Chapter Text
Jax didn’t want to die.
He didn’t. He realized that. He was wrong. It was stupid it was all so stupid he didn’t want to die.
Consciousness flowed through him. Suddenly and painfully, as his thoughts swarmed once more in his mind.
JAX DOESN’T WANT TO DIE. JAX DOSENT WANT TO DIE.
The moment he could think again that’s the only thing that filled his mind.
He gasped for air once, then once more. (Thought was always going in and out wasn’t it? Last time he was able to think so clearly it was because pomni… did something? Right? Was pomni back? Could she even come back? Was she even real.) he breathed.
He doesn’t want to die.
He doesn’t want to go back. It hurt, but he couldn’t remember it, and his mind hurt. And it all hurt. And he missed life. He missed it. All of it. Is he dead still? His vision blurred. Is it another of those weird dreams? (Visions? He didn’t know what they were. Exaggerated scenarios his mind created.) then his vision came back
He was in gangles room. Under her bed, laying down, though he wasn’t sure when that had happen… there was a bucket next to him under the bed?
He couldn’t breathe. He didn’t want to go back. He didn’t want to die. But it’s another weird dream situation. Isn’t it.
He blinked, he normally doesn’t feel so aware in them, they’re more of a passing thought, or a false memory to think back on, when he could think.
It hurt. His whole body. And he wanted to stay in this moment forever (don’t leave him. Don’t make him go back, to the nothingness, to the stings of pain from things he can’t remember, the fever dreams were seemed better.)
“Who-who’s there?!” Its gangles voice, her door had just opened. He hadn’t noticed that. His breathing won’t slow, still gasping, trying and failing to savor the air while he had it. (It hurt. It hurt so hard. He was so dumb. Of course it would hurt. He didn’t want to die.) her ribbons where quite as she walked, approaching cautiously. Or maybe his breathing was just too loud.
His first instinct was to jump out, loudly announce that he is here and alive and present and doesn’t want to leave, to beg gangle to let him stay, just let him stay in this dream a little longer. But he’s shaking, he can’t move.
“Hello?” Gangle then says “I- I can hear you!?” Her breathing sounds rough too, obviously scared. Tears fall down from her mask, he watches them hit the floor.
“Is-…” gangle whines. “I CAN HEAR YOU!!” She says a little louder “so- stop hiding- just come out” he hears her sigh, then step closer. Mumbling the word please under her breath.
She whines once more “I really don’t-“ she’s crying “I can hear you-“ her words shaky.
He doesn’t want the dream to end. His breathing worsens. He’s going to go back. It’s going to hurt (no he never left. He’s not alive. He’s not. He’s still dead. Oh god he’s still dead.)
“c’mon-“ gangle says, the blankets that cover half of the gap between the floor and the bed get risen slightly, he sees more of gangles body. And then she hesitates, before bending over to look under the bed “…Jax?” Her eyes widen, and tears stop.
Jax opens his mouth, but he still can’t breathe. He wants to sob. But nothing comes out, just shallow quick breathes.
“O-oh-?! Are you okay????!” She sounds worried, but no longer scared. Though her face seems to linger on the bucket next to him “Jax?” She reached a ribbon to his hand and he immediately grabs it, holding on for dear life (it feels so real. He doesn’t want to leave.)
She tries to pull him out and he lets her. Eventually he’s fully out from under the bed, still laying down on the floor. (The room is blurry, but gangle isn’t. He looks at her. She’ll probably disappear if he looks away. These dreams never make sense.)
“Jax? Oh-?! Should I call Caine or…? Ragatha?”
He can’t say anything. He wants to but he can’t. Gangles Hand leave his, and he doesn’t have the strength to try and tug it back. Every word, every sob builds up in his throat but it refuses to leave.
(Leave. Leave- she’s going to leave him, she’s already getting up. No no. He doesn’t want to go back- he can’t go back.)
“WAIT-“ as his voice falls out so do the sobs, and he’s suddenly overrun with tears, choking him up as he tries to speak “wait- wait-“ it comes out repeatedly through the tears. Trying to talk, trying to get her to stay.
And gangle does.
