Chapter Text
The first two challenges of Total Drama aren’t particularly interesting for Noah.
He jumps off the cliff when it’s his turn in the first challenge, makes sure he’s the second person asleep on the Killer Bass team in the second. Pretty easy. And easy to stay under the radar. His team’s mostly annoying, so it’s a good strategy not to call attention to himself in multiple ways. He’s not the most…friendly guy. People don’t like hearing the truth, that’s all.
It would’ve been better if he were on the Screaming Gophers. They’re only slightly less annoying, but their team is leagues better. Maybe some of the Bass will surprise him — probably not — but right now, the team’s really only being held afloat by Duncan.
Case in point: they’re about to lose the dodgeball challenge.
Noah, by force, has been made to play dodgeball. (Embarrassing. Torturous. Disgusting.) By the rules of the game he has to be on the roster — two people get to sit out for the Gophers, to make sure their team could never have more people on the court than were even on the Killer Bass — but he makes sure to sit last on the bench every time, even after Sadie and Harold. He’s not even subbed in in the second round, since the Gophers crush them in about fifteen seconds, feeding all the dodgeballs to Owen, their best player, and keep Tyler and Lindsay far down the roster (until they sneak off to make out, anyways).
“Okay, this is really bad,” Courtney admits. “One more game, and we lose the whole challenge. Again! We can’t let that happen, people.”
She stands up, beginning to gesture dramatically with her arms. “We need someone strong, someone mean, someone who’ll crush those stupid Gophers into the dirt.”
The whole team turns to look at Duncan.
DJ frowns. “Unh-uh. If we wake him up, he’ll kill us.”
“He won’t kill us, guys,” Courtney refutes, “he wants to win, too.”
“Courtney’s right,” Harold agrees, “we need Duncan’s fierceness to win this.”
“That’s the spirit, Harold!” Courtney whispers. “Noah, go wake him up.”
Noah, who’d already went back to his book, pauses. “What.”
“Well, if Duncan does kill whoever wakes him up,” Courtney says, “you’re the most expendable!”
“And you’re the least useful dodgeball player,” Harold adds. “Sure, not all of us are great, but at least we try. You don’t even cheer on the bench!”
“If he’s just going to kill me, why even bother?” Noah asks facetiously. “We’d still lose a player today.”
Courtney shrugs. “We can make the Gophers lose somebody, too! Come on Noah, be a team player for once!”
Noah puts his head in his hand, scowling. He quickly thinks through his options. If he refuses and they lose (very likely), he’s going home. He wouldn’t be that upset about it; this show is lame as hell, and the people are lamer. And he stole some notes from production last week while Chris and the crew were distracted by the sleep challenge; this show only gets worse, from the sparse details written in the margins.
But a hundred thousand (Canadian) dollars would be nice. And it would be kind of embarrassing to get out this early. Duncan already hates him, anyways. It was on-sight aggression, as other bully-types have tried to do to Noah over the years.
“Our…” Chris holds his head from where Bridgette just hit him with her surfboard. “…next camper, is Noah!”
Noah steps off the boat, quickly glancing at the competitors, then at Chris McLean. He’s way shorter in person; Noah wonders if the guy wears lifts in his movies. “You got my memo about my life-threatening allergies?”
“I’m sure someone did?” Chris gives him an annoyed smile.
“Good. Is this where we’re staying?” Noah glances over at the gross-ass cabins, then the creaky dock, then the woods surrounding the camp. Outdoors, gross.
He walks over to where the other contestants are lined up. One guy, dressed in some of the most cliché ‘punk’ clothes Noah’s ever seen, steps forward, smirking.
“No, it’s your mother’s house.” He cracks his knuckles, trying to look intimidating. “And we’re throwing a party!”
Noah’s not one to get intimidated. “Cute. Nice piercings, original. Do them yourself?”
“Yeah, you want one?” He grabs Noah’s bottom lip.
Noah scoffs. “Uh, no thanks. Could I have my lip back, please?” The guy complies, looking disappointed. “Thanks.”
Like the guy was really going to hurt him here and now. Noah’s met dozens of guys just like Duncan in his life, and almost none of them have tried to bother Noah past one conversation. He knows what they’re like, how they tick. Noah’s an expert in firing a shot ten times worse back at them, and when he doesn’t have an opening — he hasn’t found a perfect one on Duncan, yet — he knows how to make trying to bully him boring and a hassle.
Noah bets that the guy saw his vaguely preppy outfit and thought he was the token nerd on the show. But he’s not; that’s Harold. (Duncan clearly realized that too, immediately moving his bullying attempts to the dweeb.) Noah’s not the type to be intimidated, especially by some Hot Topic wannabe punk rocker.
