Chapter Text
Mindy was standing behind the stage curtain, peering out at the press filtering into the auditorium. The tension was already through the roof, and the room was half empty; she wouldn’t want to be the person breaking any kind of news to the ravenous beasts that made up most of the press corp right now. She said as much to Teddy, who closed his eyes and breathed through his nose in a way that suggested he was counting to ten.
“Thank you, Ms Park, for that incredibly helpful insight.”
She saw Vincent smother a smile; Teddy had shot himself in the foot by banning him from TV after the “bring him home alive” comment. Annie was one errant question away from a long-term psychiatric facility, and no one in their right mind would inflict Mitch on the media. No one knew, for now, who the hell Mindy was, which meant Teddy had drawn the short straw. She’d never been so grateful to be an inconsequential cog in the NASA machine. Much later, she would look back at this thought and kick herself; talk about a jinx.
Teddy is getting ready to go to the podium. When he looks over at them, she gives him a thumbs up that she hopes isn’t coming across as sarcastic, and Vincent takes a break from comforting Annie to say, “knock ‘em dead, Teddy.”
Mindy distinctly hears Teddy mutter to himself, “God, I fucking wish,” and decides that for the sake of her career and mental health, she actually didn’t hear a thing.
**
NASA @NASA
Director Theodore Sanders will be giving a press conference at 5pm EST- click here to watch
TRENDING
#MARKWATNEY
#NASAANNOUNCMENT
#RIPMARKWATNEY
Abbey @abbeygabby
I swear, if I watch this press conference and NASA announce Mark Watney’s DEAD, I am going to contribute to some statistics #NASAANNOUNCMENT
5.7K Retweets 154 Quotes 37.5K Likes
Brett @brettpan
I’m not ready for NASA to tell me my emotional support astronaut is dead #MARKWATNEY
4.2K Retweets 119 Quotes 30.1K Likes
Yanis @Yannispor
If this is just another picture of him as the Fonz I swear to god-
5.2K Retweets 189 Quotes 39.5K Likes
Becca @beccaJane
Why is #RIPMARKWATNEY trending, the press conference hasn’t even started yet guys
1.4K Retweets 72 Quotes 14.5K Likes
Jake Locke @jakelock
I refuse to believe he’s dead
1.2K Retweets 19 Quotes 3.5K Likes
Becca @beccaJane
I would not recover if he dies now, this astronaut is integral to my mental health
7.8K Retweets 10 Quotes 13.5K Likes
**
CNN @CNN
NASA have announced that Dr Ryland Grace of the Hail Mary project has returned to Earth’s solar system, and will be assisting in the rescue of stranded astronaut Mark Watney
250K Retweets 107K Quotes 5.7M Likes
Replying to @CNN
Abbey @abbeygabby
I’m sorry, they fucking WHAT
79K Retweets 97 Quotes 104K Likes
Katie Baller @kateball96
what the fuck what the fuck, he’s ALIVE?
1.9K Retweets 15 Quotes 5.9K Likes
Jeanette Bradley @jbrad427
IM GOING TO NEED YOU TO REPEAT THAT
9.8K Retweets 65 Quotes 15.3K Likes
Brett @brettpan
So was there a buy one get one special on astronauts that should be dead or
7K Retweets 62 Quotes 10.1K Likes
Replying to @brettpan
Brett @brettpan
Holy fuck, wait, they’re still going?
1.2K Retweets 10 Quotes 2.9K Likes
CNN @CNN
NASA have revealed that Dr Ryland Grace is returning with an intelligent extraterrestrial who was also studying the Petrova Line at Tau Ceti.
They have confirmed the alien’s name is “Rocky” and that he and Dr Grace worked together on the solution to the astrophage problem.
