Work Text:
Buck never intended for Eddie to ever find out. Actually he never meant for anyone to find out. He had been in a very dark place when he had done it. Bobby was…gone, and that had broken something deep within him. Now he was moving out of Eddie’s house and everything around him was changing. Except for the being alone part, that was the same. Buck was still alone and everything was changing and he couldn’t handle it. It’s not like he was suicidal or anything; he’d been down that road before, this was different. This just seemed like a reasonable precaution.
He had just grown tired of all the close calls and waking up in hospitals surrounded by people who are probably tired of having to fuss over him. It didn’t seem fair that Buck kept getting all of these second chances that he did nothing with. If anyone deserved a second chance it was the saint of a man that they just buried not even two months ago. Buck had already been on the brink of death so many times and he was so, so tired. Tired of being told how lucky he was, tired of worrying everyone for no reason when they all had much more important things to worry about. Mostly he was tired of testing fate time and time again.
So that’s why he had considered it, signing a DNR. As with everything he did he had done plenty of research before he requested all of the paperwork. He’d sat with it for a while, never actually committing to signing it. He just sat alone in the kitchen staring at it in the late hours of the night. All while Chris and Eddie slept right down the hall.
Ultimately he had decided not to sign it. Probably not for the right reasons. He just figured it would end up being too much of a hassle for everyone else. He didn’t want to hear the lectures from everyone around him when they found out.
Which is exactly what was about to happen, if the look on Eddie’s face was anything to go by. Eddie was standing in the living room arms crossed with the packet gripped tightly in one hand. Even from where Buck was standing in the doorway he knew exactly what the papers were. Buck couldn’t imagine anything else that would cause Eddie to look at him like this. Eddie was eerily quiet too, just watching Buck with a cold and concentrated anger. Like a parent waiting for their kid to admit to what they’ve done before the inevitable lecture.
Buck cautiously puts his hands up in an attempt to defend himself.
”Look, I can explain…”
But Eddie doesn’t give him a chance, he pinches his brow with his free hand.
“Don’t.” Eddie sighs heavily, “How could you possibly explain this, Buck?”
He thrusts the papers out towards Buck.
”Eds.”, he pleads.
”A DNR, Buck?”, Eddie takes a step towards him, “After everything we’ve been through?”
Buck can't bring himself to even look at Eddie at this moment. He could already feel tears welling up in his eyes. He always hated fighting with Eddie. They were so alike in so many ways and they knew basically everything about each other. Which makes arguing usually explosive and incredibly hurtful between them. Last time they argued Buck was sure Eddie was going to punch him. Realistically Buck knew that Eddie would never actually hurt him; but in that moment Buck had felt like he deserved it.
“I didn’t sign it.”, Buck argued, which was a weak excuse and he knew it.
“But you considered it.”, Eddie’s voice was so pained, Buck knows if he looks up he’ll see those big brown eyes full of unshed tears.
There was no use in arguing, Eddie had the papers in his hands.
”Yes, I did.”
Buck dared a glance at Eddie, which was instantly a mistake, because Eddie’s eyes were in fact soft and sad.
”Why Buck?” And damn wasn’t that a loaded question?
Buck took a deep breath and tried to summon all the courage he had, which wasn’t a lot. He looked at anything but Eddie, letting his eyes focus on nothing in particular, a scratch in the drywall.
“Because I’m tired Eddie. I’m tired of watching everyone around me get hurt and not being able to do anything about it. I’m tired of waking up in a hospital and seeing the people I love having to worry about me all over again. I’m a burden, Eddie, to everyone around me. You all have lives that are more important than mine. You have people to go to, people to care for. I just drag everyone down. Every time I get hurt I become a problem for someone again.”
“Buck.”
Buck is vaguely aware of Eddie’s hand reaching out for him but it stops before it reaches him.
His voice comes out softer now, not sure if he wants Eddie to hear this next part but he can’t stop the words from coming out, “It should’ve been me. He had…”, he chokes back a small sob, “he had people who counted on him, people who needed him. I needed him. And there was nothing I could do... It should’ve been me.”
“So you want us to go through that? You’d want us to have to sit back and not be able to do anything for you? You want me to go through that, again? After everything we’ve been through?”
The repetition of that particular phrase isn’t lost on Buck. His heart always clenches when Eddie throws out the the term ‘us’ or ‘we’ when referring to them, obviously Buck knows this is just the proper term for them, but the way Eddie says it, the way he makes sure to separate it from everyone else, the words only used for the two of them, Buck can feel it in his bones.
