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“I like that color.” Jude said when he poked his head inside Mariana and Callie’s shared bedroom, and saw Mariana putting on blue nail polish. He often stayed in there with the girls because he loved looking at Mariana’s clothes and accessories. Jude grew an appreciation for sparkly jewelry and pretty dresses at a young age and Mariana had some of the best he had ever seen. He’s not sure what exactly started the obsession with traditionally girl’s clothes, but he knows that when he puts on a dress or shimmery necklace he feels safe and at home and more like himself than any other time.
“Are you sure it’s not too much?” Mariana asked, not looking up from her nails. “I’m going for the ‘I’m being carelessly casual, but just happen to be fabulous’ look for my date tonight.” She looked up and smiled at him, waving her newly colored nails to dry.
“It’s pretty!” Jude said beaming down at her. He couldn’t look away from the way they sparkled in the sunlight whenever Mariana moved her hand through it.
Mariana seemed to notice this and she cocked an eyebrow at him before asking, “Do you want me to do yours?”
Jude’s breath hitched at the thought of seeing that color on his own fingers. How it would feel when she painted the cold liquid on in thin brushes. He looked down at his empty nails and considered it longer instead of answering.
“Come on, let me do yours too.” Mariana said, patting the bed next to her and looking up at him expectantly.
“Okay.” Jude shrugged and sat down.
“So, anything new and exciting in your world? Made any new friends?” She asked as she prepped the brush in the bottle.
“Well,” Jude started as she began painting his pinky finger with the dark blue polish. “There is this one boy.”
“Oh?” Mariana chuckled.
“His name is Connor and we have math class together.” He said whilst mesmerized by the movement of the nail polish brush.
“What’s he like?” Mariana asked.
“I don’t know, he’s pretty cool.” Jude answered before Callie walked in.
She glanced at the two on the bed, raising her eyebrows at them and giving Jude a concerned look. She grabbed her bag from her bed and was walking back to the door when she tentatively said “Uh, don’t wear that to school, okay buddy?”
Jude looked down when she left. He knew she wasn’t ashamed of him and the stuff he liked, but he also knew that she was very protective of him. Jude was always insecure about it; he hated having to hide his true self from the world.
Mariana nudged him. “You don’t have to do everything she says, you know.”
Jude shrugged again and they didn’t speak for the rest of her time painting his nails. She was right though. Why should he have to do everything Callie said? This place was different from the last. This family was happier, more accepting. His school was nicer and even though he didn’t have a lot of friends, the one he had was great. Maybe Callie was just being too cautious about him wearing the nail polish to school.
~ ~ ~
It wasn’t so bad at first. Nobody had even noticed the new blue coloring on his nails when he entered the halls of his school and made his way to Math. He was really looking forward to another class with Connor, because Jude wasn’t afraid to admit it to himself; he liked him. He had known he liked boys since around the same time he realized he liked putting on frilly dresses. Being with the Fosters only made him more comfortable with it, but he and Callie had enough problems and he didn’t think Connor liked boys, so he didn’t want to push the issue of coming out into the mix.
Connor looked down at Jude’s nails upon sitting down next to him and Jude caught the hint of a smile on his lips. Connor didn’t get a chance to comment on them because before they knew it, class was beginning. Jude couldn’t help but steal glances at Connor all throughout class to admire his very cute friend. Connor was slightly taller than him and he was thin, but clearly would be muscular once they got older and puberty kicked in. His hair was brown and sort of long and it looked really soft. Sometimes Callie would stroke Jude’s hair when he was tired or sad, and Jude thought how nice it would be to do that to Connor’s hair.
When they got some free time to talk towards the end of the period, Connor told him about his family’s fishing trip that past weekend.
“It wasn’t as boring as I thought it would be and I even caught a fish!” Connor whispered excitedly.
“No way!” Jude responded. “I bet it was something really small, wasn’t it?”
“Very funny, but it was a huge Sea Bass!” Connor said, playfully pushing Jude’s arm.
Jude blushed at the touch and went back to his work; however he stopped and wrote out ‘Tiny Guppy’ on Connor’s paper. Connor laughed and stuck his tongue out at him just as the end of class bell rang.
They quickly packed up their things, giggling at each other, before racing to the door to be the first ones out. “It was not!”
“No I swear! It was a 55 pound White Sea Bass! My dad weighed it! It was crazy big.” Connor said, trailing close behind Jude out of the classroom. “You fish?”
“Nah,” Jude shook his head and hooked his hands into his backpack straps. He didn’t miss the way Connor gazed down at them as he spoke. “I’ve never even been on a boat.”
Connor gave him a shocked expression. “How do you grow up by the beach but never get on a boat?” Jude shrugged. “You have to come the next time my dad takes me out!”
Jude’s heart swelled with hope. “Really?”
Connor opened his mouth to respond but his eyes suddenly widened and he shook his head. “Oh wait, I forgot my book!” He turned to go back to the classroom to get it.
Jude stepped back a bit to wait for him but he shuddered at the sight of some of his not-so-nice classmates walking towards him, eyeing his nails. The one in the middle with the gross ginger curls sneered at Jude and grabbed his wrist.
“Nice nails.” He snapped Jude’s hand back down and laughed with his friends behind him. “You wearing a bra too?”
Jude rolled his eyes. “Why don’t you guys just grow up?”
Ginger boy stepped closer into Jude’s space and glared down at him. “What did you just say?”
Jude looked back at Connor, who was standing back and just watching with a worried expression. Jude gulped and looked back at his bully.