1.2M Retweets 97K Quotes 19.7M Likes
TRENDING
#HAILMARY
#RYLANDGRACE
#MARKWATNEY
#WHATDOYOUMEANTHERESALIENS
#ROCKY
Jodie S @jodiee34
NOW WE DON’T HAVE TIME TO UNPACK ALL OF THAT
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Cora @coralee
What do you MEAN HE FOUND AN ALIEN
109K Retweets 10K Quotes 206K Likes
Abbey @abbeygabby
Are we being punk’d by NASA
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Replying to @abbeygabbey
Abbey @abbeygabby
Like there’s no way I’m actually hearing this rn
16K Retweets 1.6K Quotes 37.6K Likes
CrzyFrog @geekedguy
I tune in expecting Mark Watney to be dead, and find out RYLAND GRACE is still alive?! We’re just finding astronauts everywhere huh????
102K Retweets 9K Quotes 122.6K Likes
Colander @colelander
I can’t believe we got aliens before GTA 6
15K Retweets 109 Quotes 27.5K Likes
Brett @brettpan
What is this timeline
15K Retweets 109 Quotes 27.5K Likes
Replying to @brettpan
Abbey @abbeygabby
I can’t tell if we’re in the Good Place or the Bad Place
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Deano @deanonono
The press conference is still going? What more could they have to tell us?! Were the aliens not enough?
5.4K Retweets 112 Quotes 7.5K Likes
Replying to @brettpan
Brett @brettpan
If they tell us the world’s ending again I’m going to lose my shit
1.2K Retweets 13 Quotes 3.5K Likes
NYP @NewYorkPost
NASA are giving a statement regarding the circumstances that led to Dr Ryland Grace joining the Hail Mary mission
2.8M Retweets 98.5K Quotes 906.4K Likes
Replying to @NewYorkPost
CrzyFrog @geekedguy
that’s a real interesting way of spelling “was yeeted off the planet against his will”
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Brett @brettpan
Yeah actually never mind, I’m going to lose my shit anyway
15K Retweets 109 Quotes 27.5K Likes
Abbey @abbeygabby
Holy fuck, they kidnapped him?!
403 Retweets 9 Quotes 1.3K Likes
David B @davyboi
They gave him AMNESIA?!
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Jenny @jennyfromtheblock
Eva Stratt have you ever received a death threat
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Replying to @jennyfromtheblock
Abbey @abbeygabby she’s currently receiving millions of them
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Sadiq J @sadiqq89
So am I just meant to go about my day now or?
978 Retweets 21 Quotes 1.7K Likes
Rachie @rachiejay
Ryland Grace is a better person than I am, because if I had been abducted, given amnesia, and sent on a suicide mission, I would have sent fuck all back to earth
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Replying to @rachiejay
Rachie @rachiejay
Like I would have let the ice age take the planet, are you KIDDING ME
3.9K Retweets 1.2K Quotes 6.5K Likes
**
DIRECT MESSAGE CARL-EVA STRATT
Are you seeing this?
Read 17:05
Are you fucking kidding me? Answer your damn phone
DIRECT MESSAGE CARL-DIMITRI
Did you see it?
Did I SEE IT? Do I have eyes?
Fair enough
Stratt left me on read
LOL.
I imagine she is very busy right now, no?
Read 17:15
Very classy Carl
**
TRENDING
#FUCKEVASTRATT
#NASAPRESSCONFERENCE
#RYLANDANDROCKY
An hour after the press conference, team Dear-God-That’s-A-Lot-Of-Tweets are in Teddy’s office, slumped in various chairs in various states of defeat. Annie looks practically catatonic; Mindy’s never been so grateful to be a space paparazzi in her life. At least that means none of this is her problem.
The same as before, in a matter of weeks she will look back on this thought and curse herself stupid for daring to think it. Really, she’s brought this on herself.
After a few long moments of silence, broken only by the incessant pinging coming from Annie's phone, Teddy sighs deeply. It's the sigh of a man who knows he's had his last night of full, restful sleep for the foreseeable future. Then, he reaches in to his desk drawer, and pulls out a flask and a few glasses. He says nothing as he pours, even as Vincent makes a censorious noise.
