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She knew before she stepped into her father’s study that it was all over.
“A-Su”He’d called to her softly as he had done so many times before, ever since she used to sneak around outside the door to catch glimpses of him at work as a much younger girl. She stepped forward into the room, keeping her back straight as she approached, and when his hands stretched out, palm up, she raised her own and laid them into his.
“A-Die…”She replies just as softly, yet she feels her heart shattering inside her, and the emotions bubble up in her throat. She wants to scream, to cry, to beg him not to say what he will say, that instead he will tell her that she will be betrothed to the man who saved her life in the war. A man whom she loves so deeply and wants nothing more than to spend the rest of her life with, whom she has fought to have and is so willing to keep fighting for. Instead, she stands there and waits for his official verdict.
“I cannot give my blessing… You must know, I want you to have a better marriage”He says and gently squeezes her hands to comfort her.
It isn’t the first time she has heard those words, but never have they been this final.
When the issue had been only that of his blood, she could see that her father still had the patience to listen to her, that if she showed him how serious she was in her love, that one day she would eventually achieve that marriage.
But now.
Now there was something else, another excuse to be wielded against the prospects of a future marriage.
She did not care, she would marry the man in a heartbeat, no matter how ill he was, no matter how the rest of the Jianghu would look upon her. Even if he was dying, she would want nothing more than to marry him so that they would be forever tied together.
But her father would not allow it, and as her eyes, which stung with held-back tears, looked into his, she saw no such glimpse of that openness to change that she had seen all those times before.
If only she had been with child as they had attempted some few times to do before the incident, there would be no way to deny their marriage, lest her parents scrounge up a quick marriage for her and simply claim the baby arrived early. That would pose much more of an issue than simply allowing her to marry the man she truly wanted, wouldn’t it?
“Fuqin…”The plea surprises even herself, she knew it was hopeless, should have remained quiet so as not to press the matter, yet she had to try just once more, that last hope inside her bubbling forth, hope that her father would see her loyalties and forget the concerns of others.
“A-Su, I promise we will find you a more suitable man, one who will care for you far better than he would have”Her father reassures her and smiles. He means well, she knows he does, but it still feels like a knife twisting in her chest, there is no one else her heart could want… “Thank you, Fuqin…”She replies, he holds her hands, for a while longer before releasing her.
“Jin-zongzhu has closed Jinlin Tai to everyone outside of their sect for the time. When they open their gates once more, you can visit him one last time to say your goodbyes. I will allow that, A-Su…”
She wishes she could run to his side now, to stay there and be in his arms once more. Instead, she forces a smile to her lips, “You are most generous, thank you once more, Fuqin… I’ll be retiring to my room now…”She says, bowing to him before stepping into the hall once he allows her to leave.
It was only mere moments after entering the hallway, that she was picking up her skirts and rushing toward her room as tears began to slip down her cheeks.
Soon she finds herself curled in bed, frame shaking as the tears flow freely, and sobs slip through her lips.
“A-Su…?”A voice calls from outside the door.
Her sobs stop, yet she does not respond, though she recognizes the voice, it does not matter anyway, for she hears the door slide open and footsteps move towards her. A hand gently brushes the hair away from her face, “Here… let A-Niang brush your hair…”Her mother whispers, briefly moving towards the nearby vanity and grabbing a brush before sitting beside her on the bed.
She doesn’t want to allow this comfort, yet she cannot help but relax into the touch as her mother works to carefully untangle her hair. It feels cruel, and yet kind. She knows her mother’s silent stance, she is probably happy that her husband has fully called an end to the courtship, she wishes she could fight against this harder, fight until they finally break and allow her the will of her heart, but she knows that they have fully decided, and that she has lost the battle.
“A-Niang…”She says shakily, earning a hum of acknowledgement to continue, and yet there are no words for her to say, nothing that could change what has been done, so she lets herself relax into the care.
Perhaps this is all just a bad dream, and she will awake to her betrothal to her A-Yao… If only that were the truth and not the cruelty of reality she knew now.