Chapter Text
It had been a few months since everything changed.
In some ways, everything felt lighter. Like a weight had finally been lifted from all of their shoulders. They were brains scans, copies of the people they used to be, and for everything they had been through, it gave them a sense of clarity.
They had control over the circus now. Caine listened to their ideas and let them
be more involved in creating their own individuality within the circus. Little by little, they had turned it into something that almost felt like a home instead of a prison.
For a while, everything was okay.
Pomni visited Jax everyday. It had become part of her daily routine. Some days she would talk to him, about anything really. The adventures they went on, how Caine had added new features to the circus that she thought Jax would have particularly enjoyed, the silly things that went on between the group. It was her way of keeping him involved in the circus life, as though he were still there beside them.
Some days she would simply just sit there, keeping him company in the quiet tent.. She didn't need to fill the silence with words. Somehow, sitting beside him in the stillness made her feel closer to him, even if he wasn't really there anymore.
It still tugged at her heart knowing he was gone.
Even after all these months, the ache hadn't faded. It had only become quieter, settling somewhere deep inside her where she tried not to think about it too often. There was comfort in believing he was out there somewhere, living the life he never got to know was his. She hoped he was happy. She hoped he was okay.
The days slowly blurred together. At some point, she couldn't remember exactly when the circus stopped feeling like.. the circus. She had fallen into a routine without even realising it. Mornings with the group, afternoons spent wandering whatever adventure Caine and the others had dreamed up, evenings in the tent where she'd sit with Jax, talking about her day as though he could still hear every word.
She and Ragatha laughed more now. They played games, sang songs that Kinger somehow always seemed to know. Zooble and Gangle were always together, Zooble more often than not helping Gangle with her anime comic as Zooble created new drinks at their makeshift bar. Everyone had found their purpose within the circus. Life had found a rhythm.
But there were moments that caught her off guard.
In the middle of an adventure, she'd look behind her and instinctively expect Jax to be there making one of his sarcastic comments. She'd make a terrible joke and pause, almost waiting for the familiar groan or snort of laughter that never came.
The silence that followed always reminded her he was gone.
They all tried to keep Jax with them in spirit. Nobody ever took Jax's seat at dinner. Not because anyone had agreed not to.
They just... didn't.
It was a quiet ache that hung over the circus but everyone did the best they could to make it feel like he was still apart of their group.
Pomni could tell Ragatha had started to notice the change in her spirit. She tried her best to keep her spirits up, always finding little ways to include Jax in their conversations.
"Jax would've loved this," she'd say.
Or, "I bet Jax would've had something to say about that."
Pomni would always smile and nod.
"Yeah," she'd say softly. "He would have."
She appreciated the effort Ragatha put into making her feel better. In some ways, it helped. It was comforting to know that Jax still lived on in their stories, their memories, and the little moments that reminded them of him.
But memories could only do so much.
No matter how hard she tried, the weight in her chest never seemed to get any lighter. If anything, with each passing day it felt heavier.
She pretended everything was fine.
Or at least, it looked like she was fine.
Pomni smiled when everyone else smiled. She laughed when they laughed. She wanted them to believe she was okay.
But every day, another tiny piece of her heart seemed to break alongside the part of her that was still waiting to hear Jax's voice.
She wished she had done things differently. Wished she pried a little more. Maybe if she had just asked him if he needed to talk, maybe if she had gone after him after he had tried to open up to her. Maybe he wouldn’t have abstracted. Maybe he would still be here.
Maybe, maybe, maybe.
But life went on and with all that being said and done, life in the circus was just as you expected it to be.
Chaotic, bright, adventurous.
Until one day everything changed.
"Just up the hill! I'm sure we'll find it!"
Pomni smiled faintly as she followed Ragatha's cheerful voice up the winding path. The two of them searched through the bushes while the others were spread out across the hill.
Today's adventure was a treasure hunt. It had actually been Kinger's idea. He'd mentioned that he vaguely remembered doing something like it with his daughters when they were little. Ever since he'd learned about his past, more and more memories had begun returning to him. They came in small piece but each one seemed to make him a little more like the person he'd once been before the circus.
It seemed fitting for Kinger to be a father to two daughters. Pomni always thought he had that gentle dad energy about him.
Following the map Caine had given them, Pomni and Ragatha searched their way up the mountainside.
