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A drunken Victor stumbled into the hotel room, waking up a sleeping Yuuri. The ice skater blinked groggily, slid his glasses over his nose, and squinted. “Victor…? What time is it?”
The coach was still holding a now half-empty bottle of Polish Vodka, one of the strongest drinks in the world. Yuuri immediately sat up and rubbed his eyes. He turned on the lamp next to him and blinked. “V-Victor, are you okay?” Yuuri asked, worry plaguing his voice.
Victor stopped dead in his tracks and looked up, fear clearly visible in his eyes. The 27-year old began to stutter. “I’m… m’sorry… Did… Did I wake you?”
Yuuri blinked for a second, not sure how to respond. “Yes, but… it’s okay, really. What… why are you…” Yuuri just stared blankly at the bottle in Victor’s hand, unable to process a proper question. The coach followed his student’s line of sight and sighed as he looked at the bottle. “’m fine.”
Yuuri stood up and slowly walked over to Victor. The coach smelled heavily of alcohol, which only served to further worry Yuuri. He reached down to the bottle without taking his eyes off of Victor’s face. “Victor… give me the bottle.” Victor clenched his jaw and turned his face away, shaking his head. Yuuri pressed further. “Please, Victor. Talk to me.” Desperation clung to the skater’s voice.
Victor’s breathing hitched, a tear escaping his eyes. “Can’t.” That one word sent a puff of alcohol-scented breath, making Yuuri flinch. The coach jerked the bottle up and tried to take another sip from it. Yuuri’s hand immediately shot out to take the drink from Victor. His hand wrapped around his coach’s wrist and squeezed, trying to detach Victor’s shaking hand from the bottle.
Victor yelped and dropped the bottle, the alcohol spilling over the hotel room floor. Yuuri froze as Victor flinched. He stumbled and tripped over a suitcase, falling backwards.
“Oh God, Victor.” Yuuri immediately rushed to his coach’s side, reaching out to check for injuries.
The next few seconds happened in a flash. Victor’s eyes widened and yelped, “No!”, immediately shooting an arm out, pushing Yuuri’s arm away. He scrambled backwards desperately, leaving Yuuri confused. The coach was backed up against the hotel door, tears streaking his face, a desperate hand clutching the wrist Yuuri just had hold of.
Yuuri stood there, in the center of the room, in complete shock. “Victor, I’m sorry… I- I didn’t mean to-”
“No.” Victor cut him off. “No, no, ’s okay. It’s... my fault, I-”
Victor stopped himself as Yuuri started to move. He took a slow step towards his coach, then another. “Victor, it’s… you’re safe, okay? You’re safe. I’m not going to hurt you, alright? I promise.”
Victor drew in a sharp breath and didn’t exhale. His entire body was tensed up, as if he was a cornered animal. Yuuri stopped walking and eyed his coach. He took a step back, slowly reached over to the bed and grabbed a blanket. He wrapped it around himself and sat down on the floor. “Victor… you’re safe, I promise I won’t hurt you.” He opened his arms. Victor flinched. “Will you… Can you come here?”
Victor was frozen in place, fear radiating off of him in tsunami-like waves. Yuuri slowly lowered his arms when Victor drew more into himself. “Victor,” he said quietly. “I won’t force you into anything, but I’m here.” He felt tears behind his eyes. “Please don’t be afraid. I won’t touch you unless you let me. Look.” Yuuri slowly reached up to the bed and grabbed another blanket. He cautiously tugged the blanket off of the bed and placed it in front of the coach. “You can have your own blanket, if you’d like.”
Victor’s eyes never for a moment drifted away from Yuuri’s. His icy blue eyes were frozen in fear, occasionally darting back and forth between Yuuri’s eyes and the blanket strewn between them. Without breaking eye contact, the coach slowly moved from his position against the door. He crawled warily towards the blanket, still shaking. Quickly, he threw the blanket around him and hugged his knees to his chest. Yuuri smiled sadly. Victor opened his mouth to say something, but quickly shut it and hid his face.
“Victor?” Yuuri asked gently. “What is it?”
“Ca- Can I… um… Can I… lay my head down?” Victor stuttered.
Yuuri nodded gently. Victor slowly bent down and rested his head in his student’s lap. Yuuri reached his hand up, then stopped, bringing it back down to his side. “Can I touch your head?” Victor nodded, prompting Yuuri to bring his hand back up to run his fingers through Victor’s hair.
An unspoken question lingered in the air. “Victor…”
“Wait.” Victor forced out. “Jus’… wait.” Yuuri nodded and continued mingling his fingers with Victor’s silver hair. Minutes felt like hours before the coach spoke up again. “I’m sorry… for um… all that.”
Yuuri shook his head. “Can you tell me what ‘that’ was?”
“I’s a long story, Yuuri.” Victor drawled.
“That’s okay, I have the time for it, if you’re willing to share.”
Victor hesitated for a moment before swallowing a lump in his throat. “Um… well, my childhood wasn’t exactly… um…”
Yuuri nodded. “I understand.”
“M’ parents weren’t kind to me.” Victor blurted. Yuuri tensed, but continued brushing Victor’s hair as he continued. “They were skaters as well, they introduced me to it. They were convinced I had to appeal to a certain audience and wouldn’t lemme make my own decisions for my career.”
