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He hated Lance. Hated how loud he was, how chatty, friendly, personable. Hated how good Lance was with the gun, with his lion. Hated how good he was on planning, strategizing. He hated that Lance would check on the team, or protect them, would take shots for others.
He hated Lance. Hated those deep blue eyes, the easy smile on his lips. He hated how much Lance made space seem so much warmer. His laughter was like medicine on a bad day. He hated that Lance could command any room with his charisma, his charm, his smile. He hated how strong Lance had become, that the man could almost beat him in a fight. He hated that Lance, without a shirt on, looked like a model.
Most of all, he hated how hard it was to hate him. How easy it was to fall for him. How much he loved him.
Because everything was a lie. Lance was the sun, he was the reason Keith could move. He was good and peace. He was hope and light. He was Keith’s best friend, his truest friend. And Keith wanted more. He wanted it all, whatever Lance would give him.
He would take what he could get. Lance, after a stressful battle and tumbling into Keith’s bed, clothes ripped off, limbs tangling. Bodies pressing close, frantic and messy. Keith knew it meant nothing to Lance, and he’d made peace with that. He had to be ok with it. He would never be the one to keep Lance’s heart, he would take whatever he could get. Memorise the soft feeling of his skin, the sounds he made, the look in his eyes as Keith held him.
Waking up with Lance wrapped around his body was simultaneously the best and worst parts of his day. Keith would wake first, so warm, so content. The best sleep of his life happened when he wore only bed shorts and had Lance’s arms wrapped tightly around his skin. He got to wake, to see Lance at peace, sleep making him soft, touchable. He looked so vulnerable. It was one thing to tumble to the sheets with him, it was another when Lance stayed after. Trusted Keith in his sleep not to harm him during the night. For a paladin, this trust was huge.
As Lance began to stir, Keith sat upright. Didn’t dare look at Lance’s lips, the way his eyes blinked slowly open. The way he stretched, limbs moving in all directions. How calm he looked, waking in Keith’s bed like it was natural. He looked beautiful. Keith ached to kiss him, but he couldn’t. they’d both agreed no kissing. That was a step too far, where they drew the line.
Keith understood. He did. Because he knew if he kissed Lance, it would be so obvious how much he loved him. Impossible to stop. Lance would know, and it would end. Lance could never love Keith, what was there to love?
“Morning,” Lance hummed, leaning back onto the pillow, a picture of relaxed. He was never in any rush to start the day. Keith found it both endearing and heart wrenching. The only times this man was quiet were in the mornings, or if he were asleep. Keith loved Lance’s voice.
“Sleep ok?” Keith asked, trying not to make it too awkward.
“Yeah,” Lance said, closing his eyes. “Not looking forwards to today.”
The words startled Keith. Of course they did. They were about to accept a party in Voltron’s honour for liberating their planet. This was the sort of thing Lance loved, usually.
Parties meant people, people meant flirting. Keith hated parties. He hated them, but it wasn’t like he hated Lance. He hated parties because it meant watching the person he loved dance around with any being he could find.
Since Lance had come out as bi to the team, he’d been flirting with any gender, anyone who’d spare him a second glance. It had been fun to watch initially, sweet even. To see how confident and comfortable Lance had grown within his own skin. Embracing who he was in front of the team. But then the jealousy had started. It was easier not to be jealous when he stood no chance with Lance as a straight man. This was worse.
“You love parties,” Keith said.
Lance hummed, offering a small shrug. “I don’t know, got a bad feeling.”
Keith’s stomach dropped. Lance’s bad feelings had been all fun and games, until they’d turned out to be right. No one laughed at them anymore. “Is this a trap?”
“Don’t think so,” Lance said, and the relief was short lived. “I just think something will happen.” He shook his head. “Never mind, we’ll just be on our toes, right? Team Voltron!”
“Yeah,” Keith said. Maybe Lance would tone down the flirting, that might be a blessing.
They both stood, turning away with their skin on display. Keith felt a blush in his cheeks as he caught Lance’s delicate skin with the corner of his eye. So touchable. He swallowed, hurriedly putting clothes on and diving from the room. Lance might crush his heart, but at least he’d always know how soft that skin felt on his.
The planet of Akirim was a beautiful place. It was well tended to, abundant resources as far as the eye could see. There was no question to its value to the coalition, or the Galra. Keith was glad they’d liberated the planet. It was somewhere they could get a lot of food and resources.
Keith stood at the edges of the room, watching his team. Pidge was harassing one of the tech people to give her a tour of their lab. Hunk was gathering information about the food and recipes. Shiro and Allura were talking to one of the leaders, and Coran was drinking something on his own, also watching.
