Archive of Our Own

It was a dark and gloomy night, illuminated only by the full moon as it shone eerily down on the castle.

Fast asleep on the bench outside of Crown Prince Toya Aoyagi’s room sat Akito Shinonome, head nodding the faintest bit as his fingers curled loosely around his sword. To see him indulging in a moment of rest on the job like this was completely out of the ordinary—but who could blame him with how hard he constantly worked?

That exhaustion was about to get him into trouble, though. A few feet above him moved a shadowy figure, silently pushing open the large window and lightly falling through, blade held tightly in one no-doubt villainous hand.

The knight stirred slightly as the figure approached, sleepy olive eyes flickering open before widening in alarm. “Wha—”

It was too late for him to react, even though he was already raising his arm to meet the opponent’s blade with his own. The mysterious assassin had gotten the jump on him, and now they stood ready to end him—

“Stop right there!”

Akito stared in amazement as Toya’s rapier smacked away the assassin’s sword, the prince quickly moving in front of him to defend him. “Toya?!”

“Don’t worry, Akito,” Toya said, shooting him a soft smile. “I’m here to protect you.”

“You saved my life,” Akito stammered. “How—”

“You don’t have to repay me. In fact, I’m always the one being saved, so I’m just glad to be able to return the favor,” Toya promised him, heart swelling. “After all, I’ve always—”

“Toya-kun, that is the worst confession plan I have ever heard.”

“Ah…really?”

“You’re planning to rely solely on Mr. Never Takes a Break to drop his guard and get jumped by assassins to confess your undying love for him? Seriously, you’ve gotta know that’s not gonna work,” Mizuki pointed out, clearly trying to hide her smile with her hand. “It’s been months since someone tried to kill you, anyway! Besides, you’re nowhere near trained enough to intercept an assassin. That’s your bodyguard’s job, Toya-kun.”

Toya deflated a little, tugging at the page his notebook was turned to. “I suppose…that’s true.”

It hurt, but everything Mizuki was telling him was true—the reason he had a bodyguard in the first place was because he was horrible at self defense and had yet to ever properly defend himself. The reason why wasn’t entirely his fault (it would be horrible if the precious crown prince were to injure his hands!) but the fact remained he had no way to take care of himself in case of an emergency.

Enter Akito, his best friend since signing up and the love of his life. Akito had near-effortlessly kept Toya safe in even the strangest of dangers, such as the time a maid had accidentally dropped a rug while cleaning and nearly injured him. He’d been saved only by Akito abruptly tugging him to the side with a too-cool “Look out, Toya!” that had done terrible things to his heart. 

The experience served to tell him that 1: he needed better spatial awareness and that 2: Akito was the best bodyguard he could ever have. Akito had saved his life many times over the past couple years, both by being a capable knight and an exceptionally good friend. Toya wanted dearly to return the favor—but wasn’t sure how.

Enter Mizuki, Akito’s fellow knight and one of Toya’s new friends. She was a caring but teasing person, and so many of his ideas and plans had already been brutally picked apart by her sharp mind. It was unfortunate, but somehow his crush had made him more idealistic than he’d realized.

His latest plan was lacking in a few important parts of reality, unfortunately. One was that Toya was a terrible swordsman, another was that Akito very rarely let down his guard in this way, and the third was that assassins weren’t that common since his father had eased up the taxes on the kingdom’s people. The entire plan was ridiculous. 

“You should really just tell him flat out, you know,” Mizuki said gently. “You’re such an honest guy. Why haven’t you just tried telling him without any of these crazy ideas?”

“I don’t know,” he mumbled. “It’s just…a little too hard to say.”

What if I’m not enough?

These doubts had worsened lately, and it was all he could do to stay afloat amid them.

What if I can’t ever be Akito’s equal?

“Hey, what are you doing to Toya?”

“Yoo-hoo, Sir Shinonome!” Mizuki chirped as Toya scrambled to close his notebook. “Speak of the devil. We were just talking about you!”

Akito raised his eyebrows, warm olive eyes lingering suspiciously on her. “You sure you aren’t being a bad influence on my charge, Akiyama?”

“I’m really not, honesttttt!” she whined. “Your Highness, why is your guard dog so mean?”

“Hey, I’m not a dog.”

“Ah…hello, Akito,” Toya greeted, hoping his smile didn’t look too awkward. Smiling intentionally was an art he had yet to perfect. “Does my father need me now?”

“No, just thought I’d check on you guys just in case,” his knight reassured, smiling a little softly. “You went over the time you said you’d be meeting.”

“Oh–I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you…”

“Nah, it’s alright. Mind if I take him back now, Akiyama?”

“Go ahead, go ahead~! I think we had a productive tea.”

“Good, ‘cause Captain Tenma told me he’d have your hide for slacking this morning.”

Mizuki almost knocked her teacup off the table in her flurry to get up. “I had patrol this morning, didn’t I?!” she shrieked. “I can’t believe I forgot! Why didn’t anyone tell meeeeeeeeee?!”

“She was probably up all night sewing again,” Akito grumbled as Toya got to his feet. “Toya, let’s at least clean this up for her. She’s in a lotta trouble already.”

“Of course,” Toya said readily, stealthily tucking his notebook into his coat pocket before picking up the tea tray. “Thank you, Akito.”

“No problem.”

The two set off for the barracks, his knight whistling cheerfully as he twirled a spoon in between his fingers. His expression was relaxed as usual–but Toya knew better than anyone just how focused those lazy green eyes really were.

Akito had a disarmingly casual air to him that convinced a great deal of the major threats he’d faced that he wasn’t that dangerous, and even Toya had been surprised at how swiftly he moved into action when the situation called for it. His father detested Akito for reasons both detailed and petty, but even the High King of Nivora couldn’t deny he was the best bodyguard any royal family member had had this century.

…He was a little too good at his job, honestly. Sometimes Toya feared he’d have a heart attack and die watching him.

It would’ve been nice to share this with him as Akito was also his greatest friend, but for some reason he could never quite tell him.

“You’ve got quite the long face all of a sudden,” his knight said all of a sudden, gently nudging his elbow. It took all of Toya’s might not to drop the tray at the unexpected contact. “Everything alright?”

“Hm? Ah…yes, I’m fine.”

“You sure? Akiyama didn’t bore you to hell and back with instructions for sewing again, did she?”

“You know I enjoy listening to those lectures,” Toya scolded him, unable to keep a smile off his face. “You mustn’t be rude, Akito. I learn a lot from her.”

“If you say so. I almost fell asleep when she was telling me how to ‘bunnystitch’ a while back,” Akito sighed. “I can’t believe you enjoy that kinda stuff.”

“I think you would enjoy it too, Akito…”

This earned him a hard stare. “Don’t try to sell me on sewing, man. I don’t wanna sit still that long.”

“Alright,” Toya chuckled. 

Ahh. I love squabbling with him like this.

I wonder if Akito enjoys it as much as I do.

“What? There’s a cat in the corner birch tree?”

Instinctively Toya slowed, hearing Akito stop respectfully beside him as he listened sharply to the fretting maids. “Yes. It’s been making an awful racket for some time now,” the younger woman sighed. “I’d fetch it myself, but I never learned to climb.”

“Me neither. Maybe we can get one of the knights to help…”

A cat stuck in a tree?

Toya felt sympathy wash through him at the thought of the little cat stuck all the way up the courtyard’s towering tree–one that was popular among the servants due to how tall it stretched and how much shade it provided during warm days. Poor thing. It must be terrified.

