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Friday, November 20th, 2015
Holster was pacing back and forth, waiting for Ransom to come back from his Stats midterm. This was a conversation that should have happened weeks ago, but Ransom’s exam schedules had all converged in one week, leaving him in reef-mode permanently until his tests were all over.
Holster heard footsteps walking towards the attic, and decided that maybe right now wasn’t the best time. Ransom would be tired, he would want to nap, he probably wanted space--
The door opened, and Ransom walked in, a huge smile on his face. “Bro. I fucking did it. I made it through my personal week from hell. It’s over. ” Ransom spread his arms wide and went towards Holster, coming in for a hug. Holster twitched for a second, and then relented, relaxing into his friend’s victorious embrace.
The twitch, however, did not go unnoticed. “Are you okay, man? You seem jumpy.”
“It’s fine, and, yo, congratulations. I just-- uh, I think we should talk about something.”
“Oh.” Ransom looked concerned, and Holster felt nauseous. He sat down on his bed, and Ransom sat at the desk chair.
“Listen, we’re friends, right?”
“Chyeah.”
“And like, we’re partners, and we’re really close friends. And that’s sort of a delicate balance. And if one small thing upsets that balance, then the whole system can crash. Like, a grain of sand in a microchip.”
“Okay. So… you’re worried that there’s a grain of sand in our friendship?”
“Uh. It’s more that the grain of sand is… there. I guess. And that we need to talk about it and figure out a way to remove it. Or. Deal with it, I guess.”
“Okay. So what’s the sand?”
Holster took off his glasses and began wiping the lenses on his sweatshirt. “Uh. Me.”
“What?”
“I mean. Not me, obviously, but something I did, I guess. Or, you know, something that I… feel.”
“Um.” Ransom’s face flickered with the unmistakable look of realization, and Holster knew that there was no unsaying it.
“Like, it’s really hard to say this shit out loud, okay? In movies there are always declarations and stuff, but I don’t-- are you picking up on what I’m trying to say?” Holster’s hands were over his face and he was squeezing his eyes shut. He couldn’t look at Ransom.
“I think so. I mean.” Ransom was silent for a moment, choosing his response carefully. “Holtzy, correct me if I’m wrong, or if this is way off base, but it seriously sounds like you’re trying to say you-- you dig me?”
Holster didn’t put his glasses back on, well aware that his sweatshirt was likely just spreading dirt around as opposed to actually cleaning them. He couldn’t speak, so he just nodded, feeling the heat of humiliation on his face.
Ransom stood up from the desk, and for a second Holster thought that he was going to leave, but instead, he walked over to the bed and sat down next to Holster, putting a hand on his knee. “Listen, I can’t say I haven’t-- thought about it.”
Holster stopped rubbing his lenses. “You have?”
Ransom shrugged. “I think it’s something worth talking about, at least.
Friday, December 4th, 2015
“So, we should probably, like, go on a real date,” Ransom said, pressed into Holster’s bare chest.
“What? We’ve gone on dates.”
“I mean, not since…” Ransom’s voice trailed off, replaced by a gesture between the two of them.
“We went out for pizza last night!”
“With the whole team.”
“I paid for yours!”
“You owed me money.”
“I held your hand.”
“You did that before we started… you know.”
“I thought it was a date.”
“I mean… don’t get me wrong, you were a perfect gentleman.” Ransom reached up to kiss his cheek. “But I want to do something… just the two of us. Dinner and a movie. You know.”
Holster considered it for a second. “What movie?”
“There’s a new Paranormal Activity movie--”
“No.”
Ransom stopped, momentarily taken aback by the speed with which Holster had shut down that idea. “Okay?”
“I don’t do horror films.”
“We watched Shutter Island literally last week.”
“That was Haus movie night. I was on my laptop. Headphones in. Ask me anything about the movie, and I guarantee I won’t know it. ”
“Okay, okay, I believe that. But… I dunno, man, horror flicks are fun.”
“I don’t do ‘em. What about Mockingjay ? I’ve been meaning to see that.”
“Isn’t that a sequel? I haven’t seen the other movies.”
“You-- you haven’t seen The Hunger Games ? Dear lord, Justin, have I truly failed to cultivate your pop culture knowledge that much?”
