Chapter Text
Jason didn't mean for this to happen, really.
He had just gotten back to Gotham, busy establishing himself as the Red Hood and like any normal human being, got hungry. He decided on trying out a new diner that had opened while he was chilling in his grave. He wanted to film his reaction, for the fun of it, opened TikTok and just… ate.
and complained.
a lot.
"I mean, the only time I met the Bat in the wild was when I was stealing from him, not because he decided to save me or something."
He took a big bite from the tacos he was testing and nodded. "The sauce is so good, it has a pinch of spice but like- just pinch. I feel it but it's not all I taste."
He meant to save it to his drafts and go on with his day, wrote the name of the diner in the captions so he wouldn't forget and could come back later.
He didn't notice that he pressed post until he checked the notifications in the app the next day. Somehow, over the night, his video blew up. Not like him though.
2.3 Million likes and over 900k comments.
'I know that place, it really is good. You should try their pancakes'
'Why is he right though? Who saw batman bc he was saving them'
'IDK what he looks like but he sounds hot af'
'Thank you for leaving such a kind review on our restaurant'
'What district is the place at?'
'[sticker: guy hitting green button with "approved" text] SPITTING FACTS'
'I have no particular thoughts on the Bats but I guess he really does choose his place of operation'
'He's just one man! He can't be there for everyone'
78 replies
'I wanted to watch more of this and checked his account and this is his only video??'
'Will you review other places too?'
He couldn't resist the urge to do more.
By this point, his crime empire was already doing good, aside from his constant batteling with Black Mask and the whole confronting his not-dad-but-kinda-dad.
But in these videos?
People were listening to him, they were agreeing with him and they wanted more
and he would deliver.
First, he changed his accounts name from user74396925 to RedFood (Like RedHood but with and F, he was proud of this wordplay)
Than came the next video.
"Are these waffles raw?"
He chewed with a scrunched nose, the camera popped up against his drink in angle that only showed his hands and chest.
"At least it's better than the back flip Nightwing did yesterday. For a second I thought it was a cosplayer. Is he getting old?"
"Okay I think the bananas are a month old so what is this place?"
he took a loud slurp from the smoothie he ordered. "This tastes decent. Anyways, are the people living on the founders stree okay? The new building there looks like Blackgate but make it white- whitegate!"
Jason pulled the plate with the chocolate cake to the camera view.
"The cake better be soft…"
while he chwed it down, he pointed the fork at the camera. "If they want the people to do less crime, they shouldn't give them reasons to do so! All the big companies are doing mass layoffs and what are thos people supposed to do now?"
'Lol, I'll be calling that place whitegate from now on'
'[sticker of Nightwings ass] I never saw him doing a flip so I can't compare'
'How is he inhaling all this food?'
'The building was apparently meant to be a new community centre. I don't understand why they made it look like a prison'
'[sticker of a cat with the tongue out] THE CHEST????'
'What smoothie did you order?'
RedFood: strawberry
'he replied???'
53 replies
'I'm new here, is this normal?'
'yes'
'very'
'Is he only in Gotham or other cities too?'
'honestly I don't understand the mass layoffs. Just when the companies were getting even more profitable, it's not like they couldn't pay the employees anymore with how much they're earning'
'Batburgers doesn't have open positons left, BATBURGERS'
His next video was in Paulis.
"So this isn't a new place, I just wanted to focus on something else today"
The camera again only showed up to his chest.
"There was a firefly attack at Otisburg, it made a lot of damage. In the description will be addresses of places I know are safe to stay at. They are help centres from Wayne Eterprices, Bat protected or under Red Hood protection. There are also some located in Blüd if someone needs it, certified by Nightwing."
He took in a deep breath.
"I also added the link for the donations to help the people who need help. We need to stay together and help the ones who need it"
'Thanks for the centres! They actually helped and were safe!'
'Omg the donations are legit, we got the money!'
'Firefly is such a clown'
'why do we have so many clown issues?'
'you can help families relocated at the firestation!'
The next video was in a new place he ran across.
"Thank you so much for your donations and help! You saved a lot of families."
Then, he puled a plate to the frame.
"This time we're at a shawarma store, address in caption as usual"
Jason lifted the wrap, "this is so full!"
He took a bite, tasting it before continuing. "This is actually great"
"Apparently Penguin is opening a new hair saloon. Why? I have no clue. Probably money laundering or front for illegal sales. Who even would trust Cobblepot with their hair?"
After arranging his plates, Jason dipped the fries in ketchup.
"And no why is Red Hood paying better insurance than the GCPD?" He had to squeeze in his own adds. His confrontation with Bruce hadn't gone as planned, he couldn't even reveal his identity because apparently, scarecrow felt that he had to strike.
"Oh if you want to watch the new Riddler movie, the cinema by the North river has better prices and popcorn"
"Also, I heard someone robbed Jacky's, again. Can we stop robbing small businesses? Walmart won't loose shit but Jacky's is already giving out so much free stuff. It's annoying"
He took a sip from his soda to relax. "And for god's sake, stop speeding at the street by the bank, I blame it on the potholes but the amount of accidents happening there is a lot. Tell me why I have to drive over the sidewalk so i won't crash"
'The Riddler movie is so bad, that it makes it fun to watch'
'The cinema by the Robinson Park Plaza has student discounts'
'dude pls check out places in Metropolis'
'[Sticker: Arggh Metropolis] Bohoo, we aren't giving him to u cowards'
[omg find ur own food-city ranter'
63 replies
'The city needs to do something about the potholes'
'i think the batmobil is one of the reasons the potholes exist'
'They had no business in making Riddler look so fine in the movie'
'can you please check out the old pizzeria by Gotham Gazette building? They got a new chef and everything'
'omg yes, I wanna try it out so bad but im scarred its shit'
Jason wasn't sure if he should cry or laugh.
