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The firsts had always been the hardest, but also bringing with it relief once it had passed, that there could never be another. But then Henry had become a father, and the firsts had happened all over again. His first birthday as a dad, without his dad, their first birthday, the first Christmas, the first Father’s Day. He’s survived them all, and now, now he wants to be able to do nothing but enjoy.
Upon waking up on their second Father’s Day as dads, he feels lighter, the ease palpable. He tilts his head and finds Alex still asleep, his hair tousled, and his face peaceful. They’ve been together almost ten years, only a few months away from a decade since ‘cakegate’, and yet to Henry, Alex gets more beautiful each day, and Henry finds he wakes up and loves him even just a fraction more than the day before. He doesn’t know how it’s possible, but he never stops being grateful for it.
Henry reaches over and runs his fingers down the arm Alex has thrown over his head, down over his collarbone, and back up over his face, into his hair. He’s debating whether or not whether to straddle him, since he’s very helpfully lying on his back, when two things happen at once. Alex blinks blearily awake—immediately beaming at his husband—and one of the monitor’s emits a call of ‘Daddies!’.
Henry leans in for a quick smooch, before Alex stretches and says ‘Victoria’s calling you.’
‘She’s calling us’ Henry says as he pokes Alex’s bare shoulder ‘Daddies.’
‘Definitely Daddy’ Alex grins, sticking his tongue out before he pulls back the duvet and climbs out of bed.
Henry scoots out after him and says as they walk down the hall ‘it took us long enough to get them to realise it wasn’t Papa-e-s.’
‘Or Pappies’ Alex chuckles ‘which just sounded like puppies the entire time.’
‘Yeah, Victoria greatly saddened a bunch of people when she shouted ‘I haves two puppies!’ at HEB. They were disappointed to learn she had two dads, rather than two dogs.’
‘How many people asked you to see pictures of your two puppies?’
‘A few’ Henry laughs ‘they all agreed David was adorable. And that you weren’t too bad either.’
‘Well I’m no David’ Alex says drily as he opens Victoria’s door.
‘Daddies!’ she screeches joyfully when she sees them.
She is of course, standing up, and holding onto the bars of her crib. Alex and Henry had almost had heart failure when it took them a minute to figure out how to lower the cot, when Victoria had first started standing.
Victoria makes grabby hands at them, going on her tip-toes as she does so. Alex reaches in and scoops her up, making her laugh as he throws her up in the air for a moment, before he slots her on his hip and kisses her head.
‘Good morning, mi amor. Do you know what today is?’ Alex says as he points at Henry and Victoria makes grabby hands at him.
Henry reaches over for her, and once she’s in his arms, leaves a kiss on her forehead with a loud ‘mwah’, making Victoria giggle.
‘It’s Father’s Day’ Alex grins at her ‘it’s where Papa and Daddy get to celebrate being your daddies!’
‘Daddies’ she repeats, throwing her face bodily at Henry, in what he thinks is meant to be a kiss, but ends up as a headbutt. They loved very aggressively, toddlers did, well Victoria did anyway.
‘Good morning, darling’ he says to Victoria ‘thank you for the lovely headbutt.’
Victoria nods, scrunching her face with delight.
Alex rifles through Victoria’s wardrobe, saying as he does so ‘I was just thinking if we’d tried to get them to say ‘fathers’ I fear it would have come out like ‘vadars’, like we were two villains with heavy masks and breathing issues.’
Henry snorts and says in his best Darth Vadar voice: ‘Eleanor and Victoria, we are your fathers.’
Alex does his own snort and emerges holding a sundress patterned to look like a strawberry, with a matching hat.
‘Breakfast?’ Alex asks.
‘Yeah’ Henry says ‘breakfast sounds good.’
Halfway down the stairs, there’s a cry from Eleanor’s room and Henry passes Victoria to Alex, so he can go and get her.
Eleanor, unlike her hyperactive sister, is still lying down and she stretches with her eyes closed, before she opens them and sees Henry. Her smile creeps up on her sleep-smushed face, before she holds her arms out for him.
When he picks her up, she lays her head on his shoulder, as Henry kisses it, and says softly ‘good morning, sleepy girl.’
Looking through her wardrobe one-handed, Henry picks out a checkered dress in pastel rainbow colours, and a straw sunhat with daisies embroidered on. When he gets downstairs, he throws them onto the sofa, next to Victoria’s outfit, and joins the rest of his family for breakfast.
Alex makes waffles, with strawberries and squirty cream, delighting the girls in drawing various animals on their food with it. Henry gets a fox on his, which he only knows because Alex tells him as much.