"Teddy," he protests, "drinking on the job-"
Teddy shoots him a look that would have quelled lesser men, but Vincent just looked back, unimpressed. Mitch is visibly repressing laughter.
"At this point, Vincent, it's practically medicinal," he says, taking a glass. Vincent looks like he's about to make a rebuttal, when Annie reaches out, takes a cup, and throws it back like she's on spring break. There are no further protests after that.
Mindy reflects, not for the first time, that her job is so fucking weird.
**
TRENDING
#PROJECTSPACEUBER
#MARKWATNEY
#RYLANDANDROCKY
#MARSPICKUP
Taren Makie @tarenasaurusrex
This is literally the most nervous I have ever been in my entire life
9.9K Retweets 301 Quotes 14.8K Likes
Replying to @tarenasaurusrex
Taren Makie @tarenasaurusrex
Like if anything goes wrong I am not going to be able to handle it
1.2 Retweets 20 Quotes 3.1K Likes
Abbey @abbeygabby
I am sick to my stomach, I need my emotional support undead astronauts to be okay
806 Retweets 13 Quotes 1.2K Likes
Johnny Sim @johnsim
Ya’ll I’m so emotional about Mark Watney I called out of work, I can’t function until I know he’s safe
19.3 Retweets 107 Quotes 25.6K Likes
Abbey @abbeygabby
I keep thinking about Watney and Dr Grace seeing another human being and bursting in to tears, I am ILL
1.3K Retweets 143 Quotes 4.6K Likes
Jensen @byesexual
All I can think about is the emotional whiplash Watney must be going through rn
9.1K Retweets 302 Quotes 16.7K Likes
Replying to @byesexual
Jensen @byesexual
Like imagine you’ve been stranded on Mars, and you think NASA is sending a crew to pick you up
1.3K Retweets 101 Quotes 1.9K Likes
Jensen @byesexual
Then you get to the launch site, and they tell you actually, remember that guy who saved the sun and died like, millions of miles away? He’s not dead, and also, he’s your ride
17.8K Retweets 1.2K Quotes 23.2K Likes
Jensen @byesexual
And also! There’s aliens, and one of them is riding shotgun
22.2K Retweets 3.4K Quotes 33.4K Likes
Replying to @byesexual
Rick Martinez @PilotMartinez ✓
If it makes you feel any better, I’m like 90% sure Watney will think this is hysterical
2.3M Retweets 210K Quotes 8.5M Likes
Jensen @byesexual
UM HELLO???
9.2K Retweets 210 Quotes 11.3K Likes
**
“Somebody tell the Ares III crew to stay the fuck off Twitter,” Teddy snaps, a vein throbbing in his temple. Mindy has to slap Mitch’s hand away from her prescription; if this doesn’t go well, she’s going to need every single one of those pills, so Teddy can get his own.
“They’re coping in their own way,” Vincent says diplomatically, as if any of them are in the mood for rationality. Mindy has quite literally never been in a tenser room, and she thinks that’s entirely appropriate. If anything happens to Watney with the entire world watching, the entire planet is going to come to a standstill, if the current internet hand-wringing she’s monitoring is any indication. On a personal level, if anything happens to Grace or Rocky, who she has gone from being fond of to being unhealthily attached to in an incredibly short amount of time, there’s no prescription strong enough to stop her from having a complete and total breakdown.
Grace’s voice comes across the comms. “NASA actual, this is Ryland Grace. Mary is in position, initiating MAV launch procedures in 3, 2-”
Mindy grits her teeth; the only thing she can do now is wait, and pray.
