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Harry pulls his legs to his chest and hugs them tight. Unfortunately, it doesn’t help against the emptiness in his chest, and he wants nothing more than to cry out in desperation and longing.
I can survive this. I know I can. Just one more day, maybe two, and then my inner Veela will fixate on someone else.
Harry squeezes his eyes shut. Why did he have to be born this way? He wants to be able to choose his partner himself, not have it dictated to him by his creature inheritance — especially because his inner Veela obviously doesn’t know who’d be good for him. His first mate proved that. Being with Abraxas was a miserable experience, and he should have broken their bond weeks ago.
Instead, he’d waited and waited, hoping Abraxas would treat him better eventually. When it turned out that that wasn’t going to happen, Harry decided to go through the painful process of breaking their bond. That had been three days ago. It would have been a relief to be rid of Abraxas if his inner Veela hadn’t latched onto the next person right away — someone who’s an even worse fit for him.
Abraxas was cruel and only cared about himself. Harry could have dealt with it, but he didn’t want to spend the rest of his life with someone who only wants to use his body and doesn’t give a shit about him.
But the person it picked instead...
Tom Riddle could have anyone he wanted. He won’t settle for someone like Harry, who has already been used and discarded by a classmate of his, especially because Abraxas spread rumors that he was the one who broke up because he caught Harry cheating.
As if Harry even has anyone to cheat with. The pure-bloods look down on him because of his creature inheritance, the Muggle-borns are weirded out by this whole Veela thing, and the half-bloods think he’s more trouble than he’s worth. Maybe it’s not fair to lump them all into those three categories, but they’re projecting all their prejudices on him, too, so he’s not feeling bad about it.
Harry squeezes his eyes shut, curling even tighter in on himself. The feeling of emptiness inside him is bad enough on its own, but his longing for Tom is even harder to ignore. His instincts are screaming at him to throw himself at Tom’s feet and beg for a bit of his attention, a small gesture of kindness. Harry suppresses a sob but can’t keep himself from shaking all over. It’s pointless to hope for something like that from Tom. Why can’t the Veela within him just accept that and move on?
Harry clenches his fists, both to stop the shaking in his arms and to keep himself from jumping out of his bed to go look for Tom. He reminds himself again that he only needs to make it through another day or so. Then the Veela within him should realize that he won’t cooperate and pick someone else — anyone would be better than Tom.
Harry takes a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heartbeat. The worst part is that he already had a crush on Tom before he came into his creature inheritance. He’s undeniably handsome, charming, and he has a great sense of humor under the right circumstances. His influence on the rest of the students is impossible to deny as well. He could easily stop the gossip about Harry and make him feel safe and happy. The only issue is that Harry isn’t worth all that trouble. He already had a mate, so he’s used goods, and he’s not particularly pretty or good at anything, either.
Who would want a mediocre guy who allegedly cheated on his first mate? Certainly not Tom. He doesn’t have to settle for someone like Harry.
Distantly, he hears the door to the hospital wing opening, and he sits up straight in bed, breathing heavily. It’s Tom. He can feel him getting closer. Hastily, he rubs the sweat off his face and tries to bring order to his hair, though it refuses to obey him like always. It’s stupid and pointless to fix his appearance, but he doesn’t try and suppress his instincts. He’ll need all of his willpower to resist Tom — if he is here for Harry to begin with, but the likelihood of that is fairly high. It’s the middle of the night, and Harry is the only patient in the hospital wing.
Harry licks his lips when he hears footsteps getting closer and stopping before his bed. He can see Tom’s silhouette through the curtains and is pretty sure Tom can see his, too. The fabric of the curtains is thin, barely there. The tension within Harry grows with every second.
Exhaling soundlessly, Harry pulls the curtains aside and comes face to face with Tom. Being so close to him makes the air around him feel thinner, and his fingers itch, wanting to reach out and touch him. He doesn’t, of course, because he can imagine how Tom would react to that. Besides, if he gives in to his instincts, all his suffering so far would have been for nothing. His inner Veela will only reject Tom as his mate if he keeps him at a distance. If it feels anything that could be interpreted as affection from Tom, even the tolerance of a touch, it will think there’s some hope left and won’t reject the bond.
