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A fierce storm of Ammonia Hydroxide pelted down relentlessly from the Eridian night sky.
It produced a loud, cacophonous noise.
A noise that, many, many generations ago, sent their ancestors into hiding in tight-knit hives, away from the predators distorted by sound.
In the landscape of modern Erid, thankfully growing warmer by the day, the storms were the inspiration for many songs, poems, and late nights spent trying to scare one’s friends into oblivion.
It was the latter activity that Terra, a mischievous pebble in Saviour-Grace’s class, was engaged in on one fateful, stormy night.
Terra leaned forward toward his younger sibling, Flint.
“Are you sure you want to hear this story? It might be too scary for innocent, baby Pebbles…”
Flint, wanting to prove his bravery, straightened his carapace.
“I’m not a baby!” he asserted.
“I bet that your story isn’t even scary.”
Challenge accepted. Terra drew the soundproofed xenonite curtains around his bed, shrouding the two siblings in darkness.
“This” he began “is the legend of… ‘The Squish!’”
Distantly, thunder clapped ominously.
“The Squish came from a far away land; where the air is full of oxygen–
“That’s not possible, I learnt at school that oxygen makes you catch fire”
“Shh… Flint, that’s the terrifying part. This strange creature is able to breathe it, with no effects. The home of the creature is quiet, there is no hyperactive core, no constant buzz of sound.”
The core of Erid was particularly, and persistently, loud, this was an important feature to the sound-reliant creatures that called the planet home.
Flint felt a cold tickle of fear travel up his limbs “it… breathes fire? From a silent planet?” he questioned.
“Yes, but more disturbing, is the creature’s form.
It has long, stringy limbs that dangle from its centre. Limbs so long, and strangely flexible, that they could circle around an Eridian’s carapace and… snap!”
Flint jumped backward.
“Extending from its centre is a round protrusion, covered in disgusting, wet orifices.
It has an opening filled with “teeth” bony structures, hard and sharp, designed to tear through and hunt poor, unsuspecting creatures. It can hear in light, look far beyond the Eridian vision, it is a predator.
It will use its long, lanky limbs to trail its prey for days on end. And when the little Eridian turns their back…
Crunch! The creature emerges from the darkness and circles itself around the little Eridian before it has the chance to cry for help.”
Flint let out a loud, melodic scream. His limbs trembling in fear.
“Sh, sh, be quiet Flint, or The Squish will hear you.”
Flint used one little claw to pull back the xenonite curtain around the bed, bringing in waves of sound, and with that returning the rest of the room to their vision.
In a hurried rush, Flint rushed to his own bed across the room, and pulled the blanket tight around his body.
Terra, who was deeply satisfied having achieved his objective, called out:
“Sleep tight, don’t let The Squish bite!”
Terra sat proudly with his friends during breaktime. The breaks had been an addition added solely for their alien teacher, who allegedly required sustenance three times a day, a frankly excessive amount if you asked the ruffians currently sat in a circle.
“And then what did you tell him?” Terra’s friend, Perry, questioned eagerly.
“I told Flint a story about Teacher-Grace.”
“Teacher-Grace, scary? There’s no way. He's, like, squishy. He doesn’t even need someone else to get hurt, he’s always tripping over”
“Oh well I know that” Terra rebutted “But think about it, isn’t it a little bit creepy the way he’s so… lanky, and flexible. Not that he’d ever hurt us, really he couldn’t– physically and psychologically– but our siblings don’t know that”
Perry considered the universal allure of scaring one’s friends and siblings, “I suppose” he began “those ‘eye’ things on his carapace-protrusion are a bit unsettling.”
“But, if we’re trying to make it creepy, we need to watch Teacher-Grace closely, then… we won’t have a story, it’ll be pure legend.”
Thus, Grace’s conspiring students gathered at the back of his classroom, secretly passing notes on their teacher’s bizarre, alien behaviours to each other.
Grace saw this mischief, and an alarmed instinct fortified by years of teaching middle schoolers triggered itself.
“Hey, guys, in the back row there” Grace called from the other side of the xenonite barrier “yes, I’m talking about you, stop passing around notes in my classroom, pay attention.” He scolded.
Grace’s unruly students paused in quiet terror, they would be too far for any Eridian to discern that they were passing notes, a human on the other hand…
“And then the creature will launch, having spotted the wiggle of an Eridian from 20 metres away”
Flint jumped, “that can’t be possible!”
“Humans sense light, a perception that reveals far more than sound.”
Flint shifted his carapace nervously, and made a note to warn their friends of this terrifying feature of “The Squish” at pebble-school tomorrow.
Grace has always prided himself on being an observant teacher.
On Earth, he was finely attuned to the relationships of his students, displaying a sense of social awareness that seemed to evaporate from his body any time he interacted with humans of his own age– no, Grace would not like to consider the psychological implications of this fact, thank you very much.