Ransom shrugged.
“But you’ve read the books, right?”
Ransom pursed his lips, bracing for Holster’s response.
“Ransom? You’ve read the books, right?”
Ransom remained silent, avoiding eye contact with Holster.
“Ransom. Ransypoo. Justin. Dude. ”
Ransom shrugged, still looking away from Holster. “They just… aren’t really my thing?”
“NOT your-- I can’t believe this, in my own Haus, someone is disrespecting Katniss Everdeen, I cannot believe, I absolutely--”
Ransom sighed, letting Holster do his thing as he gestured with his one free arm, the other remaining around Ransom’s shoulder.
“--and to THINK that I was going to ask you to be my boyfriend, but nope, no way.”
“What?” Ransom knew Holster was joking about that last bit-- they were Ransom and Holster, they wouldn’t just break up right when they’d just started dating over something as silly as a book series. But Holster took pop culture stuff pretty seriously, and Ransom couldn’t help but be a little worried.
“Hm? What’s up, Ransypoo?”
“I-- were you actually going to-- I mean-- are we not going to date just because of this book? Because-- I’ll read it, dude. Or watch it. Whatever.”
“What-- Ransom, no, my gosh, I was joking.”
“Oh.”
“Ransom, it’s-- it’s just a book.”
Ransom had never felt this small before. “It’s also a movie.”
“It’s-- it’s 3 books, 4 movies, and you don’t have to read or watch any of them, okay?”
“Okay. Because--” Ransom took in a deep breath. “I have a really good feeling about us, bro.”
Holster smiled, and held Ransom closer into his chest. “I do too. Do you wanna skip the movie and just do dinner?”
Ransom nodded, smiling with relief as he reached over Holster to grab his phone from the nightstand.
Friday, December 18th, 2015
“Are we sure I’m allowed to be here, dude?” Ransom said, pacing around Holster’s childhood bedroom. Holster rolled his eyes in response.
“For the gazillionth time, yes. My mom loves it when I bring my gentile friends over for Shabbat dinner, okay?”
“Are there prayers? I don’t know the prayers. Will I have to pray?”
“There’s like, three blessings, they take about a minute to recite altogether, okay? It’s like, pretty low key.”
“I don’t know if I’ve even heard Hebrew before.”
“I don’t think I’ve heard much of it outside synagogue. These are just like, the standard ones. My mom will say some words you don’t understand, we’ll eat, she’ll ask standard mom-style questions, it’ll be fine.”
“Okay, but what if your mom hates me?”
Holster sighed. “Ransom. We’ve been over this. My mom has already met you, and she already likes you.”
“Are you sure?”
“Dude, she told me that she thinks you’re a good influence . That’s like, the highest seal of approval she can give.”
“But…” Ransom bit his lip. “It’s different this time. I’m… I’m not just your teammate anymore, you know?”
“I know, but... Listen. I’m going to tell you some things, and they’re all true, and I bet they’re going to make you feel better.”
“Okay. Hit me with ‘em.”
“So sophomore year, remember Esther Shapiro?”
Ransom nodded.
“So Esther and I didn’t meet until Samwell, like, the night of that kegster, but we figured out that her cousin went to summer camp with my mother’s friend’s son, David.”
“Wait, actually?”
Holster shrugged. “Yep. So she was at her cousin’s Hanukkah party last year, and apparently got talking with David, who mentioned he knew someone who went to Samwell, and she told him that she thought that we-- as in, you and me, dude-- were dating. For like, a second, at that party, when we first started talking. But she quickly realized we weren’t, and moved on-- I don’t know if she told David we hooked up, she definitely mentioned that you tried to Screw me with her, though. Anyway. So David gets home from the Hanukkah party, probably, and his mom asks what he was talking to Esther about, and he mentioned that funny little anecdote to his mom, who shared it with my mom.”
“Dude. You’re making this up.”
“I promise that I am not. It’s a Jewish thing. Anyway, so this was right before the holiday break when I decided to come out to my mom. So I fly in, see my family, and on the car ride home I just sort of say it. And my mom is really cool about it, but she asks like, four times if I’m seeing anyone. And I say no, because I’m not. And she accepts that answer. Fast forward to more recently. Last week, as you know, I told her about us.”