Pomni checked behind bushes, lifted rocks and even peeked inside a hollow log.
She still wasn't entirely sure what they were supposed to be looking for. She figured she'd know it when she saw it.
"I don't think it's around here," Pomni muttered, brushing leaves aside with one hand while unfolding the map with the other.
Scrawled across the top was the clue:
Follow the path that twists and bends,
Until the trail appears to end.
Don't trust your eyes, look low, not far,
The mountain guards its hidden star.
Pomni looked up at the winding trail stretching ahead of them.
"Well..." she mumbled to herself, "we're definitely on a mountain." That was something, at least.
"Hey! Maybe over here!" Ragatha called from farther up the path.
Pomni folded the map and started toward her. She had barely taken two steps when something in her peripheral vision caught her attention.
A bush beside the trail...
...twitched.
Pomni stopped.
She glanced over to the bright, plastic looking leaves as it began to glitch. For a split second, they weren't made of smooth digital textures anymore.
They were real.
The leaves were darker. The leaves were uneven. Beneath them she could see actual dirt instead of the perfectly clean ground Caine's adventures always had.
It looked so real that she could almost imagine what it would feel like as she reached out to touch it.
Then she blinked.
Everything changed back.
The bush was once again the same bright, cartoonish prop they had always been. Pomni pulled her hand away slowly as she studied the bush.
"...Pomni?" Ragatha's voice pulled her from her thoughts.
Pomni stared at the bush for another second before turning around to face Ragatha.
"Did... did you see that?"
"See what?"
Pomni looked back.
Nothing.
Just another digital bush.
She frowned. "...No." She shook her head. "Never mind." Rubbing her eyes, she hurried after Ragatha. "It must've just been my imagination..."
Pomni slowly followed after Ragatha as she chatted away as they walked up the mountainside. She mentioned how her and Kinger had been planning another game night for everyone later that evening. Kinger had apparently been trying to remember some of the board games he used to play with his daughters before coming to the circus.
Pomni listened. Or at least, she tried to.
The words drifted in and out of focus. She made a conscious effort to listen, smiling when Ragatha smiled and nodding whenever it seemed appropriate, but she couldn't remember a single thing Ragatha had actually said.
Lately, she'd been drifting away from conversations without even realising it. It was becoming harder to stay present.
As they continued to climb, a flicker caught the corner of her eye causing Pomni to look up. She frowned and squinted against the light. For less than a heartbeat, the sky seemed to peel away.
The bright blue sky began to glitch. The same way the bush had earlier. For a split second, the bright blue backdrop disappeared. In its place was a dull, overcast sky.
Real clouds.
The kind of sky she'd almost forgotten existed.
Then it was gone. The fluffy digital clouds drifted lazily overhead the bright blue backdrop as though nothing had happened.
Pomni rubbed her eyes. "What...?"
Had Caine's adventure glitched? That wasn't possible. His adventures never glitched. She quickly looked around. Zooble was going over the map with Kinger slightly lower on the mountainside. She could hear Caine and Gangle getting lost somewhere in the distance. Pomni turned to Ragatha who was still talking beside her.
No one had reacted. No one had even looked up.
Had she really been the only one who saw it? A knot formed in her stomach. Maybe she was just stressed. Maybe she was imagining things Pomni knew she had been feeling a bit out of sorts as of late. This was probably just her mind playing tricks on her. As if she didn’t have enough on her mind already. Trying to push the thought aside, Pomni followed silently after Ragatha for the rest of the adventure, trying to keep her mind steady.
Thankfully, nothing else strange happened. In the end, Zooble and Kinger were the ones who found the hidden treasure, while Gangle and Caine somehow managed to finish dead last after getting hopelessly lost. Apparently neither of them had much of a sense of direction.
When the adventure ended, everyone began making their way back toward the common room.
"So," Ragatha said brightly, "game night?"
Pomni smiled apologetically. "I think I'm going to skip it tonight."
The group stalled to a stop, all slowly crowding around Pomni. She slowly looked around the group, seeing the disappointment settling on their faces.
"Oh..." Ragatha's smile softened, a flicker of concern crossing her face.
"Are you sure?" Gangle asked gently. "We were going to play your favourite game."
“I even read up on the rules, I can't let you youngsters beat the master of board games” Kinger smiled.
