Chapter Text
"How would you know? You're so obsessed with yourself, I'm surprised your aware other people even exist" Shauna says chastising Jackie, "You never even asked if I wanted to go to Rutgers? You just assumed I'd go wherever you wanted." The words cut both of them so deeply, separated them, cut the thin red string tying them together it seemed at least. "You tell me what to wear, what to do, who to hook up with." If she wasn't saying this all so fast the silence would be piercing, "I dont even like soccer!" Jackie honestly seems surprised and shakes her head when Shauna briefly pauses her assault of words, "but you just... get everything you want" She seems to be getting angrier and angrier; harsher and harsher, "All the time like it's nothing." Finally she ends her rant giving Jackie time to respond.
"Oh my god you're such a cliché" Jackie pouts rather mockingly, her facial movements exaggerated the whole time she is speaking, "is the sad little sidekick mad?" She was actually Shauna was sad, Shauna was fuming Shauna was so fucking mad. "Did I force you to live in my shadow Shauna?" Not really, but god it felt like she did, "It must be hard being this jealous all the time."
Shauna scoffs; she replies "You're so fucking jealous you can hardly breathe." What? She finally chokes up a reply
"Are you... Quoting beaches at me right now?" Jackie seems confused "What?, no!" She seems to think about what to say next "Well not intentionally..."
Shauna doesn't actually care if she was anyways, she just wants to continue the argument, "I'm not jealous of you. I feel sorry for you" For a second Jackie thinks it might be a real apology, real sincerity; deep down she knows its not, "because you're weak." And there it is, the 'because' of course she fucking said that, "And deep down, I think you know it" She does, deep down Jackie Taylor knows she is fucking weak and fucking pathetic, she would never admit it especially not now while she is being berated at for it.
"This was actually a lucky break for you, wasn't it?" Shauna continues, "I'm sure everyone's so fucking sad about losing their perfect princess, and they'll never get to know how tragic and boring and insecure you really are." She was indeed all of those things god, but she wasn't going to let it get to her not yet at least. one thing she noticed was the way Shauna spoke she is just mirroring how she feels herself honestly, and deep down Shauna knew that also.
Even though she was only thinking for about 2 seconds it felt like forever until Shauna finally berates her one last time in this conversation, "And that high school was the best your life was ever going to get." And Shauna knew that was true for her also, in a different way though, that it would be the best she ever felt
and that she would be boring and tragic as well, she has always been tragic though and she is right now.
Jackie blurts out "Honestly, fuck you shipman... I never liked you anyways." they stare at each other trembling and Jackie again takes initiative in the conversation, "Your jealous and projecting, and your so fucking boring and your so fucking tragic also." they keep staring at each other both hurt, both angry both pretending that aren't sort of mirrors of themselves deep down.
Jackie again renters the conversation with another remark, she hopes its the last "That's it. get out." For Shauna those words cut to the bone, god she never wanted to hear that again, she didn't move not yet so she probably would again. "I'm serious. GET THE FUCK OUT, Shauna." She wanted to she really did, it hurts oh god it hurts; if that sentence were a weapon she would already be dead. "No." She states knowing she doesn't really mean it, she wants to leave, she wants to puke, cry, and maybe die.
"I cant be around you right now. I cant even look at you." She states putting emphasizes on the 'you' part making Shauna feel disgusted with herself, "That sounds like your problem but fine, maybe ill leave, maybe ill go slit my wrists and die if that makes you happy." Jackie glances at the others honestly shocked, everyone seems to look away maybe this is her problem actually.
Finally someone that isn't them speaks up, "Maybe we'd be better off. Since you're so crazy." Mari adds, great now its not even just Jackie who wants her to kill herself or whatever she wants, so does Mari. Coach Ben the only adult here though he probably doesn't have the power he thinks because he is missing a leg, finally says something "Okay, what? Hold on. Shauna's not goi-" He gets cut off by another person, just what Shauna needs more people involved.
"Stay out of it." Lottie firmly asserts. Jackie stares, why the fuck would Lottie stop him from saying something so rational. What the fuck. Shauna looks at everyone angrily with a hint of sadness in her eyes and voice "You know what, FINE!" She stomps loudly to collect her stuff, looking at Lottie, Jackie, and Mari like she expects them to feel guilty or say sorry. Its all futile though, she reaches the cabin door she gets stopped before opening it by a voice.