“Yes.”
“And she’s all like, ‘Oh, wonderful, I’m so happy for you! What a nice boy! How long have you two been together?’ and I say, ya know, a few weeks, but it’s looking really promising. And she’s sort of like ‘only a few weeks? Really?’ and her tone changes-- she sounds super confused. So I ask if she has a problem with that, and she says, ‘well, not really, I just thought-- I wasn’t going to push you to say anything, but I just assumed it’s been a few years now.’”
“Wait, what?! Actually?”
“Yeah, like, since I came out to her. I guess hearing that we might be dating and hearing that I sometimes am into dudes sort of just, mixed together in her brain.”
“Wait, holy shit.”
“So yeah, she already thinks you’re a good match and an excellent boyfriend and a good influence and an upstanding young gentleman, okay? You’re a bio major, which is one step from a doctor. You’re a Jewish mother’s dream. So listen to me: You will be fine with one Shabbat dinner.”
Ransom took a breath. “Dude. Why didn’t you tell me any of this earlier?”
Holster shrugged. “I dunno. It kind of freaked me out when I first heard it, to be honest.”
“Why?”
“I mean… it’s just, what if we had been dating for two years, ya know? Like, we’re still new, and that’s a really weird thing to consider.”
“Yeah,” said Ransom, “yeah, I guess it is.”
“And… I kind of liked you a little bit back then.”
“What?! Sophomore year?”
“Like, I wasn’t just your friend because I liked you, I promise, okay? I’m still not. But just… a little. I dunno. It came and went, I guess.”
Ransom was smiling now, and Holster relaxed at the sight. “You’ve been wanting to tap this ass for two years , man.”
“What can I say, you have a hockey butt and cheekbones that could cut glass. Can’t say I don’t have good taste.”
“Man, you’re a fucking dweeb.”
“Yeah, but you’re kind of into it.”
“Whatever, bro,” said Ransom, leaning in for a kiss.
“ BOYS? ” a voice from downstairs yelled up.
“YEAH, MOM?” Holster replied.
“ IT’S DINNER TIME.”
“COMING!”
Holster grabbed Ransom’s hand and lead him towards the kitchen.
Friday, February 12th, 2016
Ransom was with Holster in the Haus kitchen, updating the “Derek Nurse/Valentine’s Day Kegster” spreadsheet with projected numbers based on Facebook RSVP yield, when it hit him.
“Holtzy.”
“What’s up, sweetie cakes?”
“Uh, okay, never call me that again, and also, dude. It’s February 12th. ”
“Yes? That is, in fact, today’s date, and Nursey is turning 20 in two days.”
“But dude. Valentine’s Day is in two days .”
Holster furrowed his brow. “Yes? It’s on a Sunday, so we’re having the Kegster on the 13th.”
“Dude. Valentine’s Day.”
Holster thought about it for a few more seconds, then gasped. “We’re supposed to do things on that day.”
“Are you fucking with me? Because dude, I legit--”
“No, same, my gosh, I’m so--”
“Do you want to do gifts? Do we even have time for gifts? Holy shit, we both-- just, how?”
“I dunno, man. I mean, it’s been a busy few weeks, with playoffs and interviews and just, shit, fuck.”
The silence lingered for a second before Holster broke it.
“Are you mad?”
“What? Nah, man, it’s just hard making plans at the last second. Fuck, and Sunday is a weird day for dinner anyway.”
“Okay. Uh. Well, at this point, how likely is it that we’ll get a dinner reservation at either of the nice restaurants in Samwell?” Holster asked
“Pretty slim. And we probably won’t have time to go to Boston.”
They both thought for a moment before their faces simultaneously lit up.
“Okay. Wait--” started Holster
“Dude, I think we just had the same thought.”
“Brunch?”
“Jerry’s?”
“‘Swawesome. Now we just need time to go shopping for gifts, and--” Holster paced as Ransom typed quickly.
“Actually,” said Ransom, “I just ordered yours.”
“What?”
“Amazon Prime, dude.”
“You just had a gift idea that fast?”