“Since when were you the master of board games?” Zooble interjected, crossed their arms over their chest.
“Well, I am a king chess piece after all.”
Pomni's smile didn't quite reach her eyes. "Yeah. I think I just need a little time to myself." She gave them a small wave. "I'll see you all later."
She saw their smiles faltered, each of their expressions softening into quiet concern. It tugged at Pomni's heart to see the concern on their faces. She forced a small smile, hoping it would reassure them, even if it wasn't entirely convincing.
Then, before anyone could stop her, she turned and headed down the hallway alone.
Instead of returning to her room, Pomni found herself wandering toward the tent.
Although Caine had created a special aquarium within the circus grounds where the abstracted residents could roam freely instead of remaining locked away in the cellar, Pomni had requested if Jax could stay in the tent, if not for a little while longer.
Caine hadn't questioned it.
Part of her simply wasn't ready to let him go. Maybe it was selfish. Maybe it wasn't fair. But having him close, even like this, made the loss hurt just a little less. She selfishly wanted to keep him close for just a little while longer, to hold on until it finally felt right to let him go. But deep down, she wasn’t sure if that day would come.
She settled down beside the pillow fort, quietly watching him rest in the darkness of the tent. The endless void of darkness was strangely peaceful. The darkness enclosing them in their own little world. She wasn't sure how long she'd been sitting there before she heard footsteps behind her.
"Hey."
Pomni looked over her shoulder, finding Ragatha slowly lifting the curtain to enter the tent. As she pulled back the curtain, a little of the circus bright light spilled into the darkness of the tent. Jax shifted almost immediately, curling slightly away from the light.
“I thought I'd find you here." Ragatha smiled warmly, quietly letting the curtain fall closed again, enclosing the tent back into its familiar darkness. Jax settled almost instantly, his movements growing still once more. Ragatha made her way over to Pomni, sitting closely beside her. “How are you doing?”
Pomni offered a small smile. "I'm doing okay."
Ragatha hummed softly at Pomni’s answer, her gaze drifting toward Jax’s abstracted form.
For a while, neither of them spoke.
The silence wasn't awkward. It was comfortable, the kind of silence shared between two people who didn't always need words.
Eventually though, Ragatha broke it.
“Today's adventure was fun, wasn't it?"
"Yeah." Pomni let out a quiet laugh. "I liked how Kinger accidentally tripped over the treasure without even realising it."
"And Zooble had to point it out," Ragatha laughed. "They actually make a surprisingly good team."
Pomni smiled. “They really do."
The smile lingered for only a moment before her eyes drifted back to Jax silently sleeping within the darkness of the tent. Ragatha watched Pomni carefully for a little while before speaking again.
"...Pomni?"
"Hm?"
"You seemed a little distracted today."
Pomni looked over to Ragatha, hesitating a little before she spoke. “I've just been feeling... off lately."
Pomni wasn't entirely lying. She had been feeling off lately. That much was true. But she also knew that what she was feeling couldn't be fixed by simply talking about it, it went way deeper than that. The words had been sitting in her chest ever since that day, too heavy to say out loud.
What happened to Jax... part of her still believed it was her fault. She knew the others wouldn’t understand. Ragatha would tell her there was nothing she could have done. Kinger would remind her that none of them had seen it coming. Even Zooble would probably insist she was blaming herself for something beyond her control. Pomni knew exactly what they would say. And maybe... maybe they were right. But it didn't change the way she felt. She could still picture Jax reaching toward her. She could still hear the fear in his voice as he told her he didn’t want to go.
Ragatha nodded gently, seemingly to understand without needing any explanation. She reached over and rested a comforting hand on Pomni's shoulder. "You know you can always talk to me."
"I know." She smiled softly. “Thank you, Ragatha, I really appreciate you always being here."
And she truly meant that. Ever since she'd arrived at the circus, Ragatha had been there for her. Through every difficult adventure, helping her through every difficult day as she slowly adjusted to her new reality. Ragatha had always been there with a comforting smile or a reassuring word. Pomni wasn't sure what she would have done if Ragatha hadn't been there to guide her through it all.
Ragatha squeezed her shoulder. “Always."
Silence settled between them once more.
Pomni kept watching the darkness where jax laid. His colourful eyes sleeping peacefully within the darkness. After a beat, Pomni spoke again.
"...Do you think he knows we're here?"
