Archive of Our Own

You regret not slapping that man across the face harder as you stand in front of your mirror fussing over what to wear. It shouldn’t be that big of a deal, but it is. You want to impress him, as irritating as the thought is. He usually only sees you in your work uniform, it would be nice to dress up a little… 

He didn’t tell you where he was planning to take you for dinner because that would be too easy for him. It’s a “surprise.” His words, not yours. You think it may be more apt to call it an ‘ambush’ or ‘something unpleasant.’ 

Still, you’re going on the date, so what does that say about you? 

After a few more minutes, you settle on something that looks nice and clean. Put together, but not too much. Hopefully not too much. Agh. You smooth your shirt again to have something to do with your hands. You got your wish, regrettably, and now you have to follow through, even worse. 

This sucks. All of this sucks. Your feelings, Lohen, the situation, Barbatos for making the situation happen. Lohen again. 

He’s allegedly supposed to be here soon. He said he would be by around 6. Something giddy rolls over low in your stomach. The excitement you feel is almost painful. It’s a sort of itch inside and underneath your skin, prickling down your veins as it claws through you. 

It irritates your lungs the most. It has made it hard to breathe. You can’t quite get a deep inhale of air, like your lungs are too shallow. 

You mess with your clothes one last time before leaving your bedroom. If you didn’t put some space between you and the mirror, you think you would stand and fuss over your clothes up until Lohen knocks on your door.

It would be worse on your ego for him to see you fretting over him. You don’t want to deal with a more infuriating version of the man, he’s too much as it is.

You shut the door behind you and steel yourself to wait in the kitchen until Lohen arrives. The area smells strongly of flowers, sweet as they rot in the vase you have them in. They should have been tossed days ago, but you can’t bring yourself to do anything with them.

Ah…will he want to come in? He’ll see them. That alone might be worse.

You aren’t given much time to deliberate on the flowers, three sharp knocks resounding out in the empty air. Your stomach flips again. 

You take a deep breath before crossing to the entryway and unlatch the door. He’s right on time. You open the door to meet him. 

Your breath catches at the sight that greets you. A bright shock of petals greet you, at least a dozen large flowers secured with a white ribbon. You can’t even see Lohen’s head. 

On cue, the flowers tilt to the side and Lohen’s cheeky smile fills your vision. “Hey hey, these are for you.” You realize belatedly that he’s trying to hold them out for you to take. 

Your fingers brush his as you take the bundle into your hands. The scent is overwhelming. It’s less sickening than what has been permeating your kitchen. The thorns on the stems have been carefully cut off, there’s not one sharp prick that stings your palm. 

You swallow. It looks like he’s coming in. 

“Thank you,” you say, stepping to the side so he can unfortunately come in. Maybe you can keep him out of the kitchen and convince him to wait in the living room. 

Lohen slips inside with a cheerful hum, gaze flickering over every surface and decoration lining the space. Not for the first time in his presence, you feel as though he is picking you apart and filing the information away. 

He smiles when his attention shifts to you, eyes dropping to drink every inch of you in. The back of your neck heats up. “You look nice,” he comments. “Knew you’d be cute outside of that uniform.” 

You keep the flush of your cheeks at bay through pure will alone. His outfit only now registers in your mind. He’s not wearing his typical uniform and cape, instead dressed in something that almost suits your own clothes. Nice, but not too much. His choker is visible around his throat, more pronounced than usual without the extra layers of fabric surrounding it. 

Huh. You feel a little dizzy looking at him. Pretty is the regrettable word that comes to mind. His stupid smile and casual stance has your head spinning. Worst of all, you know he can tell what you’re thinking. 

Lohen laughs to himself. “Cat got your tongue? Go on, shouldn’t you put those somewhere?” He gestures loosely to the flowers still clutched in your hands. 

Embarrassment eats its way up your sternum. Right. You’re just standing there with the flowers. Your heart plummets when he turns his back on you and starts to move toward the kitchen. 

“Don’t go poking around, I didn’t say you could explore,” the words miss their intended sharpness by a wide margin. Lohen glances over his shoulder at you. 