She stops right in her track and looks at him. Before taking a step forward, and sitting next to him again.
His hands move, shakily, reaching out, trying to. But it hurts, it’s all so heavy and it hurts so much, and he tries to reach her but he can’t.
A ribbon is placed back in his hand and he holds back on, sobbing.
“Okay.” Gangle says in a sigh.
Jax tries the best he can to get closer, gripping the ribbon with one hand and trying to move the other to it as well, but it’s shaking too much.
Gangle luckily seems to notice this, moving her other arm to his. And then pushing his head into her lap.
That’s better. A bit.
“I thought-“ his voice comes out rough. And he shakes his head. Gangles looking at him “I don’t want to die” he then says “I don’t want to die” a little louder “I was wrong.” A sob “I was wrong”
He can’t take it back
“I was wrong”
He holds onto gangle tighter, or tries too at least. But he can’t. He can’t do anything.
“I was wrong”
He tries to breathe but it hurts. Nothing hurts physically, but it makes his brain turn to static, his body’s too heavy. Everything hurts it hurts so much.
“I was wrong.”
He’ll never have it again. He’ll never see pomni. Or ragatha, or Zooble, or even gangle. He’s gone now. He can never take it back. He can never talk to them again. He can never be in the circus again. He can never know if his mom-
“I was wrong”
He didn’t think he wanted this. He didn’t need the others. But… he never got to be happy.
“I was wrong”
And he never will.
“Jax? You’re still… alive??” Gangle then says “are you?… did you have a nightmare….? Maybe?”
(No. No Jax isn’t. Jax is dead. Of course he knows that. But he wants so badly for it to be true.) Jax nods. May as well play along in this dream. If it means someone will hold him a little longer.
“Okay” it seemed like it was the right thing to do, because gangles voice steadies “why are you in my room?”
Jax didn’t know. And didn’t know what to say. So he just shrugs.
“Do you want to go back to your room?”
After a moment Jax nods, shakily reaching a hand in his front pocket, getting out a golden key (a memory, of another dream. In that maid dress throwing it at gangle flirtingly. He never let anyone in his room in the circus. Never. But here, in this dream, he could. He could do anything he never did before. As long as the dream doesn’t end. He doesn’t want to go back.)
He presses the key to her like it’s burning him. He doesn’t want it anymore. He wants gangle to have it, he needs her to take it. To do something, anything he’d never do. To still have the chance too.
Gangle takes the key with a confused look on her face. Then picks him up. And leaves her room. She keeps glancing down at him.
The moments fade as they pass, and Jax grips into every second as it goes. He doesn’t want to forget this, he doesn’t want it to move this fast, he wants to be in this moment forever. But they’re already halfway down the hall. He tries to be in the moment, looking at the paintings, feeling her hands wrapped around him. But the’re in front of Jax’s door now.
And gangle pushes, holding the key in one hand, and supporting Jax with the other. “Uh…” she says quietly “oh okay.” She mumbles. Taking her time unlocking the door.
She doesn’t open it straight away, lingering for a moment longer. And Jax can’t complain.
Before she opens the door, and pauses. Then walks inside, shutting the door with her foot behind them.
Gangles never been in his room, not really (though in the other dream, gangle had. She had accepted his offer… maybe he shouldn’t think about that right now.)
It was a nice sight honestly. Seeing her match so well with the lighting. Letting it happen. Because here it could happen. He wished it was real. Wished gangle could actually be in his room right now.
She sets him on the bed. And turns again.
“Don’t leave.” He’d never say that. But he does here. Because he can. Because he can say anything here, none of it matters. No matter how much he wishes it does.
And gangle does. And he cries.
Gangle stays. Sitting down on the bed with him. And he wants so bad for it to be real, for him to still be alive. He wants to go back. He’d do it differently. He’d do everything.
He should’ve been someone else. Anyone.
(Zooble. Always with gangle by their side. Not taking anything from anyone so… comfortable living freely as themself. Damnit. He should’ve been Zooble. Why was he different? Why could they live like that and he couldn’t. Why did it have to end like this.)
Gangle looks at him with kind eyes and he wants them on him forever.