“Eds”, Buck reaches out for him but Eddie takes a step back, “I didn’t—I never thought…”
He couldn’t find the words but unfortunately Eddie knew exactly what he was saying.
”You what Buck? You didn’t think about how this would affect everyone else? You never do! What did you think would happen? If something were to happen to you and I wasn’t allowed to help? How could I explain that to Maddie? To Christopher? Christ Buck, how would I live with myself?”
Eddie was crying now, a sight that Buck was still not used to after all these years. Buck’s heart aches, he’s unable to answer him now, a lump in his throat keeping him from saying anything.
“I’ve already almost lost you too many times, Buck. I thought you of all people you would understand how I feel.”
Buck hangs his head before muttering, “I thought it’d be better if no one had had to worry about me anymore.”
He watches as his own tears fall from his cheeks and onto the floor.
”I thought…that if something had ever happened again no one would have to worry about me anymore, you could just let me go.”
”Evan.”, hearing his first name from Eddie startles him enough to look up. Eddie’s crying and he’s moved closer to Buck now. Buck can’t help but reach out to him but he drops his hand halfway there, afraid that he’s upset Eddie too much. Afraid that Eddie’s finally decided that Buck is too much.
He's surprised by Eddie grabbing him instead. Eddie pulls him in tightly, tucking his chin over Buck’s shoulder gripping onto the back of his shirt. Buck can’t help but give into the hug immediately holding onto Eddie as a lifeline; like if he even dares to let go he’ll crumble away to nothing.
”When will you realize that you matter? You’re not a burden Buck, not to me; not to anyone. You are surrounded by people who love you. I want to worry about you Buck.”, Eddie grabs him by his shoulders, putting just a small amount of distance between them but not letting go, “I want to get pissed off at you for being reckless. I want to check up on you. I want to watch out for you. Nobody around you is burdened by you. How can you not see that Buck? You are so loved.”
Buck can’t see Eddie through the tears in his eyes but somehow Buck knows the exact look Eddie is giving him. His thumbs are rubbing Buck’s shoulders gently.
”Eds, that’s not fair. I don’t…I don’t deserve that. It shouldn’t be on you to worry about me.”
He’s surprised when suddenly Eddie’s hand is on his chin, lifting his head to look him in the eyes. There’s a moment where Eddie just watches him carefully, scanning his face for something, maybe to see if Buck truly believes what he’s saying. It causes a slight blush to spread across his face.
”How would you feel if I had done this?”, Eddie’s voice isn’t angry anymore, it’s quiet and gentle as he continues to watch Buck carefully.
Buck knows exactly how this would’ve gone down if Eddie had pulled something like this. A subtle anger bubbles under his skin as he pictures the hypothetical.
“That’s not fair.” He scowls. “You have Christopher. You can’t sign a DNR, I wouldn’t let you.”
Eddie just looks at him, giving him a second to hear himself out loud, to take in what Eddie’s trying to prove to him. He just doubles down, shaking his head at Eddie.
“That’s different.”
“Is it?”, Eddie scoffs at him, shaking his head in disbelief.
“Yes!”, Buck throws his arms out in frustration, “Because you have someone who needs you! He depends upon you! He needs you! I just leech off of everyone else! No one really needs me!”
“God Buck, do you really think that Chris doesn’t need you too?” Eddie’s yelling again, his jaw set tight, all gentleness from a moment ago gone. “You think he deserves to lose someone else? Just because you’re too blind to see that you matter? You’re so fucking selfish Buck! We need you!”
Buck is so done with this conversation, he’s tired of arguing. He’s tired of defending himself to Eddie. They’ll go around in circles until one of them gives up and they don’t talk for days. Even if he knows Eddie is probably right. So he tries to shake off his anger and sighs.
“I didn’t sign it, Eddie.”
Now it’s Eddie’s turn to shake his head and sigh, obviously just as exhausted with this whole affair.
“I just can’t believe you went far enough to print out the paperwork. You do things impulsively sure, but never halfassed.” He looks into Buck’s eyes again, those doe brown eyes still full of unshed tears. “Why didn’t you talk to me?”
Buck wants to curl up and cry until he falls asleep. He doesn’t want to explain to Eddie that it feels like a piece of him has died. Doesn’t want to explain to him that the only person who’s ever seen any potential in him is gone. He doesn’t want to try to explain to Eddie that the reason he didn’t go to him is because he already relies on Eddie too much and he didn’t want to burden him further.