He has to remain strong if he doesn’t want to end up stuck in another toxic relationship. Tom won’t want to be seen with Harry in public, and he’s sick of being used and having to take whatever little scraps he’s given.
Tom’s eyes wander over Harry’s body from head to hip — the rest of it is hidden by the blankets.
“Why are you still suffering through the rejection of the bond? You should have latched onto someone else by now.”
Harry licks his lips. Being so close to Tom but not being allowed to touch him feels like pure agony. “I already broke my bond with Abraxas two days ago.”
A fine line appears between Tom’s eyes. “Why do you look so miserable, then? Are you sick?”
Harry shakes his head and lowers his gaze to the blankets. He doesn’t know what Tom is doing here, and it’s probably better not to think about it too deeply. The Veela within him might try and convince him that Tom cares about him, that he wants to check up on Harry, and that’s a dangerous line of thought.
“I’m not sick. When the bond broke, my inner Veela latched on to the next person right away... and I know the person it chose doesn’t want me. So I decided it’s better to just wait it out and hope it chooses someone more appropriate the next time.”
Frowning a little, Tom sits down at the edge of Harry’s bed. The proximity makes the air between them feel thick and hot. The urge to reach out and trace Tom’s face with his fingertips is almost impossible to resist. Only an arm’s length separates them, and Harry clenches his hands into fists under the blankets, hoping Tom won’t notice how tense he is.
“That can’t be good for your body or your mental health. I’ve read how draining it can be to break a bond. And to do it twice in a row?”
Tom shakes his head. Is that concern on his face, or is his inner Veela playing tricks on him? Harry pulls the blankets tighter around himself and looks away.
“I didn’t allow the second bond to establish itself. It shouldn't take much longer before it gives up and latches onto someone else. Hopefully, that person will be better suited for me.”
Tom scoots a little closer, and it takes all of Harry’s willpower to suppress a needy whimper. It’s like Tom is torturing him on purpose.
“How can you be sure it won’t choose someone you don’t like, again?”
“I can’t.” Harry draws up his shoulders. “I hate everything about this, but it’s not like I can do anything to change it.”
“What if you’re wrong about that?” Tom looks at him intently, and Harry instinctively holds his breath. “I’ve heard that you can influence who your inner Veela will pick — it can feel who you are drawn to and the more hints you give it, the higher the chances it will actually pick that person.”
Harry frowns, not sure what Tom is getting at. Does he have someone in mind he thinks would be a good partner for him? Suddenly, a thought occurs to him that makes him sick to his stomach. What if he wants to reward one of his minions by handing them Harry on a silver platter? Even if Harry is tarnished, he can still imagine there are enough guys who want to fuck him as long as no one finds out about it. He would be barely more than a sex toy to them, though, and that would be even worse than being Abraxas’ mate.
Harry takes a deep breath. “I rejected Abraxas because I want something real. I’m tired of being anyone’s plaything.”
“I get that. All the more reason to steer your inner Veela in the right direction, right?”
Tom reaches out with a hand, and Harry instinctively flinches back, his eyes widening. Tom’s hand pauses mid-air before he slowly lowers it back to the mattress. Confused, Harry notices how Tom’s face closes off.
“I just don’t want you to suffer needlessly, Harry. Tell me who your ideal mate is, and I’ll go and get them.”
Harry pulls his legs to his chest and wraps his arms around them. He almost touched me. That alone might already be enough to convince his inner Veela that Tom is interested in him.
But why would Tom want to touch me, anyway?
“I don’t think there’s anyone in this whole school who really wants me,” Harry admits, whispering. “I mean, you’ve heard the rumors about me, right? They all think I’m obsessed with sex and cheated on my mate. If you know anyone who can look past that, then tell me, please.”
Maybe Tom doesn’t even care about finding someone who will be good for him. Part of him is still convinced Tom only came here because he wants to hand Harry over as a reward. The thought alone is enough to make him sick to his stomach.
Tom snorts disbelievingly. “Anyone who doesn’t want you is an idiot. Abraxas is bitter because he lost you. That’s the only reason he’s spreading those rumours. You have shown a tremendous amount of strength by rejecting him. It doesn’t make you less desirable in any way — the opposite is the case.”