Why could Zooble have this. Why did Zooble get to have everything. Why wasn’t Jax the one living in the circus, playing games, going on adventures, hanging out with gangle, hanging out with everyone. While someone else was rotting away in their own mind, with no doubts about their identity, no loneliness, and still living.
(Could Jax have had that?)
Jax can never tell anyone now.
Jax can only scream it in their own mind, tell the figures that take shape as real people over and over, trying so hard for it to be real.
(Jax only told one person. It didn’t end up well. But shouldn’t they at least get the chance to tell another. Even if it is just a dream?)
Gangle doesn’t know what to do. Jax is still holding her hand, shaking really hard. And of course she wants to help, she wants to calm Jax down. But she’s not sure if she’d be overstepping… plus it’s… Jax. The other day he played a really rude prank on her, who’s to say this isn’t another one.
She wanted to leave. She really did. But she also really wanted to stay? It’s confusing. She wants to help, but she hates that she doesn’t know how. Ragatha is the one who helps people, why didn’t Jax go to her?
“Y-you know how-“ Jax tries to speak. His voice sounds really bad. And gangle looks at him. Waiting for him to finish that thought (is it bad that part of her wants him to smile and say this is a prank.) “you know how uh” Jax isn’t looking at her anymore, looking at his blankets like it’s the most interesting thing in the world “Zooble is nonbinary?”
She nods, but Jax doesn’t see. Of course she knows, they all knew. They just came out a few days ago.
“Yeah?” Gangle then says. (Suddenly very uncomfortable. What is Jax going to say about that? He was fine with joking about it a few days ago, to the discomfort of everyone (though luckily he did seem to do the bare minimum of not misgendering them)).
“I think-“ Jax breaths. Then suddenly snatches his hand away from gangle, aggressively picking at the blanket “I know- I’m-“ Jax cries “something- I don’t- I don’t know.”
“Oh.” She gets it now.
Jax doesn’t say a word. Instead their hands dart up to their ears, pulling them down suddenly before gangle can even react, eyes squeezed tight, breathing worsens, as Jax tugs on their ears, squishing them to their head. Like trying to block out the sound (but it look like it hurts.) they’re mumbling something under their breath. Gangle probably wouldn’t be able to hear it if it wasn’t so quiet “don’t laugh. Don’t laugh…” repeated.
She couldn’t help but feel like the worst person to be here at the moment. Zooble would probably be more knowledgeable about this, ragatha is used to comforting everyone, and kaufmo and Jax used to get along or something… right? Even kinger probably would be less useless at comforting Jax than she is.
But none of them are there. It’s just gangle.
“Hey” her voice low “it’s okay- that’s- a good thing actually!” she wants to slam her head into a wall, clearly it’s causing Jax distress, she knows that! They’re crying! Jax doesn’t cry (maybe cry laughing, but not like this.) she’s so stupid, she’s never been good at comforting people, she can’t even comfort herself!
Despite all that Jax’s eyes open up, looking at her with dilated pupils, almost taking up all of their eye, she could see cartoonish sparkles in them.
So gangle cant stop there “because uh-“ her voice fades out “I mean it’s you, and… even if it’s… scary now, it’s a good thing to live as yourself” she’s trying to smile but she feels like a caveman.
She remembers the feelings of the most profound support she’s heard, things she had seen online, or heard in shows, things that changed her life (or was even said to her when she had her first girlfriend). She remembers them well, and feels as if she’s taking those words and putting them in a blender, breaking them down to their bare components and then pointlessly trying to put them back together, now messy and strained. She’s supposed to be the creative one, and yet she’s so bad at coming up with sentences (and talking to people.)
But Jax still looked at her as if her words were the profound messages she had started with.
“So I’m glad” she then says “that you… yeah”
Tears start to flow down Jax’s face again, they’re bright blue, cartoonish. And for a moment she feels as if she’s done something wrong.
Then Jax leans forward and shoves their face in her chest.
Her hand reaches around them, to rub their back. She guesses Jax doesn’t need perfect words. Or a life changing poetic experience. They just needed support. (That’s a lot less intimidating. That’s something she can do.)
