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It’s the rainy day that reveals Theo’s fascination with water to Buck. He probably should have noticed sooner, since Theo has been with him for a month. The boy loves bathtime; it has become a large part of their nightly routine. Something about it helps calm him down. Buck just hadn’t connected it to the water until today.
Usually, on days like this, if he’s not working, he’ll stay in. The storm tends to exacerbate the old crush injury and he’s not the biggest fan of rain. Nothing wrong with it. Rain is fine. But no one in LA knows how to drive in it. And after the tsunami and the well and the lightning…well, he’d rather not take his chances.
So when the weather forecast says it’s going to be rainy all day, Buck settles in for a quiet day. He starts preparing a big pot of soup. Eddie and Chris are going to come over later for a movie night. Once the soup is simmering, he realizes that Theo hasn’t made much of a peep while he’s been cooking. Buck assumes he’ll find him coloring or in front of the TV, but Theo is sitting in front of the window, having dragged over his little rocking chair, staring at the stormy sky.
“Buck, can we go play outside?” He asks, not looking away from the window.
“Not today, bud. It’s raining out.”
“Please, it’s the best.”
Buck sighs. There’s no lightning in the forecast. Just rain. It’s really closer to a drizzle right now. A light sprinkle. Though, he doesn’t think Theo has any rain boots or a rain jacket.
It’s just rain. Rain is fine. Buck is rain neutral. Nothing against rain.
“Okay, fine. Just for a little bit.”
He gets Theo changed into a swimsuit and matching rash guard and squishes his feet into a pair of crocs that Buck swears fit him a week ago. He adds getting new shoes to his mental to-do list.
Buck turns down the heat on the soup and triple checks his weather app (and then checks two other sources too) to make sure there’s no lightning in the area.
Theo is practically shaking with excitement by the time Buck opens the door and lets Theo into the backyard.
Buck watches him from the patio, where he has some cover. With this amount of rain, Theo doesn’t get drenched immediately. He runs and runs and runs. He finds a patch of Buck’s yard that has collected puddles and jumps in those, splashing mud up his legs. He runs some more, pausing sometimes to stop and stretch his head back, face to the sky, mouth open to taste the rain. Then he goes back to the puddles. So much for not getting drenched.
Luckily, Theo is so enamored that he doesn't ask Buck to play too. Buck stands, leaning against the damp post, watching Theo, listening for any faint sound of thunder.
An hour later, when Eddie and Chris show up, they’re still out there. Buck has barely moved, just shifting his weight every once in a while. Theo is soaking wet, but calm and happy. Buck is teetering closer to on edge. Eddie notices right away and ushers them both inside. He hands Buck a towel to dry off while he changes Theo into dry clothes. Buck hadn’t noticed how wet he’d gotten. Water drips off his curls and onto the floor. He wipes himself down and changes into dry clothes too.
Eddie deposits Theo, wrapped in a fluffy towel, at the kitchen table, while Buck dishes up the soup.
“You good?” Eddie asks, a gentle hand on Buck’s arm.
“I’m fine. Turns out, Theo really likes the water.”
“Does he know how to swim? He should get swimming lessons.” Christopher adds.
“I’m not sure. We’ll have to go to the pool and find out.”
After dinner, the four of them (plus a couple of Theo’s stuffed animals) all crowd on the couch to watch Finding Nemo. Chris’s choice. He thinks Theo will like it. Buck is tucked under Eddie’s arm and the last bit of tension leaves.
Everything is fine. Theo is fine. Then Dory says “just keep swimming” and Buck freezes. The echo of Chrisopher saying that to him on a very different day rings in his head. Was Chris thinking about that too when he chose this movie? Eddie tightens his hold on Buck and Buck relaxes into it. The boys don’t notice. Theo is already asleep. Chris is on his phone and only half paying attention.
By the time the movie ends and they get Chris settled on the pull out couch and they get Theo into his bed and Eddie and him climb into his bed, he's feeling close to normal. He's ready for the rain to be gone.
