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“That’s it,” Zanka declares as Eishia heals him, “I’m learning to drive.”
Riyo laughs, sitting on the hospital bed across from him, “How? You’re gonna get Enjin to teach you?”
Enjin is objectively not the correct choice, as he’s the reason they’re now in the infirmary.
“Or Gris!” Zanka shoots back, “He could teach me.”
Eishia lets out a small laugh and moves to heal the large bump on Rudo’s head, “You think Enjin will take well to you refusing to learn from him?”
Riyo smirks, “That’s definitely something I’d like to see.”
“Whatever,” Zanka scowls, “I’m going to learn and you’ll be grateful.”
Rudo doesn’t say anything, but they’re pretty sure that’s because he got brain damage from bonking his head on the roof of the car.
“Okay, that’s the brake and that’s the gas,” Enjin explains, without pointing out which one is which. His hands are too busy lighting a cigarette.
Gris leans forward from the backseat, “Left one’s brake.” Zanka nods in thanks and tests out putting his foot on it.
Slowly, slowly, the toe of his shoe gets closer and closer to the brake. It’s almost there when-
“Oh I forgot,” Enjin says, making Zanka jump, “You have to use your right foot.”
“Why?” Zanka looks over, not sure if he’s getting messed with.
“Because I said so,” Enjin shoos away his left leg.
“He’s right,” Gris calls from the backseat.
“Okay fine,” Zanka scowls, “Right foot.”
He reaches out with his right foot and gently presses on the brake.
A bloodcurdling scream erupts from Rudo in the back, and he grabs onto his seatbelt desperately. Riyo also goes to hang off the door handle like she’s about to die.
“THAT’S THE BRAKE!” Zanka shouts angrily.
“YOU’RE GONNA KILL US!” Rudo yells back.
“I think I just saw my life flash before my eyes,” Riyo gasps, perfecting the shocked voice of someone who’s survived serious trauma.
“Shut up,” Zanka mutters, turning back to the car. He takes a deep breath before moving his foot to the gas pedal.
He tenses up and prepares as he slowly presses down on the gas pedal and-
“Nothing happened,” He complains, turning to Enjin.
“Oh yeah, you have to get out of park,” He explains, gesturing with a cigarette.
“What?” Zanka stares at the many buttons in the car. There’s too many. Maybe he was too rude about Enjin’s bad driving.
“He means shift to driving mode instead of parking mode,” Gris says, “It’s that knob there.”
Zanka tries to move the knob. It doesn’t budge.
“Your foot has to be on the brake,” Enjin tells him.
Zanka slams his head into the wheel, and jumps when it results in a loud honk.
Riyo cackles at him flinching, “You found the horn!” Rudo’s also laughing, despite how he was just screaming about dying.
He takes a steadying breath, “Okay. Whatever. This is stupid.”
He presses down on the brake and shifts the knob into the position with a ‘D’, presumably for ‘drive’.
He takes his foot off the brake after shifting to drive and the car slowly starts moving forwards as the engine growls to life.
“Shit!” Zanka slams his foot back on the brake, making the car jolt to a stop. Enjin makes an exaggerated motion of slamming into the dashboard.
“Cut that out!” Zanka barks angrily.
“Actually,” Gris explains gently, “You did stop rather suddenly.”
Zanka knows he can’t argue with genuine advice from Gris, the good driver, so he simply turns back to the front windshield.
Enjin drove him to a large parking lot, and said that for his first time driving he wouldn’t leave it. So naturally his goal is to get out of the parking lot.
He gently eases his foot off the brake pedal, allowing the car to move forwards. He firmly plants his hands on the wheel and starts making a bizarre path around the parking lot.
“Easy does it, easy does it,” Enjin repeats again and again. It’s actually incredibly annoying how much he’s repeating the three words.
Zanka turns to glare at him, “Can you stop-”
“LOOK AT THE ROAD!” Enjin screeches, his voice jumping up three octaves. He desperately grabs onto the door handle.
Screaming erupts in the backseat, with Gris telling them to stop making so much noise.
Zanka turns back to see that there’s a curb coming up in maybe twenty feet. He comes to a slow stop, still a good distance away from it, and turns to make a judging face at his team.
