Chapter Text
It didn’t take James very long after getting into the ABDL community to get in over his head. He’d always giggled at the fetish roleplay accounts that teased the reader about falling hard and fast into ABDL lifestyle, but he hadn’t realized how true it was until it was too late.
He’d started out just scrolling through tags on social media websites after accidentally stumbling on a fetish account during his normal browsing. But all it took was a simple google search to find more websites, chatrooms, and porn pages than his now seriously chafed dick was prepared for.
A couple times as he fell asleep in the early days, completely bone-tired from multiple orgasms, he thought maybe he should feel shame about it. He’d never been very dominant in bed, enjoyed being bossed around a little, even dabbled in some light BDSM with previous partners. But he’d never come so hard as the first time he imagined himself behind the POV video of a mommy rubbing her baby’s diaper front while he nursed at her exposed breast. He knew that wasn’t a normal experience for most guys, though the plethora of fetish bloggers he’d found made him feel like it was more common than most people would assume.
He’d even found a ‘mommy’ on one of the chatrooms, who was eager to indulge James’ burgeoning inner adult baby, encouraging him to try diapers and explore his little space. He hadn’t been able to do more than buy the smallest pack of adult incontinence briefs he could find at the local pharmacy, trying not to explode while the cashier rung him up. He’d come so hard in his first one that he’d almost collapsed right on the bathroom floor, but he hadn’t gone much further than that.
Still, the thrill of talking to ‘mommy’ was unmistakeable, and James knew it was probably becoming an addiction. They’d gone from nightly chats on the forum, to morning and evening chats, and soon he had her phone number, and they were texting all day every day, about various things she’d done with other babies and things she wanted him to try, to even be there for when he tried them. She was so funny and sweet, and when she told him goodnight and verbally tucked him in every night, he felt safer and slept better than he could ever remember sleeping in his life.
Diana, she’d told him, when he’d asked for her name. It immediately conjured images of Wonder Woman, a big buff Amazonian who could pick him up and bounce him on her hip, hold him effortlessly against her chest while he nursed. Talking to her was quickly becoming an addiction, and while he had already guessed that she was talking to other babies (she was way too wonderful not to be) he couldn’t help but fantasize at night about being her one and only, about having a mommy all his own.
Then he’d found the hypno content. There were enough videos to last him a decade, and he jumped into the deep end with eager interest. They were funny at first, the badly-photoshopped visuals cobbled together with the erotic whispers someone had so clearly recorded on their iPhone speaker and then put through a digital voice moderator. But some of it was well done, and the videos became soothing in a way, monotonous tones comforting him as he lay on his back with his eyes closed, wrapped up in a fantasy. It became like sexual meditation for him, and he often put the hypno videos on in the background while he jerked off in his adult incontinence briefs, or even while he did the dishes or cleaned his apartment. He didn’t really invest much hope in fully indulging in the adult baby lifestyle, but while he was in his home he could at least wrap himself in a fantasy, picture nursery furniture in the corners and a mommy being there to comfort and care for him.
And then he’d woken up damp the first time. He’d fallen asleep wearing one of the briefs, having come in it so hard the night before that he hadn’t even been able to summon the strength to grab his regular underwear to change into. The dried semen had stuck in his pubes a little, and while he was prying the brief off, his thumb went into a damp patch in the padding. His heart stopped for a moment, but then he realized it could have just been a wet dream, or even the brief’s absorbent padding retaining moisture from the night before. Shrugging, he threw away the brief and got dressed for work.
He texted Diana at his desk all morning, regaling her with the fantasies he’d indulged in the night before, the ways he’d imagined her watching him get off, or even helping. He’d been aware at first of involving her too much, not wanting to creep her out, but she’d always encouraged him to picture her, to put her in place of an imagined caregiver, or to reread her texts when he needed comforting. This morning was no different—she praised him for his infantile imagination, the ways he imagined he would act if she were there to take care of him, to allow him to fully let go. He was so absorbed in reading her texts over and over, completely distracted from his work, that he didn’t realize his bladder was full until there was a sharp cramp in his groin. He quickly dashed to the bathroom, and was disturbed to feel the pee coming almost before he made it to the urinal. He was left with a couple of inconspicuous drops on the front of his boxers that hadn’t seeped through, but it didn’t lessen his embarrassment as he slunk back to his desk, walking oddly to avoid contact between his damp boxers and the front of his khakis. At least if anything soaked through, he could say he’d splashed himself at the sink while washing his hands.