He was easily able to pick when kids were fighting– and thus prevent them from partnering around the Bunsen Burners together– he picked when kids were wanting to become friends with each other, and what truly separated him from other teachers, and fortified his title of “kinda cool”, was his knack for picking out which students had crushes on each other. It was fun to play matchmaker for their burgeoning relationships– and was a surefire way of building rapport.
Thus Grace began to observe the body language of his dearest friends, and his only model of Eridian relationships, Adrian and Rocky.
It seemed, according to his studies, that Eridians in love gravitate toward each other’s presence, lean their limbs close together, and complete a happy shuffling dance when addressed by their love interest.
Grace wished human expressions of love were more along this track, and less the “taking your pants off inside a beat up 1990 Nissan Pulsar, parked in the lot of a shitty pub at 2:30 in the morning.”
Not that Grace had ever done such a thing.
Grace, ever the matchmaker, couldn’t help but notice two of his pebbles exhibiting the Eridian behaviours of interest. It also helped that Eridians produced a soft silver glow, caused by a “blush” of mercury, when flustered. Not that his Eridian friends knew of this information; this was Grace’s secret weapon and he could choose what to do with it. ‘
It was second nature for him to introduce a seating plan, and sit the two pebbles together, they were just so cute!
Meanwhile, Terra and Perry– who were eagerly studying Grace’s behaviour to enhance their tale– saw that Grace had rearranged their seating plan.
They noticed that Jasper and Cobalt, the former of which had secretly shared their crush just that morning, were now sitting next to each other, and drew from this observation the only reasonable conclusion; Teacher-Grace was capable of reading minds.
“If The Squish places its light-sensing-organs upon you, it sees through your mind. It reads your thoughts and steals your secrets.”
Flint’s limbs shook uncontrollably, he bunched the blanket around his body.
“My friend Onyx said that her brother Perry told her that The Squish will use those secrets against you.”
“Of course it will. It is a relentless creature”
Terra, noticing the nervous clicking of his little brother, seasoned his story with some extra detail;
“In fact, it will read your mind, find the voices of your loved ones, and mimic them.
It will lure you into its clutches, and just when you think it’s safe… long, thin limbs encircle your carapace, spindly protrusions, called “fingers”, slowly chip open your carapace.
And if that doesn’t get you, the song it sings in the stolen voice of your loved ones will!”
Flint shrieked
“Stop! You’re scaring me!”
“The foolish pebble, Slate, was scared too, especially when The Squish cloaked itself in noise, and grabbed them into the dark, void of silence.”
“I’m telling ♫!”( approximate translation: egg-bearing-parental-figure)
Despite the stories they concocted, Grace’s pebbles never found him scary. In fact, they found the human quite pathetic.
Irrespective of his otherworldly sense of “sight”, he frequently ran into the clear barrier between the class and himself. It was deeply amusing, yet also evoked pity.
“Teacher-Grace, how do you keep running into that barrier! It is very obvious.”
“No, it’s clear to my vision, it means I can see through the material.” he played his organ in rebuttal.
“Everyone can see through material, not an excuse”
“Not people who don’t see sound, most material is too thick for light to penetrate.”
The class paused. Teacher-Grace couldn’t see through walls?
That must really suck.
Huh, maybe these “eyes” weren’t all they were made out to be.
There was also the issue of Teacher-Grace’s age.
It had started when he offhandedly remarked, “you pebbles make me feel so old, I’m only 38 you know! Or, at least I think I am.”
Terra paused. Thirty eight?
Grace was younger than Flint.
His world felt as if it had been fundamentally changed, shifted to the left.
“How can Teacher-Grace be a teacher if he is so young? And why did humans send a baby to space”
Teacher-Grace had justified that, allegedly, humans only lived to around 80 years, making him around middle aged, and thus completely appropriate as a teacher.
The ensuing wave of sorrow this caused resulted in an external Eridian grief counselor being brought in to comfort Saviour-Grace’s class, who were completely devastated to learn that the alien lived only a fraction of their lifetime.
Grace, in a morbid sort of way, was secretly fond of the increased clinginess and attention he received from his pebbles following the release of this information.
There was also the matter of explaining the human ability to aim precisely.
Terra and Perry watched in awe as their teacher perfectly landed a scrunched up ball of paper into a small container. They made a mental note of: “fierce predator with long range hunting capabilities" to add to their legend, growing more menacing, and spreading wider by the day.
Their siblings told the tale in hushed whispers, who in turn spread it to their friends, who in turn told their parents around frightened cries, who in turn told their friends whilst complaining about their pebbles. The story of “The Squish” was now, truly, out there.
With the growing popularity of “The Squish” it was no surprise that the Anti-Human Society of Suspicion (or, A.S.S, for short) caught wind of the tale.