Maybe Akito can…

Wait.

A thrill abruptly chased through him.

This is a chance.

A chance–not to confess to Akito or “save” him, but to show that he could be just as capable as the other boy–and Toya intended to seize it.

“Akito, hold this.”

“What the–Toya? Where are you going? Hey!”

Toya had already raced away, focusing only on getting to the courtyard. There was no time to waste–if he delayed at all someone else could rescue the cat, and while that would be good for the cat it would be nice if he could prove himself to Akito. 

I have to rescue it.

Akito needs to know that he can rely on me sometimes, too.

A few sharp turns brought him outside, where he could already hear the poor kitty wailing from across the courtyard. Toya wasted no time in hurrying towards the tree, craning his neck to see it clutching the second-highest branch with bristling ginger fur. Ah, it’s climbed quite high.

Why do cats do that, anyway…?

“Toya! Hold on a minute!”

Ah, I’d better hurry.

“Don’t worry, Akito. I’m just going to help it down,” he called as he clambered up the first branch, grateful it was low enough to the ground for him to grab. The lack of leaves gave him a perfect view of the path he could take. “You don’t have anything to fear.”

Akito made a sound like he was being strangled. “I–my royal charge is climbing up the tallest tree in the courtyard and I don’t have anything to worry about?!”

“Yes. I know what I’m doing,” Toya insisted, keeping his eyes locked on the cat above him. “I’m just going to gently grab it and carry it down.”

“While climbing a tree?!”

“I’ll manage somehow.”

“Toya, you’re going to fall,” his knight growled. “Get down here now.”

“No, it’s alright. I’ve almost got him.”

Toya clung grimly to the branch below as he hesitantly stretched his other hand down out to the cat. “It’s okay. You’re safe,” he said as gently as he could. “Won’t you come here?”

The cat hesitated a second before carefully crawling towards him, settling nervously against his shoulder. Toya patted it on the head, relieved to see it didn’t seem to be hurt. It’s scared out of its mind, though. I have to get it down.

“You’ve got the cat?” Akito yelled. “Good! Now get your ass back down here!”

“Alright,” Toya called back, slowly sliding his foot along the branch and peeking down. “I’ll be right down…ah.”

…I’ve made a slight miscalculation.

“Toya?”

This tree is too high, damn it. 

“You’re stuck, aren’t you?”

“...Yes.”

Akito’s sigh was so loud he heard it clearly over the panicky fuzz in his head. “I knew this was gonna happen. Alright, listen up.”

“Listening,” Toya managed, keeping his arm firmly wrapped around the cat without squeezing it. 

“You have to climb back down slowly, one branch at a time,” Akito ordered, sounding just a little too calm. “Don’t let the cat wriggle away, either, or you might fall trying to catch it. Got it, Toya?”

“A-Alright.”

I’m such a fool.

How do I get down?

“Calm down. I can hear you panicking from down here,” his knight called. “Listen. There’s a thick branch right below your foot now, see?”

Toya forced himself to look down at the branch, noting through his fear that it was, in fact, thicker than a great deal of its local fellows. “Just plant your feet on that and crouch down. Make sure to hold onto the branch you were on a minute ago.”

Just follow his instructions. It’s going to be fine.

Trembling, Toya slowly, slowly tested the branch’s weight before easing down onto it, still clutching the cat to his chest. Thankfully the unfortunate creature was frozen in place, likely even more terrified than he was now but smart enough to know it was being saved. It made no move to scratch him or even wriggle as he obeyed Akito and carefully eased down to the next branch. Smart kitty.

Really, why did it bother climbing so high? What a foolish endeavor.

I suppose we’re both fools.

He shifted down to the second-lowest branch, swallowing. He’d made it quite a ways down now, but the ground still stood a nerve-wracking ten feet away.

“You’re almost there,” Akito said encouragingly. Now that he was farther down he could hear the strain in his voice. “One more branch, Toya. Move slowly…”

Toya stretched his foot out, making sure to keep a tight grip on the cat as he took his hand off the branch he’d been sitting on–and then abruptly his foot slipped.

“Toya!”

His mind only had about three seconds to catapult straight into petrifying fear as the ground rushed towards him before he landed in Akito’s arms. Ah.

He caught me.

“Geez,” his knight groaned, dropping to the ground with Toya and the cat still clutched close to his chest. “I thought you were a goner.”

Finally on solid ground again, the cat wriggled free of Toya’s grip and bounded away without so much as a backward glance. Toya was glad to see it looked unhurt, if not significantly rattled.

“Good riddance,” Akito muttered grumpily, standing up and helping Toya to his feet. “You alright?”

“Y…Yes.” His heart was beating a mile a minute, both because he’d nearly died and Akito had saved him in perhaps the most epic way yet, but Toya was just fine regardless. 

“...That’s good to hear.”

There was a moment of silence as the two stared in the direction the cat had run off. 

Well, that was a definite fail.

I really wanted to prove I could handle myself a little, but all I ended up doing was being rescued again. 

I wonder if Akito finds me reliable in the slightest.

He sincerely doubted it. There was no way anyone could rely on someone as pathetic as him. 

“Hey,” Akito said at last. “Look…I don’t know what the hell you were thinking.”

He shook his head, green eyes dark and almost gray. Toya swore they looked almost haunted. “But don’t ever do something that stupid again. You could’ve died, Toya.”

“I’m sorry,” Toya said softly. “I just…”

His knight tiredly raised his eyebrows as he waited for him to continue. Toya hesitated before shaking his head. “Nothing. It’s nothing.”

“Let’s head back inside, then,” Akito suggested. “It’s getting late, and after that ordeal I want to crash in bed and not get up for hours.”

“Again, I’m sorry.”

“Eh, whatever. Just be careful from now on,” his knight reminded him. “That was literally my job. The crown prince can’t just fling himself up a tree whenever he wants, especially if he can’t climb.”

“I’ll be more careful,” Toya promised him. “Thank you for saving me, Akito.”

That finally got a small smile out of his knight–though the expression seemed a little forced. “No problem.”

“You climbed a tree?!”

“Yes,” Toya said with a weary smile. “It was impulsive, I know.”

“‘Impulsive’ isn’t strong enough a word!” Tsukasa huffed, crossing his arms. “Aren’t you terrified of heights, anyway?! Why on EARTH were you climbing one in the first place?!”

“There was a cat,” he explained. “It had climbed up and gotten stuck, and I wanted to save it.”

His friend narrowed his eyes. “And what was the actual reason?”

Toya studied his teacup without saying anything.

“...Akito was watching, wasn’t he?”

“I just hoped I could do it myself,” Toya mumbled. “And maybe…maybe he would think I was capable.”

And maybe I could deserve to love him. 

I can’t say anything until I’m his equal. 

“Toya, you know that climbing trees won’t make you as capable as a fully-trained knight,” Tsukasa said gently, easing back down into his chair. “All you succeeded in doing was nearly breaking your neck. If Akito hadn’t caught you just in time, you could’ve really hurt yourself.”

The two sat quietly in the older boy’s office, listening to the hum of castle activity outside their little bubble of tranquility. It was oddly peaceful despite the gloom.

“Hasn’t Akito been teaching you how to fight?” Tsukasa asked, refilling his teacup. “Surely that should be enough to prove you’re capable, no?”

