Work Text:
When Grace and Rocky had found that awful submarine floating in the middle of nowhere in space halfway through their trip to Erid, Grace had been so excited to find another human that he hadn't quite thought about everything that would come next.
Of course, once he had fished the other man out of his sea-craft turned space-craft (and hadn't Rocky been more nervous than ever for Grace to go fishing again) he had quite the laundry list of tasks. He had to get the human safely into the airlock, then he had to clean up all the blood that had come with him.
. . . So much blood. At least, whatever it was, it looked like blood and smelt like blood and coagulated in the creases of his EVA suit like blood was so want to do.
Bleugh. He was getting off track.
Then once he had managed to drag the guy into Armando's waiting and oh so helpful arms, the man spent nearly a week asleep just seemingly healing from his ordeal.
It was probably the longest week of Grace's life, not that he could properly remember that kinda thing.
He had done his best to keep busy with Rocky and other tasks until finally this mysterious person woke up. He did so very dramatically by mostly blinking and breathing at the ceiling until he moved faster than Grace had thought possible, throwing himself from the medical cot and swinging his one arm frantically, striking out at the scientist who was thankfully able to dodge.
Over the next several hours he had talked the man down from a frantic panic to a more steady wariness, which he could understand as someone else who had also woken up on this ship disoriented and frightened.
The man's name was Simon, and for the next couple of days that was really the only thing Grace got to know about his new roommate. Simon refused to go anywhere else on the ship, which was fine with Grace, who had already started sleeping in his makeshift bedroom laboratory while Simon had been unconscious.
The next week's were a painstaking process of carefully trying to pry back the edges of Simon's unadulterated (but understandable!!!) Distrust and general anxiety at his situation. From trying to explain to him that the food and water Grace gave him was in fact free and came with no conditions, to the mess that had been introducing Simon to Rocky.
Rocky had been overjoyed to meet another human to be friends with.
There had been a lot of freaking out and yelling on Simon's end.
Now though, they were about 4 months into Simon joining the Hail Mary's crew, and Grace felt like they were finally settling into something more normal. Simon was getting along with Rocky seemingly just fine, he spent more time in front of the largest window Mary had, admiring the stars that apparently didn't exist in whatever strange alternate universe or fringe timeline he had come from. He ate his meals with Grace (even as Rocky complained half heartedly) he even watched whatever movies and shows they put on in the ‘Don't Go Crazy Room’. Grace was carefully piecing together the haunted and very cult-like details of Simon’s past that he was willing to share and he in turn sometimes went on long rants of the Hail Mary project on earth and some of his and Rocky’s own adventures before Simon came aboard.
He almost wanted to believe that Simon was . . . Well he was like no one Grace had ever met obviously. But sometimes, he looked at the shorter man and something deep in the back of his chest threatened to claw its way out with indomitable force. A feeling that Grace had sworn off for a long time, long before astrophage had turned his life upside down.
So when Grace woke in the middle of the night to screaming from down the hall- from Simon's Room it hadn't taken him a second to start fearing the worst and racing after the noises.
He slid frantically in his socks as he came around the corner taking in the scene in front of him.
Simon had crawled from his bunk to the furthest corner from Armando, the sheets and blankets that had once been on the bed were strewn about and still half tangled around his legs as he hyperventilated. His hand clenched at the collar of his shirt and Grace could see from across the room the way his knuckles were white as he gripped the fabric. There were thin red scratches around his neck where he must have started to claw at the shirt. His face was streaked with what was probably both sweat and tears, eyes shut tight as he tried to get his bearings.
“ . . . Simon?” He tried so hard not to be loud, buy the other man still jumped violently, eyes opening only to flit around at everything and nothing.
“It's okay! It's okay- it's me- it's Grace”
He only took a few steps into the room, he didn't wait to scare the other man any more than he already was.
And he looked absolutely petrified. He only let out more frantic wheezes, unable to respond just yet.
