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The cacophonous orchestra of the Eridians all talking (singing?) over each other was muddling Li-Jie’s thoughts even worse than Olesya’s homemade moonshine, but Dr. Grace clearly had no trouble keeping up with it all as he added in little chirps, whistles, and whirrs on occasion. Yao had the thought that he could never tell his neuroscientist daughter about any of this, or she’d strangle him with her own two hands for not getting the man to submit to every type of brain scan under the sun while he was still on Earth.
The music switched to something more harmonious and coordinated, and Grace joined in, his humming blending seamlessly with what Li-Jie realized from what Ryland had told them must be a thrum. It echoed through the tunnel and settled over his shoulders like a blanket, and Yao felt himself unclenching muscles that he hadn’t realized were clenched. Ilyukhina looked as quiet and still as he’d ever seen her, mouth hanging open in awe.
It eventually petered off, Grace still cradled in Adrian’s two front claws and face still flush against Rocky’s nearly skin-tight EVA suit (rock-tight? Carapace-tight? Mineral-tight? Did Yao even have the English words for what he was looking at- hell, did he even have the Mandarin words for what he was looking at?)
“I can’t believe you two time-travelled too,” he sobbed into his alien friend, and despite not having a face, Yao had the distinct feeling that the Eridian was scoffing at their science officer.
“Of course Rocky Adrian time-traveled,” Olesya’s translator declared in the voice Grace had picked out for Rocky. “Would be very stupid if rest of Erid time-travelled and Rocky Adrian did not when it Rocky’s plan in the first place.”
“It was a collaborative effort, Beloved,” Meryl Streep’s voice declared over Adrian’s own humming.
“Wait, what?” Grace asked, snapping his head towards Adrian in disbelief.
“Gracie,” Olesya said slowly. “Is my English still working? Because it sounds to me like entire planet broke laws of physics to rewrite space-time for you.”
“Physics not law,” The translator-voice for Rocky declared petulantly. “Physics only suggestion. Grace survival law.”
“What the fuck, statement,” Yao replied, half-collapsing into a seated position on the floor of the tunnel, followed shortly after by Ilyukhina.
“You guys did not just…” Grace cut himself off, and Yao could almost see the cogs in his head turning as the information caught up with him. “Holy sugarplums, you actually did it, you crazy bastard,” he breathed in awe, turning to Rocky.
“Not crazy. Completely normal and sane reaction. Grace self-sacrifice crazy. Grace very very very grounded for at least next fifty human years at least, statement,” Rocky declared, pounding a claw against the floor of the tunnel for emphasis.
“I am not going to apologize for saving my pebbles,” Grace huffed, crossing his arms as Adrian tenderly ran a claw through his hair. “I’d do it again!”
“This is why Grace now have Eridian teaching assistant at all times in class, statement,” the larger Eridian replied. “Rocky Adrian should have anticipated such possibility from brave brave brave Beloved Third of Our Soul, will not repeat, statement.”
“Are my pebbles okay?” Grace asked, looking at Rocky desperately.
“Pebbles fine. Second-most-difficult part of time travel was keeping Erid’s pebbles outside of time-regression stream but within memory-retention stream. Took 6 human hours to figure out math.”
“What the fuck,” Yao said again.
“Dammit Grace, your aliens broke our pilot.” Ilyukhina’s giggle was slightly hysterical.
“No problem, Rocky fix,” the little brown Eridian replied. “Unless brain surgery needed, question? In that case, Doctor House fix, statement.”
“Brain surgery not needed, statement,” Grace told his best friend. “Just a few minutes. Wait,” he added suddenly. “Dr. House is here?”
“Of course. All Grace’s care team came on ship. Original Eridian crew stayed home, enough of space. New crew this time, except for Rocky,” Rocky responded.
Grace looked like he was going to ask something else, but he didn't get the chance as a new Eridian came scuttling up, a pretty opalite-colored individual slightly bigger than Rocky. They were holding a pill.
“Savior Grace open up now,” they told him, and Grace just… did. Took the strange alien pill with zero follow-up questions.
“I’ve been taking my vitamins on Earth, scout’s honor,” he told the third alien. “Seriously Dr. House, I’d never forget your lectures.”
“Good good good,” the newly-identified Dr. House replied. “But that not vitamin. Telomere extension pill. Take every day for next week, then good for 200 human years. If all goes to plan, when back to Erid, Tesla will have new formula ready for full Eridian lifespan.”
Grace choked on air, and Dr. House skittered forward in alarm.
“I’m sorry, did you just fountain-of-youth me?”
“Of course,” Rocky replied before House could as Adrian gently pat Grace’s back. “Will be much easier than reversing time every 50-60 human years. Much better for Grace health, too. No arthritis or bad bad bad pain in squishy human body.”
“What the fuck,” Yao said. House cocked their carapace.
“Grace sure brain surgery for pilot unnecessary, question?”
“Unnecessary, statement,” Li-Jie finally managed to stop sounding like a broken record. “This is just… uncharted territory for us.”