“It’s not just that. Akito does so much for me,” Toya admitted. “Not just swordfighting or standard bodyguard duties. He’s my best friend, and…”

No matter what I need, he’s there.

I need only ask Akito for help and he’ll give it.

But in all our years of being friends, I’ve never been strong enough to let him rely on me.

“...I just don’t feel like Akito’s equal.”

The other boy was strong–impossibly strong–and it left no room for someone as weak as Toya, who was always being saved, to ever offer even an ounce of the same kindness he’d been given.

Toya was truly pathetic, wasn’t he?

“Now, now. Turn that frown upside down!” Tsukasa ordered, setting a plate of cookies in front of him. “There have to be other things you can do for Akito that don’t require sticking your neck out.”

“Like what?” Toya asked a little hopelessly. 

“Well, something I’ve learned in my time with my darling is that the big, showy gestures aren’t what everyone wants.”

“...Really?”

“Yes! I know, it’s quite shocking!”

Tsukasa hummed a little as he toyed with the cute grapefruit he’d stitched onto his tie. “I understand that you want to show Akito you wish for him to rely on you through a big display of reliability, but oddly enough it’s the smaller things that count,” he continued. “Besides, if you continue to try risky stunts in your bodyguard’s place you’re going to take years off his life.”

“Ah…” Toya winced. “I suppose that’s true.”

“So! Why not find some small things Akito can rely on you for?” Tsukasa suggested brightly. “Things like an opportunity to relax and take a break, or even just keeping an eye out for when he needs help with smaller tasks. For example, if he ever needs to help come up with a cool knightly pose, you could offer tips and encouragement! Those would go a long way!”

“I see. That makes sense.”

The older boy leaned across the small table before them and firmly patted his shoulder. “Whatever you decide, just know we’re all here to support you, Toya! I’m sure you’ll capture Akito’s heart before the year is out!”

Despite himself Toya smiled. “Thank you, Tsukasa-senpai.”

The mantle clock began to chime, loudly tolling out the hour in a way that reminded him (oddly) of Tsukasa himself. “Well, Akito will no doubt be here to pick you up soon,” Tsukasa said cheerfully. “Don’t forget to try one of those new ideas out!”

“Alright. I won’t.”

Almost immediately there was a sharp rap on the door. “Go ahead and enter!” Tsukasa yelled.

Akito obeyed, brow furrowed in annoyance like it always was around Tsukasa. “Hey,” he said shortly. “Done with your tea party?”

“Absolutely! I assume you’re here to pick up Toya?”

“Yeah. We’ve got a sword training lesson out back,” his knight answered, shooting Toya a small smile. “Akiyama was looking for you earlier, though, Tsukasa-senpai. Said something about a drill she hasn’t perfected.”

“Oh!” Tsukasa exclaimed. “I did tell her we would work together on that. I’ll head that way immediately!”

He hurried out the door as Toya got to his feet, dusting cookie crumbs off his shirt. “What are we going to do today, Akito?”

“Just some standard drills. It’ll help build your arm strength,” his knight replied. “Maybe I’ll throw in some actual sparring, too.” He smirked, nudging Toya’s arm slightly. “Don’t worry. I won’t go easy on you.”

“I appreciate it.”

Really, it was odd how even the smallest things Akito did made him feel so loved. Sure, it was hard getting knocked to the ground so often, but he vastly preferred it to being coddled any more than he already was.

It was a simple gesture, but it meant the world to him.

Was this what Tsukasa had meant?

Well, then…

What’s something I can do for Akito?

Crack! “You’re not guarding!”

Toya hastily brought his sword up in a clumsy guard as Akito smacked against it again, thanking all his lucky stars that his knight wasn’t seriously trying to kill him (and that they were using wooden swords) or he’d be dead already. I’m lasting a little longer today.

Still, if not for Akito’s instruction he’d have beaten me five times over by now.

His train of thought ended abruptly when Akito jabbed for his head, forcing him to perform an ungainly duck that nearly made him lose his footing. “You don’t wanna do that,” his knight warned, sweeping his leg out from underneath him without warning. “It makes you vulnerable.”

“I see that,” Toya said ruefully as he picked himself up off the ground. His muscles felt sore in the sharp winter air, but it felt good to strain them a little. “Again.”

“If you say so. Think fast!”

He quickly stepped to the side as Akito’s sword came swinging down towards his shoulder, going on the offensive and attempting to land a hit on his knight’s chest. Naturally Akito blocked it before shoving Toya’s sword to the side. “You need to grip your sword harder or your opponent will just push it aside.”

“Noted.”

Toya ducked again out of habit, wildly swinging out and earning a surprised “oof!” for his efforts as Akito hastily stumbled back. A better fighter than Toya would’ve immediately pressed this advantage, but all he could manage was a pathetic jab before Akito disarmed him. “Ah.”

“Hey, you almost got me. That would’ve knocked the wind out of me if it hit,” Akito comforted him, giving his back a firm pat as he picked up Toya’s sword. “I think we’ve sparred enough for the day. How about a break.”

“Alright,” Toya said reluctantly, longingly staring after him as he slid their swords back into the rack where they belonged. “You’re sure we can’t keep going?”

“No way. The more tired you are the sloppier you get, and the king’ll kill me if he sees a bruise on your pretty face.”

“I don’t care what he–pretty?” Toya blurted out, unable to stop himself.

Akito turned bright red up to his ears. “No, I didn’t–! That–”

He hastily seized his usual sheath and aggressively buckled it on again, quickly turning and hurrying back inside. “Come on, we should get some water!”

“But your flask is right here…” Toya protested, halfheartedly trailing after him. 

…I didn’t imagine that, did I?

Akito called me pretty.

Despite himself he could feel a hot flush spreading across the back of his neck. Akito called me pretty.

How am I supposed to act after hearing that?

He shook his head firmly and quickened his stride. No, no. You have to stay calm, Toya.

You have to retain the little dignity you have left.

They walked in silence for a while, Akito seemingly having no destination but all the eagerness to get there. Toya was content to follow him and let the interaction–as short as it was–roll around in his mind for a little while.

I wonder if I imagined it.

But Akito seems so flustered…

It seems to be real, amazingly. 

What do I do about it? Do I return the compliment?

No, the natural time to do that has probably passed…oh, no.

I should’ve said something proper sooner. 

Perhaps if I’d only thought it through faster I could’ve come up with the perfect line…

Toya decided forlornly to reflect on today and keep it in mind for when moments such as these approached him again. I won’t ever tell him how I feel if I keep hesitating like this.

Ah, I really wish I could’ve said something…

“Samo-chan! Samo-chan, stoooooooop!”

The two of them looked up in unison to see a white, fluffy creature barreling towards them at top speed–Toya’s mind had just enough time to think is that a dog? before it was upon them, barking loudly. 

Akito stiffened up as the dog ran in circles around them, looking like a deer in lanternlight. “What the–”

He hastily backed up as the dog pressed closer. “Hey, watch it!”

Ah, Akito’s in trouble.

I need to help.

“Here, puppy,” Toya said quickly, attempting to step between them. “Calm down…”

He was reaching a tentative hand forward in hopes of getting it to back down when it playfully snapped at him, forcing him to quickly pull back. “Whoa!”

“Hey, back up,” Akito snapped, immediately nudging him sharply to the side and stepping in front of the dog. “Back!”

The dog let out a whine as it sat down, tail wagging plaintively. “I’m so sorry about that!” the girl who’d been chasing it cried as she stopped beside it. “I was taking him on a walk, but then he saw a cat and pulled the leash right out of my hands…you’re not hurt, are you, Your Highness?!”