Grace made an executive decision. He carefully came down into a seated position and scooted just a bit closer into the room.
“Simon, you're okay. You're on the Hail Mary with Rocky and me; Ryland Grace. We rescued you from your sub-”
Simon let out a chest piercing wail, crying louder at the mention of the submarine that had been his death sentence. He slid from his seated position and was now laying on the flooring still somehow curling up even tighter. Grace tried to soothe him as best he could, still slowly crawling closer.
“Shhhh shh it's okay! It's okay, it's gone. It's gone and you're here with me, and- and we're going to Erid! And- nobody is gonna hurt you again, and we- we're gonna have a garden and I'm sure we can grow all sorts of things from the plants here on Mary and-and uh . . .” He trailed off, trying and failing to think of anything else to say. He glanced down at the dark haired man.
Simon had stopped hyperventilating, simply crying silently as he seemed to try and breathe deep and evenly. His hand slowly relaxing from where it was holding onto his shirt.
“Hey . . . Simon, you with me now?” Grace gently set his hand down on the floor in view, “you're okay, everything's fine”
Simon blinked blearily, staring at the hand in front of him before following the arm up to the person it was attached to.
“Gr-ace?” He croaked out. He sounded like he'd been screaming for a long time, Grace couldn’t figure out how he’d managed to sleep through it.
“I'm here, I'm here. . . everything's okay”
Simon shuddered once, hard. Almost like he was trying to shake off whatever his brain had come up with in his dreams.
“Grace” Simon breathed out again, his eyes closing gently.
Grace’s eyes welled with tears at how exhausted Simon sounded, he stretched his fingers gently until the nudged where Simon’s hand had fallen to the floor. Simon flinched just slightly before reaching out and wrapping his hand around Grace’s wrist.
The scientist tried not to tremble at the contact. It had been hard to say the least to go without human contact for as long as he had been. Simon’s hand was practically burning hot against his wrist, and he knew Simon could probably feel how his pulse was rapidly thumping against his palm.
Simon’s thumb swiped back and forth over his scars and something in Grace's chest shuddered and snapped, threatening to send the tears in his eyes over the edge.
“You’re here, it’s over. No more nightmare” he tried to soothed
Simon huffed out a rough exhale, he still sounded gravely. “Bad bad bad dream” he sounded like Rocky through his ever advanced translator.
“I know, it’s over now, it’s all over- you’re okay”
Grace took in the way Simon’s face contorted, and he left out another shaky breath. They were both still in silence for a long time. The only sound was Simon taking deep measured breaths. Eventually, he sucked in one long breath and held it for what felt like a good minute before letting it out with a long sigh. Grace could feel the air drifting across his arm and the goosebumps that rose up with it.
”This is a good dream Angel” the nickname slipped out softly even as another tear ran down Simon’s face as he tried to get his bearings. He opened his eyes but simply stared off into the distance.
“I think I can go happy like this . . .” He trailed off
Grace’s tears nearly completely dried up at the words, his body jolting with unidentified panic. “go? Go where Simon?”
He only grunted back, finally rolling from his curled position on his side to his back, he stretched out his legs and took another deep breath, and Grace tried not get caught up in the way Simon seemed to grow twice as large when he stopped trying to hide.
Simon looked up at him in the dim light of the dormitory. “I . . . I know I’m not getting into heaven but, I think if you take me to- y’know- it’s okay.” His eyes were still half closed, and Grace refused to believe he was fully aware of anything the way he was speaking.
He was talking about dying.
The tears Grace had just thought were under control slipped back over the edge without warning, one dripped off and into the black mess of Simon’s hair spread underneath him.
“Simon- Simon no- No you’re not, you’re not going anywhere you are not dying!”
“It’s okay, you don’t have to pretend anymore . . .” He trailed off, breathing slow “I think I’m ready”
Grace’s heart thumped so hard he could feel it in his temples, his blood was roaring through his ears as he looked down at his one connection to life beyond this spaceship. Simon had become his friend, his anchor, and something else he wasn’t sure he was ready to name over these past few months and here he was talking about dying like it was the most obvious course of life.