"TheLastFlyingGrayson reposted your video"
It was a video he roasted Nightwing specifically, including phrases like:
"a ripoff Tom Cruise"
"Has an unnecessary stunts complex"
and his byfar favourite:
"a Robert David Hall stunt double could move better"
"So this place was highly requested, not a new place but the staff and atmosphere changed so much after it got a new owner, it might as well have been fresh"
Jason used his phones back-camera to film the three pizzas he got: pepperoni, margarita and hawai
"I know pineapple on pizza is criminal but my older brother loves it and I wanted to check it out for him. He watches these videos but has no idea it's me and I'm having fun"
Jason placed his phone back on the stand he recently got, fixing the angle before pressing continue.
"I visited my old home yesterday and goodness gracious, crime alley got even worse while I was overseas. Wasn't the bat supposed to making it better? At least drug dealers are staying away from kids"
He took a bite out of the margarita, humming in approval. "Okay the cheese is so cheesy, it's great"
He chewed it down before continuing, "Has anyone else dealt with the real estate scammer by the Elliot Centre? Those guys are really out there scamming grandparents and college students"
He moved onto the pepperoni pizza, "Okay they messed this one up, it tastes like night-wings cooked with superman laser beams" Jason pushed away the pizza, "I would feel bad if I gave this to someone homeless, I'll just buy a margarita to give away later"
Jason cracked his neck and took a sip of water to get rid of the taste, "speaking of Batburgers, the job-crises got so out of hand even they are not hiring anymore, someone needs to get to the bottom of these mass layoffs"
Now was the Hawaiian pizza's turn, he took a bite, chewed on it and, "It's not awful but I'm sure my brother had better, so like, a 6 out of 10. It's bot inedible or burnt or anything, just… off? No idea why exactly"
'So they fixed the problems with the food and made the things they excelled at worse?'
'lol ur brother must be so confused'
TheLastFlyingGrasyon: 'dude I love pineapple pizza too! ur bro knows ball'
'why am I not surprised Dick Grayson likes pineapple pizza?'
'proof that rich people have no taste [crying emoji]
85 replies
'Crime alley is getting better thx to Hood but the housing really got worse'
'He is from crime alley????'
'lol u don't hear the accent?'
'I used to love their pepporoni, ig not anymore'
'*pepperoni'
'stfu'
'the real estate scammer scammed someone from my class last week, they sued but nothing yet'
'They scammed my grandma too, real bastards'
'How fast can he eat? That was the whole menu'
'he could start a yt channel where he ranted the whole time he ate bc u can see the cuts where he took an eating break'
'jobmarket really got out of hand'
"So Batburgers got a new toy and something called Harley Cake, from what I gathered, it's blueberry and strwaberry cake and they made a Red Hood toy"
Jason placed the camera on the stand, turning around to take his tray and putting it in front of the camera. "I got myself the Robin Nuggets, Ivy Salad, Two-Face sandwich, a Batshake and the Harley Cake of course"
He ate through his food, talking about each villain the food was named after, "If they worked with Ivy, we would have actual parks aside from Robinson"
"At the start of his villain carrier, Harvey actually defended himself at court, claimed that since Two-face is his other personality, it was legal. They made a new law against it after that"
"The new Robin is so annoying, has almost no jokes, what kind of Robin is that?"
"The Batshake is as shitty as always"
"The Red Hood toy is so cute. has no guns though. They could've made it so that he had guns throwing sugar and salt"
He held the figure closer to the camera to show it better.
"The Knights vs Meteors was so boring, the Knights whipped the floor with them. I don't get how they made it into the semi-finals. They play like Riddler trying to imitate Batgirl"
The Harleycake was pulled to the camera view, it was a small round cake with one half dark blue and the other red. "The frosting close good, though what matters is the taste"
So he cut the cake into half, red strawberry sauce spilling from the blue side and blueberry sauce from the red side. "This is creative-ish" He complimnted and took a bite from the blueberry fillied side. "Hmm… the cake is redvelvet and it's actually pretty good, must be a highschooler making this"
Then he tried the strwabeery filled side. "Okay the sauce is great, the cake is redvelvet with blue icing… blue velvet? Anyways- 9 out of 10, the blueberry sauce could be sweeter but doesn't have to be"
'why does the cake look like a gender reveal cake'
'lolll'
'no fr'
'Meteors play like they never saw a ball before'
'lol not him glazing ivy'
'why does he have beef with robin i'm dieing'
'imagine having Harvey Dent as your lawyer and he flips a coin to decide if you should plead guilty or innocent'
'higuruma would never'
'wrong fandom lol'
'he's genuinly funny'
'did u see his butt at the beginning? That thing is gooood'
'not better than Nightwings'
'no one can beat Nightwings cake'
TheLastFlyingGrayson:'The Night-wings are great'
34 replies
'"must be from a teenager" must've tasted great if he said that'
ConspiraTim: 'are you Red Hood???'
RedFood:'whatever let's you sleep at night'
146 replies