“No, I’m perfectly fine. It didn’t bite me,” Toya reassured, cautiously reaching down to pet the dog now that he seemed calmer. He thought Akito might’ve squeaked. “Is he a Samoyed? He’s very fluffy.”

“Yes! This is Samo-chan,” she said proudly, picking up the leash again and wrapping him in a tight hug. “He’s really hyper, but he’s a sweetheart, I promise! Do you want to pet him, too, Sir Shinonome?”

“I’m fine,” Akito said through gritted teeth. 

“Alright! Sorry to disturb you two on your walk,” she said cheerfully. “I’ll bring him back home now! Have a good afternoon, Your Highness!”

“We will, thank you,” Toya called after her. “Ah, please make sure to be careful since he seems so excitable…”

“Will do!”

She ran cheerfully off with the dog pulling her along, and Akito’s shoulders seemed to release a little bit of their tension. “Geez.”

“...Are you alright, Akito?”

“Yes,” his knight replied instantly (just a little too hastily to mean it). “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’re shaking,” Toya pointed out.

Akito covered his face with a groan, unsuccessfully hiding how red it was. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“You’re not really hiding anything right now, Akito,” he said gently. 

“...You can’t laugh. Got it?”

“I won’t. I promise.”

Akito stared at the ground as though willing it to open up underneath him and swallow him whole. “I’m scared of dogs.”

Toya blinked for a moment, unable to comprehend what he was hearing. “You’re…scared of dogs?”

“Yes,” his knight muttered. “One bit me when I was…little.” Toya swore he looked almost sickly at the memory. “Been scared of ‘em since.”

…Akito’s afraid of dogs.

Wait.

That’s a secret, isn’t it?

And that means…

Akito just shared a secret with me.

It made him ridiculously happy, and he had to fight to keep a smile off his face. Akito told me something about himself.

It’s like I’ve just been given a precious treasure.

(It was worth noting that Toya technically owned many “treasures,” but none were more precious to him than things about his knight.)

Akito shot a halfhearted glower at him. “You’re laughing at me.”

“No, I’m not,” Toya protested, covering his mouth to try and hide his smile. “I swear.”

“What are you smiling so big for, then?” his knight huffed.

“I’m just happy.”

“Huh? Why?”

“We’ve been friends for a while now, but you don’t really tell me much about yourself,” Toya explained, dropping his hand and beaming at the other boy. “Every time you do, though, it makes me happy. I can’t quite explain it.”

It feels like you’re sharing a piece of your heart with me.

You let me be open for the first time in years, and even stayed by my side once you learned what I was hiding…

I’m more than happy to do the same. 

Akito’s grumpy expression flickered slightly–revealing something almost like fear behind it–and he looked away. “Oh. I didn’t know.”

…Eh?

Something seems off.

His knight fidgeted in place for a few moments, suddenly finding the polished soles of his boots fascinating. “Well…we’d better head back inside,” he said at last. “It’s been a long day, and Hinomori said she needed me to look at her armor later.”

“Oh,” Toya stammered as the other boy began to walk. “Oh–alright.”

Did I say something wrong?

What did I do? Is he upset about the dog thing, maybe?

Or…is it because I went and said all of that?

…Perhaps I shouldn’t have told him all that. It was a little embarrassing.

I must’ve scared him off. 

Toya bit his lip. He didn’t want to chase away his best friend–he needed to watch what he said more. 

More than anything I want to stay by Akito.

Perhaps…

Perhaps I should start considering what I should do if he doesn’t want to return my feelings.

February wore on, and the tension Akito always carried worsened as the end of the month approached.

He didn’t mention the dog incident or give any indication that it was the source of his troubles, but more often than not Toya found him gazing sharply at his surroundings or not-so-subtly watching Toya like a hawk. The latter would’ve embarrassed him if his knight didn’t look so nervous whenever he did.

The other knights all picked up on Akito’s anxiety, too. That week saw Tsukasa, Shiho and Mizuki offer to stand in for him multiple times a day, both clearly concerned about his wellbeing, but Akito rejected them every time and grimly continued his job. Toya was starting to feel slightly unsettled–Akito had always been dedicated to his job as a bodyguard, but there was a feeling underlying that dedication he couldn’t piece together. 

Toya had been wary of getting involved, remembering all too clearly how Akito’s face had looked when he’d last gotten too close, but when two weeks had passed since the dog incident and Akito had not gotten any better, he decided he probably had to take the matter into his own hands. 

“Akito?”

Akito jumped, hastily dragging his gaze away from the crowd milling past them and focusing squarely on Toya. “What is it?”

It’s become strange to see him on duty, Toya thought sadly. These days he’s felt more like a bodyguard than a friend. 

I’m safe most of the time now, so why?

“You’ve been…off lately,” he said at last, choosing his words as carefully as he could. “More on edge, guarded. You don’t even pretend to relax anymore.”

Akito didn’t quite meet his gaze as he continued, unable to keep the worst of his worry from his tone. “Did something happen? Did you learn of some kind of threat, or–”

“No, not that. Nothing’s wrong,” his knight replied hastily. “I’m just doing my job.”

“Don’t give me that,” Toya shot back. “You’re never like this, Akito. Everyone can see that something’s wrong, so why don’t you tell us so we can help?”

“I said I’m just doing my job,” Akito said, glaring at the bread he was holding. “I just want to make sure nothing happens to you. Is that so wrong?”

“Akito, I’m grateful for your help. I promise that. But really, you–”

“You don’t get it!” the other boy snapped, yanking his wallet out of his bag with shaking hands. “Toya, I–”

–and before he could finish his sentence someone crashed into him, snatching the wallet from his hands and melting back into the crowd.

Akito stared at the spot where they’d disappeared without moving, looking as though he’d been hit around the head. Oh, no.

Akito’s wallet–

I have to move.

Toya pushed past his knight and ran off after the thief, wishing he had any kind of weapon as he followed them through the crowd. “Wait! Give that back!”

They ducked down a side alley devoid of any marketgoers and though he ought to have hesitated Toya plunged right in after them. Unfortunately for the thief (and perhaps for himself) it was a dead end, and they stood floundering in the middle of the alley as he stood at the entrance. “You don’t have anywhere to run,” he said as boldly as he could manage. “Give that back, and there won’t be any consequences.”

“I’m not scared of anyone, not even the crown prince,” the thief said defiantly, shakily pointing a knife in his direction. (He really wished he had a weapon.) “You’ll back down if you know what’s good for you, you hear me?!”

“That belongs to Akito. You must return it,” Toya retorted, bracing himself for whatever they did next. “If not, you’ll be arrested. This is your last chance.”

They lunged at him, and he hastily grabbed their arm as he ducked back. The thief cursed, struggling madly to free themselves as he attempted to take the knife. “Please, stop fighting.”

“Shut up!” they spat, abruptly yanking their arm away and raising the knife again. “I warned you, so don’t go crying to your mommy when you don’t make it out of here alive!”

Ah, I couldn’t do anything again.

I really am useless.

Toya shut his eyes, hoping the thief at least had the skill to hit him somewhere his death could be painless–

–but suddenly the thief let out a grunt of pain, and when he opened his eyes they were struggling to get off the ground. Eh?

Oh–

He looked up to see Akito standing at the entrance to the alley, breathing heavily. “Akito!”

