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T- one week until launch
Grace was trying not to minimize Lesy’s big feelings by calling them ‘a tantrum’. He was above that. Minus a small bout of amnesia all those years ago, he’d never forgotten the emotional sensitivity training that had been part of obtaining his teaching certification. And sure, that was more intended towards not making light of a twelve-year-old’s feelings about their middle school crush not liking them back or whatever, but the same principles still applied.
“So what?” Olesya was yelling at Lamai. “Alternate-timeline me dies in coma, and now suddenly I’m ‘not trusted’ to put myself down this time? I have to sleep through launch, and miss seeing last view of home for 30 years because I woke up dead one time? This is victim blaming!”
“Technically, we did not wake up dead,” Yao corrected, pedantic as always (Grace thought it was sweet; Rocky was the same way. Olesya found it less so). “That is the entire problem- that we did not wake up at all. Grace woke up and we did not, and Grace entered his coma on Earth. Therefore, all three of us will be doing it this time.”
“Thank you, Captain Yao,” Dr. Lamai replied. “Olesya, it’s a safety precaution.”
“You’ve done so much work on bots so they will not malfunction like last time- coma had nothing to do with it!” the engineer protested.
“We don’t think it did,” Grace corrected her, voice gentle. “But it wouldn’t hurt to have an abundance of caution. I’m not a medical specialist. I had my theories around why the bots malfunctioned the first time, but ultimately, I am not an expert and the Eridians, smart as they are, were seeing this technology for the first time. They only had Armando as a baseline for what a properly working bot should look like, and a sample size of one is not statistically sound.”
“Not an expert? - you’re stupid fucking good at everything, idiot! If you said it was bots, it was bots! I want to say goodbye to Earth properly!”
“Olesya, I’m a molecular biologist- I’m not that kind of doctor, and even if I was, medical robotics is an entirely separate speciality. I have a working knowledge of a lot of things, but I’m not willing to stake your survival on ‘a working knowledge,’” Grace replied patiently. “You’re allowed to have your feelings about it, as long as you’re alive to have them. I’m sorry if you don’t like it, but I will do absolutely everything in my power to make sure I’m not sending your body off into space this time. I’m asking you nicely as your friend to stop fighting me on this, because I don’t want to have to pull rank and give the order as your commander.”
Olesya swallowed, the reminder that Grace had woken up alone last time taking the wind out of her sails.
“Fine,” she huffed, already opening her arms and pulling him into a hug. “But I’m not sharing my vodka this time.”
“That’s fine, because I won’t be having an ongoing existential crisis this time, so I won’t need it,” he chuckled, kissing the top of her head.
__________
T - 3 days until launch
Over a hundred middle schoolers and one molecular biologist were all crying on the Zoom call. Well, more accurately, the students were all sobbing. Grace was doing his best to keep it together, which for him meant he was only leaking a little bit, which he thought was understandable, given the circumstances. Heck, even Carl was discretely wiping at his eyes.
“It’s gonna be okay, guys. I promise,” he told them. Then a phone timer rang, and Abby took control.
“Okay people, sad time’s over,” she bellowed, her voice still shaky. “Everybody got their powerpoints?”
“Powerpoints?” Grace cocked his head. “I thought I was teaching you guys about the Mary’s design today.”
“Yeah, no offense, Mr. Grace, but none of us wanna hear how cool your flying coffin’s gonna be,” Kevin told him. “We’re doing a powerpoint party.”
Oh fudge, he was crying again. His kids had organized a powerpoint party behind his back, and he was the theme. He texted Stratt to clear the rest of his morning; he was going to watch every single one of them.
Abby went first. Her powerpoint was titled Why going into space still won’t make you cool and just featured a collection of candids (most of them sneakily-taken snapchats that had been screenshotted) of him making weird faces or tripping over various things in his classroom. He was snort-laughing by slide three.
Kevin’s was Mr. Grace got Rizz? And had only one slide: a picture of his school ID with a big red word-art “NO!” under it.