“Why, hiding something?”

Well. 

“Oh, you are,” his smile widens. “Cute.” 

And then he’s disappearing deeper into your apartment, leaving you to hurry after him. Butterflies beat against your ribcage, harder now. 

He’s already spotted the vase by the time you come in after him. Lohen is leaning on the counter, a curious smile on his face as he stares at the flower. 

“And you were trying so hard to convince me you threw it out,” he turns around to face you. “I thought it would be gone by now. It looks a bit pathetic, don’t you think?”

You aren’t sure if he’s referencing you or the flower. 

Lohen breezes past his statement with a shrug. “Good thing you have fresh flowers to replace it! Really, if you wanted to keep this you should have dried it out. I’m touched though, truly.” 

He plucks the vase from the counter and unceremoniously dumps the whole thing in the trash. You will pretend in the future that you didn’t squawk with indignance. 

Lohen glances at you as he does it. You think he’s enjoying the utter disbelief that crosses over your face. You need to slap him again. That was yours, whether it was old and kind of gross or not. 

Before you can offer up your protests, Lohen is already extending his hand expectantly. He raises a brow at your expression. His smile hasn’t wavered. He’s enjoying this.

“What? Come on, don’t you want to keep these in a vase too?”

Begrudgingly, you hand the bouquet over. He hums to himself as he takes them back and leans over the sink to fill the vase with fresh water. He’s extraordinarily pleased with himself as he sets the flowers into the vase and takes a moment to fluff the petals back up. 

You cross your arms and look anywhere but him. Your skin feels hot. Anxiety and unshakeable want rages in your chest. You’re worried he can hear your heart beating. 

Lohen turns back around with a satisfied smile. “All ready to go?”

“Are you ready to tell me where you’re taking me?”

“Aha, not yet. You’re very bad with letting surprises stay surprises,” he chides. His tone does something to you, making you warmer. The image of him of a few days ago kissing your knuckles flashes through your mind again.

You keep thinking about it, and it’s humiliating. Combined with his lazy smiles and unshakeable reliability, you can’t get him off your mind. At all. 

And he’s here in your apartment. Picking you up for a date while your heart pounds. Yes, you think distantly, you should have kicked him out of the store more often and saved your heart the trouble. 

“I like surprises just fine. I don’t like you,” you say. You know it’s weak, but you can’t come up with much else. 

“You like my flowers just fine,” Lohen counters. “Now come on, we’ll be late.” He gestures to the door and begins to walk that way.

“You made a reservation?” You ask as you follow after him. 

“No fishing for hints,” he opens the door for you. You frown at him. Lohen smiles. He tilts his head toward the open door. “After you.”

“How chivalrous,” you say flatly. You don’t let yourself smile. 

“Mhm, I’m a model knight,” Lohen says and steps out behind you. He waits while you lock the door and tuck the key back on your person where it belongs. 

‘Model knight’ he says. While it may be true, he’s still terribly unsettling and nothing but trouble. You want to slam your head into a wall for agreeing to this. 

The evening air is cool against your skin. It gently tousles your hair and slips through your sleeves. Mondstadt is starting to quiet down from the afternoon rush. The sky is beginning to darken, clouds streaked with golden hues. 

Lohen takes the lead, offering you his arm with a wordless and far too amused smile. After a few moments of deliberation and disdain, you slip your arm through his. 

The way his smile sharpens makes you want to pull away immediately. His grip tightens subtly so you can’t. He’s warm, surprisingly so for a cryo user. 

You underestimated how much he talked. Lohen keeps up a steady stream of conversation in spite of your snippy responses. You would almost say he just likes the sound of his own voice. 

Unfortunately you also really like the sound of his voice. The air has a chill to it, but you feel warm listening to him. You wish you could say the warmth was heat from irritation bubbling under your skin. 

As he chatters, Lohen leads you through the city and past every single restaurant. It stops being something curious and morphs into something uneasy and annoyed when he tries to pull you out of the city gates.

“I’m not dressed to go traipsing through the mountains,” you tug on your arm in his grip. “What are you playing?