~*~
During their next 96 off, everyone gathers at May’s apartment for a pool day. Ravi is hosting with her. Buck would have offered to help grill, but he doesn't want to take his eyes off Theo for that long. Not when he's not sure how the kid will be in the pool. This day has been planned for weeks, well before they decided to test Theo’s swimming abilities. Even if it turns out Theo is already a great swimmer, Buck’s not sure he’d be fine being that far away from him.
He trusts everyone here, but there's no lifeguard, since it's a private pool. So it’s on them to watch each other. As far as safety goes, a party full of first responders is pretty safe if something were to happen.
Buck is already overstimulated when he and Theo pull up late. Theo had a rough morning, waking up from a nightmare and wanting his mom and dad. Nothing Buck did could comfort him. Everything Buck did was somehow wrong and made it worse. Theo’s screams broke Buck’s heart. It’s not the first time it’s happened and it won’t be the last. Eventually, Theo calmed in Buck’s arms and they spent the rest of the morning in bed as Buck told child friendly versions of stories of Connor and Kameron. He doesn’t have many. Even if he added the less appropriate ones, he wouldn’t have much.
They end up behind schedule and rushing trying to find the towels and pool toys and floaties he’d gotten. The only open spot is near the back of the small parking lot. Buck slings the bag of pool stuff over one shoulder and keeps Theo on his other hip, not trusting the boy to stay close. He is, unfortunately, a runner. Unsurprising, given the way they met, not counting his literal birth. Though, he was impatient for that too.
May’s pool setup is really nice. They have a built-in propane grill, tables with umbrellas, chaise lounges around the perimeter. The pool is bigger than a backyard pool, but not by much. There’s a decent sized sun shelf, about 8 inches deep, that has some plastic S-shaped chairs, before it steps down to an area that’s waist deep. From there, it slopes down to a deepest point of 5 feet.
Buck has been in the pool a couple times with May and Harry, but this is the first time for most of the 118. Some of their Bachelor nights would end in the pool (after the first time, Buck left a swimsuit in his car) and he did some water rescue practice with Harry.
Theo tries to wriggle out of Buck’s arm as soon as he sees the pool. He’s vibrating, just like he had been for the rain. Ravi sees them approaching and lets them in through the gate. Suddenly, Eddie is at his side and taking his bag.
“I got it,” Eddie says.
“Buck, I want to go in the pool.” Theo whines, kicking Buck in the ribs as he tries to get free. Buck grunts, but holds him tighter.
“Not yet. We have to put sunscreen on.”
Eddie digs through the bag for the sunscreen then helps keep Theo from running away as Buck slathers it on him. When Buck’s done, Theo tries to dash toward the pool, but Eddie grabs him.
“Thanks Eddie.” Buck says, “Theo, you have to wait for me.” Buck puts his own sunscreen on and slips off his shoes. “Okay, now we can go.” And Theo takes off.
“No running!” Ravi yells. Then quieter, to May, “Sorry, old lifeguard habit.”
Theo doesn’t slow and splashes into the sun shelf, Buck and Eddie not far behind. Christopher is already in the pool, floating with a noodle, talking with Denny and Harry. Buck is glad Harry is hanging out with them again. After joining the 118, Harry grew more distant from them, now that he was working with their parents. But the three of them used to be lumped together at gatherings. Buck suspects some of Harry’s motivation today is not wanting to third wheel on May and Ravi.
Buck stands on the steps down to the shallow end, the water up to his knees. Eddie stands closer to Theo, getting the majority of Theo’s splashes. Buck flinches a little as droplets hit him. He’s fine. Sure, would he prefer to be at the grill instead of in the pool right now? Yes. But Theo is more important. And Buck likes swimming. Usually. But days like this, when everything already feels a bit too much, the water makes it worse.
Then Theo sees the plastic s-shaped lounge chairs in the water and shouts “Slide!” Eddie laughs and helps move it so Theo won’t go sliding into the wall.