Her voice was so quiet Ragatha almost didn't hear it. She followed Pomni's gaze to where Jax was, his breathing steady as he laid there.
For a long moment, Ragatha simply watched him.
Then she smiled sadly.
"...Yeah, I think he does.”
Pomni felt tears welling in her eyes. This time she didn't stop them.
She let them fall.
"I miss him."
The words came out as barely more than a whisper.
Ragatha's own smile faded. "...I miss him too."
Neither of them spoke again for a while. They simply sat together, watching Jax. Pomni quietly leaned over, resting her head on Ragatha’s shoulder.
After a while, Ragatha stood.
"Come on." She held out a hand to Pomni. “I'll walk you back."
Pomni wiped away the last of her tears before taking Ragatha’s hand. Ragatha gave it a gentle squeeze as she helped Pomni to her feet.
The walk through the circus was quiet. When they reached Pomni's room, Ragatha turned to her and smiled.
“Get some rest, okay? We can have a nice relaxing day tomorrow. Anything you want! I'm sure Caine can come up with something."
Pomni smiled a little brighter. "...I'd like that."
Pomni reached for the handle of her door before glancing back over her shoulder.
"Goodnight, Ragatha."
"Goodnight, Pomni."
She opened the door, but paused at the threshold. Looking back down the hallway, her eyes settled on Jax's door. The red cross painted across it. No matter how many times she saw it... Her heart still ached.
Ragatha followed her gaze. She looked toward Jax's door before glancing back at Pomni, worry settling back on her face. Pomni offered Ragatha a small smile before quietly stepping inside her room and closing the door behind her.
Silence.
She stood there for a long moment, simply listening to it. Even though none of them could truly get tired, she felt exhausted.
Not physically.
Just... emotionally.
Pomni wiped the last of her tears from her eyes as she slowly made her way across the room. Every step felt heavier than the last, as though the weight of the day had settled over her shoulders. She just wanted to lie down. Halfway across the room, she stopped.
Something was wrong
Her bed flickered. The familiar digital bed started to glitch before returning to its normal state.
Pomni frowned. "...huh?" The bed looked perfectly normal again
"...I'm losing it." she muttered under her breath. She took another step towards her bed as she rubbed her eyes.
Suddenly there was a sharp burst of static crackled through the room. Pomni frantically looked around her room for the source of the sound. It wasn't coming from the bed this time.
It was coming from her.
It crawled across her skin like electricity, sending a tingling sensation through every part of her body. She could hear it buzzing in her ears, growing louder and louder until it drowned out everything else. The floor seemed to disappear beneath her feet as Pomni squeezed her eyes shut, trying to drown out the noise from her mind.
Then...
Silence.
Slowly, Pomni opened her eyes, her breathing being the only sound she could hear. What was happening? Had she finally lost her mind? Was the grief getting to her that bad? She looked around, panic creeping into her chest. Then she realised…
She wasn't in her digital room anymore. She was in her apartment.
Her real apartment.
Pomni’s heart stopped. “Oh my god…”
Her voice came out as barely more than a breath. She slowly turned in a circle, unable to believe what she was seeing.
The faded grey sofa sat exactly where she'd left it. A blanket was draped messily over one arm, as though someone had tossed it there before rushing out the door. A mug rested on the coffee table, a faint ring of dried coffee still clinging to the bottom. The kitchen had dishes in the sink, like she to used to leave them before she went to work. Procrastinating doing them until she got home.
Nothing about it was perfect. Nothing about it looked carefully designed like one of Caine's adventures.
It looked...
Lived in.
Real.
Even the morning light spilling through the window looked different. It wasn't unnaturally bright. It didn't have that strange digital glow the circus always seemed to have, Instead, soft sunlight filtered through the curtains, filling the apartment with a warmth she'd almost forgotten existed. Pomni hesitantly took a step forward, the wooden floor creaking beneath her weight. A shaky breath escaped her lips as she began to wander around the familiar apartment.
It wasn't exactly how she remembered it before she got stuck in the circus. Little things had changed, but the main thing she noticed was... there seemed to be more life to it. She had more things than she remembered, little touches that gave the apartment more personality than it had before. As she passed the bookshelf in her living room, her gaze drifted to the frames of photographs resting on top of it.
Dozens of them.
