Work Text:
“Riku?”
The King turned to face Riku. He was a little ahead, his shadow stretching far along the creepy glistening hall of Castle Oblivion.
His eyes were small, beady, but they welled with such kindness. Something about it chilled Riku. He didn't know whether he was lucky or terribly selfish to be taking so much of the King's time. But he couldn't seem to stop. He kept doing it.
And the King kept letting him.
“We must be close now, Riku. How about we take a break?”
Riku's legs trembled a little. Maybe he did need to sit down for a minute. This place was exhausting. It felt like it would never end.
The King just gave Riku a once-ever, then said, “Let's, uh...” He pointed toward a slightly less dark corner of the hall. “Let's regroup there for a little bit.”
One creepy thing about Castle Oblivion was that it messed with your sense of time. Riku hadn't needed to rest or eat since he'd gotten here. He hadn't wanted for anything. It was like he wasn't alive. Or, perhaps he hovered somewhere between life and death.
Then again, since he and the King were on the other side of the Door to Darkness... the dark side... Riku had been wondering whether that might be true. How could one be alive if they weren't beneath the light of day?
Riku leaned against the wall, then suddenly slid to the ground. He let himself slump over with a sigh. His legs really were tired. He didn't know how long he'd been walking for.
Silently, the King sat down beside Riku. His presence was close enough that Riku could feel his body heat. That was a good thing. It gave Riku reassurance that he wasn't the only living being in here. Even if his memories had forsaken him... the King wouldn't.
Riku stared at his feet and struggled against the overwhelming sensation that was tightening in his throat.
He'd never be able to repay the King, he knew. The King was the only reason Riku was sure that he could be saved. He didn't know how yet, but... there had to be a way.
Riku's chest ached. He let his head rest on one knee. He closed his eyes.
He missed Sora so much. Sora, and Kairi both. Riku had wanted an adventure, and he'd sure gotten one, but at what cost?
A shudder overcame Riku. At least Kairi had been comatose for the worst of it, but Riku had hurt Sora—hurt him deeply. Riku would never be able to change that.
And that truth haunted him. He needed to be better—so that he could be better for Sora—so that he could deserve to—
That thought left Riku on a precipice. He didn't want to jump over it. He couldn't.
But now that sensation was bubbling up inside of him, small at first—memories of Sora's warmth, his smile—but then, stronger—his heart racing against Riku's once he's successfully tackled him—and stronger—Sora's bright, sunny laugh—and stronger—the way their shoulders brushed, the way their hands touched, the way Sora gravitated to him not knowing that Riku was hopelessly caught in his orbit, that Riku adored him and that he was sick of being tormented by him and that after all this time, still, still, he was worried about Sora. He would never overcome this grief inside of him. He must have hurt Sora terribly. He'd—What he'd done was irrevocable.
Riku didn't realize how loud he was breathing until the King asked, not unkindly, “Riku? Are you okay?”
Riku started to say he was, but then his voice caught.
And then, oh. No.
Oh, no.
He curled his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms tight around them. He tucked his head into his knees. He tried to hold on. Please, please. He was coming apart at his seams, and he didn't have the means to hold himself together any longer. He'd been ignoring this for so long, and now he couldn't bear to turn away again.
Riku prickled when something brushed his side, but he saw it was only the King's hand on his forearm. Steadying.
Riku screwed his eyes shut. He forced his breathing to slow. He told himself he was okay.
Then he said, “Your Majesty, I was just—”
His voice cracked. Riku's face flushed.
There was no hiding this. Not any longer.
He opened his eyes, and he saw the King, as gentle as ever, gazing up at him. “Riku?” Quieter. “Was there something you wanted to say?”
“N-N—”
Now he could hardly speak. How humiliating.
Riku wanted to turn away, wanted to run, wanted to stuff all of this back inside of himself, even if it just came leaking back out. He couldn't—He couldn't face this.
But the King murmured, “You've been running for a long time, haven't you? You must be tired. I know you're afraid, Riku, but if you keep running, you'll never stop being scared. You'll only learn how fast you need to run in order to stop feeling. Having a heart, cherishing it, means accepting your feelings.”
And he was right, but—
But, this? Did it have to be this? This thing that roiled in Riku's blood, that wouldn't leave him alone, no matter how much he tried to thwart it?
Maybe that was the point. He couldn't run, because it was him.
Riku hung his head low.
“I keep thinking about my friends. The people I left behind. Sora and Kairi. How worried about them I've been. But I keep—in my memories, I keep... I...”
Riku breathed in. Breathed out. Started over.
“I like Kairi.”
And he did. Kairi was one of his best friends. She told him what was what, and she wasn't afraid to stand up to him. And how she made him laugh. Riku hoped she was safe, wherever she was. Safer than him, at least.