Lance was bouncing around the room, talking to as many people as he could. He looked perfectly at ease, in his element. He could talk anyone ear off. He was easy to watch, his blue eyes lighting up when he met someone new.
Keith couldn’t help but worry. After their earlier conversation, he knew something could still go down. He watched his whole team, the shadows of the alcove protecting him. He couldn’t be judged for worrying more about Lance though. He was the one bouncing around and talking to everyone. He was also a known danger magnet.
Someone approached Keith. A child, followed by their mother. Keith relaxed his stance, smiling at the pair. Despite how uncomfortable he was, he would never ignore a child.
“Thank you, young paladin. Because of you, our people are free. My daughter is free.” The mother said, bowing her head.
Keith always felt awkward with the gratitude, especially after becoming the black paladin. He tried to channel his inner Lance.
“Just doing our job,” he said. Nailed it.
She smiled, a soft, kind thing. “You did more than that.”
Keith felt an unusual warmth fill him. The gratitude was real. It was honest, and it was directed at him. “It’s worth it for this,” he said at last.
As she walked off, Keith made the mistake of looking up. He caught Lance’s blue eyes across the room. Something soft, gentle, almost awed was displayed in those beautiful eyes. Keith swallowed, looking anywhere else. Lance didn’t need to see that.
The red paladin looked away, but Keith caught a faint red dusting over his cheeks. Keith smiled softly, corners of his lips turning upright. He was so lucky to know Lance, to work with him, be his friend. To be able to touch him, despite how temporary it all was. He was lucky. Lance would make someone very, very lucky someday, and Keith would make sure they knew and treasured Lance as he deserved.
Someone walked over to Lance, drink in hand. The princess, with a polite, warm smile on her lips. Keith watched her pass the drink, something sinking in his own gut. Lance took the drink from her hands, eased by her smile and wanting to please her. Damn Lance and his good heart.
Lance and his bad feelings, Keith’s gut sank. Was this it?
The drink stayed in Lance’s hands, never brought to his lips. The princess talking, gesturing to the drink. Lance, bless his good soul, didn’t take a drink for a long time, and Keith thought he might not at all.
Eventually though, Lance was coerced into taking a sip. He brought the cup to his lips and Keith’s gut churned. The princess was watching too closely. Too invested. He moved towards Lance, legs moving without his permission.
Lance opened his eyes, saying something to the princess. She was practically glowing. She said something else, but Keith was too far away to hear. He was too far away. Lance looked ok though. He was talking as normal. If anything, the princess was the one who looked disappointed.
Keith wasn’t so convinced though, legs still pushing him through the crowd. He caught Lance’s eyes.
That’s when it went south.
The moment Lance met Keith’s eyes, the red paladin dropped like a stone.
Pandemonium ran through as people tried to find the threat. Keith pushed through, dropping to his knees beside the unconscious man. The princess was mumbling something, trying to run away.
Keith kept his hold on Lance, resting his head in his lap. He shouted at Hunk and Shiro to restrain the princess.
“She did something to Lance,” Keith snapped, the crowd parting around them. The King marched forwards, alarmed by the scene.
“Amara, what is the meaning of this?” He spotted the goblet, dropped when Lance had, contents spilling on the ground. The King picked up the goblet, sniffing it. He pulled a face of disgust.
Amara looked desperate, trapped in Hunk’s strong arms. “It should have worked.”
“What did you do to him?” Hunk demanded.
The king put the goblet back down, looking sombre. “It is a charm, one that makes someone susceptible to love.”
“A love spell?” Pidge asked, horrified.
The king nodded. “Long since outlawed, the consequences aren’t always – good.” He looked down at Lance, wincing. Keith’s heart dropped. “Usually, the victim falls for the person they see first. My daughter, in this instance. But, in some cases, the victim already has a true love. And instead, they body gives in, until the true love kisses them.”
Silence rang around the room.
Keith felt like he might die. Faint. Collapse. He was grateful to be on the floor, propping Lance’s head, the solid weight comforting and grounding.
Lance was in love with someone? Who? Who had won the heart of the best man he knew? Did they knew how lucky they were? Would they treat him with the care and respect he deserved?
Princess Amara apologised. It wasn’t enough. If Lance hadn’t been in love with someone, the spell would’ve simply worn off on it’s own, after three days. Three days of Lance being infatuated with Amara, that was better then this. But because he was in love, his heart too pure, his body had entered protective mode. He was in a coma.
Lance had become some sort of Disney princess. How poetic.
Shiro parted from the crowd, leaning down to Keith’s side. “We should get him back to the castle. Coran can run some tests.”