Well it wasn’t. Not to Grace. He wasn’t letting him go now that he had him.
“Simon! Simon look at me-“ he was probably louder than he should be but he didn’t care, he clutched at Simon’s shoulders as he shifted to kneel over him. He ignored how warm the other man was, his body heat seeping through his borrowed shirt.
Simon grunted at the movement, still blinking blearily up at Grace from where he was laid out upside down from Grace’s perspective. He shook him once, not hard, just trying to get the other man to come around more. It seemed to work just a bit, and Grace kept going before he lost the ground he’d gained.
“Simon you are not dying! I know you’ve been- you’ve been through hell and back but I’m not letting you go off and die! Not if I can help it! And I’m sorry if that makes me selfish or- or something but I’m not letting you go now that you're here with me!”
Grace panted frantically, suddenly out of breath as he looked down at Simon. It finally seemed like he was getting through to the man. Simon’s eyes were fully open now even as looked up at Grace in confusion, brows furrowed.
He blinked as a tear hit him in the forehead, rolling down into his hairline.
“You- you can do that? Just keep me here?”
The blond above him groaned in frustration. Grace took big swipes of his sweater across his face as he tried to dry his tears, and he smothered Simon only slightly apologetically as he wiped the tears that had fallen from his face.
“Simon. you. are. not. dying. This is not limbo- or purgatory or, or, whatever you may think the Hail Mary is, at least not in the traditional sense.” Grace unclenched his hands from Simon’s shoulders and threw both up to tangle in his hair. ”I don’t know how to convince you you’re alive but I’ll do it! Okay? I need you to- to snap out of it or whatever!”
He took deep breaths to try and calm himself, and hopefully stave off another wave of tears. Simon startled him as he sat up. He stared at the back of Simon for what felt like forever, his long black hair loose across his shoulders swayed as he seemed to be trying to sort out whatever he was thinking. Just as Grace reached out with one hand he was snatching it back just as fast to avoid smacking him as he spun around.
Simon half crawled closer to Grace bracing his one hand on the floor as he leaned into the scientist's space. Grace swallowed down the reflex to lean away and instead stood his ground. Simon was maybe less than a foot from his face, eyes darting quickly in every direction, like he was looking into Grace's soul, he could feel how hot his face was- he had to be bright red.
“I don’t know if you can” Simon was quiet even as he was so so close now.
”try me” he countered. Grace was feeling particularly brave at this point, even as his face still felt aflame- he willed himself to keep a level head for the seriousness of the situation at hand. He was going to convince his newest roommate he was still in reality, and he was going to make it stick however he needed it to.
Simon was quiet for a long second. “You’d have to do something- something I’d never expect, everything you do is like a dream and I know it’s all fake; so surprise me”
Grace only had about a half a second to analyze just how all that made him feel before he was making the most impulsive choice of his life. He was leaning forward into Simon’s space and closing the gap between them. He really really hoped this didn’t blow up in his face like it probably most certainly would regardless.
Grace hadn’t kissed anyone is approximately eight and a half-ish if he was counting the time dilation of his coma. And even if he was accounting for the stupid amnesia drugs- he was still almost certain it had never felt this easy.
Kissing Simon felt as natural as breathing, his scarred arm came up around broad shoulders as his other hand cradled the side of the other man’s face. He felt like they fit together perfectly, but that was probably just his imagination. He felt the thing in his chest that had been desperately clawing at him for so long, scraping against his rib cage, raging against his spine, twisting in his gut- finally finally finally it all settled into place all at once. Finally satiated by the warmth of this incredible human who had come into his life. This unimaginably strong person that he had somehow managed to save in the vastness of space. The air in his lung left in him a long sigh as he tried to save Simon just one more time.
Just this one more time he could be brave.
