Chapter Text
It was so odd.
In a matter of only a couple months, or had it been weeks (?), everything in the circus had changed.
Change wasn't necessarily always a bad thing. It was a mixed bag.
On one hand, Pomni was glad for the change. The newfound freedom everyone had gained was refreshing. The freedom to create, to choose how to spend their time, just… the sheer amount of possibilities that had been opened up compared to only a short while ago had definitely been nice.
Everyone seemed to have gotten closer too. Kinger, with his bucket-hat, was now lucid enough to be able to join conversations and be genuinely fun to hang around, albeit still quirky with his odd sense of humor. Zooble and Gangle definitely got closer, in more ways than one. Pomni tried not to think about what they got up to in their shared room together at night. Ragatha and Pomni's friendship seemed to have healed and has grown stronger since. And of course, Caine.
The entire exit adventure was a disaster, to put it simply. Caine’s explosion and torture were somehow even worse, however, it was never their intention to delete him. But it happened. Or, well, she supposed it didn’t actually happen.
It was definitely a shock when they had all discovered that Caine was, in fact, not deleted. It was even more of a shock when he apologized to them and promised to change. Pomni wasn't one to lie, so she was fully aware that Caine’s road to repentance and forgiveness had been and would continue to be a rocky one. However, true to his word, his new behavior definitely reflected the amount of effort he was putting into trying.
He’d begun to stop flying and randomly teleporting about without warning or permission, choosing to instead walk with them on their level. He had been more open to new features and additions, maybe even a little too open if you asked Pomni, but it was nice nonetheless. The aquarium styled themed room to house the abstracted, for one, was a feature Pomni found especially touching. Most importantly, was the effort he put into really understanding humans. That was the area he still struggled in the most. It was still a work in progress, but he was putting more effort into listening, so that had got to count for something, right?
It took time, like all things do, but Pomni was now able to confidently say that everyone was on okay terms with their former ringmaster. Okay didn't mean people would be willingly seeking out his presence or company, it just meant they were able to tolerate him without either side lashing out or getting hurt. Considering where they were only a while ago, Pomni would consider it progress.
Of course, some people got along better with him than others, like Gangle and Kinger, while others needed a bit more time, namely, Zooble.
Pomni didn't want to be one who judged how other people processed their conflicted feelings, especially considering how she was struggling with her own, but watching Zooble and Caine’s interactions with each other had been… painful.
It felt like watching an awkward scene in a movie where two characters with obvious tension between each other were forced to work on a group project together. The two would cooperate and attempt to understand each other to an extent, but certain ideas and topics didn't exactly get through to the other person and caused frustration. Thankfully, the worst it had gotten so far was a moderately heated argument over AI moral codes that ended in them not speaking to each other for the next few days.
Pomni had never been one to especially like intense conflict or fights, even in the real world amongst her friends, but she did have to admit she had found herself missing the casual banter everyone used to throw around at each other.
Or, not really everyone, mostly just… Jax.
Pomni felt many complicated emotions towards him. Regret, pity, anger, frustration, care, longing, and other feelings stirred within her chest at each mention of his name.
She hadn't forgotten what she saw in his mind.
Some of the things she saw were ugly, they were wrong, they filled her with disgust. But, it was also very insightful. She got to see the sides of Jax she never saw before. She really understood him, to the deepest extent a person could truly understand someone else.
And when she met him at that red lit lamppost, he was so vulnerable and open, it made her heart ache. Yes, he had done irreversible and terrible things, yes he had lost all means he had of a proper redemption, but in that moment, Pomni could understand. Years of pain existed inside of him, hidden under masks of all shapes and sizes. Pomni could not justify the actions he took as a result of them, but she understood.
During those last few moments they had together, Pomni could tell that Jax had come to realize the weight of all of his actions. He regretted them, and he wanted to make things better. It was just a shame the realization and wanting had to come so late.
Sometimes, when she lay awake in her bed at night, she stared up at her ceiling and wondered if it was her fault. She replayed that day Jax had tried, had practically begged for her to reach out to him, and she hadn’t followed. Hadn’t gone after him. Hadn’t stopped him from abstracting.
She wondered just what would have happened if she had gone after him. What if she had actually bothered to ask him how he was doing? What if she had done things differently? What if, what if, what if.
She could go on and on falling into the unforgiving cycle of what-ifs and if-onlys, but she won’t.
Drowning in guilt and self-pity wouldn't change the past. What had been done was done.
