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Waking up had to be the most uncomfortable thing ever. I couldn't tell where I was, I could just about see. What…? I'm in a bed, oh and my arm is wrapped in bandages!
Wait.
Bandages??
What on earth happened, I questioned myself, as if the answers would just come to me, ohhh and there's an IV in my hand. Owch. There was a doctor or a nurse standing by the side of my bed, were they there before??
“Do you know where you are, Dr Grace? “ a doctor asked me.
I didn't really know, maybe a hospital of some sort? “No I don't.. “ I mumbled. Great, just great! Cant even speak properly.
“Ah, Dr Grace you in the medical bay of the Baikonur Cosmos drone facility. “
Those words seemed to slide right past my head what the fuck. Did I forget where I was, I mean clearly something happened I can't see out of one eye and my arms are covered in bandages!!
Oh.
Oh.
“Dr Grace… ? “ the doctor noticed, of course.
“Yeah, sorry. "Right, what a great actor I am, not.
I had no idea what happened, yet, it was due to come back to me I'm sure of it. I mean of course there had to be a reason for the missing eye! Oh especially the eye.
“ Do you remember what happened? “ The doctor questioned. I didn't even know this mans name of course I wouldn't have known!
“No.” I huffed.
“ can you at least try to remember? “
Why would I even bother, I could see somebody in the doorway , no clue on who it was but hey! Company, hopefully they aren't as dry as whoever this man is.
“ Ah, Miss Stratt! Come on in ! “ the doctor gestured towards her. Wait, Stratt..? Eva Stratt? I remember, Eva Stratt! Her! Oh this is just amazing I now have to deal with her when I can barely remember how I got into this mess!
Eva Stratt was now standing beside the doctor, I hoped she would at least tell me what had happened instead of pushing for it like that doctor.
“ Grace? Why did you do this to yourself? “ Stratt had asked. That question felt like something I couldn't put my finger on. Oh my God.
I did this?
To myself?
No no no.
“What? Whaaat.? “ I replied, God I didn't even know what to say anymore.
“Yes, Grace. You sliced up your own arm and gouged out your left eye. “ Her words hit me like a brick.
Oh.
--
“I know it may seem like I am betraying you, but it is actually me believing in you. “
It felt as if Stratt was looking straight through me. No shit. I felt incredibly betrayed, I couldn't go to space. I wouldn't let them send me. I am not an astronaut, Lord, I can't even spacewalk.
No. I wouldn't go and I wouldn't let them take me. What could I even do to save myself from this? My mind felt stuffed and blank. Ah.
Of course.
I'd have to be completely out of a working condition, especially for interstellar space. How the fudge would I do that?? Stratt was staring at me. God had I zoned out again? Of course I had. I was slightly panicked as I watched Stratt gesture towards the door. No.
Three people walked into the room, one of them seemed to be holding a syringe. Great. Just great. I swore I'd heard Stratt say something before my fight or flight kicked in.
“sit down and we can do this differently.. “
Absolutely not. They'll murder me. They are murdering me. I'd gotten up from his chair at this point, I didn't even realize it. I was soon climbing up the sides of the cabinets in Stratts office so they couldn't reach me. Praying he landed on both feet I'd leap from the cabinets after a quick shuffle along.
I'd make a dash down the corridor frantically scanning for anywhere I could hide from his pursuers, I didn't really consider the distance. God where they were catching up, I'd swore they were yelling for him to stop but at this point it was all a massive blur through the internal panicking.
I darted around a corner before noticing a door ‘cleaning cupboard ‘ well. Whatever's in there will have to do. I pushed the door open and slammed it behind myself as I fell to the ground with a thump. I'd not given himself time to catch his breath before searching the room for anything that could do damage.
Jackpot.
A pocket knife and some bleach, yeah. They were not going to send me to space. What was I even thinking? Why? Whatever. That didn't Matter right now.
Id roll up my sleeve , closing my eyes i brung the knife down onto my skin trying to skin myself like a potato, Oh fuck. Oh fuck. It was bleeding a lot, it rolled off my arm and dripped onto the floor . Yeah nope no more of that. My vision tunneled. The blood loss was going to be severe.
Great.
But i wouldn't let them murder me, but. I was practically murdering myself.
They couldn't send me to space if i didn't have two eyes right?? I took a deep breath, this was going to hurt. And I was going to regret this shit. sticking the knife into my left eye , I screamed, oh Lord. I'd pull it out before dropping the knife to the side of myself. I couldn't fucking see. I was so close to fainting practically feeling myself slipping , my eye socket felt as if it were on fire. It stung.
The door was pushed open, fuck. No.
“Grace please we can do this- oh no. Fuck. “ Stratt stared at me for a moment. What the fuck.
I couldn't exactly see her, i could only tell it was Stratt through her voice , I mumbled something incoherent under his breath. Yeaaaaah crap.
The three medical staff that were originally going to sedate me had eventually reached the cupboard, shuffling past Stratt , she was still staring right at me.
The next few minutes felt like a complete blur, people next to me were putting pressure on his arm. A cloth over my face… ?? I couldn't even tell anymore, he felt incredibly nauseous. Great. Just great! I tried to hold back the bile that was building up in the back of my throat.
Yeah never mind.
My half digested breakfast was now half way across the floor and trailing down my chin. The pain in my arm was unforgiving, of course it was, my clothes were practically soaked in my own blood. A lot of it.
I could feel myself slipping away. God no please. Don't let them.
--
Oh.
Well I guess they didn't take me but oh my God.
I guess I remember now, that memory hurts. Stratt really didn't have to say it like that. I felt my chest tighten, oh please no.
“Grace? “ It was Stratt again, why can't they leave me alone. I was such a coward, hurting myself just to avoid being sent off to die. I could have died anyways.
I could have died a coward in the storage cupboard.