She found herself walking toward them without thinking. Every step felt unsteady, as though she was afraid the apartment would disappear if she moved too quickly. Pomni reached the bookshelf and stared.
There she was, but not as Pomni.
Abigail.
She looked so…normal.
She was laughing in one picture with a group of friends, her arm slung over someone's shoulder. She recognised them from the photos Caine had shown them. A small smile spread across her face as she continued looking through the photographs. Another showed her celebrating a birthday.
Had she really opened up this much?
Before the circus, she remembered keeping to herself. She only really talked to her parents and her co-workers when she absolutely had to. When had she grown so much as a person? How could she have changed so much... when she hadn't even been there to experience it? Her gaze continued to wander over the photographs until it settled on one near the back.
She swallowed.
Her parents.
She hadn't thought about them in so long. A painful ache settled in her chest. With trembling hands, Pomni reached toward one of the photographs. The glass felt cool beneath her fingertips as she carefully lifted the frame. The smile in the picture felt so familiar… yet it belonged to someone else. Someone she'd almost forgotten how to be.
Suddenly something caught her eye. Her hand.
Pomni frowned. The photograph slipped slightly in her grasp as she stared.
"...Wait..." She let out a short gasp. She slowly turned her hand over. There were no oversized red and blue gloves. No cartoon hand.
Just skin.
Real skin.
Her breathing hitched. The photograph slipped from her hand. It fell to the floor with loud crack, but Pomni barely heard it. She couldn't stop staring.
Her hands.
They were hers.
The bright clown costume she had become so accustomed to had disappeared. Instead, she wore what she assumed had been her outfit for work that day. A simple white top and a pair of black dress pants. She glanced over at the kitchen bench, where her work bag sat, ready for the day's work. Was she supposed to be the on her way to work?
She lifted one trembling hand to her face. Warm skin met her fingertips. She could feel every touch. Every breath. Every heartbeat pounding against her ribs.
"...I'm..."
Her voice broke.
She looked down at herself again.
Her arms. Her legs. Her body.
There wasn't a trace of Pomni left. She wasn't a cartoon anymore.She wasn't trapped inside a digital body. She was...
Abigail.
For the first time in what felt like forever...
She was herself.
Fresh tears blurred her vision and she laughed as the tears started to fall down her face. It came out somewhere between a sob and a gasp. "No way..."
A desperate hope surged through her chest. If she was really here…If this was really happening… But how could it be? She was a digital brain scan. This shouldn't have been possible. The human version of herself had continued living her life the moment she put on the headset. Pomni being here, being human again, made no sense.
She spun toward the hallway mirror. She had to see. She had to know. She hurried across the apartment, her footsteps echoing against the wooden floor. Every heartbeat seemed louder than the last.
But just as she was about to reach the mirror, she felt that familiar electric sensation crawling across her skin.
She paused, looking down at her arms watching them glitch, flickering between her real world body and her digital form. A buzzing filled her ears, growing louder and louder until it was too much to bare.
Pomni squeezed her eyes shut.
Then.
Nothing.
She opened her eyes.
She was back in her room.
Her digital room.
Slowly, she looked down at her hands. The familiar red and blue gloves were there again along with her jester outfit.
Tears spilled down her face as she stared at them, trembling.
“…What just happened?”
_________________
Abigail walked through her apartment door after a long day of work. She slipped off her shoes and placed them on the shoes rack before stepping into her apartment as the door clicked shut behind her.
“Wow..” She sighed, push her hair away from her neck. “Today took a lot out of me.” stretching as she placed her work bag on the couch.
She was heading toward her bedroom when she noticed something on the floor.
Glass shards.
“Oh!” She gasped, quickly stepping out of the way before she stepped on any of them. Turning sharply, her eyes landed on a framed picture lying broken across the tiles.
It was a photo of her and her parents.
“Oh no… when did that happen?” She murmured, crouching down carefully to pick up the photo and broken frame.
She looked back up at the bookshelf where it had been placed. How could that have happened?” she thought as she picked up the remaining pieces. It was way at the back…
Abigail went to the kitchen to grab a broom. She didn’t remember breaking the frame this morning before she left for work. But her memory this morning felt strangely fuzzy, like she couldn’t really remember what she did before she left for work. Then again, she barely ever remembered what she had for breakfast. Maybe she had bumped into it as she was getting ready to leave without noticing.
Still…
Strange, she thought.