“Because! Because you have better things to worry about than your friend who can’t handle his own problems. You made it pretty clear that I’ve been selfish throughout this whole thing.”
It was shitty to bring up their past arguments and to throw Eddie’s own words against him but Buck didn’t actually want to deal with this right now.
“Buck.” Eddie gives him one of those lopsided smiles Buck can’t resist. “I’m sorry. I-I shouldn’t have said that. We all lost him but not like you did. You weren’t being selfish, you were grieving.”
He doesn’t want to look at Eddie anymore, he doesn’t want Eddie to pity him.
“He believed in me, Eddie.” He’s not sure why he’s telling Eddie this but he needs to make him understand.
Eddie pulls him into another hug, this one much tighter than the last.
“I know, I know Buck. I’m so sorry. I wish I could have been there for you.”
God, Buck loved this man. The whole situation was so unfair to Eddie and yet here he was comforting Buck. He holds onto him for dear life, gripping the back of his shirt and sobbing into his shoulder. He can feel Eddie crying too, his hand resting against the back of Buck’s neck.
“Shhh. You’re okay, I’m here.”
Buck unwraps himself from Eddie as he stops crying. He places his hands on either side of Eddie’s face, cradling his head gently. It’s too intimate, Buck knows that, he just can’t help himself; he needs to look in Eddie’s eyes.
“I didn’t want to die, Eddie, I promise.”, he wipes away the tears that fall from Eddie’s eye, “I just didn’t want anyone to have to worry about me if it came down to it.”
Eddie lets out a wet laugh, “Buck it would take multiple people to pull me off of your body and I’d probably still fight my way back to your side. They tried to keep me off of you when you were struck by lightning.”, Buck hadn’t known that, he knew Eddie did CPR but he didn’t know they tried to stop him, “No piece of paper could keep me from making sure I did everything to keep you alive.”
A memory comes back to Buck suddenly, a dark rainy night and cold mud between his fingers as he screamed out Eddie’s name. All while the rest of their team talked to him like he was the victim. It causes him to laugh a little bit.
“What’s funny?”
“I did that once.”
Eddie looks at him a little confused, “What?”
“I had to fight everyone to try to save you.” Eddie just looks at him, still clearly lost. “When the well collapsed. They kept talking to me like you were already dead a-and I refused, I wouldn’t accept that, I just knew you were alive.”
It’s like a lightbulb goes off in Eddie’s head. Suddenly he’s looking at Buck with wide eyes as if a final puzzle piece has finally clicked into place. Maybe he’s finally found Buck out, put the pieces together and realized that the way Buck looks at him isn’t completely platonic.
“We had only known each other for a year when that happened.”
It’s not a question, it’s as if he doesn’t realize he's saying it out loud. Once again like he’s piecing it all together. He’s figuring out in real time that Buck is madly in love with him. Buck is about to single-handedly ruin their eight year old friendship.
“Eddie, listen—“, he starts to defend himself, to try to shrug the whole thing off as nothing more than standard best friend behavior but Eddie doesn’t give him the chance.
“I-I thought it was just me. Maybe not that far back, then again maybe so, I just didn’t know what to call it back then. I don’t know how I didn’t see it.”
He's looking at Buck with this crazed, ecstatic expression and he’s pacing with an almost anxious energy.
“Eddie, what are you talking about?”
Buck’s hopeless romantic heart wants to believe that Eddie is actually saying what he thinks he’s saying. But there’s no way Eddie is saying he feels the same way, maybe he doesn’t realize what exactly he is implying.
Eddie stops in his tracks and looks at Buck, his eyes searching Buck’s expression, Buck’s not exactly sure what he’s looking for. He takes a step closer to him now, leaving almost no distance between them, their chests just barely touching.
“How long?” Buck fears he knows what Eddie’s asking except there’s no malice or judgement in his words.
Buck laughs awkwardly at the sudden accusation, “‘How long’ what? Eddie, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
But Eddie doesn’t waiver, “How long have you known you were in love with me?”
His voice is far too gentle for the sheer humiliation Buck is suddenly feeling.
“I-I, Eddie…” Buck doesn’t have the words but luckily Eddie stops him before he says something stupid.
”I’ve known for maybe a year now,” ok zBuck’s eyes go wide at the thought of Eddie knowing how Buck felt for over a year, “that I’m in love with you, that is. I think I really figured it out when you offered to take over the house, if Chimney and Hen hadn’t been there I think I would’ve kissed you then.”