“W-Wait! I’ll give it back!” the thief yelped, attempting to crawl back as his knight stepped forward. “I’ll give it back, so don’t–”

“Akito, calm down!” Toya cried as Akito seized the thief and yanked him forward, pulling back his fist to hit him again. 

Amazingly Akito listened, dropping the thief in disgust. “Just watch them for a second. I saw some soldiers over there,” Toya ordered, taking a step back. “I’ll be right back.”

“No way. What if he has an accomplice?” Akito shot back. “You’re not going out there, Toya.”

“Akito. Let me help.”

His knight grit his teeth. “Fine. Hurry.”

“I will,” Toya promised him as he hurried out of the alley.

He was back shortly with a pair of soldiers, relieved to see Akito hadn’t killed the thief when he returned. The thief–clearly having learned his lesson–quickly handed over Akito’s wallet again, and Toya watched as his knight scrambled to open it and check its contents. Relief flashed across his face, replaced quickly by his usual neutral expression as he stuffed the wallet back in his bag. That’s good to know.

At least we were able to recover it…

“We’ll take him off your hands now. Good work, Sir Shinonome,” the older soldier praised, saluting him as his partner cuffed the thief (who looked a little like a wet cat). “Please take the prince back to the castle just in case.”

“Understood, sir.”

“I’m glad that’s taken care of,” Toya sighed as the soldiers marched away. “I hope they’re not too rough with him. He seemed a little desper–”

“What were you thinking?”

“E-Eh?”

“I said what were you thinking?!” Akito yelled, voice suddenly too loud for the small alley they were standing in. “You could’ve been killed!”

“I–but your wallet,” Toya stammered. “If I hadn’t moved, we would’ve lost the–”

“It doesn’t matter! You–crown prince of Nivora–ran after a street thief who could’ve had backup and followed him into an alley with a dead end! If I hadn’t shown up just on time you could’ve died, Toya!”

“But you were caught off guard! Akito, if you couldn’t move–”

“It doesn’t matter! You shouldn’t just throw yourself into danger like that!”

“Akito–”

“It’s my job to protect you! It’s my job to die for you!” his knight screamed. The panic in his eyes looked almost maniacal. “Why won’t you let me?!”

“...I just wanted to help.”

A strange sort of quiet fell over the alley. 

Toya stared down at his shoes, unable to figure out exactly what the feeling choking him was.

I just wanted him to be able to rely on me.

Am I really so unreliable? 

Can Akito really not trust me?

“...I’m sorry. We’d better head back.”

He was dully surprised to hear the words coming from his knight’s mouth and not his own, but he managed a nod. “Alright.”

The walk back was silent, and suddenly the gap between them felt as wide as a chasm.

“I don’t need a bodyguard.”

“Well, you’re having one, and that’s final,” his father had said shortly, not even looking up at him as he signed some sort of document and set it down on his desk again. “You’re the crown prince, and that means everyone anywhere with any kind of complaint with our family will be aiming for your head. Just be grateful it’s someone your age.”

There was no point in arguing any further, so Toya quieted. Inwardly, though, he seethed–he didn’t want someone following him around every hour of the day, but unfortunately his father was right in that he had no say in the matter whatsoever. It didn’t matter how much he hated it, he was the crown prince, and unless some assassin finally got lucky he was doomed to be stuck that way forever.

At least Sir Shinonome seems polite, he thought. Maybe he’ll get the hint and leave me alone.

The boy in question glanced at him as he signed the king’s contract, tired olive eyes looking him up and down. Silently Toya wondered how effective a tired bodyguard would be.

Maybe if Sir Shinonome is terrible, Father will give up on the idea.

Who was he kidding? No one was more stubborn than his father.

Besides, Akito was the best out of all the knights he’d watched perform for his sake, so there was little wonder he’d been chosen for such an important duty. Toya was well and truly trapped.

“That’s everything done and signed now. Toya, your lesson should be soon, so take Sir Shinonome to the schoolroom with you,” his father ordered, opening his desk drawer and sliding the documents in. “Sir Shinonome, you understand your duty.”

“Yes, sir,” Akito answered with a ready smile. “I won’t let anything happen to him.”

Even back then Akito had always been focused solely on keeping Toya alive.

Why, he had no idea. They’d become good friends surprisingly quickly–Akito had proven quite quickly that he wasn’t as polite as he looked, which was refreshing amidst the usual political drivel–but now he wondered if something other than duty and his father’s discerning eye had brought Akito before him.

It wasn’t an answer he was going to get any time soon, though.

Toya sipped his coffee, staring out the window as the sun climbed over the horizon. It’s not as though it’s unusual. Akito’s a more private person. 

Sometimes I really don’t have any idea what he’s thinking, though.

I wish I knew exactly what to say to make him trust me more.

If this was a romance novel–which he may have been reading too many of–perhaps it would rain, and the two might meet somewhere in the castle gardens to talk. Perhaps Akito would be honest, maybe even telling Toya exactly what made him so afraid, and maybe Toya would take his hands and tell him without hesitating that he had nothing to fear.

Perhaps then Toya could spill a secret of his own, and maybe Akito’s eyes would widen in joy as he whispered “I feel the same way.”

But that was only a fantasy, and as the days stretched out it felt less and less realistic. He and Akito had barely spoken since the marketplace, and it felt as though the chasm between them could never be bridged. 

How do I fix it?

How do I make this pain disappear?

“Your Highness?” 

Toya blinked himself back to reality at the sound of the maid’s voice. “Pardon?”

“Pardon me,” she said with a curtsy. “Sir Tenma told me to pass on an invitation to you to meet him in his quarters for tea this afternoon. He has something he’d like to speak with you about.”

Ah…

I wonder what this could be about.

Toya glanced back at Akito. “Would that be fine, Akito?”

“Sure,” his knight said tonelessly. “I’ll drop you off like always.”

“...Alright. Thank you.”

He’s been keeping his distance lately.

Does he feel guilty over last week?

I wish I could tell him it was alright, but…

“I’ll relay the message back to Sir Tenma,” the maid said politely. “Four o’clock sharp, Your Highness.”

He nodded to show he understood, and at last she left them behind. 

“Why don’t we head to the library for a bit?” Toya offered awkwardly when Akito didn’t say anything. “There’s a book I wanted to find.”

Akito set down his mug and got to his feet, dusting off his suit. “Alright.”

The two trailed quietly down the hallway together, Akito a few feet farther back than usual as though being respectful. The distance made his heart ache–he much preferred it when Akito was right beside him.

I wonder if it’ll always be like this.

Have I ruined things between us forever?

They spent what felt like an eternity or so in the library, both quietly sitting across from each other at the desk in the center. Even Akito had grabbed a book, though Toya had a feeling he wasn’t really reading it.

Eventually the clock tolled out the required hour, and Akito walked him to Tsukasa’s rooms before leaving him be. Toya watched him vanish down the nearby corridor before finally knocking on the door. “Tsukasa-senpai?”

“Oh, Toya! Come in!”

Toya obediently pushed open the door and stepped inside, slightly surprised to see Mizuki seated cheerfully between his and Tsukasa’s seats. “Akiyama?”

“Yoo-hoo!” she chirped, refilling her cup as he sat down. “The good ol’ captain called me for an intervention.”

“Akiyama, I told you not to be so obvious!” Tsukasa huffed as he filled a plate with cookies for Toya. “Well, I suppose it doesn’t matter.”