“Very charted for us,” Adrian replied. “Did lots of math.”
The Eridians in the background were starting to chitter in dissatisfaction, and the translator picked up a particularly loud voice demanding “Time to share Mercy from Sol, Grace from the Skies, Courageous Squishy Angel Savior Friend, Bringer of Hope and Knowledge, Guardian of Life and He Whose Exoskeleton is formed of Our Dreams, request! Must decorate carapace with proper reverence, statement!”
Adrian chirred what must have been a quizzical note at Grace, because he nodded and was suddenly swarmed by the dozen-plus other Eridians layering him with jewels that would have put any Earthen royalty to shame. Bracelets, belts, anklets, necklaces, strings of sapphires and amethysts and stones that Ilyukhina doubted even Earth’s most dedicated and knowledgeable geologists had ever seen or put name to. There was even a tiara. The cacophony of voices was rising again, and as beautiful as it was, Olesya wished she’d thought to bring ear plugs, feeling very overstimulated all of a sudden.
“Awww, I missed you guys too,” Grace said in English for the benefit of the two humans in the tunnel, “But let’s all speak one at a time, okay? The translator can’t handle more than one voice at once. Oh hi Chef Ramsey, I didn’t see you back there!”
“Yes, because other Eridians bad bad bad at sharing Erid’s beloved Mercy from Sol, Grace from the Skies, Courageous Squishy Angel Savior Friend, Bringer of Hope and Knowledge, Guardian of Life and He Whose Exoskeleton is formed of Our Dreams, even though Chef Ramsey have very very very important job of making sure He not starve! Chef Ramsey take flesh sample now, question?”
“Oh wow bud, that’s really sweet, but we actually brought some frozen muscle tissue from Earth livestock meats this time, so we don’t need to do MeBurgers this time,” Grace told him cheerfully.
“Ahh, understood. But we do Theyburgers, question?” He pointed a claw towards Yao and Ilyukhina. “So Grace can always keep human friends close, question?”
“What the fuck?”
Huh, Ilyukhina thought, looking at Yao. New drinking game.
_____
“So if I give you flesh sample, I can also taste?” Ilyukhina was asking Chef Ramsey, arm outstretched. “Because I’ve always been curious. My countrymen had to occasionally do out of necessity during war, but part of societal improvement is turning yesterday’s desperation into today’s leisure activities.”
“Human Engineer very wise,” Chef Ramsey complimented. “How like flesh cooked, question? Mercy from Sol, Grace from the Skies, Courageous Squishy Angel Savior Friend, Bringer of Hope and Knowledge, Guardian of Life and He Whose Exoskeleton is formed of Our Dreams prefers His medium-rare, so of course is best way, but if you have inferior preference, Chef Ramsey not mind, statement.”
“Rams, c’mon, you know it’s just ‘Grace,’” the man whined.
“Mercy from Sol, Grace from the Skies, Courageous Squishy Angel Savior Friend, Bringer of Hope and Knowledge, Guardian of Life and He Whose Exoskeleton is formed of Our Dreams must endure full well-earned title for duration of grounding, on orders of Savior of Erid, Hope from Tau Ceti, He who Endured, Bringer of Erid’s Beloved Grace Friend Rocky,” Ramsey told him, sounding a little smug.
Grace turned to Rocky, sputtering. “Oh, you absolute sheet cake,” he sputtered, giving a retaliatory noogie to Rocky’s carapace.
“Oh, food curse-substitute, bad bad bad Beloved!” Rocky protested.
“Revoke the title or you’re gonna be my beloved little Chocolate Bonbon for the next 30 years, Rocksickle,” Grace threatened. Adrian buzzed a sound that the translator couldn’t make sense of but Olesya would bet all her smuggled ship-vodka was laughter.
“How are you feeling, Yao?” Grace asked, turning to the captain after giving Rocky a big wet kiss on his exosuit, heedless of his cries of “Disgust Disgust Disgust!”
“The aliens broke space-time,” Yao replied faintly.
“Eridians fixed spacetime,” Adrian corrected. “Spacetime only broken if Beloved Grace, Third of Our Soul not okay. Grace okay now, spacetime fixed, expressions of glee, joy joy joy!”
“Is that really how I told you to put that expression in the translator?” Grace asked Ilyukhina.
“No, but you were using lots of English words that I thought were stupid, so I improvised,” she replied.
“Grace Exosuit too thick, complaint,” Rocky whined. “Rocky cannot hear Grace body properly, Rocky cannot make sure idiot stupid humans did not hurt Grace again.”
“Dr. House bring deep-scan texture amplification wand, Dr. House return promptly!” House replied, skittering back towards their ship.
Oh fuck, Yao thought. The bullet scar that he didn’t have the first time. We are so fucked.
________
Definitely adding that to my CV, Grace thought smugly to himself 4 hours later, after talking his Eridian friends and family out of turning their new ship towards Earth to start an interstellar war.