So she stays there, and leans a bit closer, holding Jax a bit tighter. Petting their back.
The sobs die down, and her ribbons very quickly dry off. And Jax’s breathing finally slows, only hitching a few times, a soft purr is admitted.
She never had to deal with anything like this before. She had told very few people in the real world she was bisexual, and honestly it wasn’t that hard to hide, she had only had about three relationships and none of them lasted more then a week. Being online in ‘nerd’ spaces helped, she had always sought out forums for ships she had liked, and more often than not they were also queer.
She never talked much to people in the real world either, honestly she never talked much one on one online too, though she definitely has a few mutuals she misses… she’s never really had anything like this happen.
Zoobles coming out wasn’t like this at all. It was less of a coming out and more of a correction if anything.
She doesn’t even remember, it was Caine or kaufmo that had said something and they had responded quickly with ‘not a woman’, then proceeded to have to explain to ragatha what nonbinary meant. If anything ragatha seemed more in distress about it then Zooble, her having repeatedly apologizing, which was nice… but a bit annoying. Everyone quickly accepted them.
A part of her wished she could go back in time, to focus on Jax’s reaction, had they been obvious? Did everyone just miss it? Or did they hide behind a smile. She supposes it doesn’t matter now.
Jax seemed to be in deep sleep. She wasn’t going to wake them, she had many questions, most of which she’s sure she shouldn’t ask (though maybe Zooble could answer some of the gender ones. But they’re so new… and kinda intimidating.) some of which she needed to ask (like pronouns, she’s been using they, but Jax never actually said anything about what to use for them.). But all of that should wait until tomorrow, Jax was sleeping soundly now, and their breathing seemed normal enough, she wouldn’t want to wake them up just to cause another freak out.
There was also a few questions about before (‘I was wrong.’ Echoed in her mind.) why did Jax act like they had died. It was just a nightmare right… but did that mean that Jax wanted too…
It’s all for another day. She’s done here for now, and she slithers away from Jax’s sleeping body, and rest them on the pillow.
She should be heading back to her room anyways.
She makes her way to the door, and leaves quietly. The hallway is still dark, and the background music hasn’t chimed in yet, which means it’s still nighttime.
She makes her way down, and gets to her own door. Opening it.
. . .
Spiders.
. . .
everywhere. Small little ones, big fluffy ones, some with cartoonish big eyes looking at her, others that just look like a children’s drawing, moving sporadically.
They all come from one central point in her room.
The bed. Specifically from the bucket under it.
Oh.
She shuts the door.
It had been a prank. Hadn’t it. Jax was just trying to distract her so she wouldn’t notice what’s in the bucket.
[$%!#].
[$%!#].
She sits next to the closed door, and quickly tears run down her face. She’s so stupid.
Why would she ever think Jax actually open up to her. (But was it all a lie then? Was there some truth under it. Or will it all be revealed as a cruel joke. Jax was joking about Zooble earlier, did Jax think this was funny?)
She didn’t know. It looked so real. The way Jax had struggled to breathe, the way they cried. Maybe there was truth in there.
Then gangle saw something metal in her hand. It was a key, the key to Jax’s room. She looked at it, confused mostly. She had never given it back to Jax, but she was pretty sure she wasn’t holding in back when comforting them. (Jax had gotten objects out of thin air before…. Did she do that? Accidentally put it away in her inventory, or some pocket dimension type thing?) If so she has no clue how. But it’s out now.
Her room IS covered in spiders. And she definitely needs to give Jax their key back… maybe it wouldn’t hurt to stay in their room.
She does a walk of shame back, and goes in the room, locking it behind her (Jax was always weird about their room. Even ragatha said she hasn’t been inside. So gangle assumes Jax wants to keep it that way (but why her?)).
She hadn’t looked around the room last time. But now that it was all calmer she did.
It’s pink. It’s very pretty. She can’t help but feel like maybe this evidence on the side that maybe it wasn’t all a lie. Not that having a pretty pink room means you’re trans, it just doesn’t seem to match up with Jax’s ‘masculine’ persona that they had seemed so eager to make known in the past. Mixed with the fact Jax hadn’t let anyone in it til now…
She places the key on Jax’s bedside.