Enjin places a hand on his heart, “Almost thought I was going to see Rudo’s parents there.”
Rudo whips his head around, “Regto?!”
Riyo shakes her head, “Rudo, don’t encourage him.”
Zanka starts moving forwards again, gently turning the wheel towards the exit of the parking lot.
“Zanka? Do you know where you’re headed?” Enjin asks as they approach it.
“I don’t know if you’re ready for streets yet,” Gris calls from the backseat.
Riyo and Rudo are solemnly exchanging last words, and promising to find each other in the next life.
Zanka grits his teeth and turns onto the real road.
“Okay so you pulled out in front of another car,” Gris says gently, “And now they’re going to want to pass you-”
“Guys, I want you to know that I love you,” Enjin declares, turning to look at the people behind him, “And that- Jabber?”
Jabber giggles, sticking his head up out of the trunk. Zanka made him promise to stay ducked down out of sight, but apparently he doesn’t actually care.
He waves to Enjin, “You didn’t think I was going to miss out on Zanka learning to drive, did you?”
Riyo turns around and exchanges a long series of secret handshakes.
Zanka looks around Jabber in the rearview mirror to see a truck tailgating him, or at least following close enough behind that it should be considered tailgating.
“Why is he tailgating me?” Zanka mutters through his teeth.
“That’s not tailgating,” Gris frowns, “He’s pretty far back actually.”
“Brakecheck him!” Jabber suggests.
“No!” Enjin grabs Zanka’s shoulder, “This is my personal car!”
Rudo frowns, “What’s a brakecheck?”
Jabber grins, “Sounds like even more of a reason to brakecheck him.”
“Why’d you let him drive your personal car anyways?” Riyo asks.
“Semiu said Zanka couldn’t learn on a Cleaner car,” Gris explains, looking like he’s holding back a smile.
“Everyone needs to shut up!” Zanka shouts, “And get that guy to stop tailgating me!”
“I can get him to stop,” Jabber offers, holding up a hand covered in his pink anima.
“Just speed up,” Enjin suggests.
“Do not speed up,” Gris disagrees, “You’re already going five over.”
“How much am I allowed to go over?” Zanka asks. He didn’t feel like it was going that fast, but suddenly he thinks the speed’s out of control.
“Five is fine,” Enjin waves a hand dismissively.
“Yeah,” Jabber calls from the back, “Zodyl always goes like ten over.”
“Zodyl’s a Raider,” Rudo points out, “You guys don’t exactly respect the laws of the road. Or any laws.”
“EVERYONE! CALM DOWN!” Zanka suddenly shrieks, “HE IS PASSING ME! I REPEAT, HE IS PASSING ME!”
The truck following them slowly shifts into the lane of oncoming traffic and passes Zanka, wreaking havoc in the Cleaner car.
“Rudo, I never got to tell you how much I love you,” Riyo says sadly.
“And I never got to tell you how much I want to hand you over to Zodyl,” Jabber sniffs pathetically.
Gris frowns, “Wait, you want to-”
“HE’S GETTING IN FRONT OF ME AGAIN!” Zanka shouts, “HE IS IN OUR LANE!”
Enjin claps a hand on his back, “Good job keeping your cool.”
Zanka’s so distracted that he doesn't notice the sarcasm.
“Oh no,” He mutters, “There’s a stoplight.”
“Well that’s okay,” Gris says, “Just stop if it turns yellow.”
“Can you imagine pulling over a former Hell Guard Nijiku kid?” Riyo jokes. Rudo asks what that means, having evidently forgotten all Ground lingo.
Unfortunately, the light chooses that moment to turn yellow.
“RUN IT!” Jabber yells.
“Do NOT run it,” Enjin commands, grabbing ahold of the wheel.
Zanka slows down, then speeds up again.
“WHY’RE YOU RUNNING IT?” Rudo yells, swiveling his head around to look for police.
“THERE’S A CAR BEHIND ME!” Zanka screams, glancing in his rearview mirror.
Everyone turns to see a car very far behind them, already slowing down for the light.
“Great,” Enjin runs a hand through his hair, “Get pulled over in my car. That’s just what I need.”
Zanka continues to speed up through the intersection, with the light already red as he enters.