Keith was grateful to have Shiro. Someone grounding, giving him a task. Keith picked Lance up far too easily. For someone made of muscle, he was a bean pole. Keith’s Galra genetics aided his strength, allowing him to carry the unconscious Lance to the castle.
They moved in silence, the group all downcast. They were all concerned, deeply so. And the person who would cheer them up lay unconscious in Keith’s arms.
Keith knew they were all thinking the same thing. Lance wasn’t in love with anyone. He’d never talked about it. But, the evidence was right there, in Keith’s arms. Lance was deeply enough in love that his body reacted.
He lay Lance on the table in the med bay, the light making Lance seem so frail. Keith hated seeing any of his team here, but Lance least of all. He’d made this place his second bedroom, he was the most frequent visitor. Self-sacrificing idiot.
The team gathered around Lance’s comatose form.
“Do we all just try?” Hunk asked. “Maybe a familial bond would work?”
That was a good idea. Perhaps Lance’s love for Hunk would be enough. Or Pidge, who he’d taken beneath his wing. Or Coran, who’d become like Lance’s father.
“Afraid not,” Coran said, sounding as dejected as Keith felt. “Only romantic love will break this curse.”
“Oh,” Hunk said.
“Do we try – calling up some allies? Maybe Lance got into contact with someone?” Pidge offered, fingers itching to do something.
“Or go back to Earth?” Hunk said. “I mean, maybe it’s like, a childhood romance he never got over?”
None of the options were ideal. Keith wracked his brain, trying to think of any clues. But Lance was a closed book. He never shared anything about his own fears or dreams. He was too scared to be left, abandoned, if he let himself be known. Too afraid to be too much. Keith only knew this because he’d been watching Lance, had pieced it together on his own.
“Sleep, team.” Allura said, sounding truly exhausted. “We can attack the issue tomorrow.”
Shiro pulled Keith aside as they began to leave. Shiro, who had to have noticed Keith had a soft spot for Lance. It wasn’t like he was subtle, and Shiro read him better then anyone.
“How are you doing? I know he’s your best friend.”
Keith’s fists clenched at his side. He wanted to punch something. Someone. Preferable Lance for being so damn stupid. “He told me he had a bad feeling this morning.”
Shiro’s eyes widened. “He didn’t say anything.”
“No,” Keith shook his head, looking only at the floor. Glaring at it. Wishing the floor would open to the hollow expanse of space. He was done. “He’s always the one here.”
“He is,” Shiro agreed, shooting Lance’s prone form a soft look. “That’s just who he is.”
“Yeah,” Keith agreed, glaring at Lance instead. “I wish he wasn’t.”
“If it’s not him, it’s you. Voltron can’t lose either of you, Keith. We’ll find a way to wake him.”
“Will we? No one even knew that Lance had a crush, let alone someone he loved! How do we find a needle in a haystack?”
Shiro placed a hand on Keith’s shoulder, firm, grounding. “Because we don’t have a choice. Lance is our friend, our teammate. We will work something out.”
“I hope so,” Keith said, stumbling towards his room. The room he’d woken up with Lance only hours ago. Where his eyes had lingered on smooth skin. Lance’s smile had filled the room. Who was lucky enough to hold his heart?
“None of our known lovebug antidotes have worked,” Coran said, the team pouring over Lance’s body. He looked so peaceful, comatose as he was.
“Love bug?” Hunk asked.
“Ah, the lovebug,” Coran sighed. “A bug, depending on the planet, that causes the victim to fall for the first person they see. Some affect those who already have feelings for them, others exaggerate feelings that already exist – yes, that includes negative ones too. Nasty things.”
Pidge shivered, looking around the room. “No offence, but I don’t want to fall for any of you, bug or otherwise.”
“In some culture, the bug is a method to test a partner’s loyalty. Some cases the victim had strong enough love that they were able to ignore the venom, to fall for the one they truly loved instead. It’s really quite fascinating.”
Keith ground his teeth. “Can we get back to the problem? We’re no closer to waking up Lance, and if we get attacked, we’re a paladin short.”
The room fell silent, until Shiro took a step forwards. “I’m sure, if it came down to it, Red would take you back, and I could fly black again.”
Keith scowled, shaking his head. “No, you hated it. No. it won’t come to that. We’re waking Lance.”
“We don’t know how,” Hunk said. “He’s my best friend, and I didn’t even know he loved someone.”
“He’s a private person, for someone who’s always talking,” Keith said. “Don’t beat yourself up over it.”
“I’m going to check through Lance’s call logs, see if there’s anyone he talks to.” Pidge said, turning to leave.