“Point taken,” Grace nodded, sending a crying emoji reaction through the chat.
Olivia had a 20 slide powerpoint on Why ‘the new teacher’s a loser’ is totally an outside thought, actually. I mean, what are you gonna do, give me detention about it?
Carl made a point to announce that his favorite was Rheka’s (just say ‘FUCK!’, Mr. Grace!).
Alex’s was just a collection of slides with “Top 50 Most Aro Ace Things Mr. Grace has ever said, ranked” and they ended with a judgy comment about how they couldn’t believe he was going to have the audacity to sleep through pride month since they were launching in May.
The comedic timing of following it with Justin’s “Horniest things we’ve overheard the other teachers saying about Mr. Grace (Sources cited)” required Carl to leave the room for a moment. Grace had the distinct feeling that this was part of his punishment from his class for leaving the planet and very valiantly did not melt into a little puddle of goo on the floor.
A lot of them were very sweet though. Story after story of his kids telling him that he’d made them fall in love with science, that they liked his stupid jokes, that his classroom was a safe space even on the worst days. Once they’d all finished (and he was a wet, leaky mess and had emptied nearly an entire box of tissues), they surprised him with one last thing: a two-slide Powerpoint with the words “Why Earth is gonna be okay” on the first slide and “Because Mr. Grace is the one saving it” accompanied by a collection of old school yearbook photos of him with his classes.
I’m not even gonna make it to the ship, he thought, fully sobbing now. My heart is going to give out right here and now. I love them so much.
He told them as much (the ‘I love you part’ not the ‘I think I’m gonna die of big feelings’ part) and then he really couldn’t stay on any longer. It was nearly midnight in San Francisco, and he and his crew still had a ton of preparations to do.
“You okay?” Carl asked, looking a little shaken himself as he shut the laptop, the collective clamor of ‘We love you, Mr. Grace!’ still ringing in his ears.
“Yeah,” the other man sniffled, voice wobbly. “I’m okay. We’re all gonna be okay. I’ll make sure of it.”
__________
T - 8 hours until launch
Grace was watching Yao and Ilyukhina say goodbye to their families when he felt arms around his neck from behind.
“I can’t believe you thought I’d be okay with just a phone call, you asshole!” Said a very familiar voice- one he’d heard over dinner every Thursday night for over a decade.
“Marissa!” He gasped, turning around. “You flew all the way out to Kazakhstan for me?”
“Duh, idiot. You have a PhD- don’t ask stupid questions.” He laughed and picked her up, twirling her around.
“You shouldn’t have gone through all the trouble, but I’m so glad you’re here.”
“You’re not trouble, dumbass. Your loser of a roommate was trouble, but I’ll never regret dating him because it led me to you. You’re my best friend.”
Marissa looked jet-lagged, her clothes rumpled and her smile sad, but she was here and she’d come all this way, and Grace thought he was still too dehydrated to cry after the call with his students, but his body proved him wrong.
“Gross,” Marissa teased, but her voice was fond. “Leave some tears for the rest of us.”
“They’re not a limited resource, Mari, you can cry too,” he told her with a wet laugh. “I won’t mind.”
“Good, because I’m about to soak your stupid fancy astronaut suit,” she mumbled, burying her face in his chest. “I can’t believe I have to find another dork to order the exact same food every single week and talk my ear off about the mitochondria every Thursday. They’re really hard to find, you know. I’m pretty sure I’m owed some sort of compensation.”
“You should talk to Stratt about it; I’m sure something can be arranged,” he replied, rubbing her back as she started crying in earnest.
“You really never know when to shut up, do you?” she huffed. “G-d, knowing you, you’re gonna go piss off an alien with that smart mouth of yours.”
He snorted. “Finding another intelligent species to put up with my bullshit would be a miracle, wouldn't it?”
Marissa jumped, looking startled. “Did you just curse?”