It confirmed what they had feared most, this dangerous, alien creature was corrupting their innocent pebbles. It was a deep threat to the planet itself, and must be dealt with appropriately, not pandered to by the masses and handed its victims on a platter.
One brave A.S.S decided to travel to the alien’s biodome, and gather information about the threatening creature, so they could best devise a plan to neutralise it.
Grace, at the time of this observation, had been enjoying enraging Rocky with his attempt at Michael Jackson-esque dance moves.
He shuffled backward like a drunken man on stilts, who had heard of the “moon walk” only once prior, and had the concept explained to him entirely in Mandarin.
“How do I look, Rock?”
“Rocky is not sure what dance move Grace is trying to replicate”
“I’m moonwalking!” he cried, offended.
“That is not a moonwalk. That isn’t even a walk-walk.”
“Oh yeah? And I’m sure you can do so much better, right?”
To Grace’s utter bewilderment, and intense envy, Rocky began to moonwalk, effortlessly gliding his five limbs across the floor.
“Teach me.”
“No point. Human idiom: no use fighting a losing battle”
Grace frowned, somehow his attempt at annoyance had backfired.
He squared his shoulders, no matter, he would show this little cricket his ultimate moves.
He wiggled his arms in a not-quite-Mexican-but-maybe-if-you-squinted-South-American-adjacent wave.
He kicked a leg outward, and jumped into the air, completing what Rocky would term as the “can’t-can’t”.
He successfully completed a robotic dance.
And, for the consummation of this horrific performance, he attempted to complete a full spin in the air. Unfortunately, Grace only managed to complete 90 degrees of it before he overbalanced under the heavier gravity, and fell to the floor.
The investigator for A.S.S witnessed this performance, and assumed that the alien was engaging in a sort of ritual, attempting to summon the dark forces that lurked within the void. This was confirmed when the alien fell to the floor upon completion, proving that the ritual had worked.
They fled, rapidly retreating to the Chamber of A.S.S, where their meetings were held, ready to inform their comrades of the urgent need for the removal of the human, before it acted upon its dangerous potential.
It was this unfortunate spiral from a playground tale that led to Grace waking up one warm, shining morning to a loud, banging sound coming from the border of his biodome.
That was strange– perhaps the Biodome-Immersion-Crew were attempting to replicate thunder?
Grace slowly trudged outside.
To the soundtrack of loud, unforgiving thumping he moved toward his classroom, perhaps that would grant some intel.
Oh dear Newton.
A sea of Eridians had gathered outside his biodome, and by the look of it, were trying to break in. Their leaders were equipped with a protective suit, which Grace would appreciate for its similarity to Storm troopers, if he wasn’t about to crap his pants.
“Rocky!” he screamed.
“Rocky! There’s a fluffing army at my door!”
Rocky emerged from the sand of Grace’s private beach, calmly exited the dome through a secret gate, and began to neutralize the crowd.
His methods were bizarre, and deeply effective. Which is to say that he kneed a leader in the carapace, and slowly moved toward the rapidly dispersing crowd.
Meanwhile, Terra and Perry, having heard of the Anti-Human Society of Suspicion's plan, were rushing to Teacher-Grace’s biodome. They felt a cold, sinking guilt, they had to fix this before their teacher got hurt, it was only meant to be a bit of fun.
They confessed their lies to the confused army gathering outside Grace’s biodome, one small group at a time, they swept through the crowd.
They reached their classroom, and ran to the edge of the barrier, where their teacher was cowering behind his modified-organ.
“Teacher-Grace?” Terra called nervously.
He popped his head up from behind his shield, it appeared that water had leaked from his eyes, and the strange cushions surrounding his central-face orifice trembled in fear.
“What, what are you guys doing here?” he asked timidly.
The mischievous pebbles splayed themselves flat upon the ground in a display of deep regret, and begged;
“Teacher-Grace, we are so sorry, it is our fault! We told a story about you to scare our friends and it just spiraled out of control. Forgive us, Teacher-Grace.”
“We understand if you don’t want us in your class anymore” they sang softly, clicking quietly in sorrow.
Grace moved toward the edge of his classroom, right up to the barrier separating him and his students.
He placed his hand flat against the xenonite.
In that moment he wished, perhaps more than ever before, that he was able to survive the Eridian atmosphere. So he could wrap his lanky limbs around their carapaces in a big, comforting hug, and assure them that he could never hate his students; no action, no story, no silly gossip could ever make him hate the brave, curious pebbles who defied the fears of their society to be his kids.
Instead, he pressed his body as close to the barrier as he could, and hummed to his distressed students a soft, melodic tune.
As their fearful, troubled clicking slowly subsided, they hesitantly moved closer toward him.
Grace smiled, and interjected playfully:
“Nice try guys, can’t get rid of me that easily.”
The pebbles straightened their hunched carapaces, and chirped gleefully in shocked, uncontrolled laughter.
They truly had the greatest teacher in the universe.