**
Abbey @abbeygabby
Okay okay it’s showtime, NOBODY PANIC
9.2K Retweets 982 Quotes 14.8K Likes
Jensen @byesexual
Holy fuck
997 Retweets 14 Quotes 1.4K Likes
Replying to @byesexual
Jensen @byesexual
‘Watney safely aboard’ THEY DID IT
114K Retweets 349 Quotes 176K Likes
Mikey @mcmike
Holy fuck, I can’t believe it worked. He’s actually going to live
304K Retweets 9.4K Quotes 607.6K Likes
Replying to @mcmike
Mikey @mcmike
I started crying as soon as I heard Dr Grace’s voice, like I’m so happy the story has a happy ending?
19.8K Retweets 145 Quotes 30.6K Likes
Abbey @abbeygabby
I am WEEPING they’re coming HOME
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Replying to @abbeygabby
Abbey @abbeygabby
Wait, is there another transmission?
1.4K Retweets 15 Quotes 2.9K Likes
Mikey @mcmike
Oh WOW that’s a LOT of cursing
324.1K Retweets 547 Quotes 764.3K Likes
Harry O’Hara @ohaze
When I pictured hostile aliens, I imagined like, Independence Day
14.6K Retweets 38 Quotes 5.4K Likes
Replying to @ohaze
Harry O’Hara @ohaze
I didn’t picture them straight up calling NASA morons
1.2K Retweets 19 Quotes 2.7K Likes
Jensen @byesexual
LMAO GO OFF ROCKY
116.7K Retweets 174 Quotes 237.5K Likes
Replying to @byesexual
Jensen @byesexual
I am CRYING he’s obliterating them
3.1K Retweets 12 Quotes 9.4K Likes
Kalii @chaoskal
Grace laughing in the background is SENDING ME LMAOOO
57.4K Retweets 256 Quotes 65.9K Likes
Abbey @abbeygabby
LMAOOO DID THE ALIEN JUST CALL THE DIRECTOR OF NASA AN EVOLUTIONARY FUCK UP
106.5K Retweets 367 Quotes 209.5K Likes
Replying to @abbeygabby
Mikey @mcmike
“-the alien” smh put some respect on my guy Rocky’s name
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Abbey @abbeygabby
you are correct and I am sorry
9.7K Retweets 38 Quotes 19.6K Likes
Jamie Tubbs @jamjar
Genuinely if the first alien to ever visit earth called me a fucking idiot in this many ways, I would launch myself into space
14.7K Retweets 103 Quotes 25.6K Likes
Replying to @jamjar
Jamie Tubbs @jamJar
Like there is no coming back from this, if I were Teddy Sanders I would be going in to witness protection
1.3K Retweets 21 Quotes 1.9K Likes
Alexandra ex. @alexaplaydespacito
ASDFGHHJKL IM CRYING HES SO FUNNY
964 Retweets 7 Quotes 1.3K Likes
Replying to @alexaplaydespacito
I LOVE HIM ALREADY YOUR HONOR
543 Retweets 15 Quotes 702 Likes
Aaron Cara @aaronc657
Imagine being the first person to make contact with another planet and the first thing you do is call the head of their space agency a fucking moron who’s bad at science on national TV lmao
13.4K Retweets 402 Quotes 23.4K Likes
Clover @fourleaf
Fun fact, my old sister was in Dr Grace’s class in middle school, and apparently it’s a well-known fact that he NEVER cursed, like ever
22.4K Retweets 18 Quotes 39.8K Likes
Replying to @fourleaf
Clover @FourLeaf
Which means Dr Grace wouldn’t have ever thought to teach Rocky English curse words
6.7K Retweets 56 Quotes 10.1K Likes
Clover @fourleaf
Which probably means at some point, Rocky had to sit Dr Grace down and ask him to give him the ability to say fuck, and that makes me happy
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Mikey @mcmike
I have only had Ryland Grace and Rocky for a day, but if anything happens to them I will kill everyone at NASA and then myself
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**
Email sent 21:09
From: [email protected]
Subject
Dear Dr Grace