It’s definitely not their intended use. But Theo climbs on the chair and goes down. Again and again and again. The party is in full swing. Ravi is manning the grill. May is refilling drinks. Hen, Karen, and Athena are reclined on chaise loungers, chatting. Maddie and Chimney are in the shallow end, watching Jee and Mara. Nash in Maddie’s arms. There are a couple other residents trying to relax, but for the most part, everyone out here is part of their 118 family.
“Theo, do you want to swim?” Buck tries.
“No.” Theo goes down his slide again.
Christopher abandons Denny and Harry and swims toward them. “C’mon Theo, it’s fun.”
With some encouragement, they get Theo on the stairs. Buck gets in deeper, crouching so he’s face to face with Theo.
“Ready?” Buck holds his hands out for Theo to grab. He’s seen Maddie do this with Jee when she was learning how to swim.
Theo shakes his head.
“That’s okay, we don’t have to.” If he’s not ready to swim, Buck doesn’t want to force him.
Then Theo launches himself at him, clinging to Buck like a koala. Theo swings himself so he’s on Buck’s back, his tiny arms squeezing around Buck’s neck.
“Go that way, Buck.” Theo giggles; he’s pointing but Buck can’t see it, so he guesses and moves toward Chris. He stays low in the water to keep Theo partially submerged.
Buck glides around the pool, saying hi to everyone. Eddie joins them. Swimming under the water, pretending to chase them and popping up to surprise Theo. Theo shrieks when Eddie pretends to be a shark and ‘eat’ Chris.
They try a couple more times to get Theo to swim or float, but every attempt leads to him clinging harder to Buck.
Eventually, Theo directs him back to the steps. He runs back to his slide.
They manage to get Theo out of the water for a snack and to reapply sunscreen, but for the most part he wants to be in the sun shelf. Maddie and Nash join them for a bit and Theo is very careful about not splashing the baby.
Buck stays near Theo the whole time. Eddie does what he can to help, but they both know Buck’s not going to relax until they leave.
The party has quieted down. Everyone has eaten and most are taking a break from the pool. Harry, Denny, and Chris are floating on noodles in the deeper end.
Theo wants to be in the water though. So into the water they go.
Buck gets him into the shallow end a bit more easily this time. Theo sleepily clings to him.
They’re doing another lap. Theo is on his chest. Buck’s tried to get Theo to loosen his grip and practice kicking, but it makes Theo’s hold tighten.The boys have started some game that involves blowing water at each other through the noodles. Each time they pass by the boys, they get splashed. Theo doesn’t mind. Buck pretends he doesn’t mind.
Buck’s ready to give up on this for the day. He’s ready to get out of the pool and go home. Theo is shivering and his lips have a faint tint of blue. But it’s been a struggle to get him out of the water.
He’s thinking about how to persuade Theo to stay out of the water for a bit so he can warm up, when a big wave of water hits his back.
Instinctively, Buck squeezes his arms around Theo.
He tucks Theo’s face into his chest, protectively.
“I got you. I got you.” He murmurs into Theo’s ear.
And he moves as fast as he can from the wave.
He spares a second to glance back at Chris and make sure he’s okay too.
He’s out of the pool in ten seconds. It feels longer.
Then Eddie is wrapping an oversized towel over Buck’s shoulders.
Then Buck is being pushed into a chair.
Then Theo is crying and someone is trying to take him from Buck. But Buck can’t let them.
“He’s okay, Buck. Theo is okay. Chris is okay. You are okay.” Eddie repeats to him.
“We’re all okay,” Buck mumbles. They’re at May’s pool. Theo is fine.
“Yeah, let Maddie take Theo and dry him off, okay.”
“I-I can’t.” Theo is crying. Buck needs to do something, but he’s not sure what.
“Buck, please. Let Maddie take care of him, so I can help you.”
“I’m f-fine.” They’re at May’s pool. Theo is fine. Buck is fine.
“Please.”
Buck doesn’t respond, but doesn’t fight this time when Eddie takes his hands and loosens his grip on Theo. Theo is taken from him and handed off to Maddie, who bundles him in another towel. Eddie’s hands stay in Buck’s.
