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The house was quiet that day.The quiet that felt like the calm before the storm.
Yoshiki noticed it before his mother even said a word.
Something was off.It wasn't obvious, nothing big, but tiny things put together, making them no longer feel like coincidences.There was the quiet between them.The subtle rearrangement of air when his mother put his folded laundry on his bed instead of handing it to him.The way she didn't ask him how school went or wish him a good morning earlier the day, even though it was routine.The pause that lingered a second too long when she looked at him from across the dinner table.
"You've been spending a lot of time with that boy." She finally said after dinner, when his sister had gone to sleep.
"..he's my best friend." Yoshiki said with a shrug, trying to act casual.
His mother didn't respomd immedietly.The silence stretched between them until it had it's own presence.
Yoshiki's mind started racing the way it always does when he's backed into a corner.He didn't do anything wrong.He acted like he always did.So why now? There was nothing to accuse him off.They were just friends.Friends who walked together even when their paths didn't overlap.Friends who stole glances at each other in secret.Friends who didn't necessarily recoil when they touched.
Just friends.
Even as he thought it, something inside him recoiled from the simplicity of it.
His mother didn't say anything, just stood up and started collecting the dishes.Calmly.Too calmly.
"You don’t talk about girls anymore- actually, you never did." She said quietly.
Yoshiki's throat tightened "I don't know what you mean."
She put a plate in the rack and looked at him. "I think you do."
The words landed softly, which somehow made it hurt even more.
His first instinct was anger.Defensive, sharp, protective anger.But something was underneath it- fear, or maybe recognition.
Because sometimes there were moments.
Moments he refused to awknoledge.Moments where he always looked for 'Hikaru' first.Moments where his chest tightened when 'Hikaru' stood too close.Like his body was betraying him even though his mind was trying to resist.
And then there was the shame he felt everytime.
"I'm not-" He stopped, he didn't know what he was trying to deny.
His mother dried her hands slowly on a towel, "I'm not accusing you of anything."
That was a lie.He knew, she knew, everyone knew.Because something in her eyes was assessing him.
"I see how you look at him." She said.
Yoshiki's stomach dropped, "No, you don't."
"There's nothing wrong with it.You don't have to be afraid."
That word stopped him.
Afraid.
Yoshiki stood up now, "This is ridiculous, you're looking into things that aren't there."
But even as he spoke, his thought turned on him.Because she was right.
Girls didn't matter anymore.Not in the way Hikaru did.
His mother watched him closely, like she could see the thoughts inside his head.
"Yoshiki," she said.softly, "I just want to figure out what's going on with you."
"There is nothing going on with me." He snapped.
Then followed:"There is nothing wrong with me."
His mother's expression shifted, not judgement or shock, grief, regret.
"Who told you there was?" She asked quietly
That question hit hard.Because no one said it.But everyone knew.Everyone knew it was unnatural.Everyone knew how people like that were treated.No one said it- but everyone knew- how Kaoru was treated.There were some things that didn't belong here.Some things, some people that were shunned.
"I don't know." He said quietly.
His mother sighed, "I'm not saying you have to explain everything to me.Just..don't punish yourself for it."
There was silence again.But this time, it wasn't the empty, warning kind of silence.It was filled with that neither of them had said for years.Expectations, assumptions, reality.
From upstairs, the floorboards creaked, it was probably his sister shifting in her sleep, the sound grounded him more than anything else did.
Yoshiki looked at his hands, "I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this." He admitted.
His mother looked at him, "You don’t have to figure out everything today, just don't..shut the door on yourself.There are people that will understand, your friends, your sister, me."
Yoshiki didn't respond.But he didn't hide either.