Harry swallows against the lump in his throat. He never would have guessed that Tom thinks that way about him. Tom has always seemed impossible to impress, so Harry can’t help but wonder if Tom is playing tricks on him.
“You really think I’m desirable?”
“Yes,” Tom confirms without hesitating. “You could have anyone you want, Harry.”
Harry’s face twists up in disbelief. Now he’s clearly exaggerating. Tom is the one everyone wants, not Harry.
Tom lets out a frustrated sound. “What did Abraxas do to you? You used to have so much more confidence.”
Harry lays his chin on his knees and thinks back to the time before he came into his creature inheritance. It’s true that he didn’t take shit from anyone back then. He’d been loud and a little wild.
He misses that version of himself.
Taking a deep breath, Harry turns to look at Tom again. He broke up with Abraxas because he couldn’t stand who he’d become, because he didn’t want anything to dictate who he should be with. If he wants to regain his autonomy, he has to show a bit of courage.
“If I could have anyone,” Harry says, his voice shaking with nervousness, “does that mean I could have you, too?”
Tom pauses, and his eyes flicker over Harry’s face as if he is looking for the reason behind Harry’s question. Gathering his courage, Harry allows a bit of his longing to shine through his eyes. Tom’s eyes widen in understanding, and he hesitantly raises his hand.
“Can I...?”
Harry nods, feeling more shy than he has any right to be. He’s not a virgin, and Tom knows that. Still, he can’t help but let out a little whimper when Tom lays his hand against his cheek. His eyes slip closed, and he instinctively leans into the touch. Tom traces his cheekbones as if they could break under too much pressure. A shiver runs down Harry’s back when Tom starts exploring every inch of his face with both of his hands.
It’s pure bliss. His inner Veela had been begging for Tom’s attention for two days straight, and getting it now in such a gentle way is a little overwhelming. Harry inches a bit closer. Tom’s hands feel amazing against his skin, but he still can’t help but want more. When Tom’s fingertips brush against his lips, Harry parts them on instinct. He can feel Tom pausing for a moment, as if he is considering dipping inside Harry’s mouth. A warmth pools inside his stomach when Tom decides against it. Abraxas would have ordered him to suck on his fingers, and maybe he was subconsciously testing if Tom would do the same.
Tom pulls back from his lips eventually and pushes his fingers into Harry’s hair. Harry lets out a gasp when Tom’s fingertips brush over his scalp, caressing him, and shiver after shiver runs down his back.
“What do you want, Harry?” Tom whispers. “You only have to ask.”
“Closer.” That’s all he manages to get out. His brain seems to be short-circuiting, too overwhelmed by finally getting what he needed all along. When Tom scoots closer, Harry reaches out and pulls him on top of him. His weight feels amazing. Grounding and soothing.
Tom seems surprised for a moment, but then he adjusts his position so that Harry can breathe a little easier.
“You’re so beautiful,” Tom murmurs. He pulls one hand out of Harry’s hair and runs it down over his neck to his chest, laying it over Harry’s racing heart. “Relax. You’ve got nothing to be nervous about when you’re with me.”
“I’m not nervous. I just can’t believe my luck.”
Tom smiles slightly. “Me neither.”
His lips tingle when Tom starts tracing them again with his thumb.
“I wish your inner Veela had chosen me instead of Abraxas. I would have been so good to you.”
Harry doesn’t doubt that — not anymore. Tom wouldn’t need to be this gentle to win him over.
“I would have liked that, too,” Harry admits, whispering.
Tom’s gaze snaps to his lips when he swipes over them with the tip of his tongue. Holding his breath, Harry hopes he’ll lean down and kiss him. To his disappointment, Tom rips his gaze away and shakes his head slightly.
“You’ve just gotten out of a relationship. I don’t want to overwhelm you.”
“Tom.” Harry waits until Tom locks eyes with him. “Don’t you think it’s a little late for that? Not that I mind.”
Harry gestures at Tom lying on top of him and the hand still buried in Harry’s hair. Most people probably wait until they have kissed each other a few times before they share a bed.
Tom frowns a little. “Are you sure it’s fine? I just want to make sure your inner Veela will choose me next.”
Harry glances away, blushing a little. Letting out a soft sound, Tom reaches for his cheek and urges Harry to return his gaze. Tom glances down at him questioningly, and Harry can’t help but answer his silent question.