Alex even lets David have a tiny bit of the cream, and a bit of waffle, and Henry thinks back to their first Father’s Day in the brownstone, where Alex had gotten Henry a card from David, and even put a party hat on him. Henry’s heart pounds with overwhelming affection for their sweet bond as he watches the two of them.
Of course, this lasts for about three seconds before his daughters require attention, Victoria banging her hands against the table, loudly babbling and Eleanor having ended up with some cream up her nose. Henry deals with the misrouted dairy first, before he and Alex get on with the daily morning workout that is trying to get their two 21-month-olds changed and dressed and covered in suncream.
Once Victoria is all ready, she throws her arms out and proclaims ‘I finished!’ like she didn’t just spend fifteen minutes acting like her life was over, because she had to stay still. Eleanor, stands up and throws her arms around her sister, and Victoria beams and hugs her back tightly.
Alex hurriedly takes some pictures as Henry thinks of how exactly that summed up raising their daughters: it is chaotic, for sure, and it required so much patience, but then their daughters hug, and Henry’s heart feels like it’s about to pound right out of his chest. It is always worth it, every tear and tantrum, all of it, because they were his sunshine, his light, his heart walking around outside his chest.
And then there was his sunshine boy, who grins and leans over for a kiss, which Henry gladly bestows, squeezing Alex’s hand as he does so.
Once the girls are distracted enough with their toys, Alex and Henry hand each other their cards from ‘the girls.’ Henry had used the last day he was at home with them, while Alex was at work, to get them to ‘draw’ on Alex’s card, giant big squiggles all across the page with a variety of brightly coloured crayons.
Over the squiggles, Henry had carefully written:
‘To the very best Papa amongst all the skies and stars,
Happy Father’s Day, Papa! We love you so so so much. We love your cuddles and your kisses, the yummy food you make us, the way you make us laugh, the things you teach us, and how you always make everything better. You’re so fun, Papa, we love playing with you every day. You’re magic Papa, you always make the sun shine.
Lots of love forever,
Your little loves,
Eleanor and Victoria
xxxxxxxx’
Henry glances over at Alex, as he reads it, his grin wide and Henry turns to his own card, also covered in giant squiggles inside, making him smile, as he reads Alex’s writing.
‘To the very best Daddy in the whole wide universe.
Happy Father’s Day, Daddy! You’re the best best Daddy, we love you so so much. We love how you hold us, and give us all the hugs and kisses, and how you read our stories with the best voices, and play the pretty piano songs, and always make us laugh, and teach us all about all of the things. We’re so lucky you’re our Daddy.
Lots of love and hugs and loving headbutts,
Your little loves,
Eleanor and Victoria
xxxxx’
‘They’re so clever, aren’t they?’ Henry says, clearing his throat as Alex leans in and kisses his tear-soaked cheek ‘writing these cards all by themselves.’
‘So clever’ Alex says, his own voice scratchy.
Henry leans over and kisses Alex’s tears, before he puts his hand on his face, and kisses him with all the love he has to give.
‘I love being a dad with you’ Henry says ‘I love it so much.’
‘Me too, baby’ Alex beams ‘there’s nothing I love more.’
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Victoria shouts ‘hi-ya!’ the minute Alex pushes the stroller in the door of their favourite café that lunchtime, and Henry is glad to see it is his favourite barista, Caoimhe, behind the counter. They beam at Alex, Henry and the girls and call ‘hiya!’ back. Victoria waves her hands happily in their direction as Alex steers the stroller towards his and Henry’s favourite table.
Henry grabs the little booster seats available, and straps them to two of the chairs, before they slot the girls into them. Caoimhe, appears a few minutes later carrying a tray laden with: an Earl Grey, a coffee with cinnamon, and two babyccinos.
‘Do you guys want cake or food, or anything?’
‘Yes, please’ Alex grins as he picks up his coffee ‘can we please have a BLT for the girls to share, whatever burrito you’ve got for me, and Hen, a chicken salad sandwich?’
‘Yes please, Caoimhe,’ Henry says ‘and could I get a slice of the orange cake?’
‘Ooh yes, me too, please’ Alex says as he puts his coffee down to make sure at least some of Victoria’s babyccino goes in her mouth.
‘Coming right up’ they grin.
‘Co-fee’ Eleanor says, pointing at Alex as he tries to take a sip again.
‘Yes, baby girl’ Alex grins ‘and what’s Daddy drinking?’
‘Tea’ Eleanor grins.
‘Clever girl’ Henry says, kissing her head, as he helps her hold the babyccino mug.