He only laughs at you, footsteps not faltering. “Relax, I’m not taking you far. You’ll like it.” 

“I don’t like anything you say,” you try and stand your ground to no avail. Lohen keeps walking and seems content to drag you if need be. 

“Lying is unbecoming for someone as pretty as you,” he gives you another tug. “Quit whining, won’t you?”

“I don’t whine.”

“No? Then what do you call this?” Lohen casts you another amused side eye. “A friendly chat? A song?”

He is very adept at killing your kinder feelings toward him. You stare at him flatly. “I hate you.” 

Hopefully he can feel your irritation. If he does, he doesn’t show it. He laughs like you’ve told him something delightful, maybe the best news all week, and pats your hand where he keeps you on his arm. 

“Then why don’t you do something about it?” 

You’re tempted to take him up on his offer, but you also know he’s goading you. He’s goading you because he’s some sort of sick freak that seems to keep trying to get you to rough him up more than you already do. 

You won’t give him the satisfaction. You look ahead in prim silence, biting the inside of your cheek. Out of the corner of your eye, you see him smiling anyway. Nothing gets through to him. 

He goes back to talking about nothing while you fantasize about shoving him to the ground and yelling at him for making you feel like this as you walk the dirt path out of the city.

“Ah, don’t walk past it, I worked hard,” his voice brings you back as he pulls you to a halt. You blink. You hadn’t noticed that you had come up on anything at all. 

Sitting stretched out over the soft grass is a blanket and a basket. The sky continues to slowly darken. Lohen looks at you expectantly. You should say something. 

The words get stuck in your throat. Against your better judgement, you smile. Something satisfied creeps over Lohen’s own smile. 

“Good, you like it,” he nudges you forward. “I hoped you would. Figured I should take you somewhere quiet, you mentioned you don’t like crowds right after work.”

His shoulder against yours is what gets your bearing brought back. You shake him off and ignore how considerate it actually was of him to remember that. 

“A picnic?” you ask the obvious.

“Mhm,” Lohen hums behind you, giving you another nudge. This time you actually move forward. “You can yell at me all you want here, don’t want to get you kicked out of a restaurant, do we?” 

You glare at him over your shoulder. Lohen gives you an innocent smile. Yeah, he’s definitely goading you again. You’re still embarrassed about how you slapped him in the square a few days ago. You don’t feel bad for him in the slightest, there were just so many people watching. Ugh.

“It’s a nice view,” you shift the conversation away from your sudden urge to grab him by his hair again. A quiet dinner with the sunset… you hadn’t realized how closely he had listened to you talk about your preferences. A fresh wave of fuzzy heat snakes itself into your stomach. 

You think, looking at him while he continues to hum and set up the picnic, you really like him. It hits you with devastating clarity. This isn’t merely passing infatuation, you like him a lot. So much so that the disdain you feel for him is muted. 

It dawns on you then that you’re away from the city and it’s getting dark with simultaneously the best person to be with and the worst. 

Lohen pays no mind to you, spreading out on the blanket and gesturing for you to do the same. It’s probably fine, right…? Why would he go through all this trouble only to pull something crazy. You fear that also sounds like him. 

Whatever. You’re here, so you should try to have fun. Even if it’s Lohen. 

You sit down across from him and take the offered plate. An array of food rests between you on the blanket, from fruits to sandwiches. Again, it’s almost everything you like. It’s suspicious that he knows exactly what you like when you’ve only ever mentioned half of this, but you allow it to drop for now.  

You didn’t think he had it in him to be this considerate. This whole date is seemingly tailored to you. Lohen lets the silence linger for a minute before he starts talking again. 

“Sooo,” he draws the vowels, “how was work today?”

It’s so mundane that you have to pause. “…Fine,” you allow after the quiet goes a beat too long. “Marjorie has some new imports from Springvale, baskets and that sort of thing.”

“Oh? Something new that I should come visit and see?”

“I should have you banned,” you say plainly. “You’re bad for business.”

“Now that’s just not true, Marjorie loves me.”