“It has already chosen you, so you don’t have to kiss me for that reason.”
Tom raises his eyebrows, surprised but clearly pleased. “Already? That was quick.”
Harry bites his lower lip, feeling nervous all of a sudden. “Well, to be completely honest…” Harry takes a deep breath. “It latched on to you right away, once my bond to Abraxas was broken.”
Tom looks stunned for a moment. Then he frowns a little. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t think you’d be interested in me. I mean, you’re popular and smart, and you have a bright future ahead of you... I didn’t think you’d want me holding you back.”
“Harry...” Tom leans forward and brushes a kiss against Harry’s cheek. Harry’s breath hitches, and his chest feels like it’s bursting with joy. “You could never hold me back. If anything, you’re spurring me on to do even better. I love competing against you.”
Harry can’t help but smile. He can’t keep up with Tom in most classes, but they are on the same level in Defence Against The Dark Arts, and he always looks forward to their practise duels.
“Well, I’m glad you think so.” Hesitantly, Harry reaches out and runs a hand along Tom’s arm to his shoulder. If Tom really wants to be with him, then he should be allowed to touch him, too, right?
To his disappointment, Tom rolls off him and lies down next to him. The bed is so narrow that Tom has to lean over him so that he doesn't fall off.
Harry lays a hand around Tom’s middle, pulling him closer. He isn’t thinking about leaving, is he?
“Can you stay a couple more hours?”
Tom’s expression softens. “Of course.”
Harry rearranges the blankets awkwardly until they are wrapped around both of them. Lying on his side, Harry buries his face in Tom’s neck. He loves the smell of him.
They lay like that for a while, neither of them saying another word. Tom has an arm wrapped around him, tracing patterns onto Harry’s back. From time to time, Harry shivers because of how good it feels to have Tom this close. The emptiness, the yearning in his chest, is gone, and he hopes it will never come back. When Harry kisses the soft skin of Tom’s neck, he can feel Tom tensing beside him.
“Don’t tempt me.”
“Why not?” Harry pulls back a little to lock eyes with Tom. He can see the desire in Tom’s dark eyes, and heat gathers in his stomach at the sight. “I’m not saying that we should have sex right away — I mean, we’re in the hospital wing, that’d be really weird... But I’ve been dying to kiss you.”
Tom’s hand wanders from Harry’s back to his cheek, and his expression turns serious. “Are you sure? You don’t have to prove anything to me. We can wait as long as we want.”
“I’m sure.” Harry lowers his gaze a little. “I’ve had a crush on you even before I came into my creature inheritance, though I was in denial about it for a long time. I want to know what it feels like to kiss someone who actually wants me... But if you want to wait, that’s fine too.”
Maybe Tom is still a little hesitant subconsciously because of Harry’s reputation. That’s fine. He’ll prove to him that he’ll be a good partner.
Tom exhales slowly. “No, I don’t want to wait either — not if it’s just for the sake of it.”
Tom rubs his thumb over Harry’s cheekbone and slowly leans towards him, giving Harry more than enough time to pull away. Harry meets him halfway. Tom’s lips move slowly against him as if he has all the time in the world. Matching his speed, Harry buries a hand in Tom’s hair, messing up Tom’s usually impeccable hairstyle. It’s the softest kiss he’s ever gotten, and he’s kind of glad Tom keeps his tongue to himself. It’s perfect like this. Sweet and innocent. Exactly what he was craving for and never got from Abraxas.
When Tom pulls back, Harry follows him with his lips, needing a few more seconds of this. Tom indulges him, and when Harry pulls back eventually, he exhales slowly, feeling more satisfied than he has in a long time. He lays his head against Tom’s chest and listens to his heartbeat while a hand runs through his hair lazily.
Sleepily, Harry murmurs, “If I had known you wanted me, I would have rejected Abraxas weeks ago.”
“I should have told you sooner,” Tom whispers and brushes a kiss against his forehead. “You should rest now. We can talk more tomorrow.”
Harry hums and rubs his cheek against Tom’s chest. He should have just listened to his inner Veela instead of fighting it, this time. He’s just glad Tom found him before he could break their forming bond irreparably.