Work Text:
Patrick SeaStump was looking at himself in front of the mirror. His reflection looked back at him with a sadfull expression of sadness. He looked at the shaving doohicky in his hand and then back at the sadfull reflection that was full of sad. Shaving cream was lathered onto either side of cheeks, "It is time," he said determinededly.
He rose the hair removing doodad to his sideburns and begun to shave them off. As the clumps of his sideburns came off, he imagined them in his head. They were screaming in the high pitched squeaky voices that only sideburns possess, "Patrick, how could you do this to us? We trusted you!" the sideburns cried, sadfullness in their sideburns voices, "Patrick why?"
He felt a fat tear roll down his face. He was crying and apologising and crying some more. And them it was done. The sideburns lied on the floor in a lifeless pile of sideburns and shaving cream. Patrick StarStump stared back at his sadfullness expression in the mirror. He couldn't stop crying. His cheeks were so cold, "It is done," he said in a soft voice.
All of a sudden, the bathroom door is shoved open. Pete Wintez barged in. He gasped like the nerd he is, "Patrick StumpityStumpStump!! What did you do?!"
"I have doed the undoable," Patrick Stamp replied, "They are gone."
Patrick Stungun dropped to his knees. He is triumphant, but at a horrible price. His cheeks are freezing.
Pete rushed over to his friends side and examined his cold, cold face. He covered the naked patches of flesh with his hands, "Patrick StumpityStampySwagStump," he said affectionately, "You crazy fucktruck.."
Patrack looked into his friends eyes an smiled with happiness, "I did it Pâté. I'm free."
They embraced and sung My Chemical Roman songs.
Mattress Stump is never sadfull again.
The End