Maybe Jax WAS planning a prank. But then something reminded them of Zooble, and then had a freak out instead? Or no wait Jax said it was a nightmare. Maybe Jax was under the bed waiting for gangle to come in, and she took too long and they feel asleep?
She sits on the bed next to them. Not wanting to over step, but quickly Jax’s hands reach out to hers, and she feels too bad to not take it.
She lays down. Holding Jax’s hand in their sleep. She lays on her back, staring straight up at their ceiling. On it is glow in the dark stars (it feels like a sleepover she had when she was a child.)
She closed her eyes.
And feel asleep.
.
.
.
Gangle wakes up tangled in Jax. Leg wrapped around theirs, one arm intertwined with their chest, the other with their arm, twisted around them to be as close as possible.
She hadn’t meant too of course!
Though Jax was wide awake now. Looking up at the ceiling (the background music was playing. It must be morning.)
Jax’s eyes drift to met her, before looking back at the ceiling. “Is this… real?” Their voice quiet. Still on that then?
“Yeah” gangle says “this is real.”
Jax continues to stare at the ceiling. As if this is news to them, clearly in thought. (A creeping dread filled her, and as the moments passed she was more and more certain it was true. Jax had only came out because they had thought it wasn’t real. Maybe they thought they were still dreaming. She suddenly felt very awkward being there, wanting to unwrap herself, but doing that would draw attention to her.)
Maybe she can fix this? “I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me too?”
Jax doesn’t respond. Just looking at the ceiling.
“Are you okay?”
Jax hums.
She wants to ask. But anything she says could be pushing. And she doesn’t want to push. Especially not when it’s like this. Maybe if she talks about something else “could you take back your spiders.”
“…huh?”
“Your spiders. I don’t want them.”
Jax blinks, looking at her confused, though it seems the sadness faded from their eyes. If only for a minute “…what?”
“You- in the bucket… you put in my room. There was spiders.”
“Oh.” Jax laughed. And it was the most calming thing that happen. Honestly it wasn’t even funny. But she couldn’t help but laugh too. “I didn’t- I guess… I guess that’s why I was in your room?” Did they really not know???
She doesn’t know what to say. Just glad Jax is talking. That it isn’t as awkward as it was a moment ago. “So…”
“Yeah. Yeah… I’ll take them back”
Thank god. She did not want to deal with them… to be fair she’d probably have just asked Caine to take them away. That’s probably what Jax will do. But she hates asking anyone anything. Even if the someone is an all powerful ai.
“So” gangle then says “I uhm… you don’t have to answer. But what should I call you?”
Jax got quiet again… did they…?
“Like pronoun wise?”
“Yes-“ Jax stresses “I knew what you meant” oh.
“Sorry.”
Jax hums “I don’t- I don’t know.” They say. “I dunno” it sounds more like one word the way they mumble it.
“That’s alright!” She says quickly “we can always test things if you want. And change it around if you’d like.”
Jax looks down at the blankets “…yeah?”
“Yeah!”
Jax sighs. “Okay.” It’s shaky. “Yeah. Okay.” They still don’t look at her “uhm… I’m-… fine with she. I think.”
“That’s good!” Finally! They’re getting somewhere!!!
“I might be fine with everything?” She then says “or not- I don’t know- I never-“ Jax groans “I don’t know.”
“I’ll start with she! And if you want to try anything else just ask.”
Jax turns her head to the side “would it be- I mean… do think that-“ Jax groans again, obviously frustrated that her own words are failing her “maybe use she when it’s just both of us?” Oh. Gangle hasn’t even thought about the others yet. “You think the others would realize if you called me they in front of them?”
Gangle hums. Would they? She feels like it’s pretty normal to call someone they, sometimes even if she knows their pronouns it can still slip out, she’s sure she’s done it accidentally to plenty of people (she definitely uses it when she doesn’t know someone’s gender too, but this would be a different situation to that.) Would most people look past it or would they notice? She’s never noticed. Maybe…? “I don’t know” she says “maybe they won’t? Is that something you want to try.”