Eddie keeps talking, but Buck is hardly paying attention, not able to take his eyes off of Theo.
“Buck, he’s okay.”
“Huh?” Buck turns his gaze to Eddie…and Eddie looks really worried.
“There you are. The boys were messing around and Harry did a cannonball right behind you. Everyone is fine, though May yelled at Harry.”
“Theo was crying.”
“Theo is fine. He wasn’t scared. He got upset about being out of the pool, but he’s fine now. Maddie gave him and the other kids popsicles.”
Eddie grabs Buck a fresh towel to replace his damp one.
Buck is still shaking a bit, but Eddie holds him. He fills Eddie in on how rough the morning was while Eddie runs a soothing hand through Buck’s hair.
He looks up to track where Theo is every few minutes. Right now, Theo is standing by the shallow end, throwing diving toys into the water for Jee and Mara to find. They dive down and bring them back to Theo and he throws them again. Ravi is in the water, keeping watch on them. Theo’s been entertained by that for the last ten minutes.
Buck’s nervous system is finally starting to believe everything is okay, letting Eddie’s touch calm him, when he hears a splash and looks up. Theo isn’t standing on the edge anymore.
Before Buck can move, Ravi is pulling the boy out of the water. “Theo!” Buck screams, pushing past Eddie.
“He’s fine. Buck. He was only under for a second.” Ravi hands Theo up to Buck, and Buck holds him close. Theo seems fine. He’s not crying.
Buck looks up and Eddie is packing up their stuff. And then Buck is being shuffled toward his car. Christopher looks a bit rattled too, though not as much as Buck.
Theo is removed from his arms and buckled into his car seat. Buck is gently pushed into the backseat next to Theo. Chris takes the passenger seat.
“Wait, your car?” Buck says, once they’re a block away.
“It’s okay. Ravi and Harry are going to drop it off at your place later.”
“Right. That makes sense.”
“I got you, okay.”
~*~
The morning of the beach day, Buck wakes up to an empty bed, which is not how he fell asleep. Voices carry from the kitchen. Buck stretches and takes his time going out there. There’s no rush. Eddie has the morning routine handled.
When Buck makes it out to the kitchen, Eddie has plates piled with waffles and bowls of cut up fruit. Eddie greets Buck with a good morning kiss as he passes him a cup of coffee, made perfect with a splash of his favorite creamer.
“Sleep well?” Eddie asks.
“Great. Have you guys been up for long?”
“Only about an hour.”
Christopher wanders out a couple minutes later. They need to find a better arrangement for when Eddie and Chris stay over. Chris sleeping on a pullout couch won’t work if this continues to be a common thing. Buck made sure it was a nice pullout couch, but no teenager wants to be sleeping in the living room. Since the day at the pool, a month ago, Eddie and Chris have been staying over more often than not. Eddie hasn’t spent more than a night a week in his own bed, either having a shift or staying with Buck. Chris isn’t here as often, staying with friends or Pepa other nights, but enough that they need to think of a better solution.
Eddie leaves while the three of them eat, rechecking the bags they had packed yesterday. Eddie channeled Buck’s usual energy with a clipboard and took charge of making sure everything they might need was packed. They have beach blankets and towels (and extra towels). One bag is full of different toys for Theo to play with in the sand and water. Eddie packed sunscreen, hats, sunglasses. He even put in some books for Buck and Chris. There’s food in the fridge waiting to be packed into the cooler. The truck already has beach chairs and an umbrella waiting for them.
“Buck, when can we go to the beach?” Theo asks. He's been asking for the past week, ever since he watched Moana with Jee and Maddie. Or well, watched the first 30 minutes before he wanted to go outside and look for turtles. Hence the beach day.
“We’re going today, Spiderman.”
“Really?” Theo says, amazed.
“Yeah, have you been to the beach before?”
“I dunno.” Right. Buck has no idea if Connor and Kameron would have taken him. And Theo is four; he can’t be expected to answer these types of questions. But there’s no one else he can ask.
