. And then I was digging up the beach and replacing it with sand with small, even particles, just to do this one thing.

I stick my hand into my pocket and press a button on the small device inside that looks like a car key. This is mostly because it is a repurposed car key, and it sends a radio signal to the electronic lock system I set up, which is attached to the oxygen canisters I buried in the sand a few days ago.

The system of oxygen canisters open and they aerate the fine sand granules. The density of the sand decreases in a fraction of a second, which means anything heavy on top of it will quickly sink down below it.

Rocky is especially heavy. His limbs vanish inside the aerated sand and I stop pressing the button on the car key. The sand returns to normal, albeit now with an Eridian trapped inside of it.

Rocky strains to pull some of his limbs out, but he doesn’t have the angle right and the weight of the sand slows him, so I use my slight time advantage to throw myself on top of him.

Xenonite hits me in the chest. I wrap all of my limbs around his middle section.

“Gotcha!” I call out.

Hah! It worked!

I feel Rocky pull his limbs out from beneath the sand. He stands, and I am momentarily suspended above the ground.

Got me, Rocky agrees. Grace is a powerful apex predator.

“Were you surprised?” I ask, and I slide off him to stand on my own two feet. “I spent weeks setting that up. It was good, wasn’t it?”

Good good good, Rocky says. Grace very clever.

I push at his xenonite suit. “You’re not just saying that, are you?”

No, no, Rocky argues, Grace did a good job. Grace full of surprises!

Adrian joins us next and buries half of my javelin/spear/staff/stick into the sand. Grace is a great apex predator.

I put my hands on my hips but I look down, a little bashful. “Well I, I try.” It’s a lot of compliments in a such a short period of time.

Succeed.

Adrian then grabs me by both of my shoulders and gently pushes me towards the sand. But we will take that leaf now.

I lose my feet and fall backwards, but Adrian has me in a firm grip. A second later I feel sand against my back. “Wait, wait, hang on –”

I am, I am! Adrian replies, and that shouldn’t make me smile, but it does. Got you!

They hold my upper arms down against the sand, with just enough pressure that I can’t really move them. But I can still wriggle a bit. I flop my hands around instead in a way that I hope conveys sarcastic, begrudging agreement.

“Okay fine, you got me – Oof!”

Rocky runs into my legs and starts rummaging around in my pockets.

“Be gentle down there!” I call out, because it needs to be said, and I can’t currently move my arms down to protect myself. I try to kick him away but he just holds my hips down and taps against one of my hip bones.

“That’s no fair,” I say when he immediately finds the correct pocket and extracts the xenonite leaf.

Don’t be so audible, Rocky replies, as he holds the leaf up for Adrian to hear.

“I can’t control how audible my bones are!”

Grace problem, Rocky says, not Rocky problem.

We win, Adrian tells us, and they and Rocky graciously let me get back to my feet.

I take a step and I stumble – my body’s just reminded me that I fell on my hands and knees against sandstone very recently. My joints ache.

Rocky tugs on the end of my shirt. Injury?

“A very minor one,” I reply, and begin the trudge back to my home. “Three abrasions from the rocks. I’ll take shower and wash them out, and then I’ll see how many bandages I have stored in a cupboard somewhere.”

I’ll get the medical team, Adrian says, and I put my uninjured hand on their carapace.

“It’s fine, really! No need to call them out for something so minor.”

Rocky pulls my staff out of the sand and offers it to me. We’ll help you.

“Thanks, Rocky, but it’s not –”

Rocky stamps his foot twice. Not optional.

I laugh a little and incline my head. I take the offered staff. “Yeah, okay. Do whatever you have to do.”

I know they don’t want to take any risks with my health, not after my unglamorous arrival to Erid somewhat malnourished and half out of my mind from being stuck on a spaceship for four years. There’s a limit to the amount of plants one can grow in a spaceship and a limit to how much monotony a human mind can take. I discovered these limits the hard way.

“But…” I smirk at both Rocky and Adrian. “I think I did a decent job defending my leaf. Those were the rules.”