He felt Simon actually start to kiss back for a moment, his arm rose from the floor to grip the side of Grace’s sweater for all of maybe ten seconds before he was pushing Grace back. His face felt numb as Simon pulled away and- and the tears gathering in the other man’s eyes dripped down his face, running down the puckered edge of the scar that ran across his cheek. He laughed, but the sound was cold and knocked around the room like something sharp.
“Sorry Angel . . . But if you can’t come up with anything original . . . I guess it’s time to nourish the soil” he looked away, dark hair swinging out and covering his face.
“I told you Grace . . . I know this isn’t real.”
Ryland Grace was acutely aware of the way his jaw actually dropped, arms hanging limply till they rested against his thighs. The thing in his chest was merciful still calm, almost as if it was shocked as he was.
“You- you mean you’ve thought about me kissing you??” He managed to squeak out.
Simon turned away further, but he could hear the way he scowled through his words.
”Of course I have! Are you kidding me?!? You’re literally my Saving-fuckin-Grace! You pulled me outta that damn sub and sure, I’m still obviously dying but at least the angel taking me out had the decency to let me have some time in the in-between. But I know I have to go at some point. So fine-“
He inhaled sharply, cutting himself off from his rambling. “It’s okay. I knew it couldn’t last forever”
Grace was . . . For once, at a complete loss for words. He didn’t know how he was supposed to convince Simon he was alive and that he wasn’t an angel.
He sat there stunned, hands clenched so tight he could feel his nails cutting into his palms. His chest tightened again, coming back to life in anger at the situation. He looked down, flexing his fingers as he stared at the crescent moons dotting his hands now. His head shot up with the realization.
“Simon, you think I’m an angel, right?”
The man only scoffed, but Grace was too desperate to take the dismissal to heart.
“Do Angels bleed?”
That had Simon’s head turning, his eyes were wide but impossibly dark. “What?” His voice cracked. “Of course not- you- that’s not-“
Grace refused to let him spiral any further, he steeled himself- and dug his thumbnail as hard as he could into the soft skin of his forearm, blood welled up immediately horizontally across his arm, threatening to drip down onto the cold floor beneath him.
The room was completely silent for a long moment, only Grace’s initial hiss in pain was heard before that died off. He observed his arm for a moment, trying to make sure he wasn’t bleeding too seriously. Gosh, he didn’t want to actually hurt himself seriously of course, and then in between one second and the next Simon was launching himself across the room, kneeling over Grace's arm protectively.
“What- what did you do?! Why would you do that!?!” His chest heaved unsteadily as he took in the sight of Grace’s bloodied arm. He hovered shaking hands over Grace’s arm as if he was afraid he’d make it worse.
Grace gently reached around Simon and grabbed the edge of one of the sheets, wiping away the blood that had pooled on his arm, making sure it wasn’t going to bleed much more he finally looked back up at Simon’s face.
He was as pale as before, when he had still been in the throes of his nightmare. His eyes were wide and frantic as he tried to grapple with Grace’s blatant show of humanity. His chest stuttered as he tried to breathe.
Grace reached up with both hands, holding Simon’s face to keep his eyes on him.
“Simon. I’m as real as you are. You’re alive. I’m Alive. We’re Alive.”
Simon let out a sound from deep in his chest, something that was like struggling acceptance of something he wanted to believe but simply couldn’t for fear of reality breaking him down.
Grace felt his throat clench with emotion, but he refused to back down now when he was so close to getting through to him. He gripped the sides of Simon’s face just a bit tighter, moving him closer.
“Say it. Tell me I’m real”
”I- you- Grace-“
”Simon” Grace begged, he was actually begging at this point. “You can do it. Tell me I’m real”
Simon clenched his eyes shut tight, lip trembling for a long moment before finally-
“You're real” he whispered so softly Grace would have missed it any other time.
“Tell me you’re real”
“I- I’m real” Grace tried to push past how Simon’s voice cracked around the words.