“Well, we’re going to have lots of fun today.”
“So much fun. Like Moana!”
Maybe it was a mistake to remind him of the day’s plans, because Theo is so excited and can’t stay still.
Buck goes to start chasing him, to get him changed and ready, when Eddie stops him.
“You pack up the food. I’ll get Theo ready.” Eddie says. Eddie has been hovering more since the pool day. No matter how much Buck says he's fine, Eddie is still watching. It's because he cares, so Buck won't be too annoyed by it.
Buck has everything loaded into the car by the time Eddie has Theo ready, complete with one of the new pairs of water shoes Buck bought.
The drive is fun. They couldn’t have asked for better weather for a beach day.
Buck drives, Eddie keeps a hand on his thigh. They sing along to the Moana soundtrack, until Theo tells Buck to stop singing. (“No, Buck. You’re bad. Stop.”) Then everyone else sings along to Shiny while Buck pouts.
When Theo starts getting restless, Chris tries to distract him.
“Theo, did you know that turtles are so genetically distinct, that scientists are pushing for them to be in their own class called Chelonia, separate from reptiles?”
Theo’s face scrunches up, thinking. “Turtles are reptiles. That’s what Buck’s book said.”
“Bud, I think that fact might be a bit advanced for a four year old.” Eddie says.
“Wait,” Buck says, “I want to hear more.”
“Yeah, my teacher thinks they could be their own thing, like mammals and birds are, in the next ten years.”
“Cool. Do you have more articles on that?” Eddie squeezes his knee. Right, they’re trying to distract Theo. “I mean, did you learn anything else that Theo might like?”
“Fine,” Chris sighs. “Buck, I’ll send you the article we read in class. Theo, you know how snakes shed all their skin?”
“Yep. We found one on a walk but Buck said not to touch it.”
“Well, turtles shed their skin too, but not all at once like a snake. The plates on their shell will fall off and they’re called scutes.”
“Scutes!”
The turtle facts keep Theo engaged until they pull up to the beach. They load their arms up with all their bags, determined to make it in one trip. Theo is good about staying close to Chris, so they don’t need to hold onto him. The four of them walk about three minutes down the shore before dropping their stuff and setting up base.
Buck and Eddie start unpacking the blankets and setting up the beach chairs. Buck has the umbrella half open, when Theo takes off down the beach. Eddie chases after him, catching up before he gets far. They are all too aware of the kind of mischief Theo can get up to if they don’t keep a close watch.
Eddie buckles Theo into a life jacket and slathers sunscreen on everyone. Buck and Chris both roll their eyes but let him. Eddie rolls his eyes right back when they remind him to put some on himself.
The four of them head into the water. They don’t go as far in as they have on previous beach days before Theo. Deep enough that Theo the water is up to his hips and giggling every time a wave pushes against them.
A wave knocks Theo over, but he pops up, laughing and splashing back at the wave. Which turns into him splashing at Buck. Buck gently flicks water at Theo. Theo tackles him, causing Buck to lose his footing on the uneven sand and he lands ass first in the water, Theo on top of him, triumphant.
Eddie is there in a moment, offering him a hand to stand up. Buck accepts the hand, but pulls Eddie down instead. A risky move, considering the toddler already on top of him. Eddie is quick and agile enough to land next to them.
“We got him, Theo,” Buck says.
“Yeah, we got you, Eddie.” Theo copies.
That seems to loosen Eddie up and they all start playing. Buck fills his mouth with water and squirts it at Eddie.
At some point Chris retreats to one of their chairs, pulling out one of the books Eddie had packed.
They try encouraging Theo to go a bit farther in the water, but he refuses. Just like at the pool. He wants to stay where his feet can touch the ground.
Every time Buck looks over to Chris, the teenager is watching them. Chris has been quieter leading up to the beach day, more than typical teenage moodiness.
They drag Theo out of the water and settle on their beach blankets to have a snack. They make sure Theo drinks plenty of water to help balance out the salt water he probably swallowed. Even with that, Theo’s energy bounces back before Buck’s.