Toya frowned. “When you say ‘an intervention,’ do you mean…”

“We do mean Akito and you,” the older boy said apologetically. “The two of you have looked so unhappy lately…”

…I knew it.

I suppose I’m pathetic enough our situation is obvious to anyone who looks at us.

“Hey, we’re here to help, so don’t look so gloomy!” Mizuki scolded, gently patting his hand. “Why don’t you start by telling us what happened last time you two went out?”

“Exactly! We can’t help until we understand, after all,” Tsukasa declared. “So! We’re all ears, dear Toya!”

Toya hesitated for a moment, slowly dipping a piece of shortbread into his coffee and studying it. “Well…I don’t quite understand it myself.”

It’s obvious I must’ve made some kind of mistake last week when I tried to help Akito.

But I really don’t get it.

Am I truly so useless that the thought of relying on me is ridiculous?

Does Akito think I’m useless?

If that’s the truth, then…

“Just tell us what you do know, then,” Mizuki suggested, taking a dainty sip of her tea and offering him an encouraging smile. “And then we can help you figure it out together. Three heads are better than one, right, Captain?”

“Exactly! Together we shall apply our brilliant minds to this problem!”

“...Then, if you don’t mind listening…”

At last Toya told them about the incident at the marketplace, taking great care to try and share any details that might be important. 

The two listened closely without interrupting (save for the occasional dramatic gasp) as he explained how Akito had delayed to move and he’d had to chase the thief himself. Tsukasa frowned at this part of the story–clearly he agreed with Akito–but said nothing, simply letting him speak.

“Hoo, boy,” Mizuki said sympathetically when he was done. “Sounds like good ol’ Sir Shinonome just got too heated.”

“To think he yelled at you like that!” Tsukasa harrumphed. 

“No, I suppose I deserved it. I did act quite reckless,” Toya sighed, studying his yet untouched shortbread. It looked soggy and unappetizing now, so he just set it down on his saucer to forget about. “Still, I think he feels guilty about it.”

“That would explain how awkward he’s been around ya. He definitely feels bad about it,” the pink knight agreed. “Mmm. I bet there’s something going on that he’s not told you about.”

“Well, that seems obvious. That’s why he fought Toya in the first place, no?” Tsukasa pointed out. “I’ve always thought there was something strange about that boy. He’s one of our hardest workers–which isn’t a bad thing!–but he’s always been particularly dedicated.”

“He takes his job super seriously! Like, he’s almost crazy about it!”

“Perhaps there’s something driving him?”

“What could it beeeeee?”

“What do I do about it?” Toya asked a little hopelessly, prompting the two to look back at him. “I tried talking to him about it and it just resulted in this. I feel like I’ve made an awful mess of things trying to help.”

He swallowed past the lump in his throat. “I want to do something for him because of all he’s done for me, but I keep making these mistakes instead. What if…

“What if it’s too late to do anything now?”

There was a moment of silence as the two swapped glances he couldn’t read. “I don’t think it’s too late,” Mizuki said at last. 

“It might sound troublesome to hear, but the best thing you can do now is to try and talk to Akito about this once and for all,” Tsukasa announced, reaching across the table to pat him on the shoulder. “Even if he avoids you, you ought to try. That’s the biggest thing you can do for him right now.”

“Exactly what I was gonna say!” Mizuki chirped, high-fiving him. “You were going on and on about ‘big gestures’ and sweeping him off his feet a while back–”

“Kindly do not make fun of Toya’s meticulous plans, Akiyama!”

“–but honestly, there’s nothing more meaningful than having someone that just…reaches you,” she finished, smiling almost sadly. “I remember what it was like to have a best friend. Just be honest and you can’t possibly ruin it, Toya-kun.”

“And remember we’ll always be there to offer backup!” Tsukasa declared. “If you require a captain’s service, you need only ask!”

“...Thank you.”

Toya carefully set his saucer on the table and offered them the best smile he could dredge up. “I appreciate the advice. I’ll think about it as carefully as I can.”

He was met with matching beaming grins. “Good luck, Toya!”

After the conversation slowly idled into something less stressful, and as the two argued about sewing techniques regarding repairing clothes (“you can’t just use gold thread for everything!”) Toya sat and thought carefully about what to do next.

The sky outside began to darken, and when the hour hand was just minutes away from 7 Toya finally took his leave. Tsukasa and Mizuki were still arguing about the best thread to use for neatly stitching up a hole in one’s jacket (“haven’t you ever heard of kintsugi, Akiyama?!”) and as such only stopped to hastily wish him a good evening. Listening to them squabble had cheered him up a little, and for some reason he felt like he could look at the problem before him with a little more positivity than before.

Alright. I just have to talk to Akito.

I just have to properly talk to him and this can be solved. Just like in a novel.

…Is that right?

No. Tsukasa-senpai told me it would be fine, so it has to be. 

So…where might Akito be right now?

Usually his knight was loitering around wherever Toya was even if he hadn’t been invited, so it was more than a little sad to not notice him upon leaving his friend’s quarters. It had the unfortunate bonus of not knowing where he was at the current moment. 

Maybe he’s in his room?

The longer he thought about it the stronger a possibility it seemed. As Toya’s bodyguard Akito had been given a small set of quarters directly beside the prince’s own, and while they were nowhere as fancy as those belonging to royalty they were nice and private compared to the barracks he’d originally stayed at. Where better than to hide away?

Toya’s flawless logic was thwarted by pure unpredictability, however, and when he rapped cautiously on the other boy’s door no response came forth.

Perhaps he’s just sleeping.

He slowly cracked open the door and peeked inside, opening it wider and entering when he didn’t immediately see his knight. “Akito?” he called. “Are you in here?”

There was no answer, and his spirits sank a little. He’s really not here.

Where could he be?

…Come to think of it, I’ve never been in this room before.

He turned in a full circle, admiring the simple but oh-so-Akito touches to it. The training drills stuck to the wall by the window, the weapons rack filled with different types of swords, the messy nightstand and even sloppier bed. Even the dusty desk in the front room screamed Akito–there were few occasions where he would be using it, anyway…

Toya felt his train of thought trail away as he took in the slightly-ajar drawer in the center of the desk.

No. No, you mustn’t. 

I’m sure whatever’s in there is private. It’s bad enough I came in here without permission–looking at his things would be even worse.

You mustn’t, Toya.

He tugged the drawer open. 

…Paintings?

Not just any paintings, either. They were messy and clearly damaged, and some of them were even smeared with dark stains that looked eerily like blood. It felt rather like how detectives must’ve felt whenever they discovered evidence to some mystery.

The actual paintings weren’t the stuff of nightmares those detectives often found, though. They were simple and filled only with flowers and what must’ve been portraits of people he didn’t recognize, like peonies and daisies and a girl with braids and another with straighter hair. Quite a few of them were of the same girl, too, her eyes a soft shade of brown that reminded him of the does he saw leaping silently through the forest. 

Her eyes looked haunted even in the drawing, though, and something about the clear attempt to draw her happier than she plainly was sent a chill down his spine.

Are these Akito’s paintings?

But I’ve never seen him drawing…

Perhaps they’re signed. 

He checked a few of the paintings, trying to find any kind of signature across them. There’s nothing. Maybe they are his.

After all, why would he have these if he’s not painted them himse…?

“What are you doing?”

Toya jumped, biting back a yelp as his knee hit the open drawer. “Akito!”