“We are both alive. This is real”
Simon’s breath hitched again as tears started rolling down his face again. He opened his mouth to speak again but nothing came out. His face scrunched like he was in pain, and Grace leaned forward to kiss the corner of his mouth, then the bridge of his nose, the space between his eyebrows that was pinched so hard it had to hurt.
He was willing to do whatever it took to spare him that pain.
Simon’s hand came up to wrap tightly in the collar of Grace’s shirt as he pulled him back to his lips. He tasted like both of their tears but it was as perfect as Grace could imagine. The ugly thing in his chest turned soft and syrupy, it stopped clawing at the inside of his chest and instead settled low and warm in his gut, curling around the base of his spine. He breathed soft gasps into Simon's mouth as the larger man groaned brokenly, his whole chest shuddered with the movement. He wound both hands tighter around Simon’s face, pushing into his long hair. Grace felt him use the hand in his shirt as a handhold, dragging himself forward until he was straddling Grace’s thighs, pressing himself down into his space. He swore he could feel his brain melting out of his ears and then like lightening, Simon shook with a full body shudder, thighs clenching around Grace’s hips-
“-fu-CK!” He shot as far back as he could with Simon on top of him, one hand coming untangled from dark hair to slap itself over his mouth. He had to be bright red still, he could feel the heat spreading down across his neck and shoulders.
Simon simply stared at him in shock, eyes still wide and glassy.
“You . . . swore” he said dumbly.
Grace groaned in embarrassment moving his hand from his mouth to cover his eyes in shame. “Ugh- oh my gosh I’m sorry- I just, um. I haven’t had like- any human contact in years and you- well- you feelreallygoodi’msorry!” He rushed out in one breath.
He cracked one eye open as Simon’s hand in his shirt released him, instead it flattened against his chest, fingers brushing at the collar where it met his neck. Grace shivered in response.
“You’re real.” Simon breathed out.
Grace looked at him, eyes wide. “Yes! Finally I- jeez Louise all I had to do was cuss?!”
Simon flushed hand brushing gently back and forth seemingly of its own mind.
“Well . . . Angels are holy, and that definitely was, not"
“Simon. I promise I’m real. And- and everything that I did tonight- the, the kissing, well that was real too! And I promise I’ll keep proving I’m real as long as you’ll let but we should really, really try to go back to sleep, at least for a bit- you have to be exhausted and I think it’ll definitely help you to let your mind try and rest again.”
Simon looked away from him at that, eyes darting nervously back to the bed that he had claimed as his.
“Would you want to come back to my room? I mean, me and Rocky will be with you the whole time, and that way- you know this was real.”
Simon kept looking at his sleeping area for another long moment, Grace simply lowered one hand to brush gently back and forth along his bad shoulder.
“It . . . It would be nice not to wake up alone”
Grace dared to smile, nodding along. “Okay, okay yeah let’s go”
It took a minute of maneuvering before the two were able to start moving, Simon’s body immediately tried to give out from exhaustion and Grace’s legs had managed to fall asleep from his sitting position, which he laughed at quietly as he shook out his pins and needles. He tugged Simon’s arm across his shoulders and made the slow limping walk back to the lab.
Once Simon had been there to stay, Grace had made one corner of the laboratory his own sleeping area against Rocky’s xenonite tunnels, hanging a few colorful curtains that were once bedsheets to make the area a bit more comfortable. He lowered Simon to the side facing away from Rocky’s wall, giving him room not to be closed in. He crawled into the remaining space and pulled the sheets around the two of them as gently as he could.
Simon looked at him with equal parts exhaustion and something like awe. “You’re sure you’re not an angel?” He mumbled tiredly.
Grace looked down the other man drifting off, “I’m sure Si, and if you ask me again tomorrow I’ll say the same damn thing” he huffed a laugh, “promise”
Simon made a sound that might have been a snort before falling off into sound and steady breathing, already falling deep asleep.
Grace stared down at him for a long moment before trying his best to get comfortable. He wasn’t used to a real, live, warm person laying next to him at night.
He thought he could get used to it, though.