Victoria’s babyccino inevitably ends up mostly on her cheeks, but she seems to be having a wonderful time wiping it off with her fingers and shoving it in her mouth, occasionally exclaiming ‘yummy’ or ‘baby-e-no’.
Alex and Henry chatter with the girls, asking them questions, and exclaiming well done when they reply. Alex and Henry clap and proclaim ‘yay’ a lot, which has both the girls grinning, but especially Victoria, who adored when people clapped for her.
When Caoimhe brings over their lunch, both the girls say ‘ta-ta!’—their current way of saying thank you—as Alex and Henry say thank you, and arrange the various plates to fit on the table.
‘Do you guys mind if I sit for a sec?’ Caoimhe asks as they finish handing them everything.
‘Of course not,’ Henry says ‘please.’
‘Busy day?’ Alex asks as he puts the girls' BLT on the two smaller plates Caoimhe has brought over.
‘Yeah’ Caoimhe says ‘Sunday always is, but there’s been more dads than usual today.’
Henry wants to ask, but knows it is never an easy question, but Caoimhe supplies the information themselves.
‘My own Da’s a gobshite, fecking eejit of a man. My mum stayed with him far too long, but she hadn’t much choice when I was growing up, what with how long it took to get divorced.’
‘What do you mean?’ Alex asks.
‘Divorce wasn’t legal when I was born, it wasn’t legalised until ’96. And even after that, it took a long time to actually get a divorce. And it wasn’t easy, not when my mum didn’t have a job, or any way of leaving.’
Henry looks over at Alex, to see his mouth open in shock, as Victoria reaches for the sandwich he is holding just out of her reach.
‘’96?’ he exclaims, incredulously ‘seriously?’ before he realises Victoria is reaching and rips off a bit of the sandwich for her.
‘Seriously’ Caoimhe says, taking the bit of bread Eleanor is handing them with a smile and a ‘thank you’ before they hand it back ‘he wasn’t abusive or anything, my da, he just wasn’t very nice. Never had a kind word to say, overly critical, you know? He just laughed when I told him I was non-binary, like it was a joke. I’ve not talked to him since, good fucking riddance to him.’
‘I’m sorry’ Henry says sincerely, and Caoimhe smiles at him.
‘Don’t be’ they say ‘sure look, my mum is the best parent I could wish for. I could have told her I’d fallen for yer man down the road, and that I identified as a mermaid, and she wouldn’t have cared. She listens, she doesn’t take the piss like some would, and she loves me.’
Caoimhe looks around at them all and says
‘I always like seeing you guys, honestly, if anybody could remind me that good dads exist in this world, it’s you two. Here’ they say, standing up ‘I better get on. Happy Father’s Day.’
‘Thanks Caoimhe’ Henry says, almost wanting them to hug them, but he is glad Caoimhe accepts a squeeze of their hand when they clutch Henry’s shoulder.
‘Thanks Caoimhe’ Alex echoes, and they smile and nod at him, and go back to the counter.
‘Jeez’ Alex says, leaning over to wipe Victoria’s face, where she scrunches and leans her head back.
‘Right?’ Henry says, taking a bite of his own sandwich ‘I mean it’s not anything new. Ireland took a while to catch up, it only legalized abortion in 2018. The church had it’s claws in it for a long long time, but thankfully it’s much better now. But I mean’ Henry shrugs ‘Texas has been blue since your mom got re-elected. It’s like I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop sometimes, with how much better the world has gotten, but for the most part, it’s stayed pretty alright, hasn’t it?’
‘Yeah’ Alex grins, once he’s swallowed a bite of his sandwich ‘yeah, it has.’
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When they get home, they spend the rest of the afternoon running around the garden, the laughter of the girls like bells peeling through the air. After dinner and bathtime, Alex and Henry lean back against the headboard of their big bed, with the girls in their laps, as Henry reads them a few more books than usual, savouring the peace, the solid weight of them, their pudgy little hands, and the smell of their shampoo emanating from their hair, their daughters, their perfect, beautiful daughters.
It occurs to Henry as he and Alex curl up together on the back porch swing afterwards, that they are closing in on the longest day of the year, that with the most daylight. His and Alex’s second Father’s Day had blue blue skies, and a blinding sun, as if to light up all the good in their lives, their amazing daughters and the love that entangled the four of them together, for almost the longest time it possibly could.
Later, Henry will look for Orion, and talk to his dad, wish him a happy Father’s Day. But for now, with a couple of hours of daylight still left to cherish, he kisses his husband, sways with him, and feels with every atom in him, unbelievably grateful, that he not only gets to be a dad, but he gets to be a dad with Alex, his beloved husband, his sunshine boy, who remains as blindingly bright as the beaming sun in the sky.