After a moment, Noah stands up, stretching and rolling his eyes. “…Whatever. Duncan’s all talk, anyways.”
Courtney and Harold both raise an eyebrow at that. Everybody else on the team basically runs to Chef’s referee chair, and the two follow a second after.
Noah, without hesitation despite his slight nervousness, walks over to Duncan and lightly shakes his shoulder. Immediately, Duncan’s got a death grip on his wrist, hard enough that Noah’s worried the guy will break something in there.
So, Noah fires back, reaching for Duncan’s eyebrow piercing, his obvious weak point. He doesn’t even tug at it hard, but Duncan basically shrieks, letting go of Noah’s wrist and flinching backwards, falling off the bench.
Noah smirks but suppresses a laugh. Duncan growls and jumps to his feet, immediately getting up in Noah’s face and glaring. The effect’s ruined by his soft massaging of his face, though, clearly still sore around his eyebrow piercing.
“I told you not to wake me up. You better have a really good reason to pull that stunt.” The punk says.
“We’re down two-nothing,” Noah shoots back, monotone. “You need to help us win this.”
“And why should I help you, dork?”
Noah gestures behind Duncan to their team, still cowering underneath the referee chair. “Because we’re giving you the boot if you don’t, deadbeat.”
After Duncan turns around to look at their team, Noah shrugs, mouthing go with it to them. Sure, they’ll probably vote off Noah if push comes to shove, but their team needs to win this; they’ll go along with a little white lie, for now.
Duncan sighs, turning back to him. “Fine, I’ll play. On one condition: you do what I say, when I say it.”
Noah shrugs again, raising an eyebrow. Duncan rolls his eyes.
“Here’s a strategy I picked up during my first visit to juvie.” Duncan starts walking over to the rest of their team, and Noah follows him. Everybody’s listening with bated breath.
Duncan smirks, punching his fist into his hand. “It’s called Rush the New Guy.”
Duncan explains his strategy and picks his lineup — Courtney, Katie, DJ, and Noah, for some reason — but grabs Noah’s arm seconds before the match starts, not nearly as hard as last time.
“Hey, blockhead,” Duncan says under his breath. “You don’t mess with me again, got it? And you definitely don’t mess with my piercings.”
“Then don’t grab me next time.” Noah shrugs, rolling his eyes. “Fair’s fair. Not my fault you stabbed weak points all over your face.”
Duncan starts to growl, leaning in closer to Noah’s face, until Ref Chef shouts at them. “Line up, maggots! Round starts in fifteen seconds.”
Noah hates to admit it, but Duncan’s strategy works perfectly in Round 3. Duncan doesn’t even throw any dodgeballs for half the game, just standing at the back of the court, smirking with his arms crossed as his team of former flunkies kicks serious ass.
Afterwards, Courtney once again makes them huddle up, now with a smile on her face. “Okay, that was awesome! I think we should do the same thing all over again.”
She commands a disappointed Harold and an uncaring Sadie to sit at the back of the bench again, neither subbing in at all last round because of their quick victory. Noah goes to sit next to them, but Duncan jumps in front of him.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Duncan crosses his arms.
“…To the bench,” Noah says, voice dry. “I know you’re not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I thought you’d understand that at least, dodgeball pro.”
Duncan whips out his switchblade. (Noah’s mistake; he should’ve said sharpest crayon in the box, or something.) Noah rolls his eyes at the threat. “Oh, no, you’re starting again.”
“Why?” Noah asks, making his voice sound as uninterested as possible, despite his very real curiosity. “Start our best players. I thought you were going to help us win this.”
“Think of it as reciprocity,” Duncan says, waving the knife closer. He seems a little disappointed when Noah doesn’t respond. “You get me in the game, I get you in the game.”
“…You want to see me get pelted with dodgeballs.” Noah surmises.
Duncan breaks out into a smirk. “Hey, a guy’s gotta get his kicks somewhere.”
Noah exhales, annoyed. “Just don’t get distracted leering at me all game.”
Duncan splutters.
They win handily once again.
“Okay, this is it! The final tie-breaking game.” Chris announces.
Duncan huddles them up this time, looking more serious than he had the first two rounds. The Screaming Gophers had done better this last time, now aware of Duncan’s tactics. Duncan still ruled the court, but Rush the New Guy alone couldn’t secure their victory. He decides to send in himself, Courtney, Katie, DJ, and Geoff this time, finally putting a better camper in for Noah. But he does make Noah first on the subbing roster, so he’s 100% going to have to play again.
Noah shrugs, resigned to his fate. He’s tired from playing in just two rounds. He only ever threw the ball for Duncan’s Rush the New Guy plays, but dodging, even while standing as far back on the court as possible, is tiring. He’s not an athlete, sue him.