That night, dinner prep was not accompanied by the background noise of a hypno video. He had to admit he was a little bit spooked, and too embarrassed to even admit to Diana what had happened. He knew she would comfort him through it, and in a lot of ways he wanted that from her, but it was too fresh, and he was too humiliated to admit he’d been that deep into hypno.
Over the next couple of weeks, he had no other major incidents, so he decided he’d just had an off-day, and resumed his indulgence in hypno. There had been a lot of uploads in his absence, and he gleefully indulged, binging almost everything that had been uploaded by his favorite creators within the first night. He couldn’t believe he’d denied himself the familiar comfort of the soft, droning voices telling him that he had no control, that he was safe, that he could let go and be the baby he was meant to be. He jerked off so hard into one of his incontinence briefs that he had to change into a new one just so he could keep going. Before sleep that night, he wondered if it would be worth it to truly lose control, just to feel that sense of freedom that all the hypno videos talked about.
The next morning, he got his answer. It was not worth it.
Sometime in the night, he had fully wet the bed. Not just a dribble into his brief, but a full puddle that he woke up in, soaking his sheets and mattress. His whole body went hot with humiliation and panic, as he ripped the soaked sheets off the bed and desperately tried to sop up the pee with paper towels to avoid damaging his mattress. The brief was completely soaked through, and he didn’t even try to enjoy the feeling before tearing it off and burying it in his trash under all of the soaked paper towels. He showered under boiling water, scrubbing himself almost raw, even though he imagined he could still smell pee on himself as he toweled off.
It was fine. It happened. He’d pissed the bed once in college, too, when he’d been so drunk that he slept for almost twenty hours after a wild house party. It had to be a fluke. He’d been fine up until now. He’d just… come so hard that he’d crashed, and slept through a full bladder. It happened to people all the time. Right?
He took the whole bag of trash out to the curb on his way to work, taking his neighbor’s trash bag out to bury his underneath, to make sure the pee smell was covered. He tried to shift into work mode on the train, sending a few uncharacteristically brief texts to Diana while he previewed his email inbox. Maybe there would be enough to do to keep his mind off what had just happened to him.
It was hard not to be distracted at his boring desk, especially when Diana was sending concerned texts every twenty minutes, asking if he felt okay, or if he was having a tough day. Her maternal comfort was exactly what he wanted in this moment, but he resisted, not letting himself indulge. He couldn’t let himself get too deep in, or else he was going to lose all his control. He felt himself balancing on a knife’s edge, and who knew what awaited him in the darkness on the other side.
He was getting himself a third cup of coffee, hoping the caffeine would help him focus on emails and spreadsheets, when his coworker Emily approached him with smalltalk. He watched the coffee drip into his cup and nodded absently while she told him about her trip to the Berkshires, about her husband’s silly system for packing when they went on trips, but all of it was washing over him like white noise.
He thought he felt a twinge in his bladder, and he knew he had to stop at the bathroom as his next task, but then Emily gasped, distracting him from his thoughts.
“What?” he asked, thinking he might have spilled coffee on himself, which would have explained the warm feeling he was getting in his lap. But then he looked down, and instead of a coffee stain, he watched a small pee stain slowly grow on the front of his pants, until piss was running out of his underwear and down his leg.
“Oh, hun,” Emily said, her voice dripping with maternal sympathy. “Go on, go to the bathroom before you finish.”
He was paralyzed by humiliation, Emily’s motherly tone shoving him somewhere between shameful arousal and babyish neediness. He did as he was told, practically running to the bathroom, but by the time he got to the urinal he was basically done. He shook a few drops off the end of his dick, and stood there in his puddle, looking at his soaked pants and wanting so badly to cry.
Not knowing what to do, he locked himself in the handicapped stall and sat on the closed toilet, pulling out his thankfully dry phone.
Mommy, he texted Diana, desperate for her comforting words.
She was waiting by her phone, it seemed. What is it, baby? Are you okay?