“Let me,” Eddie says, before prompting Theo to get up and follow him. The two of them go off to walk down the shore and collect rocks and shells, leaving Buck with Chris.
“Chris, is something wrong?”
“I’m fine, Buck. Just tired,” he responds, rolling his eyes.
“Is there anything else you want to do before summer vacation is over? I know I’ve been busier lately, but I’m always here for you.”
“I know.” Chris looks down the beach, watching Eddie and Theo. “We could all go to the zoo again. Theo didn’t get to feed the giraffes the last time.”
“We can do that. But we can also do stuff without Theo, if you want.”
“Duh,” Chris says, “But I like hanging out with Theo.”
“Okay, just reminding you.”
Buck glances over, checking on Eddie and Theo, but not as much as Chris is.
The other two are headed back toward them now. Eddie carries a bucket in one hand, and holds Theo’s hand in the other. They walk slowly, occasionally bending down to add a new treasure to the bucket.
They’re not too far away when Theo slips out of Eddie’s hand and dashes toward them, screaming, “Chris, Chris, look at what we found.”
“Woah, super cool.” Chris gets up and moves to sit in the sand, patting the ground next to him for Theo to join him. “We should build a sand castle and decorate it with all of this.”
Theo’s eyes light up. “We’ll build the biggest, best sand castle.”
Soon all the various pails and molds they’d brought are scattered around them and Buck and Eddie are being sent to bring back buckets full of water. Chris directs them where to pour the water, since wet sand will pack better into the mold.
Theo helps shovel sand into the mold and watches as Chris flips it over to reveal a tower like magic.
After a few more trips lugging water, Buck and Eddie seem to have supplied enough water to meet their current demand. They wade out deeper into the water, getting a bit of privacy.
Buck sneaks a quick kiss, no kids in earshot to make fun of them for being gross.
“You doing okay?” Eddie asks.
“Me? I’m great. Are you okay? I know you weren’t sure about us coming to the beach.”
“I was worried, but today has been good.”
“It has,” Buck pauses. “I’m worried about Chris. Me taking in Theo has been a change and I don’t want him to feel like I’m forgetting him.”
“He’s not worried about that.”
“Well, something is up. I tried to talk to him but he wouldn’t say anything.”
“He’s been having nightmares. He says it’s only happened a couple times, but it could be more. He wouldn’t tell me much. Just that it’s like the ones he got after the tsunami, but instead of seeing Shannon, he’s seeing Theo drown.”
“Oh, Chris.” Buck sighs. He can’t say he hasn’t had similar nightmares, especially right after the day at May’s pool. Dreaming of trying to save both Chris and Theo, but waking up before he can.
“Don’t tell him I told you. It was hard enough to get him to open up to me.”
“I won’t.”
The two of them stay out there a bit longer, watching the boys. When they come back to shore, they take lots of pictures of their masterpiece and convince Theo he only needs to take one rock and one shell home. If Buck gives Chris an extra long hug when he drops them off, well Chris doesn’t need to know why.
~*~
Theo’s first swimming lessons ends up booked during one of their shifts. Chimney lets Buck leave early, but it means Eddie can’t come.
The swimming lessons are one-on-one with a well recommended instructor at a public pool. This was the earliest Buck could get on her schedule.
Buck’s changing out of uniform, Eddie lingering next to him, when the alarm goes off. Eddie sneaks a quick kiss before running off. “Good luck.”
“Be safe,” Buck calls back.
Buck makes good time picking Theo up and getting him to the pool.
Brittany is waiting for them when he arrives. She’s in the classic red one-piece swimsuit, her blonde hair in french braids. “First lesson for Theo, right?”
“Yeah. H-He’s a bit hesitant in the water. Loves splashing around, but not much else.”
“Don’t worry dad, that’s what I’m here for.”
“Oh, I’m not– I’m not his dad.” Buck stammers. It’s not the first time someone has assumed. He tries to correct them most of the time, but it doesn’t seem reasonable to chase down a passing stranger to make sure they know Buck is fostering.