Bridgette, second sub on the roster, sits next to him. “Hey, good job out there,” she says, smiling.
Noah’s completely caught off guard by the compliment. He goes to make a snide remark but thinks better of it. “…Uh, thanks? You’re doing good, too.”
She laughs. “No, I’m not, but thanks.”
“Hey, at least you’re no Harold.”
From down the bench, Harold shouts out a Hey! but Noah and Bridgette ignore it.
“Gophers, Bass,” Chris announces, “let’s send this sample to the lab…and see what you’re made of!”
Right off the bat, the match is closer than the two before it. The Gophers have clearly figured out Duncan’s main strategies, and they avoid ever letting enough dodgeballs build up on their side to allow them to swarm attack. They knock out Duncan, Courtney, and the other strongest players quickly — the Bass do so as well. Noah gets hit in the stomach by Heather, knocking him out of the game, and in the jaw by Tyler, after he’s already on the bench. Eventually, it’s one to one: a fresh-off-the-bench Harold versus a remaining Owen. Noah starts making a packing list in his head, because there’s no way his team comes out on top after this.
“Sorry, dude, but you gotta go down!” Owen announces, grinning.
“Goodbye, Harold,” Duncan mutters.
But Harold’s expression shifts, his posture following suit, and suddenly the dork is dodging throws like a ninja, then a ballerina, then a gymnast. After a particularly killer backbend dodge, the Bass realize that all hope might not be lost.
Noah blinks in confusion. “Whoa.”
Courtney approaches Chef’s ref chair. “Time out! Time out!”
Chef blows the whistle, and their team huddles up once again.
Duncan chuckles. “Man, that boy’s got dodge. Where’d you learn to do that?”
Harold grins with pride. “Figure skating.”
“Harold, that was awesome!” adds Geoff. “But dodging isn’t enough.”
Courtney nods. “He’s right. To win this, you either have to throw him out—”
“Which we all know you can’t do,” Duncan interrupts.
“—or catch the ball. Can you do it?”
“Definitely.”
“Awesome!” DJ cheers. “Now go catch that ball!”
Suddenly, Duncan elbows Noah in the side, almost sending him to the ground. The motion makes the whole team turn to look at him. Noah scowls and crosses his arms. “…Woo-hoo, go Harold.”
The whole team — Noah included — shouts Harold’s name in unison as he gets ready to dodge. Noah allows himself to hope that maybe he’s not going home today.
Owen winds up a monster of a throw. “COWABUNGA!!”
The ball hits Harold so hard he slams into the glass wall behind him, but he somehow manages to catch it. He slides down the wall with a squeak, bent over in pain, and the Bass wait in fear. But he holds up the ball a second later, and Chef blows the whistle.
“The Killer Bass win!” Chris announces. Noah lets out a sigh of relief and hopes nobody else notices, while the rest of his teammates cheer for Harold, eventually picking him up and carrying him back to their cabin.
“Nice dodge, skater nerd,” Duncan says, all earlier bullying seemingly forgotten. The other teammates praise Harold in turn. Noah stays back on the benches and sighs, exhausted. Hopefully, they’ve all forgotten their annoyance at Noah, too.
The Gophers eliminate Tyler that evening (shocker). Lindsay loiters behind the group when they come back, sniffling, while Heather pats her on the back. The dumb girl doesn’t notice the proud smirk on the queen bee’s face, but Noah does. Interesting.
But before he can reflect on that any further, Noah’s shoulder-checked, hard. It’s Duncan, smirking. “You got lucky today, dork. You know, if you’re not careful, you’ll be the next person sailing away on that stupid ship.”
“Thank you for the concern,” Noah drawls, “but I wasn’t getting eliminated by some stupid dodgeball game. And if you were smart, you’d want to keep me around.”
Duncan snickers. “Really? What good do you bring to the team?”
“I’ve got a working brain, for one.”
“Oh, yeah. Glad we’ve got two dweebs who can do math in their heads; that’s really what’ll win us challenges.”
“You’ll need it eventually. And if you’re so certain you can beat me, why would you want me gone?”
Duncan raises an eyebrow. “Go on.”
“You could beat me in most physical challenges.” Noah shrugs, turning a page in his book. “As long as I’m not slowing down the team right now, you should want to keep me around until the teams merge. I’m one less threat once it’s every man for himself.”
Noah doesn’t like advertising his own weaknesses like this, obvious as they are, but if it keeps Duncan off his back, then it’s worth it.
“…Interesting point.” Duncan smirks. “I guess we’ll see, huh?”
Noah holds back a frown, put off by that response. “…I guess so.”
Without another word, Noah returns to his book. Duncan chuckles and heads into the Bass cabin, slamming the door behind him.