What?

We have the leaf,

Rocky and Adrian argue back at the same time.

“I got you with the javelin,” I point at Adrian, “and I got you with the sand,” I point at Rocky. “I defeated you both. The leaf was successfully defended. Anything that happened afterwards was extraneous.”

No, no, Grace –

You argue semantics –

We all get to enjoy an argument about it on the way back home. The staff sinks into the sand but it does help me rest some weight on something that isn’t my knees. When we reach the staircase up the cliff, I take a moment to sigh to myself at the thought of bending my knees up all those steps.

“Woah – hey!”

Adrian’s grabbed me around the waist and plopped me down on their centre. I try to shift off of them, but they use two arms to hold me steady, and these arms don’t give an inch. I’m not going anywhere.

“I can walk,” I say, and I push halfheartedly at Adrian’s arms, and then I push a little harder because I want to. I am a grown-ass man, and I don’t need to be carried up a flight of stairs because my knees hurt.

You can, Adrian replies to me. But climbing is more strenuous on your lower limbs. Which are injured.

“Not that injured,” I remind them, and I tap my staff against their xenonite to emphasise my point. “It’s just a flesh wound. ‘Tis but a scratch!”

Don’t understand, Adrian says, and at the same time Rocky snatches my staff from me.

“Oh, for – fine. Okay, Lead the way, Bucephalus.”

Don’t understand, Adrian says again, but it doesn’t seem to bother them too much as they begin climbing my stairs for me. I’m a little embarrassed about it but it’s not like there’s anyone around to see me, and I did say that they could do what they had to do. I’m not much, but I am a man of my word.

We reach my front door and I am allowed to dismount Adrian and go inside to shower. When I’m done, I quickly head to the kitchen to woof down some radish leaves and some meat-smelling goop the Eridians have made for me, and then head to my sitting room to find Rocky and Adrian standing there with what looks like half of the Hail Mary’s medical supplies scattered around them.

I suck in air between my teeth. “We don’t need all that,” I try, but Rocky wraps an arm around my leg and it’s all I can do to avoid falling over while he drags me over to the mess. I end up lying down on my sofa with Rocky perched precariously above me.

Adrian is nearby and holding a bottle of hydrogen peroxide. Take off your pants, they say, and I click my tongue. I’m not even going to go there.

“How about I roll them up from the bottom, alright?”

I’ve put on a pair of tracksuit pants after my shower and their legs are easy to roll up. There are a few specks of blood here and there but the majority of the scrapes have congealed and clotted just fine. My hand is in a similar condition.

Grace be still and quiet now, Rocky orders, and I roll my eyes but oblige. When Rocky takes my hand I don’t resist, and I let him manipulate it as he needs to hear the damage. Adrian does something similar to my knees, but I can’t really see past Rocky to confirm it.

Rocky dips a swab into the hydrogen peroxide Adrian’s holding and runs it over my hand. I hiss and pull away on instinct.

Still, Rocky emphasises, and quiet.

“I am trying my – ow!”

Adrian does something similar to my knees and I grumble but I settle down. Rocky wraps gauze and then a bandage over my palm, which it probably doesn’t need, but I don’t mind the feel of his gloved xenonite fingers working over mine.

When he’s done, Rocky reaches out, cards his fingers through my hair, and gives the top of my head a pat. Grace doing great. Stay here, Rocky says, and hops off of me.

I give him an incredulous look. “Excuse me? What was that?”

Grace’s hearing damaged, question? Rocky replies.

“No, I – thank you, both of you for your help, but we gotta clean this place up now.”

I pull myself off the sofa and roll my tracksuit pants back down. I start heaping supplies back into the containers they came from, Adrian helping me out, but Rocky’s run off to who knew where.

Should lay back down, Adrian tells me, but I wave my hand at them.

“There’s too much to do today,” I reply. I’ve got my lesson to plan for tomorrow, crops that need maintenance, and someone has to go dig up all the oxygen canisters I left buried in the beach. “Besides, if I lay down again, I might just fall asleep.”

