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They weren't supposed to be there. But honestly, they couldn't care less. Atop the roof, they looked down. Seeing the joy that was spread below. Watching as they talked, voices loud enough to reach their ears.
He smiled, a weak one. But it was still there. An expression of the shared joy, even if they weren't there actively. He still existed, still heard all the conversations. Speech shared between friends and allies, one that could be shared with them.
But they didn't let it. Instead, opting to be above them all. Watching and gazing at them all. Cold wind tried to nip at their skin, but his suit protected him. Letting the wind run past, letting him be.
A cigarette burning filled their mind. Smoke so visible that it seemed real. The faint sensation of burning in his lungs. It was a faint memory, but in times like these. A cigarette would be perfect.
It's not like they hadn't had their fair share. But moments like these, where it's quiet but also loud. The urge to light one up settled in his bones. But, he could not listen. Simply, there was nothing to smoke.
Chance turned his head away from the thought. Their eyes travelling down, watching the other survivors below. They saw Shedletsky...dancing? If you could even call it that. The bird was just moving erratically.
Amusement came over him. Watching the sight took his mind away from thoughts running rampant. They smirked, watching as Builderman was shouting at the man "dancing". Chance changed his position.
Feeling the tiles laying below, as they brought their knees to their chest. Gaze still casted downwards, watching them have what they called a "barbeque". They had never been to one honestly, but it was fun none the less.
Survivors laid below, just talking. Yet no one looked up, saw the man perched above. Chance didn't mind actually. Quite the opposite, they loved being able to just observe. Even if he seems out-going and extraverted. Sometimes it was just nicer to remove himself.
The gathering went on without him. Fire ablaze, burning brightly. Smoke drifting upwards, while the other survivors mingled below. Some had sneaked off to the docks, surprisingly Chance saw Veeronica going too. But they werent going to question it.
Most of the grilling had been done already, but Guest 1337 was grilling extra hotdogs. While 007n7 lingered near, talking to the soldier. They guessed it was about their kids, after all the two mostly bonded over that. He looked over now.
Spotting Builderman having successfully tackled Shedletsky. Elliot sat on a log, close to the two and laughing at them. Taph sat on the other side, pulling themself fully on the log. Dusekkar stood near the log, his trusty staff lying on the grass below.
Chance looked around once again. Wondering where the other people were. Before their mind prompted them with the docks. He remembered the group briskly, it was surprisingly Two Time, Vee, and Jane.
Chance looked around again. But decided to brush it off, if they were gone. It was for a reason. So, he leaned back. Back touching a pane of glass, the one he had opended earlier.
They sighed, the sound escaping into the night air. Though, it was night eternally. Yet, that fact didn't stop him from loving it. Their favorite time had always been night, especially one's such as these. Where they can escape, and observe.
Pushing away memories that bubbled up. Nights quite similar to these, pushing himself away. Sneaking to the corner, and just watching. Glimpses of it sneaked up on his mind. They wished to push it away, but knew they couldn't.
...
It was weird. This feeling, it always washed over them slowly. Whenever they slinked away, the numbness struck his heart. But it still felt slow, Chance didn't fight it. Only feeling the pang in his heart.
Not really sad, but not happy either. An emotion they found so complex, they simply couldn't describe it. The best way they found to explain it. Was such a stupid thing, in their own mind they bashed it.
TV static pulling on his heart. The ash that fell off the cigarette. Whenever you look over the ocean, at it's vastness and it hits you. That was the best he came to finding it.
Yet none of it applied, it all felt so weird to them. But they didn't bother fighting it. Instead, opening his heart and letting it collide. Filling them up with a simple numb, one where they could escape.
His gaze still watched. Seeing all the people below, with their own lives. Yet one similar to his own. Running from killers, waiting for rounds, then trying to make the best of it. Picking up hobbies, gossiping, friendships. Chance was apart of it all, and everyone else was too.
There really isn't much else to do in this place. After getting over the intial panic and anger from dying. It all...mellowed out in a way. Even with the adrenaline that coursed through them, you can only flip a coin so much before getting bored. They've tried hobbies, and it does enertain them.
But even then. He seems to always find himself here. Wondering just how different they all were. Watching them with a fixated, but also distanced gaze. Seeing the other survivors, try to live and have good times.
That weird pang hit their heart again. As always, they didn't fight. Instead just sat and let it hit. And before he even knew it, tears seemed to spring up. Even if he wasn't sad, he still cried.
Bringing their knees closer to their chest. They let their head fall. Resting upon his knee's, and trying to hide the tears that had formed and fallen. Not allowing anyone who looked up to see the man.
Chance thought it was pathetic. Crying out of nowhere, it isn't even like anything bad was happening. Such a happy moment, and they were already ruining it. They wished they could tell that to their tears, but they flowed anyways.
He tried his best to just look tired. Hiding how his shoulders were slightly shaking. Letting the shadows fall on his face. Turn away slightly, hoping those below would ignore him perched up.
But for some unknown reason, he just gave up. Looking up, and let the tears fall. Chance still watched them of course, eye's darting to all the people. And glancing off to the docks, wondering if maybe they'd be able to see them. Even if he knew it wasn't possible.
More and more tears came. Rushing down their face, leaving their cheeks tear-striken. Chance wiped them away, force of habit. Leaving their sleeve tear-stained, but they couldn't care about it right now. Only hurriedly wiping them away, as more and more fell.
He put his arms down. Still crying, just he didn't find a point in it anymore. He felt his flintlock against his arm, and a terrible thought found itself inside. But Chance didn't dare to enertain it, only looking down. And watching it all happen beneath him.
The cool air brushed past. Now cooling the tears that fell. Cheeks that were warm with tears, turned freezing cold. Fake moonlight shined on them, letting them glimmer in the eternal night. It also shined on the hair of someone behind.