“I’ll help,” Hunk said, joining her.
Slowly, one by one, they left, leaving Keith alone with a comatose boy.
He stared down at Lance. Begged him to wake. But only the steady rise and fall of his chest showed he was alive.
Gone was the beautiful boy who danced around, smiling and laughing. Now he was reduced to this. All because a princess had wanted his attention. Lance would’ve given it to her, he was so good.
No, Lance didn’t deserve this.
It should be Keith in this position. The team could recover from his loss. Lance was the glue that kept them safe, sturdy, together. It was too quiet without their heart.
He wanted to lean forwards, to just try, to kiss those beautiful lips. But Lance would never forgive him when he woke. He wouldn’t take advantage of Lance, not like this.
Keith could never be Lance’s prince charming.
It was quiet around the castle. Keith kept to the training room, and there was no one to tell him to stop. Hunk had cooked so many batches of cookies, each one more bizarre then the next. There was no one to tell him it was a bad idea. Pidge hadn’t slept a wink, no one to drag her away from her screens.
Lance’s absence was felt so much more then when he was in a pod. At least when he was injured, they knew he would wake. But this was so much worse. It was the not knowing. The fear. The universe was huge. Lance’s heart was just as big.
By day 3, they were losing hope. Lance was lost to them. Pidge was no closer to finding someone Lance talked to. No one at the blade knew Lance, no one from the rebels. Allura set a course for earth, but it would take days if not weeks to reach it.
Hunk found Keith, a tray of fresh cooking in hand. He looked exhausted. Keith paused his training, sweat dripping from his skin. He wiped his brow, dropping his bayard callously to the ground and joined his friend on the bench.
“How you holding up?” Keith asked. Without Lance, Keith had to at least try to keep the team together.
Hunk hung his head. He closed his eyes. “Honestly? Not good. I miss him. He – I think we all took him for granted, you know? And I know he’s not dead – I know that. But we don’t know how to save him. This needle in a haystack. And if we do find someone, how do we just – ‘hey, look, this is our friend, mind kissing his comatose body to see if he wakes up?’”
Keith’s heart ached for his friend. Both. “We’ll find them.”
“We have to. I can’t lose him, not for real. Please.”
“He’s going to wake.”
Hunk looked at his tray, offering a cookie to Keith. “I can’t imagine this is easy on you.”
“No.”
Hunk nodded, not looking back to him. “You know, I thought it was you.” Keith’s heart froze. Skipped too many beats. “But I thought he’d tell me if it was. I know he thought you were hot, back at the Garrison.”
Keith blinked. “He did?”
“Yeah,” Hunk laughed. “It’s why he started that silly rivalry. To get your attention. But I never heard anything else.”
“He’s good at hiding in plain sight,” Keith said. “It’s what makes him so good for Voltron, and as a person. Always looking out for others.”
He was back next to Lance, the castle asleep. He couldn’t help it. He couldn’t sleep without Lance, and it had been a week now. They were well on their way back to earth, but it was too slow.
“We need you to wake, Lance.” Keith said, reaching out to touch Lance’s hand. They’d given the paladin a softer bed, still in the med bay, but they’d added cushions and comfort. Warmth. Lance deserved to be comfortable.
“Pidge is a wreck, she won’t sleep. Hunk’s stress cooking our food away. Allura’s a wreck too, she didn’t brush her hair today. Coran just looks like he’s lost another kid. We need you to wake up, Lance. Please.”
“Thought I’d find you here.”
Shiro’s voice startled him. Keith hurried to wipe the tears from his eyes, but it was nothing he’d not seen before. Shiro wrapped an arm around Keith’s shoulders, drawing him in close.
“How are you, kiddo?”
Keith shook his head.
“Dumb question,” Shiro said. “He’s going to be ok.”
“Yeah, and when he wakes, I’m going to punch him for doing this. For hiding so much from us.”
“No one could have predicted this, Keith. Not even him.” Shiro pulled back softly, still with an arm wrapped around Keith. “He’s allowed secrets.”
“He is,” Keith agreed. “But not at the cost of his life.”
Shiro lingered a while, before finally turning into bed.
Keith was alone in a bright room. His best friend lay on a table, out cold, unable to wake. Keith had never hated Lance more. How dare he do this?
In a fit of rage, anger, Keith scowled down at Lance. Wanted to punch him. Break something, throw something. He wanted Lance’s smile, he wanted his eyes on him. He wanted Lance, anything. He just wanted his voice, hell, his cringey jokes. He wanted the laughter, the shoves, the taunts.
Keith had to know.