Riku sniffed. “She's amazing, you know? There's plenty of reasons to admire her.”
The King blinked. “But you... don't?”
Riku's cheeks burned. The shame was burning him up. “I-I...”
He turned away. He couldn't look at the King—couldn't look at anyone as he said this.
“She's not the person who plagues all of my thoughts. She should be, but she isn't.”
“Well, that's okay, Riku. You don't have to feel—”
“But I do feel that way. About someone. But not her. E-Even though it should be her.”
Because people always came in pairs. Riku had a mother and a father. The King had a Queen. All those princesses and their respective princes.
But when Riku thought of his parents, of the harboring warmth they shared for one another... Riku didn't feel that way toward Kairi.
There was only one person he felt that way toward.
But he wasn't supposed to feel that way. If he followed every single fairytale to its conclusion, he should have liked Kairi. Kairi, who he'd lost everything trying to save.
Not—
“It's wrong,” Riku burst out, “to feel this way about another boy, right?”
“Riku,” the King tried, placating, but Riku pulled away. He was trembling.
He cupped his hands over his face, but he cried so loudly. How horrible.
No wonder he'd been hiding these feelings away for so long. He hated this. Was this how a heart was supposed to make you feel? Riku's heart was so weak.
“Riku,” the King said, louder, and Riku managed to breathe in shakily. He pulled his hands from his face, looking at the King. His chest thumped rapidly. He was bracing himself for the truth. “Riku, our stories haven't done a good job of preparing people like you for this world. They... Honestly, they've failed you.”
Riku tensed. He was waiting for a but.
But the King only said, “Your heart's desire—that is a pure essence, indeed. There is a power in accepting what your heart feels. So it would be untruthful to say that your heart is wrong for a feeling as pure as love.”
“But who I—”
“I don't think it's wrong, Riku. If that's what your heart shows you, then it will do you much more good than harm to listen to it.”
Riku frowned as he rubbed his eyes. His voice was still shaky, so he kept it low. “But there are plenty of people who follow their hearts and do bad things.” Not just Maleficent, but people he knew in his own world, people who didn't harness the physical power of darkness. Kids at school, even some adults.
But the King said, “I don't think those people are following their hearts.”
Riku's face burned. “I-I don't think I am, either.”
Mickey turned to him, his eyes so bright. He laid a hand on Riku's shoulder. “But you can. You've finally let yourself see your heart. That is a good thing.”
Riku looked away. “What—D-Do I have to tell him how I feel, now?”
“I wouldn't say so.” The King nudged him, gently. Riku managed to look at him again. “That's up to you. Listen to your heart, and you'll find the answer.”
His heart...
Riku thought, if he stayed very still, and he paid attention to himself, he could feel it, beating quiet, quiet, quiet, like the tiniest pair of wings.
At a whisper, Riku admitted, “He probably hates me. He won't want to listen.”
“Oh, don't be so sure. Maybe he's been waiting for you to come to your senses this whole time.”
A weak laugh escaped Riku. The thought of Sora looking after him with that same kindness of his warmed Riku, but it saddened him, too. Sora had gone through enough, and Riku was still causing trouble for him.
With a sigh, Riku wiped his face. He was relieved he'd stopped crying. He didn't remember the last time he'd done that, and for so long. It made him feel like a little kid.
But then again, maybe he'd listened to his heart better, back then. Maybe if he cried all the time now, he wouldn't have let the darkness take root inside of him.
Maybe...
There was no use in wondering. Riku just had to make do with where he was.
At his side, the King stood. He offered his hand to Riku.
Riku smiled faintly as he took it, letting the King help him to his feet.
Quietly, Riku asked, “You're sure it's okay? To feel this way?”
A sad smile crossed Mickey's face. “This is the most open I've ever seen your heart, Riku. It would be terribly remiss of me to say that you're not right about these feelings.” He hesitated, then added, “I truly hope that your story has a happy ending, Riku. Then, perhaps, there will be a story for others to look up to as well, and where you couldn't learn in the past, other hearts will be able to learn from yours in the future.”
Riku could hardly even imagine that—people looking up to him. He still had so far to go. Besides, even the people he loved surely wouldn't be pleased to see him after all he'd done.
At the thought of facing them again, a tendril of ice squeezed around his heart.
...But that's what made it a noble cause. Doing it in spite of the fear. Doing it because it was right.
Riku took in a slow breath. He picked up his sword, stepping in front of the King.
He had to find them first. He missed Kairi, and their other friends, and the beaches of Destiny Islands. His parents.
…and how he missed Sora. Sora, and his persistence, and his joy. Sora and his light. Sora... Sora was Riku's light. Even now, especially now, Riku was still following after him.
And Riku would do anything to see him safe and sound, whatever the cost.