I just peed myself at work. My coworker saw everything, my pants are soaked. idk what to do mommy
Oh, baby, Diana texted back immediately. I’m so sorry. That sounds really scary. My poor baby can’t control himself, huh?
Pomegranate, he replied, desperately hoping his safe word would get across that this wasn’t a role-play scenario, that he needed real help.
Diana called him immediately.
“Where are you?” she asked, her voice soft and soothing. They’d never had a phone conversation before, but her voice was everything he’d dreamed it would be, silky and a little deep, and immediately comforting. He felt tears drip down his face, wishing he could enjoy his first time hearing her voice.
“In the bathroom,” he sobbed quietly. “I can’t go back out there, everyone will see me. I don’t know what to do.”
“It’s going to be okay, James,” she hummed across the line. “Just take deep breaths with me, okay? Big one in—“
He copied her breathing rhythm as she talked him through it, feeling his heart slow even as his stomach churned with anxiety and humiliation.
There was an abrupt knock on the bathroom door, which startled him enough to elicit a small moan of fear. But then the door was opening, and heeled shoes clicked onto the tile floor.
“James?” came Emily’s voice. “Hey, I found some sweat pants for you. They’re company merch, but I got a large—I hope they’ll fit.”
James coughed, trying not to sound like he was sobbing in the locked stall like a child. “Th-thank you,” he said, utterly touched by her kindness. She must have heard where his voice was coming from, because the sweat pants appeared, hung over the top of the stall door.
“Don’t worry about anyone else,” Emily told him, her voice filled with firm but gentle conviction. “My girlfriend peed all over herself on her sister’s bachelorette trip last year, and the bartender gave her a sweater to tie around her waist. It happens to all of us sometimes, and you don’t have to be ashamed.”
It was a little too close to the verbiage of one of his favorite hypno tracks for comfort, but he got up and shuffled to the door to grab the sweats.
“Thank you,” he said again, unable to hide the wetness in his voice.
“There’s a plastic bag on your desk for your pants,” Emily said. “Go home for the rest of the day, okay? Get some rest.”
Once her heels had clicked out of the bathroom, Diana made a soothing sound to him over the phone.
“Who was that baby?” she asked.
“Coworker,” he said. “She’s the one that saw me pee. She brought me some pants.”
“Aww, that was so sweet of her. You’re such a lucky boy. Why don’t you put the phone down and change yourself?”
He murmured an assent and got to it, using his now-ruined slacks to wipe some of the piss off himself. One of his socks, and subsequently the matching shoe, were damp with pee, but there was nothing he could do for that now. He ran his pants under water in the sink to get out the majority of the pee, and then wrung them dry, putting his phone in his shirt pocket while he quickly went back to his desk, packed up his things, and left the office.
“Better?” Diana asked, when he put the phone back up to his ear.
“Mommy,” he whined, alone in the elevator.
“I know, sweetheart,” she soothed. “I know it’s scary. But you’re okay. You’re heading home, right?”
“Yeah,” he said.
“Perfect. I want you to go home and put on one of your pull-ups, and then make yourself a warm drink. And while you’re on the train, you’ll text mommy your address, okay?”
“…really?” James said. He knew that the forum they’d met on was technically for locals, but he’d never imagined actually meeting up with Diana. He assumed she had a busy schedule of having a real life and hooking up with other babies. He never thought she would want to meet him specifically.
“Only if you’re comfortable, baby,” she said. “But you’ve had a hard day, and mommy wants to bring you some treats. How does that sound?”
The idea of Diana coming to his house, of being there for him and maybe even holding him, at the end of this awful, frightening day, almost made him cry again as he got on the train. He quickly wiped his nose, and then hummed into the phone.
“Okay,” he said.
“Okay,” she replied. “You just hold on tight, baby. Mommy will be there soon.”
He’d done as he’d been told, as always. He didn’t know much about actually living an adult baby lifestyle, but he did know that he was a good boy, that he liked the idea of being obedient and getting rewards rather than punishments. He put on one of his incontinence briefs—one of his pull-ups. He’d never had the courage to call them that himself, even though mommy—Diana always called them that. It gave him a little comfort, but he remembered that very morning all too well, and how little liquid the pull-ups absorbed when they received a real bladder full.
He made himself some warm milk with honey, and was just starting to feel the knot of anxiety in his stomach unwind when the knock came at the door.