“Isn’t your insurance expired?” Gris asks.
“I don’t have car insurance,” Enjin laughs and waves a dismissive hand, “Nobody does anymore! I don’t even know where you’d go to get it nowadays."
Rudo cocks his head, “Do you have a driver’s license?"
Jabber laughs, “Driver’s license? What’s that?”
Riyo pats the sphereite’s head, “Poor thing. Life was so different up on the Sphere.”
Gris lets out a sigh of relief when they’ve gotten a significant distance away from the light, “I don’t think anyone saw- ZANKA!”
Zanka, who’s busy craning his neck backwards to see if anyone’s going to pull him over, misses a stop sign in front of him and blows right through it.
Enjin sighs and takes a long drag on his cigarette, “I knew we shouldn't have left the parking lot.”
A car jolts to a stop halfway through the intersection to avoid hitting them and rolls down a window to flip off Zanka, who drives away quickly.
“Zanka?” Riyo asks, “Are you-”
“Holy fucking shit, I’m going to jail, I’m going to be the disappointment of the Nijiku name and get disowned again,” Zanka mutters, driving away from the intersection faster and faster.
“Okay Zanka, let’s not speed up any more,” Gris gently suggests.
“ZANKA SLOW DOWN!” Jabber shouts helpfully, giggling when he sees the nasty glare that Zanka casts him.
“Zanka,” Enjin says slowly, looking out a window, “I think a Hell Guard car actually did see you blow past that stop sign.”
“Wait, don’t look!” Riyo shouts, “We’re going off the road!”
Zanka looks back in time to wrench the wheel away from the edge of the street, not like it’d be terrible. Enjin drives cross-country all the time. Everybody flies to the right side of the car as he yanks the wheel.
“Zanka, I think you need to pull over now,” Gris tells him firmly.
Zanka shakes his head, “Can you imagine Goka’s face?”
Jabber cackles, “Or Kyouka’s!”
Riyo and him then imitate exactly what they think it would look like.
A siren starts wailing behind them, and Zanka’s foot pushes the pedal all the way to the ground.
“THIS IS NOT A 60 MILE PER HOUR ROAD!” Enjin yells as the acceleration pushes his back in his seat. Zanka leans forwards, determined to get away.
“Everyone,” Riyo says with tears in her eyes, “I want you all to know that I love you so-”
Zanka jerks the wheel to the right at a green light and zooms down another street. The car with the siren follows them quickly.
“Zanka, they’re after us!” Jabber shouts, “I’ll be lookout, just make as many turns as you can!”
Riyo tries to also climb into the trunk, proclaiming that she’ll help be the lookout.
“I CAN’T SEE THE REARVIEW MIRROR!” Zanka screams, trying to hold the wheel steady. His hands are shaking, making the car wobble side to side. If there wasn’t a reason to pull him over before, there certainly is now.
“Zanka,” Gris commands, “Pull over.”
“Do NOT pull over!” Enjin calls, sticking his head out of the window, “I think those Hell Guards look angry!”
Zanka makes a sudden left turn, and sends everyone flying to the right side of the car. Gris lets out a pained oof as he gets crushed by Rudo.
“You’re burning rubber!” Jabber cackles, “Go faster!”
“What the fuck does that mean?!” Zanka demands, now sweating.
“There’s skid marks from the tires!” Riyo explains, “Oh look! The Hell Guard car left skid marks too!”
Zanka groans and continues to speed up.
“Turn there! Turn there!” Rudo points a gloved hand towards a parking garage, “We can fight them!”
“OH HELL YEAH!” Jabber shouts at the same time as Gris yells, "ABSOLUTELY NOT!”
Zanka makes a frantic turn into the parking garage and goes to pull Lovely Assistaff out of her pillowcase wrappings.
Despite how fast he is, the Hell Guard car is faster.
It screeches to a stop beside them, with the siren now blaring in everyone’s ears. Someone in a Hell Guard uniform wrenches open the door and trains a gun on Zanka immediately.
“Sir are you aware of how-” The angry guard starts, “Zanka?”
Zanka stares out of his window in horror as Riyo and Jabber collapse in giggles in the trunk. It’s Kyouka.