“Dude. Just because I didn’t realize Valentine’s day was coming up, doesn’t mean I don’t prepare. I keep a spreadsheet of possible gifts for everyone. The Holster column had plenty of options in the ‘Birthday’ category, so I bumped it to Valentine’s day.”
“How romantic.”
“If you order from Amazon in the next hour, you can get two-day shipping.”
“Shit. I have no idea what to order you. You’re impossible to shop for.”
“What? You’re no easier.”
“That is bull-fucking-shit. I like pop culture and sports. If you think of the things I like, you can reasonably get a good gift idea from that. You can get me a 30 Rock mug or something, and you know I’ll love it, and it’ll be equal parts thoughtful and useful.”
Ransom looked down at his laptop, and began typing discretely.
“What are you doing?”
“...Cancelling the mug I ordered.”
“Okay, I feel kind of bad, but that also definitely proves my point.”
“Honestly, I want to be annoyed, but I’m a little too impressed that you got that.”
“So now we’re both giftless.”
“Yep.”
There was a beat before Holster had an idea. “Dude.”
“Yep?”
“Okay, so, hear me out. This isn’t the kind of gift you can wrap, but it’s pretty fucking cute.”
“I’ll hear it.”
“You know how you always want me to start wearing Sperry’s?”
“Yes, because they’re comfortable--”
“So I will. And... I’ll stop trying to throw your salmon shorts out the window.”
“So we get to dress nicely for brunch?”
“We get to dress something for brunch.”
“Bro,” said Ransom, smiling. “that’s the best gift you could ever get me. Now I’m definitely going to be outgifted.”
“I’m sure you’ll think of something, babe,” said Holster, getting up and kissing Ransom on the forehead before walking out of the room.
After Holster left, Ransom browsed Amazon some more, but couldn’t find a gift that was quite as personal. He switched to Pinterest after a few minutes, and after browsing through the typical DIY-type gifts, noticed a guide for crafting the perfect Valentine’s day movie marathon, and smiling, began to make a new spreadsheet: “Ransom and Holster’s Valentine’s day extravaganza”
Friday, May 20th, 2016
The attic wasn’t quite empty. Their furniture was still there, and Dex and Nursey had already begun moving their stuff in, planning to remain for the rest of the summer, so there were boxes in the closets and other random crap lying around. Holster wasn’t saying goodbye to an empty room, just a room that wasn’t his any more.
It hurt harder than it should have.
The “Penitus Potes!” banner remained, at Ransom’s insistence; it was funny, and it did belong in the Haus. Every other trace of Holster and Ransom was gone. It hurt to leave, it hurt almost more than graduation, because this was… Holster’s mind drifted to the Office, and he stood, staring at the room.
He felt Ransom’s hand on his shoulder. “Hey, how’re you holding up?”
Holster shrugged. “As well as I expected to,” he responded. “Or, better. I dunno. It’s weird.”
“What’re you thinking about?”
“The Office.”
Ransom gave him a small smile. “Sounds about right for you.”
“I just thought that I’d be crying by now, I guess.”
“What do you mean?”
“I cry when I watch Michael’s last day on the Office. I cry when I watch season 5, episode 14 of Parks and Rec, and season 4 episode 1, and of course season 7 episode 12. I cry during Futurama, and Scrubs, and-- and those are sitcoms. This is real. This is the end of an era, and I’m dry eyed.”
Ransom nodded. “Holtzy, you process sitcoms in a very different way than you process real life.”
“I know, but I’m really fucking sad, you know? Like, I’m going to miss this place so fucking much, but-- it’s like, my mind doesn’t want to process it, and have the whole thing come to an emotional catharsis that starts me down a new path. This just feels like the end and I’m terrified. I’m--”
Holster felt his chest tighten, and for a second worried that it was a panic attack, but no, he was alive; and then the tears came.
“Fuck, Ransom, I fucked up,” he said, through tears.
“Hey, hey, let it out, it’s okay,” said Ransom. Holster sat there and cried for a few more minutes, out of fear and sadness and a crushing feeling that he might never be this happy again.