Jax looks stressed. She keeps picking at the blanket, looking down at it, then to the corner of her room, then licking the blanket again “sure?” It comes out uneasy “I guess… yeah. Yeah okay. They in front of others, and she with me” she repeats it quietly. Her foot kicks lightly “god this is so dumb.” She then brings her hands to her face. “I could be okay with he too? Sometimes? But I don’t know. I mean. Maybe just not yet? I don’t know is that weird?”
Is…? She’s not going to cry again, right? “no it’s not!” She says “all this stuff seems hard, it’s… you know! Normal. It’s human.”
And Jax laughs. “Human.”
That’s what they are, gangle thinks at least. She still feels real… even if the world around her… “yeah!” She smiles.
“Okay-“ Jax says “okay. Yeah. So that’s-… it?”
“Uhm.” Did she have any more questions? Well “is it okay to call you like… a girl? Or like… I mean like” she knows the she/they thing is nonbinary, or something like that. She guessed they don’t need to try to squeeze Jax into a label, especially when she’s still figuring it all out. But she means with gender specific terms? Like when someone’s like ‘what’s up girl’ no no that’s a stupid way to put it. What’s a good example she can say? She can only think of one right now, but it’s stupid “Like if I called you ‘good girl… would that be okay” her face bright red “NOT LIKE- but like- as a term for yourself”
Jax blinks.
“That was the only example I could think of.”
Jax laughs, face turning red “THAT- like- you- you couldn’t used Ms.? Or like madam??? There’s so many words you use for girls????” That… is a good point. “I don’t know. If YOU called me ‘good girl’ I think I would be pretty weirded out” she crosses her arms “but… uh I guess. Yeah I wouldn’t mind those I guess.”
“Okay! That’s… yeah thanks-“ she’s glad she still got her point across, even if it was super embarrassing. And she’s glad that Jax actually gave her a better example “so I’d be okay if I used Ms. for you? Or would you want Mx. more? Given the choice”
“…Mx.??”
“It’s like! The nonbinary version of it… I think at least” she never actually used it in the real world, but she’s heard of people using it before.
“I don’t-…. I don’t know… uh” Jax laughs, still nervous “I haven’t thought about it-… maybe both? I mean it’s not like you’d really be calling me it much?”
Gangle nods. She kinda meant it as a more general statement, like if there was a more gender neutral way to refer to Jax would they prefer that? But either way it did answer her question. Both is good “alright!” She says. “And let me know if anything changes.”
Jax hums again. Looking up at the ceiling.
What now?
That’s all Jax can think. She’s out of her playing field. They’re definitely supposed to have woken up by now (whatever what means for someone who’s already dead.) but she’s still her… in this… dream?
The ceiling looks real interesting right about now. (She can feel gangles presents. Looming over her.) This isn’t how it’s supposed to go. Gangles not supposed to agree with her. They’re supposed to fight. This is supposed to ruin Jax’s life. Just like when she told her mom. (Just like when she implied it to ribbit.)
But gangles still here. Just looking at her.
Jax closed her eyes (they’re Zooble now. Right? That’s kinda what this is. This WOULD happen to Zooble. It would make a lot of sense for gangle to support them. And it would make sense for them to follow along. That’s what Jax was doing. Following along.)
It didn’t matter anyways. None of it did. She was already gone. Who cares what she goes by, who cares what she is. It’s not like anyone real can actually know.
She looks back at gangle (who looks so real.) and she just wants-… she wants everything to be better. To try again. Even if it’s for nothing.
She needs to do SOMETHING. She can’t stay cooped in her room forever. She’s sick of being stuck in a dark room. She needs to talk. She doesn’t want to be alone. She doesn’t want to sulk she just wants to live a life she’ll never get.
So Jax sits up “let’s meet with the others.”
“Oh! Good idea!” Gangles smiling. Jax doesn’t even think about taking her mask and ripping it off. She doesn’t even consider throwing it at the wall and watching it shatter. And she definitely doesn’t almost open her mouth and laugh, and feel gangle this was all just a prank.
