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“Yes, he likes that, Alfie. Though personally he prefers to be called Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All,” the Doctor said.
“Sorry, what?” Craig asked.
“That’s what he calls himself.”
Harry and Dudley both laughed. While the two cousins would never get along at any other time, both of them agreed to a truce when new Doctor Who episodes were on. It was the favorite TV show of both of them.
Shortly before the first Hogwarts Letters started arriving for Harry, he had performed some accidental magic that had gotten him thrown roughly into the cupboard. He had hit arm rather hard on a shelf and was sniffling, when Dudley declared that he didn’t want Harry’s sniffling to ruin the new Doctor Who episode and that Harry would have to watch it with him so he’d know when the show was on and not to sniffle.
Harry had been hooked, and it had become the only thing Harry and Dudley ever managed to do together. They even binge-watched the episodes that Harry missed and Dudley had bought on DVD. After the credits begin rolling and whatever show was coming on next began to be announced, Harry was locked back into Dudley’s second bedroom.
“Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All,” Harry said, right before dropping off to sleep. “I like that name. That could be my Dark Lord name. Way better than the Oncoming Storm.”
Harry’s slight snores, nowhere near the loudness of Ron’s, drifted through the open window and down into the backyard where Mundungus Fletcher, for once not sleeping on the job, sat terrified. The man quickly attempted to apparate to Hogwarts only to land at the front gates. With Hagrid already off on his mission to gain the trust of the giants, there was no one left to open the gates, so Mundungus apparated to the Leaky Cauldron instead. He would have chosen the Three Broomsticks or the Hog’s Head but he had been kicked out of both recently and both Madame Rosmerta and Ol’ Abe had long memories.
And Mundungus really would have preferred the darker atmosphere of the Hog’s Head.
Still terrified out of his wits, he accidentally grabbed the wrong floo powder. Rather than grabbing the one that allowed travel, he grabbed the conversational floo powder and used it, activating a link to Dumbledore’s office. Instead of trying to close the connection to use the other floo powder, Mundungus knelt down and began yelling into the fire.
While the patrons of the Leaky Cauldron couldn’t hear the other side of the conversation, they could hear Mundugus’ side easily; his terrified shouting made his voice take up the entire bar, even before they all quieted down to hear what he was saying.
“Professor Dumbledore! Professor Dumbledore! Come quick! Come quick! It’s about Harry Potter!”
There was a slight pause as Dumbledore apparently answered, and tried to calm him down.
“Calm down!? Calm down!? I can’t calm down! He’s finally snapped! Snapped, I tell you, snapped!”
Another slight pause as Dumbledore apparently spoke.
“How!? Oh, I don’t know – maybe the fact that the Ministry is refusing to accept that You-Know-Who is back because his favorite butt-buddy Malfoy keeps giving Fudge bags of gold!?”
There was another pause.
“Oh, you meant how did he snap? I’m sorry Professor Dumbledore. It’s just, well, you know…”
There was another pause.
“Yes, well, I was guarding him as I was supposed to when I heard him through his open window. The muggles have been keeping them open in the heat, you understand. Anyway, he’s decided to become a Dark Lord!”
Another pause.
“Am I sure? Yes I’m sure! He’s even picked his Dark Lord name! Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All! He decided it was better than the Oncoming Storm. I think I agree, it’s much more terrifying.”
There was a much longer pause.
“D-do I have to? I mean, now that he’s a Dark Lord and all in his own right, it’s not like he’ll need protection. I mean, he threw You-Know-Who from his body at the age of one. Imagine what he could do now if he put his mind to it.”
Another pause.
“Well, no, not really, but I don’t want to get on his bad side either.”
A shorter pause.
“Oh, well, if you insist Professor Dumbledore, but could you, uh, you know, send Moody to relieve me as soon as possible. It’s just, Moody’s best at fighting off Dark Lords, apart from yourself sir, and now that Potter’s-“
Mundungus was cut off by whatever Dumbledore was saying.
“Yes sir, right away sir.”
Mundungus closed the floo connection, and stood up. Then he let off an ear-splitting scream of terror before apparating away, back to guard duty at Privet Drive, completely unaware that the entire bar had heard his side of the conversation, and several people were spreading the word.