Eddie’s words all hit Buck at once, the realization dawning on him a bit late all things considered. He’s in love with him, Eddie is in love with him. He wanted to kiss him! The words are bouncing around his head at an alarming pace, making him a bit dizzy at the realization.
At least Eddie is patient with him, just watching him fondly as he figures it all out.
Once he does figure it out, he wastes no time acting on the matter. He's kissing Eddie before he has time to second guess himself, pressing his lips to Eddie’s eagerly. At first Eddie gasps against him for a fraction of a second before he’s kissing him back. Buck’s whole body feels like it’s on fire as he clings to Eddie for support. It’s the best first kiss of Buck’s life and he’s so happy that it’s his last.
When they finally break away they both look equally as surprised. It feels like Eddie has been waiting just as long and is just as surprised that this is finally happening.
“Wow.”, is all Buck is able to say, which causes Eddie to laugh.
Letting go of Buck’s face Eddie presses a quick kiss to the top of his head.
“I’m still mad at you by the way.”
Which is completely fair, Buck knows he’d also still be mad if he was in Eddie’s shoes. That doesn’t stop him from pouting at Eddie to try to convince him otherwise.
“Uh-uh, that will not work on me. Not until this paperwork is either shredded or burned, or preferably both.”
Eddie’s being a lot nicer now but Buck can tell he’s still hurt. He takes the packet from Eddie and manually starts ripping it up. Not necessarily because he’s trying to prove a point, mainly because he has no idea where his paper shredder is in the mix of boxes, but the visual of it probably helps ease Eddie’s mind. It’s a little awkward to hold all the scraps in his hands but the smile on Eddie’s face makes it worth it.
As he’s throwing the papers away his mind finally catches up to the fact that he and Eddie have just been kissing in the living room. Like kissing kissing, like on the mouth and everything. And Eddie also told Buck that he is in love with him, like casually. Which is probably for the best because if the whole ‘admitting their feelings’ thing had been left to Buck he would’ve probably never done it.
It’s just not entirely clear as to where that leaves them now. This is eight years of pent up emotions just flushed out into the open all at once. Buck feels a little exposed. Not to mention the fact that Eddie hasn’t really said anything either.
“So…” He starts as he walks back into the living room, where Eddie is now sitting on the couch.
“So?” As if he has no clue what Buck is talking about.
Buck claims his spot on the arm of the couch.
“What now?”
“Specifics Buck, we just talked about a lot.”
Once again, fair, but Buck thought the whole kissing and confessing their love was the most pressing matter.
“You’re in love with me?”
That causes Eddie’s demeanor to shift, his cheeks going a brilliant red as he ducks his head.
“Right, I did say that didn’t I?”
“You did, right after you accused me of being in love with you and right before I kissed you.”
Buck is honestly surprised at how calm he’s been through all of this, maybe all of his adrenaline and anxiety got wasted in their fight.
“Well I meant it. I am in love with you.”
The second time hits Buck harder than the first. It sends shockwaves throughout his entire nervous system.
He decides to sit down on the couch directly next to Eddie, knees touching.
“I’m in love with you too.”
He never thought he’d be able to say those words to Eddie. Buck gets to live in this blissful moment for exactly thirty seconds before he remembers they live in the real world.
“Fuck!”
It catches Eddie off guard, his hand immediately flying down to grab Buck’s thigh gently.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“I just signed a lease. I still have to move out.”
A sly smirk forms on Eddie’s face, “Oh? Did you want to move in with me?”
Buck’s face goes burning hot. He didn’t even ask, just assumed that they would live together now. That’s what makes the most sense. The only thing preventing them was Buck’s new lease, not the fact that they haven’t even established what they are yet.
“I- I mean” he shrugs noncommittally “I just thought. You know, with Chris and everything, it would just be easier.”
He’s done nothing for his case, Eddie’s still just smiling at him, absolutely reveling in Buck’s embarrassment.
“You know, I’ve been thinking about looking at a bigger place with Chris getting older.”
“His room at my new place is bigger than the one here.”
Eddie’s grin grows wider, “His room at your new place?”
Oh yeah, he forgot to mention that to Eddie. Now that he thinks about it a lot of his house hunting depended on the Diazes. He made sure that all of his final contenders were easily accessible, for Chris obviously but also Pepa too. He had also decided on this house because of the hot tub which would be great for Chris’ pain but also for Eddie when his shoulder was acting up. And, like he said, he did make sure Christopher had a room at his place. Apparently forgot to tell Eddie about that.