He laughed. “Yeah, don’t tell anyone. That was your goodbye present.”
His goodbye present from her was apparently the bruise on his arm that he was now going to be carrying into space with him.
_________
T- 1 hour until launch
He, Yao, and Ilyukhina were sitting on exam beds as Dr. Lamai readied the sedatives. Dimitri was shamelessly drinking vodka from the bottle and monologuing sadly in Russian. LeClerc was crying only slightly less hard than he had when nuking Antarctica. Lokken was trying her best to keep her face impassive. Steve was self-soothing by humming a conglomeration of Beatles songs. Martin and Annie were holding hands and looking at Grace with big sad eyes. Carl was clutching the little Earth hacky sack Grace had crocheted for him all those months ago and sporting a face that Ilyukhina called his ‘secret agent mask’.
Stratt had the same look on her face that she’d had the first time when she’d begged him to understand the choice that she was about to make, anguish barely concealed beneath a cracking facade.
“It’s going to be okay, Eavie,” he told her. “This isn’t goodbye; it’s just see you later.” He ran his left hand over his right forearm in the Eridian farewell gesture.
“You’re impossible, Grace,” she replied, taking his hands.
“Not the first time I’ve been told that,” he snorted, squeezing back and pretending not to notice the trembling in her fingers. “And seriously. We’ll see each other again somehow. I can feel it.”
It was a sweet thought, and so Eva didn’t call him on what she was sure was a lie.
“Oh sugar bears!” he suddenly exclaimed, hands going to his ears. “I almost forgot to give you your pearls back.”
“Keep them,” she ordered, pushing his hair out of the way and grabbing the sides of his face. “They look better on you.”
“Weren’t they your great-grandmother’s?” he protested.
“She was a hateful old bint, and she’s not alive to complain about it,” Eva said, startling a sharp laugh out of Ryland.
“I can’t believe you ever said that you weren’t good at jokes,” he told her, looking at her with such unabashed fondness that she felt the protective stone she’d built around her heart to be able to do this job crumbling into a thousand tiny pieces.
“I suppose you just bring out the best in me,” she responded, allowing herself the small vulnerability of not wiping away the tear slowly rolling down her cheek.
Dr. Grace wiped it away with a gentle thumb. He was radiant in his white flight suit, and it suited him like he had been waiting his whole life to wear it. Even so, the golden wings on his lapel were dull in comparison to the sun-drenched ocean of his eyes. He looked at her like she was the fog in San Francisco, held her hands like they were a cone of melting soft-serve that he was doing his best not to lose.
“I’m sorry to leave you with the harder job, Eavie. But Earth needs you. They don’t deserve you, but they need you all the same. Nobody in this galaxy could do it like you can,” he told her with a soft kiss to her knuckles.
This. This was why she’d been so afraid to be loved; the hurt tearing her open and hollowing her out as he looked at her with ebullient, unshakeable faith.
“I’m not doing it for them,” she whispered into the shell of his ear. “Not this time. Last time, I did it for them, even when it cost me everything. This time, I’m doing it for you.”
“Do it for yourself too, Eva. Don’t you dare just survive- this time, I want you to live.”
“I’ll do my best,” she promised him as Dr. Lamai stepped forward, the syringe held in her hand like a question mark.
“You know who you are, Eva Stratt. You’re gonna do great. Sorry, Carl- that was a great line, so I’m stealing it.”
Carl laughed and stepped forward to sweep the man into a hug. He didn’t let go even when the needle entered Grace’s arm and he started to feel his body grow heavier. He turned towards Lamai.
“Two stretchers will be enough,” he told her. “I’ll carry him.”
“Awww Carl.” Grace’s voice was slurred and sleep-heavy. “You’re too good to me. Good night everyone.”
The last thing he heard were the voices of his friends echoing it back to him as Lamai moved towards Yao.
_____
T-Plus 11.9 light years
“Eye movement detected. What is two plus two?”