Suddenly almost shaking with nerves, he got up to open the door, and came face-to-face with a brunette bombshell, her soft brown eyes looking down at him from a relatively great height, her soft lips pulled into a sympathetic frown as bouncy curls fell into her face. He knew he was biased, but she looked straight off one of the mommy porn blogs he’d so lecherously scrolled through on long nights, and he felt his jaw loosen and drop slightly.
“Poor James,” she said, in lieu of greeting. “It’s been a tough day, huh?”
Her voice was even more soothing and velvety in real life, and without even realizing it was happening, he felt his eyes well up with tears, something in his chest collapsing as his body realized mommy is here, I’m safe, everything will be okay.
She cooed at his tears, gently bustling him into the apartment and closing the door. She dropped heavy grocery bags on either side of her, and opened her now-free arms, welcoming him into a hug. He went eagerly, pressing into her, resting his head against her shoulder and taking in her wonderful lavender scent. It was like she had been made for him in a lab, her strong arms wrapping around him and holding him against her modest bosom, hushing him and stroking his hair while he cried. He couldn’t believe he was this lucky—even if he only got this for one day, even if she never did this with him again. He got to be in this incredible woman’s arms, to take in her motherly comfort and let himself be babied, just once. It was enough.
“Tell mommy everything,” Diana said, once she’d settled James next to her on his small couch, checked to make sure he’d padded up like he promised, and nestled him against her side, his head on her shoulder. “What happened?”
He hesitated out of pure shame, but eventually he started telling her about the hypno videos, about how comforting he’d found them, and about the accidents he’d started having when he binged them too hard. He wanted to argue to her that he was still continent, that the hypno videos couldn’t have done any real damage, but he had just pulled his borrowed sweat pants down to show her the pull-up he was wearing, so he figured maybe that argument was a moot point.
Diana hummed, stroking his back in slow circles, seeming to take her time to think.
“And it stopped when you weren’t listening to the tracks anymore?” she asked.
“Um… kinda,” he admitted. “I was really careful about going to the bathroom and stuff after the first, uh… leak. But I went back to them last night, and I watched them basically all night… and then I woke up to… that, this morning. So I guess I haven’t really tried to go cold-turkey.”
“Hmm,” Diana said again, letting him stay relaxed against her. His stomach was churning with guilt and embarrassment, but even in that state he felt so comforted by Diana’s gentle hold. He probably hadn’t been held like this since he was a kid, and it was one of his most wholesome fantasies—to just be cradled by strong arms, and have everything taken care of.
“I think we might need to do some diaper training,” Diana finally said, pulling back from their embrace but cupping the back of his head gently, like he was a baby who couldn’t hold it up on his own.
“Wh… what?” he asked, not sure he’d heard right.
She looked at him seriously, and he knew that this was a proposition, a pitch for how things were going to be. He knew he could safe word if he wanted—he saw it in the softness of her eyes, but with his head cradled in her palm, he wasn’t sure anything would be enough to make him do so.
“It sounds like you’ve lost your potty training from watching too much hypno, baby. I’ve seen it happen to little boys before.”
He wasn’t sure if that was true, but maybe hypno was more powerful than he’d given it credit for, and he really had lost his potty training. The thought was simultaneously thrilling and terrifying.
“If that’s true, it’s going to be very stressful for little James to worry about controlling his pee-pee all the time. And my baby doesn’t deserve to be under that kind of stress. My baby deserves to feel safe and cared for. Doesn’t he?”
Her voice brooked no argument, so he shyly nodded in her grip.
“In these cases, I find it’s best for little boys to be diaper-trained. To get adjusted to wearing and using their diapers full-time. It keeps babies like you feeling relaxed and happy. If you can go a week without wetting at night, we can talk about setting up a potty-training chart and working back towards big boy undies. But until then, I want you to leave it to mommy, okay? Do you think you can do that, little one?”
She was offering him the world. If he was going to… diaper train… it meant having her with him all the time. Checking his diapers, changing him, monitoring his progress. Keeping him clean and cared for. It was such a deluge, the realization of all of his fantasies come to life, that he worried she was joking. How could this beautiful, perfect woman be ready to offer this to him?