Because why would she. What would the point even be. To make fun of the people in her head? To make up a figment of imagination to get mad at. What’s gangle going to do? Tell imaginary ragatha??? What’s the worst that could happen? Jax wakes up again in that dark damp room alone. Or doesn’t wake up at all. She’s already felt it all. There’s no point in backtracking. Not here.
They make their way to the door. And leave together.
The circus is exactly how Jax remembers it. Which is weird. She’s pretty sure in these dreams it’s always a bit wrong. But it doesn’t really matter. Not truly.
She walks down the hall with gangle attached to her side (just like Zooble. Walking together. Like they’re friends.)
Speaking of which….
Zooble sits on the couch up ahead.
Weirdly enough gangle sinks back, hiding halfway behind Jax.
“Sup mix-n-match”
“The [$%!#] do you two want.” They’re upset, which is pretty normal for them… but
(Gangle squeaks behind Jax. Weird. They don’t even seem upset at scaring gangle.) her mouth opens for a second, as she realizes she has the ability to do the funniest thing. “Wow. You really need to be nicer to gangle, shes just standing there!” Jax crosses her arms and shakes her head disapprovingly. It doesn’t come out as sincere as it would’ve coming from Zooble, instead her voice leaks of irony. But it’s close enough.
“Uhm sorry Zooble- I don’t-… I didn’t mean to bother you.”
Zoobles glaring at her. “I don’t care.” …why are they acting so weird? It must be a dream thing.
Gangle sinks back.
“[$%!#]” they sigh. “Sorry- [$%!#].” They turn away. (Gangle looks nervous.)
“Z-Zooble?”
“I’m fine.” They hissed “I just don’t want to go on another one of those stupid adventure.” …don’t they skip them anyways.
“At least you’ll be with kaufmo! Caine said it’s going to be a team adventure.” This dream is weird. Jax should’ve just stayed in her room.
Zooble doesn’t look amused. They get up. “Whatever.” And walk away.
Gangle frowns next to Jax. And she should do something. Watching Zooble dismiss her and walk away. Wouldn’t Jax’s Zooble do something? “You uh-…. Good?” That’s [$%!#]… wait why is it censored? Whatever another weird dream thing.
“I said the wrong thing again” gangle voice sounds like she’s on the verge of tears, even with her comedy mask.
“Nah they’re just a grump.” Is that anything? She’s really trying to help.
Gangle shakes her head “I mean they’re so new here- I just want to help” a cry comes out of her “sorry.”
New? Whatever. Jax should learn not to question things. What does Zooble do to cheer up gangle??? She has no clue??? The crying pretty normal for gangle, what makes gangle happy??? She doesn’t know?? Art??? Maybe? But she’s always stressed about that.
“It’s whatever” she says “they probably aren’t even upset at you. They’re probably just grumpy because they don’t want to be here.”
She nods. “Yeah-… I know. I just feel bad.”
She didn’t know what to say. It’s not really like gangle did anything actually wrong either!
But… “look. They’re not going to be thinking about what you said forever. You didn’t even say anything bad. Just give them time and then talk to them or something.” (Talk. That’s what pomni had told Jax to do. Just talk to them like a normal person.) “then you don’t have to be the one thinking about it forever.” Alone in a dark room, constantly reliving every mistake. Regretting every word spoken. Regretting dying. Regretting living in the first place.
Gangle nods “you’re right. Thanks. That means a lot”
She doesn’t know how to respond to that. If she is living she needs to find a reason too. Doesn’t she. It’s pointless to die regretting every action you’ve done. Because at that point why even bother living in the first place.
And she’s definitely in a weird time. Gangle keeps mentioning kaufmo, and saying Zooble is new. That was… a weird period of her life (which part of their life isn’t.) but maybe she could… do it better? She’s only known gangle for a few months hasn’t she? there wasn’t the biggest gap between her and Zooble. So maybe she could restart. Do it different. She should probably talk to ragatha too, ew. And… kaufmo. Yeah. They need to talk to kaufmo.
She has a lot on her plate.
But Zooble doesn’t mind living. So she won’t either…
she’s got this. Just… play the role. She’s great at that.