She hears Taissa and stops suddenly "Shauna. Wait." Shauna glares back already set though still wiling to listen, "Dont go, I promise we all want you here." She is definitely lying, maybe she wants Shauna here but most people here dont probably.
"dont act like this isn't what you wanted all along" It is she feels it so fucking hard, that this is what they actually wanted, and well their actions and words are also showing it. "And Jackie, I've always known who you are deep down, and how you pretend to be someone else." Jackie shrugs "Maybe it would be better if you didn't"
Maybe it would.
Shauna puts her stuff down outside the cabin, the cold outdoors, fuck The Wilderness, she thinks as she lays her bedding on the ground, she cries out but no words come out just pure frustration and anger into one little scream bundled like her bedding was. she wishes she was warm, she wishes she wasn't weak she can see the fire through the window, she wishes she wasn't hungry but it would be too embarrassing and too stupid to go back now.
She gathers fire wood, maybe she can stay warm for a little at least, though her tears might put out the fire at this rate, she tries so fucking hard to build her fire in but, its harder to do something even if you know how, when your fucking shaking, when your well' breaking down.
Jackie looks at her and watches as she fails to build her fire, pathetically fails to build her fire, she knows she is being watched and looks up and sighs, Jackie leaves before she did that though.
She was seen being this pathetic and tragic by someone else, Natalie and Travis approach the cabin, they just look at her with hate an awful amount, too much actually and walk inside, as she shivers from the size of her small half failed fire.
Jackie watches her from the attic window, she feels Taissa behind her, she finally asserts "This is stupid. Go talk to her.", She replies "I dont think she would care, look she's getting the tragic and boring death that she wanted." She says sarcastically, Tai just sighs and watches as she settles to sleep.
The fire burns too fucking low, like a little candle almost out ,Shauna is fucking cold, so fucking cold, she tries to warm herself up, its futile, fuck Jackie fuck Mari and fuck Lottie, fuck everyone else to they probably also want her dead.
Until, Shauna sees Jackie "Hey." she says shyly, oh thank god this is over, "I'm sorry, i said all those things, this fight was stupid anyways...Come back inside? Please?" She feels so fucking happy she said that, Jackie offers her hand, Shauna takes it like its the only thing that matters, she feels the fire in her heart rekindling.
They enter together, it feels like heaven, maybe it is, everyone seems to be happy to see her at least, Akilah puts a blanket over her shoulders, Shauna finally speaks up almost crying from joy "Holy shit thanks, it was cold outside." she continues "And I'm sorry for saying all that stuff" Lottie hands her a drink
"I'm so tired..." Shauna mumbles, she takes a sip and seems happy, "Hot cocoa?", she seems genuinely surprised "Where did you find this?" Shauna closes her eyes and seems to enjoy to flavor, Jackie interrupts this by speaking "Does it even matter?" Jackie is behind Shauna and looks at her lovingly.
"Jax I-"
Jackie hushes her "Its all going to be ok...Dont worry", "I love you Jackie, I didn't mean anything I said..." Shauna replies affectionately, then everyone speaks all together "We love you Jackie" Shauna seems queasy but seems quite comfortable in her chair, she feels like falling asleep, she tries to fight it, Laura Lee adds in "See its not as bad as you thought, is it?" Shauna looks at Jackie weirdly Jackie feels like she has to say something important so she does "You're the best friend I have ever shipman"
She nods trying not to fall asleep, but she spots a strange man... Is that coach? no he cant be, coach is missing a leg, she observes he has hunting clothes on she cant really see he is in the shadows he speaks "we're so glad your joining us...." he trails off and trails on again "we've been waiting for you"
And suddenly Jackie wakes up gasping, fuck she misses Shauna not like she would ever admit it, she sees Tai asleep. After catching her breath she goes to the attic window, she seems panicked before and after looking outside, though more after seeing the outside.
She bolts down the stairs, holy fucking shit, she tries not to startle the others but she hopes what she saw isn't real, it fucking snowed, she hopes deep down Shauna is okay, before she even has time to savor the snow properly like a child she knows what she is going to see, and oh god she tries so hard to suppress the thought of what she thinks happened being real.
She cries out "Shauna!" hoping praying for some response, she notices something in the snow, a lifted spot like its covering something, like its covering someone and so as she reveals it even though she already knew she.
Shauna Shipman is fucking dead and gone.