“You think I’d get a house without considering him?”
Eddie just smiles, “I am the luckiest man in the world.”
“You are.”, he says smugly.
Eddie just rolls his eyes before throwing an arm over Buck’s shoulders, he feels him plant a kiss on the top of his head. Buck can’t help but lean into his touch, eager to finally be able to be held by Eddie like this.
“We’re gonna have to get more boxes.”
“Yes we are.”
“And sign a bunch of paperwork for work, go to Chimney then to HR.”
“You and your chain of command.”, now it’s Buck’s turn to roll his eyes.
“Well excuse me for not wanting to get fired.”
It’s childish but Buck sticks his tongue out at Eddie, only aggravated because he is right obviously.
“And we’ll have to talk to Chris.”
After all these years it still amazes Buck how emotional Eddie gets when Buck considers his son, their son in Buck’s mind.
“Yeah.” Eddie whispers before clearing his throat and rubbing his eyes quickly, “We need to definitely have a conversation about what we are now.”
Buck would also like to have a conversation about that.
“And what exactly are we now?”
He’d feel a lot better if Eddie labeled it, Buck has a history of diving feet first into the shallow end. If he screwed this up and said the wrong thing to Eddie it would absolutely ruin him. He is also very aware that Eddie is much more apprehensive when it comes to relationships and he doesn’t want to push him into anything he doesn’t want.
A blush spreads across Eddie’s face as he dips his head away from Buck’s view.
“Well I was going to go with ‘boyfriends’ but if you want to go with something else…”
This has Buck leaning back in for another kiss. It was the answer Buck was hoping to hear but never in a million years did he think it would ever actually happen. Especially since up until about twenty minutes ago he wasn’t aware that Eddie was even interested in men, let alone Buck.
“Boyfriends. Boyfriends sounds nice.”, Buck gets giddy at the words.
“Are we moving too fast?”
“Probably.” Buck can’t help but be honest but it just makes Eddie laugh.
“It’s worth it.”
When Chris gets home from school that night they sit him down on the couch to have, what turns out to be a very easy, talk. He’s over the moon about the idea of getting to have Buck as a permanent fixture in their family, and if Buck tears up a few times while Chris is talking that’s between him and the sleeve of his cardigan. They order takeout and all pile in on the almost too small couch to watch movies together.
In the morning Buck takes them both over to what will end up being their new house. The ‘Buckley-Diaz Residence’ as Chris has already coined it. The teenager’s eyes go wide at how big his new room is, already mapping out where everything will go. Eddie on the other hand is walking around the space silently, taking in each room fondly. They make it onto the back patio with their arms low on each other's backs. As they watch Christopher explore the space Eddie rests his head on Buck's shoulder.
“You really picked a house to raise a family in.”
“Well yeah, but I only ever imagined one family here. Not some hypothetical partner and kids. When I saw that room I knew it was going to be Chris’. When I saw that kitchen I imagined me and Jee baking cookies together. I pictured all of the 118 gathered in that living room playing board games.” He angles his body so that he can get a better look at Eddie’s face when he hears this next part, “When I saw that hot tub I thought, ‘Wow, I bet that would be great Eddie’s shoulder.’, never even occurred to me that it might also be great for my leg. My first thought was you. So, yeah I picked a house to raise a family in, but it was always going to be our family.”
Eddie’s eyes have the shine of unshed tears and his cheeks are a soft pink. He’s looking at Buck like he’s hung the moon for him; and Buck would, if given the task. Leaning forward he plants a gentle kiss to Eddie’s lips.
“Plus maybe a dog or two.”
Bucks only mildly serious, he says it more to annoy Eddie. Which he successfully does based on the look Eddie is giving him right now.
“We’re getting a dog?”, Chris shrieks in excitement from across the yard.
“No.”
“Sure.”
They respond at the same time. Definitely a conversation for a later time; that Buck and Christopher are coming out on top of.
Two days later he and Maddie sit at her kitchen island as he tells her the news. He opts to not tell her what exactly started the argument and she’s kind enough not to press. She cries happily, which of course makes Buck cry. After the initial wave of emotion wears off, Maddie insists the Buck gush about Eddie as if she doesn’t already know everything about him by proxy. But Buck can admit that it does feel good to just sit and talk openly about how much he loves Eddie.
Obviously Maddie tells Chimney, which Buck told her was okay since he knows that they can’t keep anything from each other. Which then results in Chim making a groupchat with the both of them.