Now, the only thing Pomni could do, for the sake of Jax and everyone else she had in her life, was to keep moving forward.
______________________________
The day started off as every day now started, with the group gathering at the cafe for breakfast. The menu had been expanded drastically, but as most humans do, everyone had already formulated the habit of ordering and partaking in the exact same routine every day.
Pomni and Ragatha sat on adjacent stools with their respective choices of food–a breakfast sandwich for Pomni, and a croissant for Ragatha. Zooble and Gangle got themselves comfortable at a table for two with a piece of toast for Zooble and pancakes for Gangle. Kinger’s seat changed on a day-to-day basis. Sometimes he would decide to join a specific group, and other times he preferred to sit at a table alone, perfectly content with observing the chatter around him.
Today, Kinger was sitting alone, his usual order of black coffee warming his floating hands. Although, on most days, Kinger didn’t end up having to sit alone for long.
“HELLO, my beautiful humans! How are we doing on this fine morning today?” Caine exclaimed boisterously as he entered the cafe by foot.
Everyone slightly startled at the noise, Gangle especially, flinching so hard her ribbon hands nearly dropped her fork.
“Darn it, Caine!” Zooble groaned, “Volume, please.”
“Ah, apologizes, Zooble! I have forgotten how sensitive your little human ears are,” Caine said sheepishly, keeping his voice at a more manageable level.
“Don't worry, Caine” Ragatha reassured him, “We all just need a bit more patience in the mornings, that’s all.”
Caine gave her two big thumbs up to show his understanding. Zooble only rolled their eyes half-heartedly.
“So!” he said, clasping his hands together, “What’s on the schedule for today? Adventures? Maintenance? Exploration? Creation? Wonder? Action? Adventures?!” Caine's voice rose in excitement, eyes full of cartoonish sparkles.
"No adventures," Zooble snapped, "We aren't doing those anymore, remember?"
"We appreciate your offer, but we all just need some more time," Ragatha added gently.
Caine nodded, looking slightly dejected. "Right... sorry."
Pomni was still getting used to this new version of Caine.
“Well, I was thinking you and I could maybe take the time to discuss the implementation of that new room modeling program you had mentioned,” Kinger spoke up, his bucket ratting from his head movements.
“I think Gangle and I will mostly just be hanging around the couches and drawing today,” Zooble said, giving Gangle a soft look, to which Gangle smiled at.
“I... don’t really have anything particular in mind, but uh, maybe I can work on redecorating my room?” Ragatha suggested, fiddling with her hair.
Pomni hesitated before giving her answer. “I think… I’m going to visit Jax again and then maybe give the internet another whirl...”
“Wowie! Those all sound like excellent ideas!" Caine declared, doing a little spin with his avatar. "Well, if you need me I’ll be with ol’ Kinger here!” Caine gestured towards Kinger as he began to make his way to him. Eyes widening all of a sudden, the spirited AI added, “Oh, yes! And, Pomni? Remember not to go too deep down the internet rabbit hole! There’s a lot of dangerous stuff on the internet that I cannot guarantee will be blocked by my filters.” The ex-ringmaster's voice was light and cheery, but contained a warning expected to be taken seriously.
Pomni wanted to laugh. He clearly had no idea how far down the rabbit hole she had already been through. Shockingly, having no friends and being bored during one's early twenties led to some... questionable behavior on the internet. Even so, she nodded her head in understanding, and with that, everyone dispersed to go off to their own things.
It was a routine at this point. There were barely any days that required everyone to constantly be around each other for the whole time, so everyone eventually started seeing each other less and less. Thinking about it, it was really only during mealtimes when everyone actually bothered to gather together, and even then, sometimes a member or two would be missing.
Caine had brought up the suggestion of occasionally bringing back adventures to encourage group bonding, but it was quickly shut down by Zooble and followed closely with the agreement of the others.
Although Pomni personally had some not-so-great experiences with adventures, she did have to admit that they weren’t all that bad, and were sometimes even fun at times. Maybe, in the future, they could start having the occasional adventure every now and then. She just didn't exactly have the capacity to handle them right now.
Pomni waved goodbye to everyone as they all started filing out of the cafe, one by one. She allowed herself a moment to collect her thoughts before starting to leave as well. Before she left, however, she made sure to order a hot chocolate.
______________________________
“You idiot,” Pomni said, unable to stop the words from tumbling out of her mouth.