His knight surveyed him tiredly from the doorway, arms crossed across his chest. “Why are you going through my things?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. “Why are you even in here in the first place, Toya?”

“I was looking for you,” Toya said guiltily, carefully setting the paintings back in their proper place and slowly shutting the drawer. “I’m sorry, Akito. I didn’t mean to violate your privacy.”

Those olive eyes lingered on him for a moment before sliding away. “Alright. Don’t worry about it.”

He made his way over to the desk and tugged open the drawer again, gaze set sharply on the paintings as he began to meticulously sort them. Toya tried not to look nosy as he tilted his head to study them, awed. There’s so many. 

And he’s taken such good care of them, too. 

What are they, exactly?

“So,” Akito said at last. “What did you need?”

Oh, right.

Don’t get distracted, Toya. Focus.

“I wanted to talk to you,” he answered.

“About what?”

“You know what, Akito. Don’t act like you don’t.”

His knight’s shoulders sagged. He didn’t say anything.

“Even before the marketplace, you’ve been jumpy and…well, paranoid,” Toya said, choosing his words as delicately as he could. “It may very well be my fault. But still–I’ve never seen you like this.”

Akito avoided his gaze still, fingers hovering over the girl’s face as though he was scared to touch her.

“I know I’m not that reliable, and…” Toya swallowed. It was hard to get this out. “I know I can never be as strong as you are, but I want to at least hear your problems. If I’m going to keep causing them, then I want to help solve them, too.”

The silence dragged on for another few moments.

“It’s not your fault,” Akito said at last. “I should’ve handled this better.”

He took a deep breath, tugging one of the paintings out and set it on top of the desk. “These are my sister’s. All of ‘em.”

“Is this a self portrait?” Toya asked, admiring the subtle details in the painting. 

“Yeah. She did a lot of those. Said she was trying to remember how she looked.”

Akito’s mouth flattened into a thin line, but Toya swore his lip was trembling slightly. “She’s gone now,” he muttered, voice wobbling a little. “Comm…died three years ago.”

“...Oh.”

“I–she was so angry all the time, so I thought she’d be better off if I gave her some space. God, I was so tired of her yelling at me. It was so easy to ignore her.

“I–I noticed one day I’d not spoken to her at all since the night before.” Akito’s words were coming faster and faster, and Toya feared they would choke him. “I went to check on her but she didn’t answer the door, and when I opened it I–”

His knight fell silent at last, and Toya could only guess what he’d seen that day.

He stared at the painting Akito had set out, just quietly taking in the smile marred only by blood. 

“I could’ve saved her,” he heard the other boy murmur. “If I hadn’t shut her out…if I’d just paid attention…”

At last Akito slid the painting back into its drawer with as much care as one handling a precious treasure might, gently closing the drawer once more. “My father let me bring the paintings with me when I left home. I wasn’t sure what to do with them, so I just stuck one of her self portraits in my wallet so it was like she was always with me.” He let out a breathless laugh. “I guess I could’ve hung them up. But I’d look like a serial killer if I did, you know?”

“Akito…”

“I mean, they’re so messy, and there’s blood everywhere, and–”

“Akito, you’re crying.”

His knight stared at him in something like shock, making no move to wipe away the tears rolling rapidly down his face. “Huh?”

…I’ve never heard him talk about this.

Has he kept it secret this whole time?

Without thinking Toya took out his handkerchief and carefully wiped Akito’s face, unable to quell the sympathy rising inside him.

I’ve never known her, and now I want nothing more than to comfort her.

I wish I could’ve helped her, if only to save Akito from making this face.

I wish I could have known her.

“What are you doing?” Akito asked, blinking rapidly. 

“I’m just trying to help however I can,” Toya said simply. 

“...You’re so weird.”

Akito sniffled, stepping back just to scrub his face with his hand. “It was around this time, I think,” he said distantly, glancing out the window at the snow gently falling beyond the glass. “It reminds me of something Tsukasa-senpai said about old wounds. Whenever it gets cold I start remembering what it was like, and…

“I don’t know. I don’t know what was going through your head, or why you were trying to do so much on your own all of a sudden but–” Akito’s expression looked almost agonized. “I let Ena die. I can’t let you die, too, Toya.”

…Ah. 

I must have scared him. 

Climbing the tree, running after the thief…

I was just trying to show him he could rely on me, but I ended up doing the exact opposite. 

How do I fix it?

How can I best reassure him I won’t be leaving like his sister?

What would they say right now?

For a split second he pictured Tsukasa and Mizuki, and all of a sudden he could hear their advice again.

Just do something small.

And so before he knew what he was doing he wrapped Akito in a tight hug.

His knight made a sound like a startled cat. “Toya?”

“I’m sorry. Please just let me do this.”

“...Alright, but–”

“Akito, I won’t ever leave. I promise.”

Akito hesitated. “You can’t promise tha–”

“No, I can,” Toya said firmly. “And it’s both because I can stand up for myself and because I have you by my side, Akito.

“You’ve been there for me since the very start. I want to become strong like you one day so that you don’t have to do everything by yourself, but I’ve always appreciated all you’ve done for me.”

“You…”

“There’s so much you’ve done for me, and no matter how small it was, it meant the world to me.” Toya took a deep breath. “So from now on, could you rely on me for even small things?”

Silence followed his words–but he felt Akito’s grip on his shirt tighten. 

He hoped they’d finally gotten through to him at last.

The next day Akito asked him to come by his room, which was such an unusual request Toya made sure his schedule was as clear as could be and practically raced there.

His knight was waiting for him with red eyes, a box of nails, a messy bundle of string, a few clips and a hammer. “Hey,” he greeted. “Sorry I wasn’t with you for the meeting. I had to grab all this.”

“It’s alright. The deadliest thing there was my father, so I don’t mind too badly,” Toya said, taking in the confusing sight before him. “What’s ‘all this?’”

“I thought I’d hang up some of the paintings,” Akito answered, smiling a little wistfully. “It’s kinda outta nowhere, but…”

He stared at the ground for a moment as though gathering the courage to speak. “I went and showed ‘em to you yesterday, so…it feels like I don’t have to hide them anymore,” he said at last. “Plus, Ena deserves better than to have all this crammed in my desk. You know?”

“I understand perfectly.”

They’re so beautiful, after all.

He tilted his head to admire a simple painting of a daffodil, awed at the delicate curve of its petals. It looks as though it could be a real flower. I half expect to see it start wilting before me.

She must’ve been a good artist.

I wish I could’ve met her.

“Anyway,” Akito said, blinking quickly. “I didn’t want to bother you about it, but I figured you might wanna help.” He fidgeted a little. “You said something about wanting me to rely on you last night, so…”

…He remembered.

Akito actually remembered.

“Of course. I’d love to,” Toya replied eagerly, hoping his grin wasn’t too lovestruck. “How do we start?”

His knight smiled at him as he dropped a pencil in his hands, the expression tired, sad and grateful all at once. “Can you start marking out some places to stick the nails? I’ll hammer ‘em in once you’re done.”

“You can leave it to me.”

Toya dutifully sketched a few different x-marks on the large wall above Akito’s bed, careful to spread them out appropriately while also staggering them just a little. Akito followed behind him with the hammer, banging a nail into each x with a practiced hand and a sharp eye. It was a cool spectacle to watch, and a few times Toya had to drag his focus back onto his task lest Akito call him out.