Fighting every urge, Lance would never have to know. He would never know. Keith leant forwards, claiming Lance’s lips for the first time. He would never know. Keith would never tell him.
It was a terrible first kiss.
Keith pulled away, but nothing happened.
Nothing happened.
Lance didn’t move.
Keith hung his head, shame curling through his body.
What had he done?
He woke to a pounding on his door. He blinked, brain foggy and drowsy. He had not slept well. He had puffy eyes, crying himself to sleep. Lance didn’t love him, not like Keith did. It was one thing to think it, it was another to know. The kiss proved everything.
Pidge burst into the room, breaking his fog with her words. “He’s awake.”
He sat up, bolt upright. In another move, he was on his feet, pushing past Pidge into the halls. They rounded on the med bay, and there he was. Lance, sitting upright, smile on his lips. Coran was checking him over, thoroughly asking questions and checking on him.
Lance’s blue eyes landed on Keith, and he smiled. He smiled. It was like the sun after a long winter. Rain after a drought. It settled something so firm within Keith’s gut. That longing, it was over. Lance was awake. He couldn’t know what Keith had done, not if he was smiling like that. He couldn’t, or he wouldn’t be smiling.
“So, did it wear off?” Hunk asked, bursting into the room.
Coran shook his head, looking as confused as the rest of them. “No, I’m sure of it. The charm was broken with a kiss.”
Lance did know, Keith could see the flush on his cheeks. He wasn’t meeting his eyes. It was all the confirmation he needed.
“Can’t believe I got charmed, sorry, guys.” He rubbed at the back of his neck, voice sheepish.
“Apology unnecessary, my boy. We’re all glad you’re ok,” Coran said, performing another test. He declared Lance fit and healthy a moment later.
“Pidge, have you slept at all?”
That broke the dam. The group all swarmed Lance, pulling him into a huge hug. Keith was on the outside, heart thumping. Had Allura kissed him awake? The princess looked so relieved to see him awake, had she done it?
“True love’s kiss works every time,” Coran said, practically singing with relief.
Lance flushed, refusing to look around the group. “Did you all draw short straws to kiss me? Sorry.”
They all looked confused, but Keith wasn’t. none of them had kissed Lance. Before he could hear another thing, hear Allura confess, he fled. His heart could only take so much. Lance was awake. That was enough.
“Thought I’d find you here,” Lance’s voice was a salvation for a starving man, but Keith’s stomach only sank. He wasn’t ready.
Lance moved to sit on the floor of the observatory room beside Keith. “You know, it’s interesting. Coran said there was a delay from the kiss to when I woke up, because I’d been asleep for so long.”
Keith’s heart stuttered in his chest.
“Why didn’t you kiss me sooner, idiot?”
Keith’s heart stopped entirely. “What?”
Lance looked – embarrassed. Concerned. He looked away. “I mean, not that you wanted to, of course.” Lance wrung his hands together, and Keith was trying so hard to keep up.
“I mean, I just. I thought I was so obvious. That you would see right through me.” Lance took a deep breath, looking up at the stars. “Especially the first time, I thought for sure you’d see through me.”
“What are you trying to say?” he needed to hear it. Needed it.
Lance turned, meeting Keith’s eyes. Blue and purple, home. “I love you, Keith. And I would take any part of you I can get. I never wanted you to know, that’s why I never – but you could do so much better. I know that.”
“Shut up.”
Lance whirled back like he’d been hit. “Keith-”
“Shut up,” Keith repeated. “Just – you’re such a beautiful idiot, Lance. As if I couldn’t possibly love you? How would – you are the most incredible person, Lance. The team fell apart without you. You, Lance McClain, are invaluable.”
Lance flushed. A small smile graced his beautiful face. “Oh.”
“I didn’t want to kiss you,” Lance flinched, but Keith barrelled on. “Because I couldn’t learn that I wasn’t the one who held your heart, and I never wanted to lose your trust. I want to kiss you, Lance. So much.”
“Then do it.”
Their second kiss was perfect. Sparks, peace, hope, love. Keith could stay in that moment forever. He wrapped his arms around Lance, pulling them closer, holding this perfect boy to his chest. Lance was his.
“I love you, Keith. So much.”
“I love you, Lance.”
The team didn’t even try to act surprised.
Hunk punched Keith for taking so long to wake his friend. Making them all worry. Pidge sobbed into Lance, sleep deprived as she was. Shiro gave Keith a smile.
But Keith? He got Lance all to himself. Got to wake up next to Lance every morning, got to kiss him every night. He got hugs in private and touches in public. He got Lance.
He didn’t care what the war brought, so long as he got to keep this.