“He’s Buck.” Theo adds, helpfully.
“Well, Buck, you can sit on the side while Theo and I get to know each other. Theo, you ready to swim?”
“Yeah!”
He takes Brittany’s hand and she leads him through the locker room to the pool.
Buck finishes signing in and follows the signs to the locker room, changing into his swimsuit and taking a quick rinse in the shower, as directed.
Theo and Brittany are already in the water when Buck makes it out there. It’s the middle of the afternoon, so the pool is open, though not crowded. He finds a seat in the shade to watch. It’s off to the side, so he shouldn’t be in Theo’s eyeline; he doesn’t want to be a distraction. He texts Eddie again, sending some pictures too. Eddie doesn’t reply. They must still be on a call.
Theo is blowing bubbles in the water for Brittany. She encourages him to float, hands supporting him under his back. They practice kicking. The whole lesson they stay on the stairs, but Theo looks like he’s having fun and is readily doing whatever Brittany asks.
The 30 minutes are up quickly.
Brittany tells him how great Theo did and that she’ll see them at the same time next week before she leaves.
Theo’s not ready to get out of the water. Buck gets in with him. He sits on the steps next to Theo; the toddler repeats everything he did with Brittany for Buck.
The pool only has a couple other people in it. An older lady is swimming laps on the far end and another child playing in the shallow end.
With a bit of prompting, Theo is willing to come off the steps with Buck. He clings, but not as tightly as the last time. Which seems like good progress.
Buck is getting Theo dried off when he spies the splash pad, a small area in the corner full of fountains and sprinklers.
“Please Buck.”
Buck nods, “Go.” They don’t have anywhere else they need to be today. Though, Theo missed his afternoon nap. Buck hopes he’ll be fine with an early dinner and bedtime.
This kid has endless energy. Watching him makes Buck feel old. Theo runs around, standing over the jets, letting streams of water hit him.
The sky is clear when Buck hears the thunder. He doesn’t jump or startle at the sound. He just reacts. He grabs Theo and pulls him out of the water. Theo screams as Buck carries him away. Buck ignores it. He grabs their stuff, wraps Theo in a towel and they leave. He skips the recommended post swimming shower, a bit of chlorine won’t hurt as much as lightning. They can change at home too.
Theo is still kicking and screaming as he buckles him into his car seat. His cries quiet to whimpers during the drive.
The rain waits to start until after they get home. Buck is changing Theo when it hits, heavy and hard, pounding on the roof. A crack of thunder echoes through the house. Theo is whining and fighting him, but stills when he hears the rain.
“Buck, can we play in the rain again?” Theo asks.
“Not today.”
“But why?”
“It’s not safe.” Buck tugs gently on Theo’s arm, trying to get it through the sleeve. Theo completely unhelpful.
“But why?” Theo whines.
“There’s thunder and lightning.” Now is probably not the time to get into the dangers of being struck by lightning.
“Why?” His pitch rises with each question.
“Because– wait, why is there thunder and lightning or why is it not safe?”
“I want to go in the rain!” Theo screams, pulling away from Buck, his shirt still only half on.
“Well, we can’t.”
Theo’s cries intensify. Usually Buck can find something to distract or soothe him before he hits a full blown tantrum. However, Theo has already thrown himself on the floor, screaming. His shirt gets twisted, making him more irritated.
Buck can’t do much more than sit and be there. He glances up at the clock. There’s still four hours until Eddie is done with his shift. He hopes the rain isn’t causing any big emergencies. He left his phone in the living room, otherwise, he’d text Eddie for an update.
Buck feels useless. Theo’s wails pierce his brain and he can’t do anything except sit here and show Theo he isn’t going anywhere. His leg aches from the rain; sitting on the floor isn’t helping.
By the time Theo has cried himself out and climbed into Buck’s lap, Buck has a throbbing headache too. The rain has died down, which is a plus.
He forces Theo to eat something before the two of them settle in on the couch.
Eddie finds them like that, both half asleep, with the TV turned down, when he gets there with takeout in hand.