The black, gloopy mess covered by colorful neon eyes blinked at her owlishly with an innocence that made her laugh.
“God, I’ve missed you,” she mumbled, hugging her knees closer to her chest.
She was sitting on the floor of the great blanket slash pillow fort constructed to house Jax. The mug of hot chocolate sat a couple feet away from him (her? she still wasn't quite sure), the simulated cocoa scent wafting through the air.
When the aquarium was first constructed, it had made sense to put Jax with the others. He looked happy in the tank, Pomni liked to think.
However, pretty soon, Pomni missed being able to spend time with him one on one without millions of other neon eyes observing their every conversation. Maybe she was being selfish, but she missed the comfort and privacy of the fort that allowed her to be vulnerable and open around him. So after a bit of debate, everyone agreed it would be best to mostly keep him in the tent and only occasionally move him to the tank every now and then to give him some time with his friends. Pomni personally found it quite endearing how Jax had immediately buddied up with two other abstracted forms Pomni could guess were probably Ribbit and Kaufmo.
Pomni adjusted her position to maximize comfort in preparation for this long hangout. “I sure do have a lot to catch you up on,” she said, smiling up at Jax.
Pomni didn't know how long she spoke to Jax, heck, she didn't even know what half of the things that came tumbling out of her mouth were. At one point she was recalling funny stories and the next thing she knew, she was on the brink of tears venting about the inner turmoils within her chest that kept her up at night. She was just talking, hoping that some part of what she was saying got through to him.
And sometimes it felt like they did. Like he really did get the joke or feel her frustration when it was appropriate in the conversation. Maybe she was imagining it, but she could've sworn he did an eyeroll or two during their conversation.
After running out of things to talk about, Pomni ended up waving goodbye to Jax, slightly saddened, but also more content knowing that she was able to spend time with her friend, regardless of the conditions of their hangout.
Pomni gave herself a moment to stretch out her limbs, just as a way for her to recollect herself, before walking towards the large screen by the stage.
Pomni recalled the first time she saw the screen, how unprepared she was for what it would show her.
It showed her everything she had missed. Her friends, her life, her routines, her hobbies, everything that Abigail Brooks would be able to enjoy that Pomni could never. And yet… with some time, Pomni came to accept that. Pomni was content with just being Pomni. Yes, Abigail Brooks might have been out there living her best life, but that wasn't stopping Pomni from enjoying the same here. Whether she liked it or not, Pomni and Abigail Brooks became two separate people from the moment she appeared in the circus. It simply was not fair for her to compare her life to that of a stranger’s and it would do her no good constantly monitoring it all the time either.
It was for these reasons that Pomni tried to not go on the internet too often. Everyone seemed to come to the mutual agreement that it wasn’t healthy to keep monitoring or obsessing over a life they could never live.
They had been able to manage without it for the majority of their stay here, anyways.
Pomni recalled how they even received access to it in the first place. Apparently, Caine had managed to break through some firewalls during his time in the void to access a gateway. Through that gate, he was able to find information about their human counterparts. After that, giving everyone access to that power was as simple as keeping the gate to the internet open and connected to the screen in the circus. Although the wifi was spotty at times and had the tendency to disconnect at random times, it still did its job and provided everyone with all the knowledge they could ever desire for, ripe for their picking.
Despite knowing it probably wasn't the healthiest choice to make, sometimes curiosity got the best of her and Pomni couldn’t help but type her name into the search bar and check what Abigail Brooks was up to.
More and more, Pomni was beginning to realize that following Abigail Brooks was beginning to feel more like watching the life of a distant stranger or faraway celebrity that lived in a whole other world. Everything Abigail Brooks did or posted felt so alien to Pomni, she couldn’t believe they were supposed to be the same person.
And she was right to believe so. Because Abigail Brooks and Pomni were not and would never be the same, and Pomni was trying to learn how to be okay with that. Brain scan or not, Pomni was here, and she'd rather make the best of her situation than mope around in misery for the rest of her digital existence.
Pomni scrolled through reels of Abigail and her friends, her cats, and her clothes. It was fascinating and somewhat entertaining keeping herself updated on Abigail, nonetheless. Abigail was more interesting than she gave herself credit for.
An idea struck her. One she probably shouldn't have acted on, but she did, fingers instructing the search engine before she can stop herself.
Pomni wasn't completely irrational, though. She had done a quick survey of her surroundings before clicking enter.