She does, for whatever reason. You don’t understand it at all, but you suppose that to almost every civilian, Lohen doesn’t present himself as trouble. He’s virtually one of the poster children of the knights, dependable and strong. 

“You’ve put a spell on her,” you say. “Marjorie doesn’t know what sort of barbarity she talks to.” Lohen laughs then, bright and cheerful. He leans forward slightly. 

“No one else is so harsh with me. You’re refreshing.” 

His lips curve up as he watches you. His words bounce around in your chest, matching the beat of your heart. You glance down at your plate. “A shame, people should criticize you more. You’re annoying.”

Annoying isn’t even half of it. The harsher words you would like to share with him are stuck in your throat. 

“This is what I’m talking about,” he shifts back into his own personal space with a happy sigh. 

You don’t want to dwell on how any of this makes you feel. You especially don’t want to dwell on the way your eyes betray you and watch the way he leans back, memorizing the arch of his spine. 

“How was your work today?” you want to move this away from you. Lohen makes a vague noise. 

“Same old same old, running around during menial tasks. Pretty boring stuff if you ask me, but Mondstadt has far fewer things to hunt.”

Right. He’s mentioned it in passing a few times. The Wild Hunt in Nod-Krai was always movement. Before he left for the expedition he was always moving around clearing monsters and treasure hoarders out. With the end of the higher stakes of Nod-Krai ended, it’s no surprise someone like him has begun to go stir crazy.

“Why are they keeping you in the city?” you find yourself asking.

“Paperwork,” Lohen says. “I’m starting to understand the Grandmaster and his reluctance to do his share of reports.”

“Is it really that much?”

“Why, interested in joining the knights?” Lohen teases. 

“Not in the slightest,” you shoot him down immediately. “That’s more time I would have to spend with the likes of you.”

Lohen hums and swirls his glass in feigned disinterest. “Well, this likes of me put something in your drink. Rather silly of you to take anything from me given your own view of me, no?”

The light mood shatters instantly, ice filling your veins. His idle stare gives nothing away. You become keenly aware of how far from the city walls he’s taken you. 

“What?” the words slip out before you can keep them from betraying your growing dread. He doesn’t say anything for too long, watching you with an eerily blank expression. You feel sick. 

And then he laughs cheerfully, like he’s done something clever. “Kidding, I’m kidding!  A joke, I promise. The look on your face was just too cute to pass on,” Lohen raises a hand in surrender. “I’m only reminding you to be vigilant.”

Vigilant of what, him? 

You don’t know if you believe his softening words. You do know that you should throw your drink at him. It’s always some unnerving trick with Lohen. You glance down at the surface of your drink skeptically, trying to dampen the anxiety that wriggles around with the butterflies in your chest. 

Lohen catches your hesitance. He takes your glass from your hand and brings it to his mouth, taking a deliberate sip before handing it back. “See? You’re fine.” 

He pushes it back into your palm. The glass is cold. He drank from where you had been.

“What is wrong with you?” you frown at him. “That’s not funny.”

Lohen doesn’t look bothered by your unease. In fact, he seems interested in it. “I let you worry for what, less than a minute? On my honor as a knight, I didn’t do anything, I just wanted to see you panic.”

That’s worse, you think. In character for him, but worse. There is a reason you hate him. He sits across from you like he’s innocent, as if he didn’t intentionally scare you for no reason at all. 

You consider throwing your drink at him again. Ultimately, you decide he would probably like that because there is something wrong with him, so you set the glass down.

“You’re awful.”

“The worst,” Lohen agrees. “Turn around, you’ll miss the sunset.”

You aren’t keen on turning your back to him, but you listen. The sight that greets you almost melts away your irritation with the man. 

Warm oranges and reds paint the sky and cast a fuzzy glow over the landscape. Shadows stretch lazily over the rolling hills, the wind calm and slow. Purple darkens the horizon. It’s almost out of a painting. 

You look back at Lohen to find him smiling at you. It’s not even one of his usual nasty ones either. You know it’s more genuine than his others because he smoothes it out as soon as you turn. Your stomach does another awkward flip. The panic begins to subside little by little until you can breathe again.