The window was lifted up again. Chance quickly wiped away all of the tears, turning to see who joined him. Noob crawled onto the roof, smiling at them before noticing their face.
Noob's smile fell upon seeing Chance's cheeks. "Chance, you-you okay?" Worry filled her voice, but Chance only flashed his smirk. Contrasting their cheeks heavily, as they replied. "Yeah, duh. Why wouldn't I be?"
She squinted staring at him. As if trying to poke the holes in his lying face. "Seriously Noob, im fine! Chillax, you look like you're gonna murder me." They smiled bigger, hoping Noob would lay off. But she didn't, only sighing.
"Chance. You cant just say you're-you're fine when you are clearly-y crying! Dont lie to me, you know i hate that..." Noob frowned a bit after saying that. While they could only stare at her, his face fallen. Chance swallowed, and took the gamble.
"Fine, I was crying. There, ya happy?" She paused, before nodding hesitantly. The two just stared at each-other. Silence engaged between them, as air blew past. Wrapping the two in cold.
"C-c-can I ask, why?" They turned away, not daring to look into her eyes. Before looking at the people below, watching as they talked. Seeing Shedletsky now playfully pushing Builderman.
"I guess. I dont know, honestly. I dont know. I'm not sad, or angry, or anything. Really, i'm not in the mood for crying. I just started crying." Noob looked at him. How he was turned away, looking down at the people.
"W-what do you mean?" That question broke the dam in Chance's mind. Usually he wouldn't spill this, but then again. He was betting on Noob right now, and it seemed that Lady Luck would most likely smile upon him.
"Really. I'm feeling kinda...numb. it sounds dumb, i know. But i'm just up here watching it all. I'd thought that i'd like, i dont know. Be down there, probably bet on Shedletsky and Builderman." Noob giggled at that, pausing to let her do that. He continued on.
"But i'm not. I'm on a roof, watching them up-high. And i don't think any of them down there, know. This is a happy moment, and-and i'm over here on a roof crying! Crazy, that is crazy. And also pathetic to be honest. But it's whatever honestly."
"Are you sure it's whatever?" The question made Chance pause, unconsiously straightening up. He glanced over, seeing Noob now also people watching. But it made the man think.
Truly, they hadn't thought of taking it seriously. As stupid as it sounds. They had been treating it as a joke, brushing it off. Actually, they've been treating everything as a joke. Even the rounds, all of it was brushed off.
"No, it's not. But eh, it'll pass. It's gotta pass one day. You know, i'll probably wake up. Look in the mirror, and it's gone. That's just how it goes. It'll pass after a bit, and i'll go back to being me."
"That's-that's not how it-t works."
"That is for me. Works exactly like that for me. Hell, it'll probably pass as soon as i go down there!"
"But, y-you're still up here."
" 'Cause I can be. Listen, i'm not like depressed or whatever. I'm perfectly fine, im content, and these feelings pass quickly. Alright? It's hard to explain, but i don't need to have one because it'll go."
"Are you...su-ure they'll p-pass?"
"I'm sure. They always will. That's how it is."
"W-what if...it doesn't?"
....
"Then, i'll work on it. Seriously Noob, i'm fine. Just in a weird mood for now! I promise, tomorrow i'll be better."
Noob nodded along, before turning. Holding out a pinky to them. "A pinky promise? Noob, what am I? Ten years old?" She furrowed her brows, sticking her pinky out. "It's not f-for kids! It-its totally for cool a-adults too! Wow, i-im offendedd."
He reached out. Their pinky's curling together. Sealing the promise. A grin found itself on Noob's face. "If that makes you feel better. Whatever then." Chance said. Before turning back, facing forward.
The last of the smoke drifted up. Leaving the air with it's smell. But not the gray fumes that spiraled in the wind. It felt empty, kinda. They had gotten used to the sight of the wisps curling, seeing the shapes that formed in the gray form.
"I w-wish I had my cigarettes-s."
Chance turned, head whipping. Confusion twirling on his face, staring at the person next to him. "I'm sorry, you smoke?" Noob scoffed, turning and rolling his eyes.
"Yeah? W-what, you got one?" Noob asked a tiny bit excited. Chance shook his head no, watching as Noob frowned slightly. "Wish I did, I'd be lighting one up right now." The two sat, letting the conversation pass.
Before both of their gazes were forward. Chance nudged Noob a bit, before they pointed to Shedletsky and Builderman. The two admins were walking to the forests. Chance broke the silence.
"$20 they're banging." A startled laugh came out of Noob. "Hey-hey! It isn't a bet if i'm not on the oppo-opposite side. They're tots b-banging." Chance laughed, tears forgotten in the bet.
Chance let his legs rest. Letting them fall and stretch, while Noob sat. The eternal night went out. And the two just watched, talking about random things. Such as voicing over the people below. And waiting for the 3 who went to the docks to return.
It was a long time before the two were finally noticed. Most of them were now gathered in the center. When both Shedletsky and Builderman finally returned from the woods, doing...whatever.
Builderman's shout was heard by the two. Interuptting their conversation. "Chance, Noob! Get of the roof!" Both of them whipped their heads, to see Builderman standing below. Shouting at the two.
Noob rushed, turning and opening the window. As Noob climbed down the window, she held it open for Chance to go down aswell. Right before he did, he looked down at Noob and smiled.
"Hey, I kept my pinky promise. The feeling's gone! Now, we better run before Builderman hits us with his wrench. Let alone if he finds out about our bet."
Noob climbed down, and Chance quickly followed. The two basically ran to where Builderman stood, then walked with him. The two finally joining the rest. Chance smiled as he sat, Noob next to him. She looked over, seeing no more tears staining their cheeks. And she turned away, now listening to the conversation.