“What about…” he hesitated around a lump in his throat, squirming in her arms as he tried to find his words.
“Mommy’s listening,” she soothed, stroking her thumb over the shorn hair behind his ear. “Ask any questions you have, baby.”
“What about… mommy’s other babies?” James asked shyly, looking down at his hands.
“What other babies?” she asked, sounding genuinely puzzled.
“Aren’t you… I mean, you talk to other littles on the forums all the time. I just thought…”
“Silly little one,” she cooed, pulling him back in to nuzzle his hairline and hold him close. “The others that I chat with on the forums are almost all caregivers. There aren’t any other local littles that I talk to as much as I talk to you. No one else I planned to meet up with.”
“Really?” James asked, gobsmacked. “You planned to meet up with me?”
“Of course,” she cooed. “Jamesy’s just new to things. You were going slow, and I wanted to let you take things at your own pace. Start meeting up when you were ready for the next step.” She giggled. “Clearly mommy was wrong to wait. You can’t be trusted to be on your own, can you? You need a mommy to take care of you, so you don’t do naughty things like hypnotize your potty training away.”
He giggled too, able to laugh at himself now that she was here holding him, now that she’d lightened his scary day and make him feel like things would be okay.
“So… you want to, uh… be here? Take care of me?” James asked, fidgeting in his lap.
Diana tisked softly, pulling back from him again, this time holding his head in both her hands. Her smile was soft and bright, and so full of affection that James felt his heart beat hard enough to move his entire body.
“My sweet little boy. It’s all I’ve wanted since we start talking. I wasn’t sure you would ever be ready, but I hope you are now. Because mommy would love to stay and take care of her little bunny.”
He hadn’t heard her call him that pet name in person before, and it melted him like butter in the hot sun. Reading it in her texts was one thing, but hearing her coo the name at him was entirely another. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to recover from this, which was good, he supposed, because mommy was… staying.
“I want that,” he said, almost a whisper.
“Tell me,” she said.
“I… want mommy to stay, and… take care of little bunny.”
“Aww, sweet boy,” she said, and pulled him in to kiss his forehead sweetly. “You need mommy, don’t you?”
He nodded against her neck, pulling himself in close while she cooed to him, wrapping her arms around him and holding him tight.
“Mommy’s so proud of Jamesy for telling her what he wants. Thank you for telling me. Don’t forget your safe word, okay baby boy?”
He nodded, his face buried in her neck, but he wasn’t sure he’d ever use his safe word again. Not while all his dreams came true.
The forgotten bags by the door were fetched, and James watched a waterfall of baby accoutrements, the kind he’d only ever dreamed of having, fall out of the plastic bags. Baby bottles, cartons of formula, stuffies, pacifiers, wipes, and jars of babyish food. Diana went back out to her car to get even more things, returning with a folded pack-and-play and a package of diapers under one arm. James’ face felt hot enough to cook eggs on, as he watched obediently from the couch while his new mommy unpacked her baby care kit in his kitchen.
“First thing’s first,” she said, grabbing the wipes and a folded changing mat from the pile. “Where do you keep your diapers, little one?”
James chewed on his thumb nail as he pointed to a set of drawers in the corner, where he kept his half-empty package of briefs—of pull-ups. Mommy opened the drawer, looked down into it for a moment, and then shuffled things around as if she was looking for something.
“Baby, these aren’t real diapers,” she said, dismayed, holding up the package. “These are for grown-ups. No wonder you wet the bed.”
James looked down at his lap, chastened. He could have bought himself real diapers—he had basically already jumped the shame hurdle in buying those briefs. But it felt like a step too far, like… like something he wasn’t allowed to have yet. Like he hadn’t earned them.
Mommy was shuffling around, and when she came close, James watched her spread the changing mat on the floor in front of where he was sitting on the couch. She came close and put her hands on his knees, tilting his chin up with one finger.
“Why don’t you have real diapers, baby? Can you tell mommy?” she asked, so gently and without judgment that he squirmed under her hands. He suddenly wasn’t sure he could put his feelings into words, and he shrugged, looking down at his feet.
“Did Jamesy need mommy to put him in baby diapers?” she asked carefully, causing spontaneous tears to spring to his eyes. She was so gentle, and James could feel she wouldn’t judge him, no matter what his answers were to his questions. She was giving him an easy out, and he nodded, deciding to fold the idea into his reality, because it felt easier and safer than trying to break down the mental block he’d had before she had come.