He lets Eddie take Theo and handle his bedtime routine, including a quick bath. Buck eats some of the food Eddie brought, but only manages a few bites because he’s not hungry.
Theo falls asleep quickly then Eddie is leading Buck to his own bed. They pause at the bathroom and Buck shakes his head. Eddie doesn’t push, even though they both know Buck will regret not rinsing the chemicals out of his hair tomorrow.
In Eddie’s arms, Buck sinks into a deep sleep.
~*~
Buck and Eddie are on the roof alone. The last call was bad. They didn’t lose anyone, thankfully, but it was close. Everyone seems to have retreated to their usual places to decompress. Hen is reading in the loft. Chimney has his paperwork at the kitchen table. Harry is playing a video game, sound turned down. Ravi went to the bunk room to text May.
They hold each other in the cool night air. Soft conversation about any topic to help distract them.
Theo’s second swimming lesson comes up. Eddie couldn’t make this one either.
“It was awful.” Buck sighs. “They were barely able to get through the same stuff as the first lesson. Theo didn’t even look at the splash pad when we were leaving. I feel like I traumatized him. This was supposed to help, but maybe I’ve just made it worse–”
“You were protecting him.” Eddie’s reassured him of this a lot in the past week.
“I feel like the lifeguards remembered us from last week and were judging me.”
“For what? Clearing the area when you heard thunder, like you’re supposed to?”
“For caring about that more than comforting the toddler I made cry.”
“You were protecting him.” Eddie says, again.
“I just– There’s not a lot about any of this I can control. But I can make sure he feels safe. If he knows how to swim, he’ll be safer.”
“Swimming will make him safer?”
“I don’t mean like from a tsunami or anything. I’m not worried about that happening again. But we get called to a lot of drowning calls.”
“We get called to a lot of different types of calls. You can’t prevent every disaster from happening.”
“Shouldn’t I try to?”
“Buck, you're doing a great job taking care of Theo.”
And then it's like the floodgates open and the mess of his inner monologue that he's been trying to seal up in a box starts spilling out. Everything he'd been avoiding looking at, every fear he hadn’t put into words before.
Once he starts, he can't stop.
“I’m trying to be there for him, but I’m not his parent. Donor not dad, right? His parents are dead and he needed someone. I feel like we’ve been playacting this new family dynamic for the past couple months, but what if we’re getting too attached. What about when they find some relative of Connor’s or Kameron’s to take him in?
“Connor is from the east coast, like me. I know he didn’t have siblings, but maybe a cousin or someone will come forward. Someone that knew him better. I have no idea what Kameron’s family is like, but they must not be nearby if she ended up at my place and gave birth on my couch. Theo could end up anywhere if they find family.
“And some mornings, it’s the four of us in the kitchen and everything feels so perfect and I want it to stay like that. I think maybe we should look for a bigger house. But I shove that thought away. Because Theo isn’t ours. Not yet. Maybe not ever. And if we find a place to fit the four of us and then we get the news that Connor’s cousin in Virginia can take Theo, it would hurt so much. We’d have to move again because… how could we stay there without Theo?”
“We don’t need a bigger house.” Eddie says.
“Chris is sleeping on the couch. How long do you think he’ll put up with that? And Chris? He’s already so attached to Theo. I love seeing him with Theo and he’s really embraced being a big brother, but he’s going to get hurt if they find Theo’s family. He’s already had nightmares about losing Theo.”
“Buck, whatever happens will happen. Hypothetical cousins or not. Whatever happens,Theo will be loved and cared for. If it’s you and us or if it’s someone else, he will be fine. Chris will be fine too.”
“I know they will. Logically, I know that.” Buck pulls away from Eddie and leans over the railing. “I hate not knowing if this is going to be temporary or not. I could make a plan for either way. But we’re in this limbo while Diedra is looking for other family. I don’t know what to do.”
Eddie drapes himself around Buck’s back, enveloping him. “We’ll keep doing what we’re doing. And it will be enough."