The coach sighed shakily and grabbed on to Yuuri’s pant leg. “I started doin’ everything out of spite towards ‘em. They wanted me to be more masculine, so I grew my hair out and made my programs appeal to all genders. They tried to set me up with women and I’d mess around with guys. Then-” Victor’s breathing hitched, and he started crying again.
“Take your time, Victor.” Yuuri cooed. Victor slowly sat up and blinked at Yuuri, then curled himself into his student’s lap. Yuuri wrapped his arms around his coach, almost protectively. Victor sighed into the touch, then continued slowly.
“Then I started questioning myself.” He clenched his jaw. “I didn’t look at girls the same way I looked at boys. And… my parents… they hated me for it. Skating is… really homophobic, y’know.” Yuuri could only nod, afraid of what would happen next. “They… they started beating me. A lot. They would do it so often that I can’t even think of a moment when they didn’t.”
Victor stopped and began to cry, violent sobs wracking his body. Yuuri couldn’t do anything but rub the man’s back and feel the tears dampening his shirt. It took all he had to be patient for Victor. “They were also… really verbal. They said that I was a mistake, a fuck up, they hated me, wished I was dead… They didn’t want their son to be gay.”
Yuuri rested his chin on top of Victor’s head. A silence stretched out between the two. “Yuuri, I… I wanted to die. I couldn’t handle being under their constant fire.” Yuuri had tears in his eyes, threatening to spill over. “Victor… Did you…”
“I tried, yeah.” Victor sniffled. “A lot. My parents said they’d be happier if I was dead and I didn’t have that many friends in the skating world. My status made the others too nervous to approach me.” Yuuri slowly tilted his chin down and placed a tentative kiss on Victor’s head.
“That’s when Yakov came in. He wanted me to succeed, and I wanted out of my house.” Victor nestled himself into Yuuri’s chest. “Yakov gave me a room at his place t’ stay. Without a second thought, I left. I didn’t want to conform to my parents anymore and that was the first out I’d ever had. I was grateful.”
“Does… Does Yakov know?” Yuuri asked. Victor shook his head. “I’ve never told anyone this. I’m sure he’s suspected something, but he’s never… no.” Victor took a breath and continued. “But I finally had creative control. So… I started skating more n’ more, making a name for myself. This time my way.”
Yuuri started piecing everything together. “So then all the times Yakov told you to do something and you didn’t do it was because…”
“That’s all I did with my parents.” Victor nodded. “And Yakov was never a physical sort of person, y’know? He never hugged or anything.”
“That must have been… relieving for you, I guess.” Yuuri sighed.
“Yeah, a-a little.” Victor shook his head. “I’m still a physical person, y’know, I just…”
“I understand, Victor, it’s okay.”
Victor looked up at Yuuri, his face red from sobbing. “Yuuri, I… thank you.” He sniffled.
“Hm?” Yuuri asked. “For what?”
Victor sighed, his breath still riddled with alcohol. “Jus’… for listening, and… understanding.”
Yuuri smiled. “We should go to sleep. Can you stand?”
Victor nodded and pulled away. He stood up, but he was still drunk and his legs were still weak from his breakdown. Yuuri shot an arm out to catch him. Victor flinched but relaxed into the touch. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” Yuuri apologized. “Are you okay?”
Victor smiled gratefully. “Yeah, I will be.”
Yuuri moved them over to Victor’s bed. Yuuri knew Victor was full of alcohol, and he knew he had to get something else in him. As soon as the coach was sitting, Yuuri rushed off and came back with a bottle of water. Victor blinked. “Crying leaves you dehydrated. Try to drink, if you can.”
Victor slowly took the bottle and took large sips. Meanwhile, Yuuri moved around the room. He picked up the discarded alcohol bottle, and packed away some of Victor’s clothes that were strewn across the floor. He also moved the suitcase Victor had tripped over off to the side, safe and out of the way. Satisfied, Yuuri smiled and sat on his bed, parallel to Victor’s. The coach set the bottle down on the bedside table and sighed, but didn’t move.
“Th’ stain is gonna have to get cleaned, Yuuri.” Victor sighed. “‘m sorry… about that.”
Yuuri shook his head. “I’ll take care of it, okay? Don’t worry about it right now.”
Victor seemed hesitant, but nodded anyways, still unmoving from his position.
Yuuri tried to get Victor to follow him to sleep. “If you need me, don’t hesitate, okay?” he reassured gently, turning to lay back down.
“W-Wait.” Victor blurted. He grabbed the sleeve of his shirt. “I… um… can you… Can you stay with me?”
Yuuri blinked, unsure. “Would you be okay with that?”
Victor chewed on his lip. “I don’t want to be alone.”
Yuuri hesitated for a minute before rising slowly. “Okay.” was his only response. He lifted up the comforter and slid next to Victor. “C’mere.” he said softly.
Victor curled himself into Yuuri and sighed contentedly. “I… I love you, Yuuri.”
Yuuri sighed and kissed Victor’s forehead gently. “I love you too, Victor.”
“Don’ leave the bed t’night.” Victor clung drunkenly to Yuuri’s shirt as sleep started to take over him. “I don’ wanna lose you. Stay close to me.”
“You won’t lose me, Victor.” Yuuri reassured. “We’ll work through this together, okay? I promise.”