Adrian laughs quietly, before starting to hum as we pick up the remaining supplies. We just get them squared away when Rocky returns, carrying my quilt that I usually keep on my bed.

You sleep now, Rocky tells me, and holds out my quilt. Adrian and I will watch.

“What is this,” I say, “Eridian enforced nap time?” I’m reminded of my last few waking moments on Earth, but not enough to really worry me. The situation is very different. They want me to take a nap, not die in outer space. In fact, they’ve worked very hard to ensure I don’t die anywhere, of anything.

You are an apex predator, are you not, question? Adrian says. Rocky and I have been reading. Apex predators on Earth spend much of their time resting.

“That’s lions, you’re thinking of lions,” I reply. “I’m not interested in sleeping right now. I need to go check on the Eridian fungus I’m cultivating in the basement.”

Yeast growing experiment will be fine, Rocky says. Plants and pebbles will be fine. You said we could help you.

“Yes, but I don’t think a nap is going to help me.”

I take the quilt Rocky offers me, though. It’s a little chilly in here and I’m in a t-shirt, so I wrap it around my shoulders.

We will show you, Adrian says, and they reach for me.

“I’m okay,” I take a step back, turning towards my kitchen. “Thank you though.”

I’m dumb. I should know by now not to turn my back to an Eridian that wants something from me. Adrian wraps me in their arms and I am pulled back towards the sofa.

“I have things to do!” I argue, “tasks to complete!”

Task is to rest, Adrian tells me.

I have one last trick to pull off. I slump like a rag-doll and lower my centre of gravity, pushing down towards the ground, and I slide out of the quilt and away from Adrian’s arms.

Only to be picked up by the back of my shirt by Rocky. Grace very grumpy, he says, and Grace doth protest too much.

“I should never have read Hamlet to you,” I mutter.

I end up back on the sofa with Adrian behind me and Rocky sitting over my legs. The quilt between me and Adrian softens the xenonite enough that it’s comfortable. Adrian’s resting an arm over my torso, which is a warm and comforting weight, and also likely there to get me to stop trying to run away. Which would be impossible in any case, as Rocky’s put a fraction of his weight over my legs.

I feel like an undersocialised kitten. Cats are considered apex predators, aren’t they? In some circles?

Thinking too loud, Rocky says. Go to sleep.

“Has anyone told you you’re bossy?”

No. Sleep now.

Adrian’s tinkling laughter washes over me and I feel their other arm in my hair. They move their fingers around and it’s the perfect amount of pressure, a soft scratch that makes my eyes close and I tilt my head to the side so they can reach the nape of my neck.

You know what? A nap doesn’t sound so bad right now. I just had a very successful hunt and I deserve this.

I can hear Rocky and Adrian having a quiet conversation just inside my hearing range.

So soft, Adrian says, calms down quickly.

Hair and scalp is very sensitive, Rocky replies. Try behind ear.

Adrian shifts their hand and I immediately melt like steel in the wake of a spin drive.

“I am a grown human person,” I mumble, already half asleep.

Adrian scratches away. You are softness wrapped in softness.

“I guess they’re not,” I yawn, “mutually exclusive.”

When I wake up I can tell it’s around midday. Rocky and Adrian have barely moved, though I see Rocky’s picked up an Eridian book and is turning the thick pages slowly, maybe so Adrian can read it with him.

Rocky and Adrian probably knew that I was waking up before I did, with the breathing and heart-rate changes. Adrian moves their arm so I can sit up and stretch.

Sleep well, question? Rocky asks.

I slept amazingly. I should take more naps if they’re going to be like this.

“Just fine, Rocky. That was good.”

I drape my quilt over my shoulders again and head to the window. The ocean froths away below, still surging at my suggestion.

“It’s been a great morning,” I say to Rocky and Adrian, “thanks for indulging me.”

Whatever you need,

Happy to help you.

I nod to myself. “Next I want to build a bonfire. A big one, on the beach.”

Rocky and Adrian screech behind me.

Fire? You want FIRE –

Are you trying to die after we worked so hard –