The setting sun covers him in gold. The light catches on his hair, his skin, his earring, and the buckle on his choker. It’s like he’s been dipped in honey. He looks friendlier this way too. Your chest feels warm. You want to kiss him.

The thought blossoms slowly, each petal unfurling to present it to you. It’s all sort of gooey inside. The equivalent of a record scratch cuts off all coherent lines of thought. How terrible. 

Sitting here under the sun, you can’t even try to deny that you don’t like him. It’s painful. He’s gorgeous. For once, he keeps his mouth shut as you stare at him. 

Heat eats its way up your throat, settling over your tongue. You should say something before it gets awkward. Lohen doesn’t appear inclined to interrupt you. 

Eventually, Lohen raises his glass again. “I think I might like that expression on you a bit more than your panic.”

He has to ruin everything. 

You become aware of the slightly slanted down turn of your brow and the gentle warmth that sits on your skin.

“It looks like you want to eat me too,” he smiles into his drink. “You’re making me excited.”

You don’t have anything at all to say to that. You turn your head back to watch the sunset, trying to still your thoughts as the orange slips further down the horizon and disappears. 

You are so screwed. 

When you turn back to look at him, he’s already looking at you. His lips quirk once you meet his gaze, breaking his quiet expression. Your heart twists again. You might be okay with this. 

The rest of dinner is nice, another word that seems out of place on anything regarding Lohen. The two of you chat some more and watch the sun finish its descent and swap places with the moon. 

He doesn’t pull anything else on you for the remainder of the night. His focused attention makes you feel a bit dizzy. You can’t shake the feeling that he’s trying to dissect you with his eyes alone. And not in the sexy way either. 

You’re loath to admit it to yourself, but this is a lot of fun. He keeps pulling the conversation from himself and back onto you. 

When dinner starts to wrap up, you’re reluctant to go. Lohen stands easily and brushes off his pants before offering you a hand. “I’ll walk you back, who knows what could happen in the dark,” he teases. 

You can’t argue with him on it, you’re far enough from the city walls that there may very well be monsters or the like lurking in the shadows. The way he smiles at you says that he knows it. Terrible. He’s terrible. 

You take his hand and let him hoist you to your feet. With his hand in yours, you debate shaking him to vent your frustrations. He always gets you into a dilemma: be mean to him and watch him enjoy it, or do nothing and watch his smug expression while he knows what you want to do. 

He squeezes your hand before letting go of you. Your fingers curl as they fall back to your side. Shadows obscure part of his face. 

You need to look away. The warmth in your chest threatens to consume you. You look back at the blanket he’s left in the grass. 

“You’re going to leave it?” 

“Oh, this?” Lohen glances back too. “It’s fine. A couple of my subordinates need a bit of extra menial work, they’ll clean everything up.”

“That’s a blatant abuse of authority,” you find yourself smiling. 

Lohen shrugs. “It’s good for them, slackers need things to do.” He tilts his head in the direction of the city. “All ready to go?”

“I suppose,” you take a moment to look up at the moon. The silver light licks over your hands and pools between your fingers. You force your next words out and past your lips: “this was fun.”

You hear Lohen exhale a laugh next to you. You don’t want to look at him. “Yeah? I’m glad.” The words are simple, but they make your head spin. Maybe it’s the tone. 

He nudges you again. When you look at him again, his smile has morphed back into the infuriating teasing thing he likes to don around you. “Come on, a knight can’t leave you stranded in the dark.”

“I can take care of myself,” you argue more on reflex than anything else. “The city isn’t so far.”

“Don’t be stubborn, what if there’s treasure hoarders that can’t resist your pretty face?”

“This close to the walls there will at most be hilichurls,” you counter and pretend him calling you pretty doesn’t do something terrible to you. 

“Wishful thinking on my part then,” he shrugs. “I’m itching for it.”

“It?” you echo. Logen doesn’t answer you properly. He just winks and gestures toward the city again. 

“After you.” 

His faux chivalry pisses you off. It also makes you want him more. 

