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He's not supposed to be doing this, he's not supposed to be opening up. He already knows what will happen once he's done, she's gonna hate him, he shouldn't-
"My parents…" there he goes again with his big mouth, why can't he stop talking? "They split up when I was just in high school."
Well he can't leave her hanging, what else can he say? "my dad…he was there but at the same time…he kinda… wasn't?"
Yep.
Nailed it.
"I honestly felt like a massive disappointment to him, like I could never live up to his standards.”
Ribbit's head moves a little bit, she probably wants to say something but doesn't want to interrupt.
"I thought I got along better with mom but when he left…She changed.” Thinking back to it makes him wince, but it's too late to stop rambling, who knows, maybe she won't leave him once he's done.
“When I showed weakness, I was less of a man than him. When I lashed out, I was just as bad as him! It's like... She loved him and hated him at the same time, and I became the target of all that...”
He really should leave it at that, if he continues there won't be any coming back from this. His time with Ribbit will be over, the one person that made him feel happy and safe in this digital world.
But…
He looks at her from the corner of his eye and they´re so attentive, she's so still, she is waiting for more.
“... One … stupid day, I told her something deep and personal, I thought it would get her off my back but she… she just laughed at me! And then the insults didn't stop, they just kept coming and coming and I couldn't take it anymore! I…. I pushed her with all the force I could…”
This is it.
“And…. I waited…. And she didn't get up… I don't know if it was another one of her tricks but… I didn't stick around to find out”
It's done.
She´s going to hate him.
He killed his mom.
No way in hell they will ever want to talk to him aga-
“I'm sure she´s fine."
Jax snaps his head towards her, did he hear her right?
Ribbit gives him a little smile, as if sensing his confusion. "If the police never came after you then I bet she's fine.”
Oh god
That's-
Without even thinking he gets up and starts to move away from the bed.
“Oh god, I'm sorry I definitely overshared, I should go-”
A hand shoots out and grabs him before he can get away any further.
"Wait”
Jax turns to look at her, she doesn't look judgemental.
"I'm… glad that you trust me” Ribbit offers him a smile, and slowly brings him back to bed.
Jax is hypnotized, he can't stop looking at her eyes as he sits back down.
And then he breaks.
Tears start forming at the corner of his eyes before he can even suppress them.
“s[$#!?]t”
He can't believe it, first time he's ever opened up and he didn't receive insults thrown at his face. No judgment, nothing.
Ribbit decided to stay despite everything.
As he is wiping away his tears, he fails to notice the movement happening next to him.
Until he feels something being added to his ear.
What?
He moves his eyes towards his ears and sees…
Oh.
Her ribbon.
His face flushes with a deep pink before he can even think about it, her ribbon. Wow.
Not only is it hers, but it also feels-
No.
No, he can't think like this! He just opened up about this! How dare he forget for even just a second? He can't! He can't think like this!
He wasn't really paying attention to them, he didn't notice how her smile widened and her eyes became more gentle, she looks so fond and he's missing it.
Jax was trying to ignore the added weight on top of his head. He's trying to ignore how good it felt, how right it felt. He can't feel like this, it's not right... But-
"Your secret is safe with me"
The fondness of her tone makes him snap out of his own personal battle against his…
Oh wow
Ribbit looks unbelievably beautiful like this, she's almost glowing, it must be the lighting.
....
What was he thinking about again?
…
Did it matter? If he forgot it must not be important
Jax relaxes, he's not sure why, he's not sure why he's leaning in closer either. But she's leaning in too so it must not be bad.
Her hands find place on top of his knees, the position feels weirdly intimate and he doesn't know how to feel about that.
But they keep leaning in, their foreheads are almost touching and his hands find a place and settle on top of hers.
Ribbit's eyes flicker to his lips and then back towards his eyes, she tilts her head curiously. Like she wants to ask but doesn't want to break this comfortable bubble of silence they found themselves in.
He nods, he doesn't really process what he's agreeing to, but he feels nice so it's probably okay. For the first time, the unknown doesn't scare him.
Slowly, their lips meet. The romance books he used to read in the corner of the library so no one could see him were lying, first kisses don't feel like fireworks.
But this feeling isn't bad at all, it feels like when you finally find the puzzle piece you have been missing and everything clicks into place.
Ribbit is intoxicating, to say the least.
He can't get enough of her, and she can't get enough of him either. One of the perks of being trapped in the digital realm is that they don't need to breathe, so when the kiss goes on for too long they feel themselves change from oxygen deprivation.