Tinder
Believe it or not, there weren't exactly a lot of options in the circus, and Pomni was a single woman in her twenties. She was desperate. It didn't even matter if she couldn't make an account from within the circus, she just needed to see something other than cartoon characters for a change.
Before she could get a chance to tour the site, however, the screen was overtaken by a strange pop-up that appeared onto her screen with an obnoxious siren sound and flashing red lights.
YOU HAVE RECEIVED A WARNING FOR ACCESSING [tinder.com]
REPEATED WARNINGS WILL RESULT IN A CONVERSATION WITH YOURS TRULY :)
RESTRICTED INTERNET ACCESS MAY BE CONSIDERED
Pomni's first reaction was annoyance. She wasn't a child. She didn't need to be 'protected' from the internet. She was a fully grown adult. Filters and blockers like this felt patronizing, in a way.
The anger came quickly after that. Towards the one person who was undoubtedly responsible for this.
Caine.
What on Earth had compelled Caine to do this? He knew they didn't like being restricted from swearing. So then why had he decided to restrict the one thing that gave them a sense of normalcy in this digital hell?! Did nothing they say actually get through to him?!
The quiet click clacking of shoes on the circus floor alerted Pomni of a person’s approach.
Speak of the devil.
“What is it, Caine?” Pomni asked without having to look behind her to confirm the person’s identity, a slight edge to her voice.
“Wow! How did you know it was me?” Caine’s voice inquired, not catching onto her tone of voice.
Tiredly, Pomni explained, “It’s your shoes, Caine. I can hear those things from miles away.”
The footsteps paused. “Well that’s not possible. The human ears might be a wondrous thing but even I know they can’t–” Caine cut himself off. “Oh,” he said, “That wasn’t supposed to be taken seriously, was it?”
“It wasn't." she confirmed, not bothering to elaborate.
Caine pouted, teeth drooping downward. “You humans and your odd language is still a puzzle to me, but a puzzle I am determined to crack!” he exclaimed, eyes gleaming.
Pomni’s eyes moved towards the covered plate Caine held in his hand.
Catching her gaze, Caine hurriedly closed the distance between them, moving in an animated manner very in character for him. He came to a stop a bit away from Pomni. She couldn't help notice that it was far away enough so that neither one of them were able to reach each other. Was this his way of trying to respect her personal boundaries, or was this something else? She was probably reading into it too much. “You missed lunch, so I thought it would be best to bring it to you,” Caine explained, extending the plate out towards her with a flourish.
Pomni blinked. Had she really been talking to Jax for that long? Time was a really finicky concept here in the circus. It certainly didn't help that Caine was so against the idea of adding a system for measuring time. Something about how it wouldn't be good for their minds.
“Oh, thanks,” she said, accepting the plate gracefully.
Caine’s eyes flickered to the screen behind her, reminding her of what she was previously doing.
Setting the plate down upon the floor, perhaps more harshly than intended, Pomni got straight to the point, "What exactly is this?"
Caine chuckled. "Oh don't you worry your little head! These are just those filters I mentioned earlier! I know how much you humans enjoy the internet, but it's important to remember that sometimes the internet can be," his voice dropped to a whisper, "not so family-friendly."
Pomni was struggling to control herself.
Deep breaths. Deep breaths.
"Caine," she said through gritted teeth, "everyone here is an adult. There is no need for things to be family-friendly."
"Oh, okay! Input noted!" Caine replied, giving her a mock salute.
As far as he had come, she had to remind herself that Caine was still Caine.
Pomni sighed, turning her attention back to the screen, closing the warning to return to Abigail Brooks.
Caine slowly approached the screen from behind her, still a respectable distance away. His eyes scanned through the information at a ridiculous speed, zipping from left to right so fast Pomni almost thought he was having a seizure. Not that an AI could have one anyways.
“Humans are such fascinating creatures,” he commented out of the blue, mind seemingly wandering.
Pomni was unsure of how to respond, so she didn't, letting her silence speak for her.
After catching up on Abigail Brooks to her heart’s content, Pomni closed the tab, ready to shut down the browser, when something caught her eye.
Beneath the search engine's bar was a list of the current most popular searches. Usually, the things it showed were rather uninteresting, things like taxes or politics that didn’t matter anymore, but one specific search caused Pomni’s breath to hitch as soon as she read it.
Caine stiffened besides her as he came upon the same line of text himself.
What is The Amazing Digital Circus (TADC) Web series and how can I watch it?