“Aww, sweet boy,” she said, holding out her arms. He sank off the couch and into her hold, and to his absolute delight she hefted him into her lap, cradling him like an oversized baby, his face pressed into her neck. She was so warm and soft, and she smelled so good, he immediately became a puddle in her arms, giving himself up to her strength.
“It must have been so scary, realizing you lost your potty training,” she cooed, rubbing his back gently. “Mommy knows how scary it can be for little boys when they first lose control. But that’s what mommy’s here for, okay? Mommy’s going to take care of her little bunny, keep him safe and warm and dry. My little bunny doesn’t have to be scared anymore.”
James let out a little sob, his fingers digging into her shirt, clinging to her. She had only been here for a handful of minutes, and he could already feel himself becoming dependent on her, on the safety and love he felt in her arms. She was so much more addictive than the hypno, and he wanted to surrender to her completely, to find that release he’d always only imagined.
“Mommy,” he cried, fisting one hand to rub at his teary eye. “I… I want my diapey…”
“Aww, little angel. Mommy knows you want your diapey. Thank you so much for telling me, my brave boy. I’m so proud of you.” She kissed his head again, giving him one more squeeze, and he felt his belly fill with butterflies at the praise.
She laid him down carefully, cradling his head again, even though she didn’t need to, to make sure he didn’t land too hard on the floor. She wiggled his sweat pants down, revealing his pull-up, and James felt his face burn when he saw the small damp spot on the front.
“It’s okay, little one,” mommy soothed, smiling down at him. “Mommy’s going to get you into a diaper. Then no more accidents. Because they’re not accidents if you’re wearing your diaper, right?” She tapped the tip of his nose, and then went about tearing away the pull-up. “Accidents are when we go pee-pee in our pants. But when you pee-pee in a diapey, that’s just the baby doing what babies do.”
James nodded, feeling immediately soothed by the idea. Diapers were meant to hold pee—he wasn’t doing anything wrong by using them. In fact, he was being a good boy. He was supposed to pee-pee in his diaper. Good boys pee-peed in diapers, just like all the hypno tracks said.
Diana tore open the pack of diapers she’d brought over, holding up one of them and smiling at him. It looked so soft, and the front had little leaping rabbits on it.
“Good thing mommy brought baby diapers,” she said, chuckling. “Little bunny diapers for my little bunny.”
James nodded, letting his knees fall open when she gently pushed. She opened the pull-up but didn’t pull it away, tearing open the wipes and briefly warming one between her palms before cleaning him up. She was so attentive, cleaning up his entire crotch, even wiping his bum, like she didn’t trust him to be clean. And, well, she couldn’t trust him to be dry, so it made sense.
She finally pulled the pull-up away, and then gathered his ankles in her grip and lifted him to slide the diaper underneath his bottom. It already felt so different as she lowered him onto it—so plush, and it covered his whole bum, rather than just a strip down the middle where the pad went.
Diana hummed softly as she opened a bottle of baby powder and began sprinkling him with it. It was a smell he hadn’t realized would be so nostalgic, but he was comforted by it as she rubbed it into his skin.
Finally, she pulled the front of the diaper up, covering his crotch and expertly pulling the tapes. The crinkles of the diaper as it conformed to his body, the immediate plush warmth of it covering him, protecting him, and mommy’s gentle hands as she closed the tapes and fussed with the leak guards, all nudged him further and further into a fuzzy space he hadn’t truly been in before, even in his deepest hypno rabbit holes. He felt light and warm, and without even thinking, he slipped his thumb into his mouth and began to suckle, his eyes lidded as he wiggled slightly, enjoying the feeling of the diaper.
“Aww,” mommy cooed, her eyes sparkling as she looked down at him. “Oh, you’re such a perfect little baby, aren’t you? Look at you…”
James squirmed under mommy’s attention, and she reached down to pick him up, surprising him with her strength even as she grunted with the effort of putting him on her hip. But once he was there, clinging to his mama and suckling his thumb, he felt utterly boneless. Her hand moved down to pat his padded bottom rhythmically, and it was all so mesmerizing, even better than his hypno tracks.