His tears eventually slowed to the point where he could speak again. “You don’t understand. Like, I’m a jock. And an athlete, right, but mostly I’m just a jock. And I’m not gonna play in the NHL and that’s fine, but like, what am I going to do? Like, I have a gig lined up and that will pay, but I’m not gonna be there for more than a year and after that--”
“Hey, shush. You just graduated college, like, four days ago. And we have a plan for the next bit of our lives, and we’ll just see where that path leads us, and if we don’t like it, we can, I dunno, apply to grad school, or go on a trip to find ourselves or something. And dude. It’s okay to be scared.”
“You have a job you want, what do you know,” said Holster, though there was no malice behind it.
“Yes. And I could get there and hate it and quit and decide to try and make it on Broadway, okay? Nothing’s guaranteed. We just work hard and do what we can.”
“You wouldn’t make it on Broadway,” said Holster, leaning into Ransom. “They’re all about the triple threat.”
Ransom put his arm around Holster and began stroking his hair. “I bet you’d have a better shot.”
“You’re just trying to make me feel better.”
“Is it working?”
“A little.”
They sat in silence for a few more minutes, until Ransom kissed the side of Holster’s head. “Feeling better?”
“I don’t cry that much when it’s not about TV, do I.”
“Not really.”
“It’s a different kind of crying. And also--” Holster swallowed. “I love you but it’s kind of scary that we’re living together.”
“We’ve lived together for the past 3 years.”
“You know it’s different.”
“I do.”
“We’re not just doing this because it’s convenient, right?” Holster said.
“What do you mean?” asked Ransom, momentarily taken aback.
“Like-- we’re gonna be in the same city, so we’re staying together, and living together because we don’t have an excuse to not, you know? Does it make me a terrible person to ask? Fuck.”
“No-- no, Holtzy, dude. That’s okay. No. Not at all. I’m living with you because I want to live with you, okay? I want to, like-- I’m trying to not say build a life with you, but that’s what it is.”
“That’s also a little terrifying to hear, to be honest.”
“It’s terrifying to think, too.”
“I want to build a life with you too.”
Ransom smiled. “Thanks, man.”
“I love you, dude.”
“You too. Now, Bitty’s baking his last pie of our college careers, so let’s go grab a slice.”
“I thought the one on graduation day was the last one? And before that it was the one he baked for the last day of classes.”
Ransom shrugged. “Just means more pie for us, dude. Now, come on, dude, packing makes me hungry and we should, like, get to the new place tonight.”
Tuesday, November 20th, 2018
“Honey? Where is my super suit?” Ransom’s voice shouted from the bedroom. Holster was frantically waiting for the coffee to brew so he could bring his boyfriend a warm drink and a goodbye kiss while not being late for work.
“I’m sorry sweetie, no time for the bit right now,” Holster called back.
“Since when do you not have time for a bit?” replied Ransom, now walking into the kitchen.
“Since I told the kids we’d have an early morning practice.”
“How early can it be? You won’t be there before 7.”
“I’ll make it by 6:45.”
“If there’s no traffic.”
“There won’t be traffic. Have I ever been wrong about this?”
Ransom sighed. “Somehow, you haven’t. I don’t get it, it always takes me 45 minutes, without fail.”
“I’m in my second year, I’m an expert.”
“You just speed.”
“Tomato, tomahto.”
“We would have been finished with the bit by now, you know.”
“My biggest regret.”
“Why morning practice? You hated morning practice.”
“No one liked it.” Holster paused. “Maybe Bitty and Jack liked their super gay 4AM checking practice but other than that, it sucks. But it’s a necessity.”
“Why?”
“I dunno. Teaches them that sports are suffering.”
“Okay, fair point.”
“Plus, I have class at 4 on Wednesdays, and I’d rather get up early than cancel practice. I should really head out. Have fun at work, consult people and whatnot!”
“Be home in time for dinner?”
Holster leaned in to kiss Ransom. “Wouldn’t miss it.”
As Holster rushed out the door, Ransom thought about the 30 Rock mug that Holster would find waiting in the car, and went into the bedroom. There was a small plastic box on his night table that hadn’t been there before, and Ransom burst into a smile. An Alexei Mashkov figurine. There was also a small envelope next to it labeled with his name, and Ransom opened it. All it said was: your real gift is coming later. Hopefully the love of your life will keep you happy until dinner.
And Ransom realized that they were probably both planning to propose on the same night.