“I said grow up, idiot.”
With that the boy grabbed Jude harshly and pushed him up against the lockers behind them. “Who’re you calling an idiot?” He slammed him back again.
Suddenly one of the teachers stepped out of her classroom, saw the argument, and approached the boy quickly. “What’s going on here? Blake, Jeremy, principal’s office. Now!”
The boys followed the teacher and Jude once again looked at Connor. He just shook his head slightly and backed up, casting his eyes downward and not looking back up at Jude. The smaller boy wanted to cry, but he held it in and pushed past Connor as fast as he could.
~ ~ ~
He knows Lena meant well, but why did she have to tell Callie? Of course she was going to freak out when she found out Jude disobeyed and left the nail polish on. Lena didn’t know she would, but why couldn’t Jude just have anything to himself. He is twelve years old; he is not a baby anymore. He could handle the boys at school, they really weren’t that bad.
The only thing he didn’t think he could handle was the way Connor wouldn’t even look at him after Blake’s confrontation. He looked ashamed, like Jude was some weird thing and he didn’t want people to associate them. Jude thought he could trust Connor. He was so sure the other boy even liked the nail polish.
To make his frustrations even worse, the nail polish wasn’t even coming off, but it sure was staining the rag he was using. He rubbed harder with the remover but it still wasn’t working. He could feel tears welling up and that was something that hadn’t happened in a while. It had been ages since he let himself cry.
Thankfully Lena walked in just as he was about to give up and offered to help him out. She talked about how she and Stef could kiss and hold hands at home but couldn’t in certain public places and at first Jude was confused, so she explained further.
“Some people out there… are afraid of what’s different. And sometimes they want to hurt people like Stef and me.” She told him. “So, every time we’re out, and I want to hold Stef’s hand, but I decide not to, I get mad. Mad at the people who might want to hurt us, but mad at myself too. For not standing up to them. Because the thing is,” He held his hands tightly and comfortingly. “If you’re taught to hide what makes you different, you end up feeling a lot of shame about who you are and that’s not okay.” She shook her head and looked directly into his eyes. “There is nothing wrong with you for wearing nail polish, just like there is nothing wrong with me for holding Stef’s hand. What’s wrong is the people out there who make us feel unsafe.”
Jude looked down at his almost clean hands and continued to keep his tears in, but he wanted to let them out. He wanted to cry into Lena’s arms, because he knew they would be safe and warm, but something in him just wouldn’t let go. Instead he looked back up at her and smiled sweetly, not letting go of her hands.
“Could you paint them again for me?”
Lena grinned at him and nodded her head, putting the remover down. “Of course, sweetheart.”
~ ~ ~
The next day at school Jude walked through halls proudly with his blue nails, but sadly this time he was alone. He didn’t have math today either so he wasn’t able to talk to Connor about what happened. He sat through his first two classes by himself, enduring the snickering from his classmates about his nails. It wasn’t until lunch that things started to get better.
Jude looked around and spotted the only empty table among the crowds of people. He sat down and started to take out his lunch when none other than Connor walked up and sat down with him. Neither of them said anything, but Connor was smiling confidently when he picked up his sandwich.
Then Jude spotted them. Connor had painted his nails blue. Not the same blue as Jude’s, but pretty close to it. They each took a bite of their food, smiling all the way through their eyes at each other and not even bothering to hide their blushes.
They finished eating in silence and smiles and finished early enough to have ten extra minutes. Connor stood up and nodded his head toward the exit of the café for Jude to follow him. Jude happily got up and together they threw away their trash and made their way toward the beach. They passed Jesus and Lexi sitting together and Jude was about to stop and say hi, before he realized Connor probably wore the nail polish and wanted to take him out here for a reason.
After a bit of walking far enough away from where most students could see them, Connor stopped and sat on a bench, patting the seat next to him for Jude to sit in. Once they were sitting in a comfortable silence, still smiling giddily and hardly able to keep their eyes off of each other’s nails, Connor speaks.
“So… I just thought you should know, you look good in blue.”
Jude looks down at the sand, almost unable to contain his joy at Connor’s words. “Thank you. It’s not so bad on you either.”
“Thank you.” Connor takes a deep breath and re-situates himself so he is directly facing Jude. “I… um… I’m really sorry about yesterday Jude. I didn’t mean to just leave you like that, but I didn’t really know what to do.”
“It’s okay.” Jude shrugged.
But Connor just shook his head quickly and stopped smiling. “No, it’s not okay. I-I should have stood up for you because you are my friend and I don’t care that you wear nail polish. I like that you wear nail polish. I-I… I like you.”
Jude’s eyes widened and he looked back up Connor. “Really?” He bit back his smile and took a deep breath. “Because I like you too.”
They were smiling like idiots once again and both of them could have sworn their faces would crack at any second. Connor took Jude’s hands in his and leaned in close until their lips were only millimeters apart. Jude closed his eyes and Connor followed suit, closing the distance between them.
The kiss was soft and Jude had never imagined anyone’s lips could feel so good. He could practically hear both of their heart beats speed up and he slid his hands up Connor’s arms. Connor’s own hands went to Jude’s waist and that only made both of them more excited. Connor started moving his lips against Jude’s and pulled him closer so their bodies were almost completely touching.
They pulled back at the same time; both of their lips puffy and their faces flushed. Connor leaned in again but only to kiss Jude’s cheek this time and they started giggling at the situation. Jude cleared his throat and pulled his hands back into his lap, blushing furiously and then laughing as he spoke.
“So fishing, huh?”
FIN