He always liked Ribbit's little quirk, he opens one of his eyes to take a quick peak, and, as expected, Ribbit has started to change color, he once read somewhere that frogs can camouflage and it seems that out of all the data Caine has about the real world, that fact was part of it.
It's cute, she has stars from the projector all over her skin, they look like freckles.
He closes his eyes again before he can notice that his hands have become translucent.
Kissing Ribbit feels amazing, if addictions feel anything like this he can understand why people can't quit.
He doesn't think he ever wants to stop.
Ribbit manages to break the kiss for a couple of seconds to murmur something under her breath.
“So pretty"
Jax whines, chasing her for more.
"Such a pretty girl…”
And just like that, its like a bucket of cold water was dumped over him.
Before they can continue he pulls back, leaving her hanging.
“Huh?"
Ribbit looks like a fish gaping out the water. The sight would have made him giggle had they been in a different situation.
“What did you say?" He asks, maybe he heard her wrong, there's no way she knows, he didn't tell her!
“Uh … that you are pretty?” Ribbit asks, dumbfounded. Still breathing heavily from before.
" N-no….. after that…." He can't believe he just stuttered. Dear god.
“that you are such a pretty…. Girl…" Ribbit finished, looking towards the side, they look flustered. Like she can't believe she said that.
“I'm sorry Jax, I…. Did I misinterpret…? I…. I didn't mean to say that it just slipped out" they are scratching their arm, oh God she only does that when she's nervous. He's making her nervous.
“How….."
Ribbit looks up. Waiting for him to finish.
"How did you come to that…..?”
He's terrified, how did she even guess that?
“I guess… from experience mostly, you know how my parents were Mormons, I just didn't feel safe coming out to them, I repressed the part of myself for so long and I didn't get to set them free until I moved out” they say while looking at the ceiling.
"I think I kinda saw myself in you, but I'm sorry, I shouldn't- maybe I got it all wrong” she was starting to spiral.
He was starting to spiral too.
"Its- really it's fine- its- I just-”
“Jax listen, let's just… take a few seconds ok, we are not looking really good"
Yeah.
"Y- yeah…”
They both sit, facing each other but not meeting each other's eyes.
Ribbit brought back a part of himself he thought he buried alongside his mom.
He hadn't even thought about….Her in quite a while, it must have been a couple of years. Ever since he's been stuck in the circus.
Ever since he ran away from home he hadn't been able to think about her, it's always a new problem that gets pushed into his face. Being homeless, not having enough food to eat, getting stuck in this digital world, hope that whatever Caine has planned for the adventure isn't too terrible……
But now that he can think about it…. Could he give it a try?
He's safe from his mom, from his dad, from any bullies in high school who would make fun of him for having longer hair than the rest of the boys.
So maybe, She could give it a try, but… he's not sure yet, what if things go wrong? What if he comes out and none of the others support him? What if he realizes he's just not cut out to be a girl and turns back … he doesn't wanna go through the humiliation with people he sees every day, every night, every adventure, all the time.
“Ribbit…”
Her head snaps up almost immediately, like they have been waiting for him to talk first.
"Yeah?” she asks, almost in the form of a whisper
Jax swallows before asking "How did you….know, that you were….what was it?”
“A demigirl?"
“Yeah, that" he looks away, trying to avoid her, maybe if he doesn't meet her gaze they won't see how flustered he is.
“All my life I've been referred to as a girl, sister, daughter, aunt. And it just… didn't feel right, and for as long as I remember, it never felt right. Once I moved out, I got a roommate who was nonbinary, and they introduced me to this new world I never even considered before.”
Ribbit takes a pause, squints her eyes a bit, he knows what that means. She's trying to remember, he thinks the longer you stay here the more you forget from the outside. He can't wait until it happens to him too.
"One day they pulled out a laptop and started searching for flags, they were making pins to sell for pride month if I remember correctly. And as the curious 19 year old that I was, I started asking them what each flag was. Once we got to the demigirl flag, I asked what it meant and I remember I froze when they explained it to me."
Jax understands, Jax understands it a little bit too much.
“It felt like I finally found the missing puzzle piece to complete what used to be me, my identity, my real world body, everything suddenly felt right.”
They sit in silence after that, it's not awkward, at least not on Jax's side.
After what feels like hours, Jax finally breaks the silence.
"You…”
There was a time where Jax thought he was too late, that he could never be happy because of the constant issues in his life.
“You really think I am a pretty girl?...." Jax asks with quiet hope, there's a shine in his eyes that has never been seen before.
But here… maybe it's not too late.
"The prettiest girl in the whole world" Ribbit says proudly, without missing a beat.
Oh.
She likes the sound of that.