“What a little baby I have,” mommy cooed, bouncing him a little. The diaper—his diaper—crinkled under mommy’s hand, and he cooed softly at the feeling of it enveloping him in its soft warmth.
“How does your diapey feel, my little bunny?” she asked him, buffing his cheek with a gentle finger. “Does it feel good?”
James nodded, rubbing his forehead against her neck, feeling his eyes droop closed even more. “Feels safe, mommy,” he said, and then resumed sucking his thumb, feeling so enveloped by the smells and sensations of his newfound babyhood.
“Ohh, my love,” she said, snuggling him close. “There, you’re safe in your diapey. No more scary accidents, just good diapers that keep my baby safe and dry. Mommy is so proud of you, little bunny. You’re such a good boy for diaper training with mommy.”
“Love my diapey,” James said groggily, because it was already true—the thought of not having to run to the bathroom, of not having to wake up to a ruined bed, made him feel more relaxed than he’d been in weeks. And knowing that the diapers had brought his mommy closer, was going to keep her near him and taking care of him, just made him love them even more.
“What a good baby,” mommy cooed, patting his bottom. “That’s right, my baby. You love your diapies, huh? Nice and safe in your diapies.”
“Safe in m’ diapey,” James nodded, floating in this wonderful warm space, lulled by the new comforts he was experiencing. He felt mommy setting him down on the couch, and he fussed to stay close to her, but she hushed him gently, rubbing a palm over his belly to soothe him.
“Mommy’s right here, baby,” she said, kissing his head again. “Mommy’s just going to set up baby’s little play pen, and then we’ll have a nice bottle, okay?”
“Baba,” James said, testing the babyish word in his thumb-filled mouth. There were so many things happening that he didn’t think he would ever get to experience—diapers, bottles, even having baby furniture in his apartment. He watched through lidded eyes as mommy set up the pack-and-play, putting pillows and a blanket and found in the cupboard into the bottom. Imagining that he would get to have all of this, to keep it, made tears come back to his eyes. This light, floaty space seemed to come with lots more crying than he was expecting, or maybe just stronger emotions in general, but he didn’t want to fight it, and he let himself fuss around his thumb until mommy came back, cooing at him.
“It’s okay, little baby, shhhh,” she soothed, putting him on her hip again and walking him around while the microwave warmed a bottle. “It’s been a long day for such a little baby,” she said, and James nodded though it wasn’t a question.
“Yeah,” mommy agreed, chuckling softly. “But the day is almost over, and everything’s okay now. Baby is safe in his diaper, and mommy’s going to take care of everything. Okay?”
The microwave beeped its finale, and mommy retrieved his bottle, taking him to the couch and situating him in her lap. It was a slightly different hold than before, with James nearly laying on her lap, his head cradled in her elbow. She rolled the bottle between her hands for a moment, before gently pulling his thumb out of his mouth and inserting the nipple in its place. For a moment, James thought he wasn’t going to be able to nurse properly, but once he latched onto the nipple, it became as easy as breathing. He let his eyes slip closed, enjoying the perfectly warm milk, and just as he finally relaxed into mommy’s arms, her hand found the front of his diaper, rubbing it gently.
“There we go,” she soothed, her hand cupping his crotch and smoothing over the front of his diaper so gently. “There’s a good baby. Mommy’s got you, little boy. Just relax now.”
It was everything he’d ever wanted, and it was a struggle not to reject the nipple to let out a babyish sob of relief and joy. He managed to stay latched, nursing happily until the milk was all gone, and this time mommy was quick, replacing the bottle with the nipple of a pacifier before his thumb could find its way back between his lips.
“All ready for a nap,” mommy said with satisfaction, cradling her baby and lifting him off her lap, to gently let him down into the play pen. The floor beneath him was a little harder than mommy’s lap, but when he blinked up and saw the four walls of the pen around him, mommy’s smiling face looking down at him as she tugged a blanket over him, all the tension leaked out of his body.
“Nap time, my little baby,” mommy cooed, rubbing his back and patting his diapered bottom through the blanket. James let out a soft little peep of contentedness, making mommy chuckle, and he was so sleepy and soothed that he didn’t even feel mommy step away before he was drifting in a deep, dreamless sleep.