The walk back is quiet. Crickets chirp from the bushes. Lohen is quieter than he was on the walk out, leaving you to sort through the knot in your stomach. 

It is not long before the city comes into view, exuding a glow from the lanterns on the gate, making it enticing in the dark you walk in. 

“Vice captain,” the two knights acting as guards scramble to straighten up from their slumped positions. 

“Slacking off, are we?” Lohen slows for a moment to give them both a smile. “I didn’t know you were volunteering for training.”

The way his voice dips with the words promises nothing but misery. Lohen keeps you moving, guiding you through the gates and into the city. You glance at the guards you’ve left behind. They look pale. 

Lohen catches your gaze and smiles. You’re tempted to ask what he’s going to do with them, but think better of it. 

It’s only a few minutes more before the two of you are approaching your apartment. You’re reluctant to part ways, and that only irritates you. 

He’s given you two reasons on this date alone to dislike him, he pretended to drug you and then he threatened some subordinates. Your heart isn’t keeping up with the memo, however. 

Lohen walks you right up to your door.  Ah…are you supposed to invite him in? Do you want to? The better question might be should you?

You would like to consider yourself a smart person. Even smart people have their stupid moments. You debate with yourself for a second, glancing at his choker and then to the curious but amused slant of his eyes. 

Whatever. You can hate yourself later. 

With that final thought, you reach out without any further hesitation to hook your fingers under his choker and yank him closer to you. His hand flies up to stop you before he recognizes what you’re doing. He laughs and redirects his hand to your cheek. The leather of his glove is soft on your skin. 

And then your lips crash into each other. It’s clumsy with heat. You can feel him smiling against your mouth. His hand slides down to rest on the side of your neck. You’re afraid that if you open your eyes, you’ll find his already open. 

You pull him closer, fingers twisting his choker so he can’t move away from you. His smile widens. You can hardly breathe. The feeling of his mouth and hands on you is almost too much. Warmth trails its way up your spine and around your lungs. 

Every nerve is on fire. Lohen matches your movements eagerly, grip tightening against the side of your neck. It’s not enough to constrict your airflow let alone hurt, but it’s pressure. His hand slides to the nape of your neck. 

You part your lips when he licks the seam of your mouth. You expect tongue. Instead, it feels like you’re being devoured. Teeth find your lips, open mouthed as he bites you. 

You make a sharp noise, startled at the sudden pain. You shake him by his choker and bite him back, catching his lower lip between your own teeth, but it hardly deters him. 

The sharp nips send shivers down your spine. He pulls you impossibly closer to him. Your free hand fists his shirt collar. He laughs lowly against your lips and finally breaks away from you. His hand doesn’t leave your neck.

You’re out of breath, chasing his lips for a fraction of a second before you stop to look at him. His cheeks are dusted pink, lips kiss bruised and probably actually bruised from your teeth, and his eyes are locked solely on you. 

Usually his attention makes you a little uneasy, his eyes are always so dull, but right now you don’t want him looking anywhere else. He’s panting too. 

A delighted smile blooms over his face. You must look like a mess. His fingers flex against your nape. “So much for saying you hate me,” Lohen teases, “I knew you were a biter.” His voice is rough, giddy and breathless. “Are we going inside?”

Your heart pounds against your sternum. You’re already reaching for your keys. He’s a bad idea and you know it, but you can’t quite help yourself. You let go of him, fingers sliding out of his choker. Your skin stings from how tightly you had it twisted. 

Lohen loosens his grip on you, letting you step away from him. “Yeah,” you nod and shove your key into the lock. You push the door open and step in, holding it open for him.

You pause in the doorway to cast a backwards glance at him. He’s still standing there, watching you. Distantly, you’re sure he really is going to eat you alive. That’s fine, you can bite too. 

“You coming?” you ask with a raised brow. You can feel the flush on your chest and ears, the warm pinks meeting in the middle on your face. 

Lohen’s smile turns wolfish. “Sure am,” he says. The heat in your stomach flares again. 

You can berate yourself for this later. You step out of the way for him to come in. The door clicks shut behind him and his lips meet yours again.