Once Akito was satisfied with the amount of nails in the wall he handed Toya the string, allowing him to drape it across each one. “It’s pretty cheap, but I don’t feel like buying a ton of frames,” he explained. “I’ll hang up the actual canvases later, but for now this feels like enough.”

“You have canvas paintings, too?”

“Yep. They’re in the closet,” Akito answered, jabbing his thumb at the door tucked in the corner of his room. “They’re a lot more detailed, but a lot of ‘em are sadder, too. Some of them are even torn.” Something flickered across his face Toya couldn’t read. “I don’t…really like looking at them.”

I wonder how that must feel.

To only have this one remnant of someone so precious left, but you’re unable to even admire it…

I don’t envy him.

“Well, we’ve got the cord up, so let’s hang some up now,” Akito muttered, quickly setting down the hammer and hurrying back towards his desk. “I can only hang up about ten for now, so feel free to pick out five.”

“Alright. Thank you.”

“...No. Thank you.”

Akito avoided his gaze as he spoke, ears reddening slightly. “I haven’t properly looked at everything in a while, and it’s only ‘cause of you I’m doing this now,” he said (not very clearly). “So…thanks for being so stubborn.”

“You would do the same for me, I’m sure,” Toya replied, managing a smile through the butterflies in his stomach. “Is there anything I shouldn’t hang up?”

The other boy chewed on his lip for a moment as he studied the stack. “No. Pick whatever you want.”

“Alright. If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure,” Akito promised.

And so the two began to go through the stack, carefully putting the paintings they weren’t using aside and studying the rest as closely as they could.

Toya took time to properly admire every one, in awe of every stroke and splash of color Akito’s sister had left behind. They were impossibly, painfully beautiful, and he wondered what sorts of things had been going through her head as she made them.

Akito hadn’t told him why she’d chosen to die–a part of him wondered if even he knew–but distantly he wondered if the answer could be found in her paintings.

So many of these are messy and sad. Even I can sense the powerful feelings spread across them. 

Can Akito?

Did Ena-san…?

I suppose I’ll never know.

“I’ve picked all the ones I wanted,” he said outloud, looking up to find Akito studying another self-portrait. “How about you?”

“...I’m done, too,” Akito answered, gently setting the one he was holding back down into the stack. “Let’s clip ‘em up.”

Together the two began to hang the paintings, following some sort of invisible system neither boy could explain. Toya had chosen mostly flowers–he loved how real they seemed to look in Ena’s vision–and Akito had chosen mostly self portraits, so when they staggered them as carefully as possible and stood back to take in their work it looked like something out of a museum.

It’s so nice.

I hope she appreciates it, wherever she is.

“This is what she deserves,” Akito said at last. His olive eyes seemed almost to meet his sister’s. “I shouldn’t have hidden them away.”

He shook his head and offered Toya a weary smile. “Again, thanks. This meant a lot to me.”

“I’m just grateful you let me help.”

“I’ll have to clean up some later,” Akito sighed, dragging his chair over and falling back into it. “At least it’ll be easy to change this stuff out from now on.”

“Mm.”

Toya lingered by the wall a little longer, both to study the paintings more and to look less awkward (there was only one chair in the room, so it was that or stand ominously behind Akito). I really have to thank Tsukasa-senpai and Akiyama later.

If not for them, I wouldn’t have gotten through to Akito last night. 

“I really want to apologize,” Akito said abruptly. “For snapping and whatnot.”

“Ah…it’s alright.”

“No, it’s not,” his knight scolded, scowling up at him. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. Don’t give me an excuse, Toya.”

He couldn’t help but wilt a little under his withering glare. “Alright.”

“I mean, geez. I’m always worried about you–you’re way too important to me–but I couldn’t stop panicking,” Akito muttered. His ears had turned red again, and Toya tried his hardest not to fixate on you’re way too important to me and actually listen to what he was saying. “But I kept thinking about Ena, and I didn’t understand what you were doing, and I thought if I wasn’t careful I’d lose you too…

“I just got wrapped up in my head. I still feel horrible about it.”

“...I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to–”

“I don’t want an apology,” Akito retorted, abruptly standing up. “Toya, you didn’t do anything wrong. You hear me?”

Toya blinked, dumbfounded. “But–”

“No. You were just trying to help, and I was acting like a dumbass,” his knight said fiercely, taking his hands and giving them a firm shake as though to jog his senses. “Don’t apologize, Toya. 

“You mean so much to me! I can’t bear anything happening to you, but that’s not your fault. I just started thinking about Ena, and about how I couldn’t help her, and how I love you too much to let anything happen to you–”

Akito’s words were all incredibly sweet, but Toya could only focus on one thing. “But you were just trying to help, so don’t say it was your fault. Toya, you–”

“W-Wait,” Toya blurted out. “Did you just say you loved me?”

Akito stared at him for a moment.

His face turned redder than a tomato.

“Uh,” he stammered, releasing Toya’s hands and taking a step back. “I, uh…I’m sorry, I–”

“Wait, don’t apologize,” Toya said hastily, seizing his knight’s hands before he could back up too much. “What did you mean? Can you please explain?”

“Toya, you’re–”

“Did you mean romantically? If so, I–”

“–oh my God, this is not how I wanted it to come out–”

“Do you really mean it?” Toya asked breathlessly. “Akito, do you really love me?”

Akito’s eyes darted wildly around the room as though he was looking for a way out. “Uh. If I said yes…”

He nervously met Toya’s gaze again. “What would you say?”

“I…nothing would make me happier.”

Toya felt as though his heart might collapse under the weight of the affection swelling up inside it. How was it possible to feel this much love for someone?

“I love you,” he breathed. “Akito, I love you so much I can barely handle it.”

Those olive eyes widened in what looked like amazement. From here Toya could see every detail on his pretty face–the scar running through his left eyebrow, the dark freckles dotting his tanned cheeks, the tired bags under his eyes and the subtle curve of his mouth…

…Ah.

I wonder, would it be bold of me to–?

Suddenly, as though he was reading his mind–

–his knight cupped his hands around his face and kissed him.

It was the most magical experience he’d ever had. Instantly Toya relaxed, letting his eyes slip shut as his hands took Akito’s shirt and tugged him just a little closer. The other boy’s fingers laced through his hair, his hands rough and yet gentle against his skin–distantly he wondered how it would feel to hold them. 

He tucked the thought away and leaned closer in, allowing Akito’s warmth to envelope him in its fullest as Akito did the same. 

So this is what a kiss is like.

The novels were right after all.

Toya would’ve been happy to stay like that for at least another ten years and maybe all of eternity if possible, but gradually a pressing lack of oxygen began to nag at him. At last Akito pulled back, face looking as though he couldn’t choose between embarrassment or bliss. “Uh, sorry,” he managed. “That was…I probably should’ve asked–”

Before he could finish Toya kissed him again, only pulling away once his head genuinely felt as though it was spinning. “It’s alright. I think I’ve been waiting for that for a long time.”

Akito let out a breathless laugh. “I guess. I think I have, too.”

“...If possible, Akito, I want to be your partner,” Toya said at last, unable to tear his gaze away from his eyes. “Would that be alright?”

The other boy’s smile was almost blinding. “Of course.”

The setting sun dyed the room around them in shades of rosy gold, and though usually he would’ve devoted his full attention to the way it sunk below the horizon, today was much different.

Today Toya only reflected on how nice Akito’s hand felt in his as they met in another breathtaking kiss, feeling more content than he’d ever been in years.