HR VIOLATIONS
Chim:
You two have to fill out HR paperwork btw.
Eds:
Already on it Cap
Buck:
you two are no fun :(
Chim:
Please don’t defile the bunk room. I don’t want to have to explain to everyone why I had to fire you both.
Eds:
Wouldn’t dream of it.
Buck:
no fair eddie never got to experience buck 1.0 😜
Chim:
🤮🤮🤮
Eddie:
👎
Chim:
Buck I’m telling Maddie you’re being gross.
Buck:
noooooo
~~~~~~
“You’re a menace.”, Eddie rolls his eyes at the man whose legs are currently in lap.
Buck just smirks at him, “What? It’s true, you never got to see my wild side.”
“If the Buck I met was ‘calm Buck’ I don’t think I would have wanted to meet your wild side.”
Buck kicks his arm playfully.
“If you had met Buck 1.0 we probably would’ve figured this out sooner.”
Eddie highly doubts that, although he has heard tales of Buck 1.0 and that man might’ve made Eddie come to certain conclusions sooner.
It’s been nice getting to know each other in new ways these past few days. Buck likes that Eddie’s always cold so when they sleep he cuddles up against Buck to get warm. Eddie likes that Buck is super affectionate in the morning, barely letting Eddie leave the kitchen as he cooks breakfast. Buck likes how when they’re alone Eddie can’t keep his hands off of him, even if they’re just watching a movie or on their phones, Eddie has to be touching him in some way.
They both love that even though it’s been eight years in the making they’re still taking it slow; constantly checking in with the other to make sure they’re alright, still keeping their respective distance when around Chris so it’s not too much at once, doing everything in the bedroom slowly to make sure they’re both comfortable.
Buck goes back to therapy like he promised. Eddie comes out to the crew at dinner a few weeks later. They’re all incredibly supportive of course, he never expected them to be anything else. When they come out as a couple a month later no one is surprised; Ravi is somehow out fifty dollars but other than that they just continue as normal.
One day, a month into their relationship, Buck drives out to the cemetery alone. He brings a small bouquet of yellow irises for Bobby’s grave, he chose them because he read somewhere that they symbolize new beginnings. After he places them in the little bouquet holder he sits down in front of his headstone.
“Hey Cap, sorry it’s been a while, it’s been a crazy month.”, he’s not sure why he’s so nervous, it’s not like this is new information to Bobby, Buck’s pretty sure he knew they were destined to be together as soon as he hired Eddie to the 118, “I got moved in to the new house, well, we moved into the new house. Chris has been loving his new room. It’s been weird sharing a room with Eddie, has like zero decor.” He laughs to himself. “I think we’re getting used to it though, even if he claims I hog the covers; which is just not true. I’ve been printing out a bunch of pictures of all of us to hang up. It’s been hard going through pictures of us from when you were here.” It’s hard not to end up crying when he’s here. “But it’s been nice to have Eddie to lean on, he’s been the perfect boyfriend; which isn’t surprising.”
Buck takes a minute to compose himself some, the tears threatening spill over. Coming here always stirs up a bunch of unwanted emotions. Maybe next time he could bring Eddie, maybe it’d be easier together.
“I wish you could have seen us together, Bobby. It’s not like it’s too different from what we were already doing. But we’re so much better together, we’re even talking about maybe getting a dog. Can you imagine? Eddie with a dog? He seems so much happier. I know I’m happier. I’m gonna marry him Cap.” He’s never said that out loud to anyone before. “I don’t know when, but I’m going to have a big ole wedding to show everyone just how much I love that man.”
He sits there for close to probably another hour telling Bobby about all the things he wants at their wedding. About the colors he might want for his suit, since he's definitely not doing black or white, about how he wants Jee to be the flower girl, all the little things that would make their wedding perfect. A wedding with the man he's only been dating for a month but knows better than anyone in this world. A wedding he hasn’t even brought up to said man but knows he’d be on board with 100% just to make Buck happy.
As he leaves the cemetery, he feels at ease for the first time in a long time. A part of him chooses to believe that things are actually going to get better for him. For them. They’re going to continue to build their family together. They’ll get married and see Chris off to college and one day retire together.
Buck used to wonder what his purpose in this world was, he knows now that it is this. His purpose is to show unconditional love to a man who so desperately deserves it. His purpose is to step up and be a parental figure to a kid who’s known too much pain for his age. His purpose is to help save lives and be there for the people he calls coworkers but most importantly calls family. And he's ready to try to be the man that Bobby saw in him.